Are you ‘lucky’ If you’ve done well for yourself?

[MissMessy12]

If you have a nice home, financially comfortable, happy family life does it annoy you when people comment on how ‘lucky’ you are?
To me luck is about chance, winning the lottery for example or being in the right place at the right time.
Everything I have, I’ve worked hard for, in my opinion has nothing to do with luck.

Thinking its all about luck is making excuses
Not one person has said it's all about luck just that luck/chance play a part. As another poster has already said, you need both luck and hard work.

I do think we need to find early and primary education better and address inadequate parenting at an earlier stage, but also think we should teach children that they are responsible for their destiny as soon as possible

So you're accepting, Cherry, if a child is provided with these things, they will do better in life, and that currently, some children are not provided with these things? So some are luckier than others?

@dontdisturbmenow

Funny how on this thread we are quick to blame the parents and upbringing for Pepe lack of accomplishments, yet in most other threads it's rarely the parents fault but the teachers, health professionals, social workers and the government!

I think everybody who is involved in a child's upbringing can make a huge difference. An inspirational, supportive teacher can make a millions miles of difference to a child's future, for example, despite poor parenting.

Perhaps alongside lessons in how to use condoms we should be teaching that sex under 16 is illegal

Lots of children, in the UK, are sexually abused. The NSPCC estimate as many as 1 in 20. Perhaps as part of your overall commitment to lifelong learning you could spend some time reading about the impact this can have, or watch a dramatisation such as Three Girls for an insight?

Really? It helps to have good early years support and education certainly, but not having 'those tools' is not a barrier to achieving those goals

Yes really. I've never said its impossible for people from these backgrounds to achieve things. Just much harder. They have a bigger mountain to climb.
What exactly is wrong with admitting that?

@dontdisturbmenow
When my youngest finished his GCSEs I told him he had to get a summer job. He was reluctant but then put his mind to it.

So without you he would have sat on his arse all summer too.
But when he's 35 and has achieved all his life goals he can tell everyone its all down to his hard work.
Conveniently forgetting the huge advantage he had having you for a parent.

I can see this from both sides, but I strongly believe that luck is the most important factor.

I had health problems in my early 20s and really struggled to find my feet in life.
These health problems then led to mental health problems because I was so ashamed that I wasn’t able to achieve anything I wanted due to my poor health. At the time I was extremely anxious and depressed and I also have OCD and PTSD.
Now, I am lucky that I have a supportive family and I am lucky that I am intelligent, because those two things are what enabled me to get better and turn my life around. When my health was getting better I got a factory job, saved up for college, went to university to study a very difficult STEM subject (which I found easy), and graduated with a first and an average of almost 80%. I now do the professional job university prepared me for.
Yes, if I hadn’t had the determination to get myself to university then my life would be very different. But you can’t say that it wasn’t luck that got me to where I am now because I wouldn’t have be able to achieve all that without my very supportive family and intelligence which makes studying easy for me and not seem like an impossible task.

@Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor, you are missing something. His friends' parents did exactly the same. As a matter of fact, they were the ones looking for jobs for them, one's mum competed his application for him, neither things I did (no way would I have ever ever completed an application for any of my children), so compared to his friends, you could actually conclude that he was the unlucky one, yet managed to get the job in spite of me 'only' tell him to get a job.

It's all down to perspective isn't it?

Not one person has said it's all about luck just that luck/chance play a part. As another poster has already said, you need both luck and hard work
Luck is what people focus on. The hard work part, if present, is meaningless compared to the luck.

Take a kid who gets 1h tutoring a week but also spend 3h day revising for his GCSEs His friend gets no tutoring and revises 3h a week. The first gets As, the second Cs. The consensus was that the first kid did well because he was lucky to get 1h tutoring.

It's so much easier to focus on luck to justify why we don't get the achievement of others rather than considered they might have put more efforts in.

I'm wondering where some of you would stand in regards to the child who is a full time carer for there parent through no fault of there own.
Let's say - awful car accident, Dad passes at scene mum left with life limiting disabilities, . child, 14 goes to school works hard and comes home and looks after mum, makes meals, helps with medication, washes own uniform, tidies house. Bloody hard work. Sadly their grades aren't as good as could be, as while in school they are thinking about their mum at home.
As they get older they feel tied to home, can't go off travelling or to uni or take lots of jobs because they aren't flexible enough to look after mum. Works a dead end admin job for little pay and is mums full time carer. No chance to date or get to know anyone in that way. Can't get on property ladder or even rent a decent place, as wage isn't high enough.

Maybe they should just work harder!!

No one is saying you didn't work hard and don't deserve what you have, but thank goodness you have been lucky enough to have gained the rewards from that hard work. Not all hard work pays off.
Also apologies for the spelling mistakes... it's not bad luck I'm dyslexic it's that I didn't work hard enough.

@Scolha

I can see this from both sides, but I strongly believe that luck is the most important factor.

I had health problems in my early 20s and really struggled to find my feet in life.
These health problems then led to mental health problems because I was so ashamed that I wasn’t able to achieve anything I wanted due to my poor health. At the time I was extremely anxious and depressed and I also have OCD and PTSD.
Now, I am lucky that I have a supportive family and I am lucky that I am intelligent, because those two things are what enabled me to get better and turn my life around. When my health was getting better I got a factory job, saved up for college, went to university to study a very difficult STEM subject (which I found easy), and graduated with a first and an average of almost 80%. I now do the professional job university prepared me for.
Yes, if I hadn’t had the determination to get myself to university then my life would be very different. But you can’t say that it wasn’t luck that got me to where I am now because I wouldn’t have be able to achieve all that without my very supportive family and intelligence which makes studying easy for me and not seem like an impossible task.

I think when you've experienced just how quickly bad luck can pull the rug out from under you (eg. Bad health), you can be much more aware of the good luck that helps you recover from it.

You're right, I oversimplified it. Of course no two people are identical. I suppose I meant tgat there are some cases where hard work is the main factor between levels of success. There are some where 'luck' (birth, health etc) are the main factor. Mostly it's a mix of the two and there is no easy way to differentiate.

You sound a bit ignorant, OP. And very smug. Of course you are lucky.

Yes, you've worked hard for what you've got. However, lots of other people will have worked equally hard for much less. There are so many variables which affect how things turn out. Surely you realise this?

FWIW, I'm lucky too.

It really annoys me when people say I'm lucky

Kicked out at 14!! Homeless, worked hard put myself through uni
Bought a flat in London, worked hard to set up own business which is fantastic as it's now set up and I physically work around school hours with at least 2 days off... and has earned me valuable time with my children as they grow up!
Bought a house sold a house bought another house etc... have property that I rent out for income too.

And people say I'm lucky as I hardly work... I do work hard I just don't go on about it!!! Gives me the rage!

@Pyewhacket my husband hasn’t had a day off in 4 years (except some weekends, Christmas and a couple of Christmas eves). To the extent that our little one when asked what he was doing this weekend by his football coach said “not playing with daddy, he’s always working”.

I also worked hard to achieve my qualifications & career successes and have endured racism, discrimination too. But I’m not so lacking in compassion to acknowledge that we’re lucky my husband’s business wasn’t too affected by COVID, that my parents taught me the value of education, that our childhoods weren’t so traumatic that avoiding jail would have been an achievement, that we grew up in a top 10% country wealth-wise. That’s the case for a lot of people in this country and around the world.

Why is it so difficult for you to acknowledge that some people really do have it harder and even if they work hard they will struggle to achieve due to lack of opportunity, lack of exposure, lack of health, abject poverty, or just sheer trauma and tragedy in their personal life?

@tangledtresses you have achieved an awful lot despite having some very bad luck.
Surely you agree some others have achieved more than you on much less effort, because they were much luckier than you.

@Tangledtresses

It really annoys me when people say I'm lucky

Kicked out at 14!! Homeless, worked hard put myself through uni
Bought a flat in London, worked hard to set up own business which is fantastic as it's now set up and I physically work around school hours with at least 2 days off... and has earned me valuable time with my children as they grow up!
Bought a house sold a house bought another house etc... have property that I rent out for income too.

And people say I'm lucky as I hardly work... I do work hard I just don't go on about it!!! Gives me the rage!

Your story sounds very inspiring and I have no doubt you worked hard and have overcome tough circumstances that would have sunk a lot of other people.

But when you were made homeless at 15 was there anyone that helped you with living arrangements? And could it be that if you hadn’t crossed paths with that person or organisation’s your life outcome might have been different? That you have good health? Surely those things are luck. It sounds like your life wasn’t lucky compared to lots of others in the UK but I think it’s true that there’s always an element of luck in successes - more so for some people than others.

@notreadyfortheheat, you're missing the point too. It's not about denying that those with misfortunes in their life have been unlucky as these contributed to maybe not being as successful as they would otherwise been.

It's about people refusing to consider that many successful people are where they are mainly because of the choices and efforts they put in that their peers with similar circumstances opted not to bother with.

[quote Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor]@tangledtresses you have achieved an awful lot despite having some very bad luck.
Surely you agree some others have achieved more than you on much less effort, because they were much luckier than you.[/quote]
Is it luck to have an alcoholic mother and an absent father?
I don't believe in luck just 'circumstances'

You can make the best of a bad situation and you can make the worst of a good situation....

'Deal with what life throws at you the best way you can' is my motto

Be kind
Understand others points of view

None of this is luck

Luck is a fools game for gamblers 😬

Not all hard work pays off
Of course not but it does more often than it doesn't.

Yes, you've worked hard for what you've got. However, lots of other people will have worked equally hard for much less.

so what? Does it take anything from more financially successful people?

Not everything is a judgement. Is a carer or a nurse working hard, to get there and during working hours? Undoubtedly. Will their job bring them in the top tax payer bracket? Of course not, so it's a choice. Nothing wrong either way, but it's still a choice.

It's the lazy option to claim "you are lucky" when you all live in the same country, have the same opportunities and the same offers available.

Not all hard work pays off
of course not, but no work at all rarely pays off.

It’s a combination of hard work and a bit of luck around getting the right opportunities, isn’t it?

Work hard, take responsibility for yourself, but be humble and recognise all your lucky breaks and don’t judge others too harshly.

Depends really. If you beat the odds and worked hard for everything from nothing then no, it's not luck. If you inherited/won/stumbled into your lifestyle then I'd say lucky. There's nothing bad about being lucky! I wouldn't mind being lucky

I hate it OP. I’m solidly working class and yes my parents have been great withy siblings and I in terms of giving us a good work ethic and how to save and use money effectively.

DH had an Abusive childhood and basically looked after himself from the age of 12, I mean literally on his own, never went to school and had no qualifications.

we both started out in careers which paid terribly and have grafted our arses off to where we are now. We pooled our money so that it worked harder for us in terms of reducing interest payments and therefore we own our own home. We have researched and made good financial decisions while also spent time doing the things we enjoy, like travelling.

When people say we are ‘lucky’ to have paid our mortgage and be financially comfortable I get the rage. All the people around me that I know could be in the same position but choose not to be / make terrible choices.

I know it’s not the same for everyone of course.