Are you ‘lucky’ If you’ve done well for yourself?

[MissMessy12]

If you have a nice home, financially comfortable, happy family life does it annoy you when people comment on how ‘lucky’ you are?
To me luck is about chance, winning the lottery for example or being in the right place at the right time.
Everything I have, I’ve worked hard for, in my opinion has nothing to do with luck.

I'm lucky and I worked hard. It's not an either/or.

I totally disagree with you. Luck doesn't just mean things like winning the lottery. I was lucky to be born in a free, democratic country, into a fairly comfortable middle class family, to loving and supportive parents. Pretty much everything that's happened in my life since was enabled or made easier by those things.

There are millions and millions of people in the world who work hard every day like you do, but still don't have a comfortable life for all kinds of reasons, because they were not lucky in their circumstances.

Well yes, luck plays a significant part in how your life turns out - as it is by pure luck that you are born into life you are, and have the ability to apply yourself and succeed.

It is called privilege. Whether this is your race, social status, intellectual ability, class, appearance, talent, support systems.... and so on and so on.

Of course your hard work is massively important and shouldn’t be underplayed and of course when people dismiss your sacrifice and hard work it must be a bit irksome. However you are BU to suggest luck has no part in it. It has a huge part.

Have you never heard of the phrase “there by the grace of God go I”? - basically you could have just as easily not had the good fortune you have. It is literally the toss of a coin what you are born into and equipped with.

I think hard work and wise decisions from an early age are very little to do with luck. I think willingness to do several jobs whilst studying is very little to do with luck. I think being willing to move for better jobs is very little to do with luck. I think an attitude of determination and not making excuses is very little to do with luck.

Some people have privilege and throw it away, others have little privilege and work hard to overcome disadvantages. Success is rarely luck alone. Most people can improve their lot. There is something about making sure that as far as possible you and your children avoid ‘bad luck’.
Yes lucky to be given a decent brain but not luck to have used it.
Yes lucky to be married to a decent man but not luck I found him.
Yes lucky to have successful children but not luck that got them there.
Luck alone is rarely enough. Dismissing achievement as luck does people who could achieve- including disadvantaged children- a huge disservice.

There's always an element of 'luck- or at least things you can't control. If you don't have a condition that prevents you working, that's luck. If you have parents willing to support you/offer child care so you can work/train, that's luck. If you find someone you love, that's luck, and 2 wages are a darn sight better than one. If you inherit money or gifted a deposit, that's luck. Bought up with parents that model hard work and morals, and give a damn, that's luck.

Lots of people work hard, really hard, but haven't had the same breaks. There's always an element of luck I think, it doesn't negate the hard work, but allows the hard work to happen.

I usually consider myself fortunate but not lucky. It’s all been bloody hard work, so it doesn’t really feel like luck was the major factor.

We often get told my Mil we are lucky, when she compares us to SIL.

Yes we have a nice house, car and holidays but we work really hard for that with lots of time working away from home. We have put off starting a family to gain financial security.

Yes we are lucky compared for some but compared to other we just have worked hard and made sacrifices.

Yes I feel very lucky. Because I am lucky, that I was born in a rich country, that I was born into a family where both parents were involved and happy and encouraged me and loved me, where they had enough money to support me through university, where they helped me with a housing deposit,because I chose a good partner in part because I had good healthy equal relationships modelled to me as a childs because I managed to have children without any fertility struggles, because although I have health issues they have not become so bad that I've had to give yo my job, because my children don't need any additional support so we can live a 'normal' life without any additional battle that those with any disabilities face. Why wouldn't I feel lucky?

Statistically, although it's possible, if you have a number of obstacles in your path such as poverty, you are unlikely not to 'succeed'. Are you really saying that its because people 'don't try hard', or is it because those obstacles are insurmountable?

Lots of hard working successful people could have their life derailed by one unlucky thing. Look at Michael Schumacher for example.
Everybody needs an absence of bad luck no matter how hard they work.

It's ALL luck. I am not clever or privileged (I come from a really dodgy background)

I'm just very lucky - and 50s. So was able to buy a house on a £10k wage and go up the property ladder.

You’re lucky if you are healthy, able bodied, born into a loving family in a safe country, lucky if you have intelligence and common sense.
Yes a lot of success is down to luck

I've often been told I'm lucky to not have a mortgage.

I don't have a mortgage because I inherited a house. Because I lost both my parents earlier than most. I wouldn't call that lucky. Lucky implies something positive happening to you.

But I would describe myself as having opportunities that others don't, in other words to only have to have a part time job as opposed to a full time job. I appreciate that enormously.

But appreciating where I am right now doesn't mean I feel lucky about the path that got me here.

Definitely a mixture of both. I work hard but no harder than I did twenty years ago when I was stuck in a dead end job, in a slum of a house with about £20,000 in debt. Then, completely out of the blue I saw an advert for a job in the field I'm in now, in a paper I'd never bought before (or since) and was lucky enough to get it. It's given me a well-respected, well-paid professional career, which I never thought I would have.

I think it's luck, but also good decision-making skills (which I guess could be luck too). There's so many times in life you get to a crossroads and you have to make decisions which can profoundly influence the direction of your life.

It makes you feel safer to tell yourself it's all in your control and other people only suffer because they're not as hardworking as you. It's bullshit, but an understandable lie to tell yourself.

But telling other people that is shitty and delusional.

Your worldview is that I deserved to be raped and then receive a life limiting diagnosis.

Nah, you can piss off with your toxic nonsense. Shame on you.

Yes - plenty of people work hard but it doesn't translate into the success you've had.

So you have worked hard to capitalise on your good luck but you may have been lucky enough to have no mental or physical limitations that acted as a barrier to your success, a childhood that allowed you to get the best out of your education ie no caring responsibilities or trauma at home, the knowledge of how to work in a way that would benefit you financially, living in a country with a capitalist economy which allows you to succeed within that framework.

Obviously I don't know you and your life at all but I do know people who believe their success is solely down to their hard work and they are invariably white, able bodied and no major mental health issues (bipolar, ptsd, adhd etc etc), trauma-free childhood, supportive parents who while they may not have given them handouts did permit them to live rent free while they perused an education and then the lower rungs of their career ladder.

There's no problem with being proud of the progress you've made just so long as you recognise that people who are, in your eyes, less successful aren't more workshy than you they've just probably faced more barriers and hurdles.

Context is everything. Everything is relative.
Someone raised in a home with loving and financially comfortable parents, and who has never suffered serious illness is luckier than millions of other British people.
Generally speaking though, IMO being able to appreciate your good fortune or “lucky” moments is a strength not a weakness career wise.

@MrsTerryPratchett when did being white mean your luck is in? So everyone who is non white is unlucky? I find that rather offensive. I feel very lucky that I have Asian heritage even though I am part white

@Pembsgirl

I agree, the people that say we're lucky are usually those who blow a lot of money on alcohol, meals out and takeaways. We choose to save our money to spend on things for our house. We've always worked really hard, and were lucky enough to inherit some money when MIL died, but I think one of the best things we ever did, was after buying a brand new car on finance, once the finance was paid off, instead of just blowing the extra money each month, we continued to pay the same amount into a savings account (that was when they actually paid interest, lol), then the next time we needed a new car, the money was already there, so we didn't have to pay loads in interest. We then did the same when we paid our mortgage off. Maybe sometimes people are 'lucky' but most just get where they are by sheer hard work in my experience.

But you were lucky to have inherited money. How many people in the U.K. do you think have an inheritance?

I got really ill and was nearly unable to carry on my career. No amount of hard work and long hours could have undone that.
Ill health, a bully of a boss that dents your career, a disabled child who needs lots of care ... There is all sorts of bad luck that can mean people don't do as well as their hard work and devotion and skill should have meant.

So yes, you and I are "lucky" even if we also studied and worked hard to get to where we are

*Well it depends really.

Lucky comes from a huge variety of influences eg coming from a nice middle class background with supportive parents who sent you to a good school. I'd consider that lucky.*

Totally agree.
Class particularly comes with aspiration and confidence, and no one is immune from poor mental health.

I think one of my ex colleagues is lucky. We’re both 23 and our lives are so different! She married her bf of 2 years at 21, they bought a house together when she was 19. They had a fairytale wedding & engagement. Neither went to uni, she works an admin job and he’s a personal trainer. Their house is impeccably decorated, lots of designer purchases, nice cars, holidays etc - her life generally seems pretty perfect!

Seems night and day to me at 19 struggling with renting in London so having to work full time whilst at uni full time! I am not in a position to buy a house now, let alone at 19. I have worked hard as I have been in constant employment since 17, have started working in my grad field and have a degree/a levels etc. I don’t blow money on alcohol or takeaways I just didn’t have the same family financial support!

Some people have privilege and throw it away, others have little privilege and work hard to overcome disadvantages.

The best country on measures of social mobility is Denmark, where it is estimated if you are born poor, it would take an average of two generations to reach a median income. That's the best country. UK is number 27. Not really looking like luck has nothing to do with it. I mean if Boris had been born poor he wouldn't be Prime Minister now would he? He'd be a feckless loser with multiple children who he avoided paying for. Sorry, he is all that and still is Prime Minister. For some reason. Can't think what. Must be hard work. Same with Trump.

I think an element of luck in being born at the right time but no I don’t count myself lucky to have a good job, education etc. I was born into a council estate where many of the people I grew up with are now dead from drugs and alcohol. I had an emotionally abusive childhood and was made to leave school the moment I could to go work.

I’ve dragged myself up by my bootstraps and in doing so I’ve taken risks and done lots of things others around me wouldn’t. That isn’t luck.

I do count others as unlucky, I don’t think it’s people’s fault if they struggle in life. But moving for work, sitting up studying, always trying to learn more and keep going - that isn’t luck.

And whoever said up there about people being lucky enough to find a good partner - Christ that’s surely a minimum expectation we should be trying to help all women aim for? That should not be down to luck!

For some it,s more luck, for others it,s more graft. Make the most of opportunities that come ones way. But somepoeple have a lot more help along the way then others.