Are you ‘lucky’ If you’ve done well for yourself?

[MissMessy12]

If you have a nice home, financially comfortable, happy family life does it annoy you when people comment on how ‘lucky’ you are?
To me luck is about chance, winning the lottery for example or being in the right place at the right time.
Everything I have, I’ve worked hard for, in my opinion has nothing to do with luck.

Yes it does slightly annoy me when I get told how lucky I am. I want to reply "Yes, that's what a BSc, MSc and MBA do for you. Coupled with 25 years of dedication of course". But I never say that, I just say "Yeah... I guess I have been quite lucky".

I think it is true that OP is lucky - to be living in a place where internet if fairly easy to get, have reasonable health. Lots of people in the world don’t have that and their bigger problems are running away from war, getting enough food, getting healthcare.

However, their choices have probably still made a difference to how things could have been like. So it’s a mixture. And people should be mindful of both sides.

Lucky to some extent - good parents, good start, health holding up, born with reasonable brain. Not born into poverty or famine. Kids born healthy too, that’s extremely fortunate.

The rest of it is my own graft. I’ve worked some terrible hours that other people would refused to do. I’ve seen a lot of equally “privileged” people simply refuse the chance of hard work because they are too picky or too “good” for the job or wouldn’t pay the fortune in childcare that I have. I’ve stood by my kids when their father abandoned them and I will be there for them to the end.

I’ve never had a drink problem or taken drugs - by choice. I wouldn’t say that is luck. I’ve been law abiding and paid my way and I’d say it’s about time I saw some reward for that.

A lot of parenting is very hard work. I haven’t always got it right but we’ve come through and we are all happy together now - not luck, a lot of work went into that.

My bad luck/born misfortune is I don’t have the most outgoing personality. It used to cause me a lot of anxiety - dealing with teachers or bosses. But I’ve handled it. Again, I didn’t give in and kept going. Not good luck, hard work.

Yes. I owe a lot to luck.

Born in a family that despite being poor, tried hard to support me in my education. Born in a White family, with no birth defect, no major illness, no disabilities. Had very little situation that put me under threat growing up, not born in war-torn country. Was never seriously ill, or had a bad accident. Had access to free education, free college, cheap University. Free healthcare.

I have worked hard all my life and I am extremely proud of what I have achieved, but there is still a very clear element of luck into this.

@tangledtresses

Is it luck to have an alcoholic mother and an absent father?

Yes I would say that is bad luck.

A lot of people have advantages such as being born with supportive parents in a family that is comfortable financially and having good health. That will help to have that type of start in life and it has nothing to do with 'hard work'...so yeah you are lucky if you have that.

Many good people will be born in shitty families, living in poverty and/or might have to deal with the limitations of a health condition or disability. In these circumstances they might work as hard as they can and still get nowhere.

Also, you might be loveliest person in the world and never meet a good partner. So there is an element of luck there too.

Yes, hard work can pay off for some but luck and 'privilege' also plays a part in 'success'.

People with good pensions are lucky that they fell in a job early on that employers pay in a good amount mainly public service so when you retire you are well off not like some that get 2 per cent etc.

There are lots of things out of your control like your parents, upbringing, inheritance, the state of the economy when you go into the workforce, price of housing etc etc etc, which make a massive difference in a person's outcome and success in life. Obviously, it's not the case in all cases but there are statistics to back it up. It's not to say people don't work hard for it. You can see differences in siblings who went on different paths. So it's not a good attitude to just give up and not try to make a success.

It's really a mix of circumstances and effort.

Depends really. If you beat the odds and worked hard for everything from nothing then no, it's not luck.

Your choice of the phrase "beat the odds" is interesting here when you are talking about luck not being involved

There’s always an element of luck. I’ve also heard of the formula “preparedness meets opportunity”. So you work hard but you still need an opportunity to come along. I feel I was lucky a certain job was advertised just when I graduated, as the role doesn’t come up often and it really suited me.

There are lots of things out of your control like your parents, upbringing, inheritance, the state of the economy when you go into the workforce, price of housing etc etc etc, which make a massive difference in a person's outcome and success in life

This.
Those people who say luck/chance /circumstances has no impact on success....what would you say to someone who has lost their livelihood due to an unpredicted global pandemic? Did they just not work hard enough? Should the millions of people working in travel, retail, entertainment and hospitality have put in more graft??

The whole obsession with work is so depressing, it’s not how everyone defines or achieves personal success - what is it ultimately but dying with more money in the bank than someone else. Paying taxes and accruing stuff. It’s such a scam and it doesn’t make anyone better or happier than anyone else beyond the basics of secure shelter, enough to eat, access to healthcare etc

I regret encouraging my children to pursue an education that would lead to a higher paying job if that’s what they wanted, my advice now would be to rest more, as much as possible. Some of our ancestors were slaves, it’s an affront to their memory to uphold ‘working hard’ as some sort of goal.

@Yifa. I agree that work and financial success isn’t the be all and end all. Good health is FAR more important.

I’m thinking of two people I’ve known with successful careers who suffered life-changing health problems in their 40’s- one developed a brain tumor, the other was in a horrific car accident.

They both battled on with their careers and family lives, often in chronic pain, and both died in their 60’s. One died this year, he was a such lovely person. 💐 They both had terrible “luck” health wise, but as some posters have said, their positive attitudes enabled them to make the best of their situations.

Im lucky in the sense, i was working in a job i hated, it was 7 till 5 with a 2 hour comute, i was made redundant back in july because of covid, signed up to a agency and was put in a job that is a 10 minute walk from my house, after 3 months on the agency the company offered me a full time job!
The hours are 6 till 2, but it has so much flexibility, it has enabled us to put our little one in nursery, which she loves, i can literally start anytime i want from 6 till 9, just have to stay on the extra that day, so i can drop little one off because my wifes job has no flexibility!
Had to take today off work today because little one was ill, phoned work, they gave me 3 options, use holiday, unpaid or make the hours up, so i went with the 3rd, my old job would only give me the first 2 options!

While the job is not the best paid, im saving £70 a week on petrol! I have a fantastic work/life balance, which in turn has made me very happy, and to me thats the most important thing

Life is not what happens to you. It is how you deal with it that matters

Bookeiddle That's fantastic

Yes, you are lucky - lucky that no tragic or traumatic circumstances beyond your control have impacted your life in a way that has hindered your success, comfort or happiness.

I don't think people use "lucky" in this context to suggest that it's all down to luck rather than hard work. I think they just mean to express that they think you're in a good position materially and they're expressing it poorly. I wouldn't give it another thought.

@hammeringinmyhead

Does someone who works 6 minimum wage days a week, but is single so can only afford a crappy flat in a rough area, just not work hard enough?

No offence but if they had worked harder at school they wouldn't be on minimum wage. Btw I'm on minimum wage so this isn't a snob thing. I know I didn't work hard enough in school and that why I don't have a better job. I think some people need to be more honest with themselves. Oh and this isn't about smarts either because some of the most middle class people I know are builders and hairdressers. I still see that as working hard. They applied themselves at some point and worked hard to get where they are. I don't see it as luck

On one side of the coin, yes, being told I'm lucky grates because I've busted a gut to get where I am and while everyone around me has been having fun I've been working for the last few years, evening's and weekends consistently.

But, I had an abusive childhood. My mental health is buggered. Everyday, I think about what I could have become if that hadn't happened to me. More than anything, I wish I could be happy and stable. So I see that it is luck. I see how our upbringings effect us so deeply. There is always luck at play. I'm lucky that I've managed as well as I have. Things could be so much worse.

Beat the odds ???

I truly hate that phrase!

Me: born into a very working class family (Everton scouse lines etc); parents who "took me to stately homes; kicked me out at 17 and didn't notice they hadn't heard from me for a few years; health issues including physically dodgy back and hip, ME and anaemia

DH: very working class single parent family; mum made him leave school at 16 and get a job to make up for her lost family allowance, gave his wages to younger siblings as pocket money (as an example of her actions); written off by all as a waste of space and basically abandoned at 17.

Yet we both managed to use our dead end jobs to keep ourselves housed and fed, supported a good social circle. Together we made better choices than our siblings and made considerable efforts to make the best of everything we did and had.

I didn't beat any odds, I accepted the crap I couldn't change and worked on the bits I could... However small.

That wasn't luck. Being bed bound for 2 years at 20, relying on a DP who worked on building sites wasn't lucky. Making the most after my partial recovery, working within my ME limits wasn't lucky - no matter that many others have worse symptoms than my lifelong symptoms have been, my life, and DHs, has been circumscribed by it. I wasn't lucky.

But we didn't guage ourselves by what went wrong, what we didn't have. We used what we could do, what we did have and tried to enjoy it all. Finding joy in small things is, for me, essential to 'winning' in life.

Basically I am the best me I can be... and if I am not I am not going to chase the bits that elude me.

Happy is the man who knows his place - and all of its variations!

And no, that has nothing to do with settling for less or being subservient!

This is a dumb discussion, it's obviously a combination of both work and luck.

Some people will not succeed however hard they work, because shit things happen. Some people will be successful even if they're lazy dipshits, like our current Prime Minister.

If you and your children enjoy good mental and physical health then you are extremely lucky. As has been illustrated by a lot of PPs you often don't realise how fortunate this is until you don't have it.

A lot of posters have no idea how fortunate they are. Tell yourself it is all down to hard work and good choices if you like, award yourself a self satisfied pat on the back if you will, most people realise this plays only a small part in how things turn out for us as individuals. It's an illusion of control.

The title of the thread reeks of superiority.

A lot of posters have no idea how fortunate they are. Tell yourself it is all down to hard work and good choices if you like, award yourself a self satisfied pat on the back if you will, most people realise this plays only a small part in how things turn out for us as individuals. It's an illusion of control

One day I was face with a choice. I became a single mum of two kids under 4. No family support and their father only had them for a couple of hours on Saturdays. I could have done what many in these circumstances did, go on benefits and then work PT until the children started secondary school, hoping to start where I'd left off.

Instead I made the choice to continue to work FT despite being hardly better off financially. I was in a stressful job, going through an organisation restructure and giving it up to concentrate on my kids would without idea been the easy option. I didn't, carried on through exhaustion and frustration, but by the time my kids you best was 12, I had gone through two promotions earning almost double.

My way years experience, education etc...took me to the sane place. It was the choice and dedication to continue to work FT and give 120% to my job that got me to where I am as opposed to taking the easier option that many mums in the same situation go for.

This why I struggle when people, who usually have made the decision to go PT when their kids were little, tell me that I'm lucky to be where I am. It's not about patting myself on the shoulder or trying to belittle those who've made different choices, it's about feeling that I deserve to be where I am on the basis of the sacrifices I made at that time.