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Original poster

Are you ‘lucky’ If you’ve done well for yourself?

446 replies

MissMessy12 · 06/12/2020 19:57

If you have a nice home, financially comfortable, happy family life does it annoy you when people comment on how ‘lucky’ you are?
To me luck is about chance, winning the lottery for example or being in the right place at the right time.
Everything I have, I’ve worked hard for, in my opinion has nothing to do with luck.

OP posts:
JHaniver · 06/12/2020 21:12

It is luck. I work hard, but I don’t kid myself that everything I have is simply because of that. I grew up in poverty, but I was lucky to have a mother that actually cared unlike many of the children that I grew up with. I was lucky to be relatively clever and still come out of a dire school with GCSEs when most didn’t. I was lucky to be in the right place at the time to end up in my current career. I’ve put the effort in but I’ve had some good opportunities and I’m very grateful for them.

OutComeTheWolves · 06/12/2020 21:13

Statistically if you are white, your parents are still together and they own a home, you are most likely to be a higher than average earner.

Do you genuinely believe that black children of divorced renters are less hardworking or could it be that possibly circumstance is more important than you give it credit for.

Misskittyfantastico85 · 06/12/2020 21:17

My DH was diagnosed with terminal cancer and we had our mortgage paid off. One of his 'friends' said how lucky I was not to have to worry about paying a mortgage. Hmmm yes lucky indeed

SueEllenMishke · 06/12/2020 21:18

@LoopyGremlin

My DH is infuriated by friends and family commenting that we are “lucky” or “it’s ok for you” because we have a good income. He has bust his gut to set up a successful business with no help or financial backing from any one. It’s not luck but hard work and a willingness to take risks. Whilst his friends have all the benefits of employment, he has never taken a sick day in more than ten years as he doesn’t get paid. He doesn’t get paid holidays nor employer’s pension contributions so although he makes far more money than any of his friends and family, there are downsides, but whenever we say that we are met with the response “it’s alright for you” 😡
But you DH is 'Lucky' that his health has allowed him to not take a sick day in 10 years. And clearly his circumstances mean that he's been able to dedicate so much time to building his business- some of that is due to chance.

Acknowledging the role of luck or chance does not detract from someone's hard work. It's not an either/or situation.

Gncq · 06/12/2020 21:21

It’s not luck but hard work and a willingness to take risks

Err, and everyone knows that risk taking is the one thing destined to lead you to bad luck.

So it's good luck that your risk-taking DH got lucky and his business persuits didn't go massively wrong and left you all destitute.

Boulshired · 06/12/2020 21:22

When people generally say you are lucky it’s not aimed at a society level, or privilege it is said to undermine.

endlesscraziness · 06/12/2020 21:26

I do regard myself as lucky in many ways, though some is through hard work. It often balances out though doesn't it? I have a lovely husband and daughter, job that I love and is decently paid, lovely dog and friends. However I also battle every day with chronic pain and have to take a lot of painkillers to function

LoopyGremlin · 06/12/2020 21:28

@Gncq

It’s not luck but hard work and a willingness to take risks

Err, and everyone knows that risk taking is the one thing destined to lead you to bad luck.

So it's good luck that your risk-taking DH got lucky and his business persuits didn't go massively wrong and left you all destitute.

If his business hadn’t worked he would not have blamed it on bad luck, but rather he had misread the market, hadn’t worked hard enough, had the wrong business plan etc and then would have gone back to employment.
billy1966 · 06/12/2020 21:30

Undoubtedly starting life in a comfortable middle class home where you are privately educated is a huge dose of luck.

What you do with that luck is up to you. But there is absolutely no doubt in my mind you have been dealt a great set of cards.

LoopyGremlin · 06/12/2020 21:31

@SueEllenMishke
You are right that being well and healthy is some degree of luck- I accept that.

Original poster
MissMessy12 · 06/12/2020 21:31

@LoopyGremlin

My DH is infuriated by friends and family commenting that we are “lucky” or “it’s ok for you” because we have a good income. He has bust his gut to set up a successful business with no help or financial backing from any one. It’s not luck but hard work and a willingness to take risks. Whilst his friends have all the benefits of employment, he has never taken a sick day in more than ten years as he doesn’t get paid. He doesn’t get paid holidays nor employer’s pension contributions so although he makes far more money than any of his friends and family, there are downsides, but whenever we say that we are met with the response “it’s alright for you” 😡
Yes I think I agree entirely with this
OP posts:
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 06/12/2020 21:33

@loopygremlin it is luck though. To not need a sick day in 10 years. Yeah for some things you can power through. But some things, people just literally cant. I have a health condition and I had half a year off last year. Should I have just 'powered through' until I collapsed? I literally couldnt have worked even if my life depended on it. I would love to be one of those people who could carry on when they were ill. But I'm not.

Bluegrass · 06/12/2020 21:34

Of course it’s luck.

The world is full of people who have worked their arses off - to imagine that all those people have ended up succeeding is so breathtakingly naive it’s hard to imagine an adult actually imagining it can be true.

If you (or your partner) worked hard and succeeded then brilliant, well done you. I also worked (fairly) hard and succeeded. But then I was born white, middle class, with parents who loved me and who had the means to support me emotionally and financially through school and university. I’ve also stayed healthy. Frankly I won the lottery of life, no matter how much I may gripe about day to day inconveniences.

The world is full of people who have worked far harder then me with nowhere near as much to show for it.

In the end it is luck, and if you don’t recognise that it is an insult to everyone who works hard but doesn’t get their “just desserts”.

YouJustDoYou · 06/12/2020 21:35

Meh, who cares?

LoopyGremlin · 06/12/2020 21:36

I’m sorry to hear that @OoohTheStatsDontLie and I acknowledged above that to have good health is lucky.

Gncq · 06/12/2020 21:40

I'd also like to add, the OPs post tastes a little bit too much like "benefit scroungers don't work hard enough" Daily Mail type stuff.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 06/12/2020 21:41

OP do you have any comments/arguments/thoughts on the pages of other comments disagreeing with you? Or only the single one post you agree with? Why start a thread if you aren't going to listen or engage with a single thing except that agreeing with what you already think?

SueEllenMishke · 06/12/2020 21:41

In the end it is luck, and if you don’t recognise that it is an insult to everyone who works hard but doesn’t get their “just desserts”

I agree with this. I think it's incredibly arrogant to completely disregard the role luck and chance play in our lives.

Gncq · 06/12/2020 21:42

If his business hadn’t worked he would not have blamed it on bad luck, but rather he had misread the market, hadn’t worked hard enough, had the wrong business plan etc and then would have gone back to employment.

How do you know are you a mind reader and fortune teller?

KindKylie · 06/12/2020 21:43

Of course it's luck!

I know so many high earners who feel completely entitled to their very very comfortable life style, 'because they work hard/take on responsibility for difficult decisions/take risks' etc.

Those qualities are shared by many who have not had the luck they have - hard work is no mystery to the legions of low paid, zero hour contract cleaners, porters and admin staff who toil through the night at your local hospital. Difficult decisions are made by social workers, police officers, junior doctors and nurses all day every day, decisions that save and having lasting impacts on lives and keep those professionals up at night years after they were called upon to make them. Risks are taken by desperate refugees fleeing natural disaster and conflict, clinging to the undercarriage of freight trains...

Anyone who is comfortable, safe, healthy, educated and has a disposable income is so bloody lucky it's unforgiveable to moot otherwise.

Coolieloach · 06/12/2020 21:43

I think it’s a very small percentage of luck and more to do with the type of person you are as well. I’m comfortable financially but it was down to hard work and making good decisions at the right time.
Same with DH, neither of us came from privileged backgrounds but have worked very hard for everything we have. It annoys me when people comment how lucky I am to earn the money I can - I spent most of my childhood working at where I am now

MiddleClassMother · 06/12/2020 21:43

Not really I'd say, I worked really hard to get where I am today, as did my DH. I come from a middle class background but my DH certainly doesn't! I think that barring any terrible occurrences, if you work hard you get rewarded.

ludothedog · 06/12/2020 21:44

Read The Spirit Level by Pickets and Wilkinson. It might just help you understand that luck is very much everything to do with it. Great book.

LoopyGremlin · 06/12/2020 21:44

For the record, I’m not saying that my husband works harder than anyone else, far from it. He himself believes it unfair that he earns more than many who do selfless and very worthy jobs in health and social care etc. There’s millions of people who work very hard and should get more than minimum wage, but I don’t feel he has achieved what he has through luck and it annoys me when friends comment this way.

Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor · 06/12/2020 21:45

Luck always comes into it somewhere. Its taking advantage of opportunities, that luck, and working hard.
I say to my kids they've already won the lottery of life being born British, white, not poor, parents that love and care for them.
That's luck. 100% luck.
Now they need to take advantage of all that.