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Original poster

Are you ‘lucky’ If you’ve done well for yourself?

446 replies

MissMessy12 · 06/12/2020 19:57

If you have a nice home, financially comfortable, happy family life does it annoy you when people comment on how ‘lucky’ you are?
To me luck is about chance, winning the lottery for example or being in the right place at the right time.
Everything I have, I’ve worked hard for, in my opinion has nothing to do with luck.

OP posts:
dontdisturbmenow · 07/12/2020 16:10

If you and your children enjoy good mental and physical health then you are extremely lucky. As has been illustrated by a lot of PPs you often don't realise how fortunate this is until you don't have it
And this is a different matter. I certainly feel very fortunate to have my health, although I struggled at times too.

That doesn't take away the fact that ai wouldn't be where I am if I'd taken an easier route than the 'hard working' one.

Eckhart · 07/12/2020 16:17

It's not about patting myself on the shoulder or trying to belittle those who've made different choices, it's about feeling that I deserve to be where I am on the basis of the sacrifices I made at that time

I think there's a balance of luck and effort for everybody. Some PPs seem to think that because they made the empowering and wise decisions for themselves since they were 3, there was no luck involved. That's because they had the luck to have parents who allowed them to make empowering decisions for themselves.

@dontdisturbmenow You are talking about how you judge yourself, and how you like to be judged by others. I think that's very different and far far more reasonable than judging others comparatively, as if we are all, at any point, in the same boat, with the same abilities and the same opportunities.

it's about feeling that I deserve to be where I am on the basis of the sacrifices I made at that time

and you do! Lucky not to get run over by a bus or whatever, but that's not the same 'lucky' as 'I got where I am via rich parents or a lottery win'.

Lady1576 · 07/12/2020 16:17

Yes, you are lucky that hard work has allowed you to accumulate those things and enjoy them without sickness, war, natural disaster etc etc. I have also been very fortunate in my life. I had good caring parents who supported me in many ways, who encouraged me to do well and supported me to build the skills and qualities needed to do well at school and be successful in life. In addition, I was born in a prosperous country where I had access to education, etc etc. There is no war, no one I was very close to died in my formative years. My family are well. I moan a lot and am often dissatisfied but I also count my blessings and even if one day I forgot to, I would certainly never go on a discussion board to claim that I got my nice life solely by being amazing!

Snog · 07/12/2020 16:20

I see, so no luck involved in being able to double your wages then.

SueEllenMishke · 07/12/2020 16:27

it's about feeling that I deserve to be where I am on the basis of the sacrifices I made at that time.

You absolutely do deserve to be where you are. Acknowledging that at some point in your live you have benefitted from luck/chance/ circumstances does not take any of your achievements away from you.

SueEllenMishke · 07/12/2020 16:27

*your life

CuriousaboutSamphire · 07/12/2020 16:34

Oh but it does take away something.

If you believe in luck then I can see how you'd miss it but if you believe being the agent of your own success (remembering this is someone who started with an unsupportive working class family and experienced both physical and mental health issues) then assigning your hard work and often harder choices to something as arbitrary as luck is utterly dismissive and seeks to negate both your individual agency and that hard work.

The polarity in these threads should be a good enough indicator (and supports all the locus of control psychology). You can be equally happy and unhappy, rich or poor whether you believe in luck or not!

notreadyfortheheat · 07/12/2020 16:52

@dontdisturbmenow ... no YOU are missing the point. You are lucky if you have not had a tragic circumstance happen to you, which has then meant no matter how hard you work, you can't be as successful as you deserve.

What an ignorant stance to think, your unlucky if these things happen (so your happy to accept that unluckiness is a factor) but you are not lucky if these things don't happen to you, you just deserve it and work hard. Just admit how stupid that sounds and that you have worked hard, very hard I'm sure, and you have been blessed with some good fortune too.

Sarahandduck18 · 07/12/2020 17:01

no work at all rarely pays off

It does for the aristocracy or anyone born to rich and/or famous parents or for anyone who bought property between the 70s and 2006.

SueEllenMishke · 07/12/2020 17:05

@CuriousaboutSamphire

Oh but it does take away something.

If you believe in luck then I can see how you'd miss it but if you believe being the agent of your own success (remembering this is someone who started with an unsupportive working class family and experienced both physical and mental health issues) then assigning your hard work and often harder choices to something as arbitrary as luck is utterly dismissive and seeks to negate both your individual agency and that hard work.

The polarity in these threads should be a good enough indicator (and supports all the locus of control psychology). You can be equally happy and unhappy, rich or poor whether you believe in luck or not!

I've studied this extensively in relation career development and I think you're misunderstanding what I mean by luck.....in fact, I tend to refer to it as chance when I'm teaching or writing about this subject ( unless the theory specifically refers to luck).

Some people are interpreting 'luck' as to mean something akin to winning the lottery which actually doesn't require hard work or skill.

What I'm talking about are chance and circumstances, but they are meaningless on their own. They still require an individual to work hard and behave in certain way. One theory I use with my students includes some called the 'Luck Readiness Index' and measure peoples ability to deal with unplanned events and change. Those that
display characteristics such as flexibility, optimism, risk taking, curiosity, persistence etc. are more likely to be successful as they make the most of chance events and unplanned circumstances.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 07/12/2020 17:09

I don't think I am misunderstanding... I lectured in psychology for a fair few years.

Maybe it's just another viewpoint!!!

MerchantOfVenom · 07/12/2020 17:09

@MissMessy12 Any thoughts on the thread you started, and have only been back to post on once?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 07/12/2020 17:11

LRI...?.Similar to LoC and Congruence?

baubling · 07/12/2020 17:14

I guess my life would have been far more 'lucky' if my parents hadn't both died on me.

SueEllenMishke · 07/12/2020 17:33

@CuriousaboutSamphire

LRI...?.Similar to LoC and Congruence?
No not really, LRI specifically refers to career development ( which appears to be how people are measuring success on this thread!) and is about accepting that unplanned events are a part of life and ensuring you develop skills to help you make the most of unplanned or chance events. It's not about attributing everything to fate or luck or claiming chance plays no part in your life. The basic premise is that unplanned events do happen and that there are certain characteristics that mean someone can use these in a positive way. Unplanned events can be small or big, and small events can mean huge changes where as big events can result in little or no change.

Life is full of chance and unplanned events - there is no denying that and it doesn't detract from an achievement.

dontdisturbmenow · 07/12/2020 17:39

I see, so no luck involved in being able to double your wages then

See, this exactly it, finding that I have to justify myself. Why? Because it's unfeasible that I double my wages because of the hard work and dedication I put in during these years? It could it be the result of luck, that even if I'd skived work, did the strict minimum, never did extra, I still would have got it because of luck somehow?

You are lucky if you have not had a tragic circumstance happen to you, which has then meant no matter how hard you work, you can't be as successful as you deserve
But that applies to the majority of people, thankfully, yet not everyone gets there.

But as above, you still get the 'you could only gave got where you are through luck.

There is a difference between being fortunate in life that you've avoided step backs and having achieved what you have because of luck rather than what you've put in.

whittingtonmum · 07/12/2020 17:46

I think it's highly unlikely that anyone who has done well for themselves got there without an element of good fortune even if it involved a lot of very hard work. At the very least you need the absence of some element of bad luck (no cancer you die of, no seriously life changing accident etc ).

I feel lucky because we're in a pretty good place. Comfortable, healthy etc Working hard and life has thrown us a fair amount of curve balls but nothing we couldn't bounce back from. If people told me we'd be lucky I would agree with them. No one ever does because we look not as wealthy as we are. I am also conscious that things might change and luck could run out and in certain situations there might be very little we could do to prevent it - hard work or not.

Crumbleandcake · 07/12/2020 19:18

I struggle with the "yes but x happened to me, therefore I couldn't be successful

It's one event. People with a different mindset work past it. I lost a baby and bit was awful and I will never be the same person again but it hasn't defined everything I do.

mbosnz · 07/12/2020 19:45

I feel we have been very lucky.

DH was lucky to be born into the UK, and to go to NZ as a small child, which gave him opportunities, resulting in an education that has resulted in a great career for him. He was lucky to be born white, male, and with good physical and mental health, into a family in which the children were well looked after and encouraged to do their best.

I was lucky to be born in NZ, to be born with good physical and mental health, to be able to overcome the abuse I did suffer, to have a good education, go on to tertiary education, and also to meet DH.

We're lucky that our children have been born with mainly good physical and mental health, and good academic ability.

There's been unlucky stuff along the way.

But I know darned well that an awful lot of the foundations of our life have been built on happy accidents of birth.

CherryPavlova · 07/12/2020 20:02

@whittingtonmum

I think it's highly unlikely that anyone who has done well for themselves got there without an element of good fortune even if it involved a lot of very hard work. At the very least you need the absence of some element of bad luck (no cancer you die of, no seriously life changing accident etc ).

I feel lucky because we're in a pretty good place. Comfortable, healthy etc Working hard and life has thrown us a fair amount of curve balls but nothing we couldn't bounce back from. If people told me we'd be lucky I would agree with them. No one ever does because we look not as wealthy as we are. I am also conscious that things might change and luck could run out and in certain situations there might be very little we could do to prevent it - hard work or not.

That’s the problem. Equating bad luck, traumatic events or bad life choices with an inability to succeed.

I rather suspect those of us saying hard work and good choices are more likely to see you achieve a comfortable lifestyle have had a similar range of life’s challenges in fairly equal amounts.

dairyfairies · 07/12/2020 20:08

That’s the problem. Equating bad luck, traumatic events or bad life choices with an inability to succeed.

can you enlighten me how I can succeed whilst caring for a severely disabled child that needs lifelong 24/7 care. Somehow, I feel my situation is inn the way to succeed but I'd be glad to figure out how to overcome this perceived inability to overcome this. Obviously, it is not my situation but my perception that is stopping me. Thank you.

CherryPavlova · 07/12/2020 20:42

dairyfairies, I think I said I was referring to the overwhelming majority of situations and choices in teenage years and young adulthood.

Clearly a severely disabled child presents challenges. That said do they not go to school? Best example I know is one of my husband’s caretakers and his wife who had four children, including a child with very complex needs.
The wife worked part-time as a school receptionist whilst the children were at school. She gained experience and qualifications to eventually take on greater responsibility. She ended up as the school business manager on a very reasonable salary. The child/young adult received a care package once she’d passed compulsory school age, which meant her mother could study and work. One sibling teaches in a special school, one is an accountant and the youngest is just finishing university.

dairyfairies · 07/12/2020 21:23

That said do they not go to school?

yes, 6 h/day with no access wrap around childcare and no school holidays childcare. And very frequent appointments. I am also a lone parent without support but thanks for the hint.

She ended up as the school business manager on a very reasonable salary.

I used to be be a high earner and have a post graduate degree. If I could just go and do what I studied to do (on a very reasonable salary) I would. however, these roles don't come term time/part time with loads of room for taking extra time off for appointments. Great if other people manage to work full time. They must have the elfs taking care of their disabled children in the meantime.

All these hearsay stories. You haven't done this yourself. but there is always one talking out of their arse Hmm

Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor · 07/12/2020 21:29

The wife worked part-time as a school receptionist whilst the children were at school

Well she was lucky to find that job, school jobs are like hens teeth... we could go on and on.

dairyfairies · 07/12/2020 21:35

The child/young adult received a care package once she’d passed compulsory school age, which meant her mother could study and work.

I think cherry may not know that this is a UK side and most posters are based on the UK. Care package for the disabled person so the mum can study and work. Lol lol lol If only!!!