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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's so beautiful

231 replies

Goldenhind · 06/12/2020 00:53

Sitting watching Strictly tonight & when Amy comes on my husband says "she's so beautiful"
I appreciate she is beautiful but what really pisses me off is that he very, very rarely gives me verbal compliments.
I said nothing but thought "why do you need to say that"? I see many gorgeous men when we are watching TV but I might think a guy is lovely but don't say it out loud out of respect for my husband...I'm quite distracted & irrationally upset now.
I've got a feeling I'm being a bit ridiculous here but would be interested to hear others thoughts...

OP posts:
MiaMarshmallows · 06/12/2020 11:06

She's beautiful and as another poster said, she suffers with crohns which means she deserves a lot of respect for going out there and doing what she does.

Emeraldshamrock · 06/12/2020 11:09

He tells me he loves me, is affectionate and randomly bought me flowers and chocolates yesterday. Thing is I get lots of compliments from others on my appearance but don't get why he's reluctant to be more vocal. I give him plenty of compliments on his handsomeness and abilities (and never comment on the fact that he is a good 2 stone overweight whereas I'm at the gym almost daily)
So you're not insecure about your looks or body? After a while a partner doesn't notice your looks as much to compliment daily.
It seems like you're out of his league in your opinion his compliments to you should reflect that.
In that light YABU.

BlueSkies2020 · 06/12/2020 11:15

Ugh all the people who’ve googled Amy and saying she’s not beautiful !

Well actually if you watch the programme you will see her beauty comes from her personality- through her beautiful smile and eyes. She is radiant and lights up the screen.

Winterwoollies · 06/12/2020 11:16

Why are people giving the OP such a hard time? Bully for those who don’t care if their husbands or partners openly compliment women but never compliment them, but for many people that would be hard.

I’d feel a bit shit if my H exclaimed about another woman but never, ever told me I look nice or something I did had been impressive or said he was proud of me. It wouldn’t mean that I thought he was going to cheat I’d just wonder why I wasn’t worth the same kind of praise. Was it disrespect or complacency?

HikeForward · 06/12/2020 11:17

It was an observation not a reflection on you. Presumably she was all dressed up, full make up.

I sometimes notice very beautiful women and men and remark on it to my husband. Sometimes he agrees, sometimes not.

AnaisNun · 06/12/2020 11:18

This isn’t about him saying she looks beautiful though is it- it’s about how he doesn’t make YOU feel beautiful?

I’m not a beautiful woman (very very far from it) but I’ve always felt like partners believed I was, or rather, that there was something beautiful about me to them (I wouldn’t be with someone who didn’t make me feel that way) so never been worried when they said things like that?

Have you addressed with your husband how he is or isn’t making you feel?

mummytippy · 06/12/2020 11:20

Her husband Ben Jones is a bit of alright.... maybe point that out tonight to your H whilst the results programme is on Wink

LindaEllen · 06/12/2020 11:22

This happens with me and DP a lot, but it's not just him. He will comment on girls on the TV, I will comment on girls and guys (I'm bi).

Neither of, now that I think of it, compliment the other that much.

I don't think that's because we don't fancy each other .. more than when you've been with someone for quite a while, you become almost complacent in the relationship, take it for granted that the other knows how you feel without you actually having to put it into words. I think my partner is handsome, he thinks I am beautiful, but it's not like we say it to each other every day. And heck, he's hardly seen me out of loungewear since March god bless him ha ha.

I think this depends on your relationship. Yes, it might have been said in a snidey way (oooh she's so beautiful and you're not kind of thing), but it could also just be that he assumes that you know he thinks you're beautiful.

MsPeachh · 06/12/2020 11:22

@BlueSkies2020

Ugh all the people who’ve googled Amy and saying she’s not beautiful !

Well actually if you watch the programme you will see her beauty comes from her personality- through her beautiful smile and eyes. She is radiant and lights up the screen.

Exactly- there’s no need to tear another woman down! I certainly wouldn’t mind looking like her!
baffledfornow · 06/12/2020 11:28

Ugh all the people who’ve googled Amy and saying she’s not beautiful !

Like almost people she's not particularly photogenic & looks better on TV. I think she is very pretty but part of her charm is she's very effusive.

CarHire101 · 06/12/2020 11:33

Well it was hard not to Google and check with this thread. I think she is pretty, lovely figure but honestly was expecting Angelina type exotic face beauty but hey each to their own...

Disclaimer: I am very secure in my looks, work out 5 x week (no children so have time), happy with my face and yes there are a number of famous people whose features I would love to have though Amy is not one.

baffledfornow · 06/12/2020 11:38

I take the point that Amy's looks are not the point of the thread but I think there are lots of people who believe if they see someone as something everyone does. Have you ever seen the threads about hot male celebs, some of the choices?!!! But then again I don't understand how anyone can't be attracted to Tom Hardy 😆

baffledfornow · 06/12/2020 11:41

honestly was expecting Angelina type exotic face beauty

I think Angelina Jolie is beyond beautiful so I'm not sure she is the standard to hold people too, as who passed that test.

Madbengalmum · 06/12/2020 11:45

Just googled her, and she is ok looking, nothing amazing imho.

bitheby · 06/12/2020 11:46

@ShirleyPhallus

Next week pick a guy on the show use words like "sexy - hot - his body gives you vulva gallops - say imagine his hot lips on my neck- I'd lick his toned stomach.

VULVA GALLOPS?????! What. The. Actual. Fuck??!

This is the Mumsnet version of fanny gallops.Grin

CarHire101 · 06/12/2020 11:51

Baffled
No I don’t think Angelina is a standard actually I could name a number of other women but because of the mumsnet demographic went for her. I actually have met people with some/all of her features (cheekbones, lips..) who I also see as beautiful so was expecting that.

MilerVino · 06/12/2020 11:57

The rest are all make up.

You could empty the entirety of Boots make-up counter all over me for a year and I would never look like Oti, and not just because we have different skin colour. They're all gorgeous, in different ways. I think we get so used to seeing women in make-up that we have to adjust how we look at people without it.

MiniCooperLover · 06/12/2020 11:59

Angelica Jolie looks like she does thanks to her plastic surgeon! She definitely isn't someone I'd hold up as a natural beauty comparison .... she's always been beautiful but isn't a standard to aspire to IMO

She's so beautiful
Bluntness100 · 06/12/2020 12:06

Angelina has had work done but there is no doubt she is very beautiful and always has been her face has lost rhe fullness of youth. Even without whatever work she would still be very beautiful.

Credit where it’s due, very few people would put her down and say it’s due to the plastic surgeon. Images of her when young, she was beautiful then too.

ruby4ever · 06/12/2020 12:17

Yes I would be extremely annoyed too! That's disrespectful towards you especially seen as he doesn't pay you these compliments. Why does he feel the need to say it out loud, think what you like in your head, but don't say it out loud!
I very rarely see anyone on tv and think omg he's drop dead gorgeous, except one time when I saw a man on tv and couldn't get over how gorgeous he was! I didn't say it out loud as it would've been disrespectful towards my dh!
If I saw a man with a nice body on tv, I wouldn't dare say anything because I wouldn't like it if he said that about a woman to me.
If I were you, I would no longer watch strictly in his presence 🤣

DixieLandReject · 06/12/2020 12:17

I've never heard of her so googled. She's very attractive but I wouldn't say stunning.

I understand where you're coming from though because I felt the same when I was never being complimented but DP was going on about his fave weather girl Hmm

baffledfornow · 06/12/2020 12:18

Angelica Jolie looks like she does thanks to her plastic surgeon

No she doesn't, you can't replicate that bone structure, eyes or lips with surgery, she looks just like her dad. She may have had a nose refinement but it's hard to tell, as noses thin with age & grow into the face (often why people who have nose jobs when young find it looks too small for their face). I used to model & my nose definitely looked more bulbous as a teen then he did as I got older. My face also slimmed down a lot. No doubt she has fillers & botox to assist with ageing but that's not the same as a surgeon creating her face.

rainkeepsfallingdown · 06/12/2020 12:23

@Goldenhind

rainkeepsfallingdown

Yes he gave me compliments at the beginning but men seem to think once said, a compliment last for ever and don't have a shelf life of 24 hours!

He tells me he loves me, is affectionate and randomly bought me flowers and chocolates yesterday. Thing is I get lots of compliments from others on my appearance but don't get why he's reluctant to be more vocal. I give him plenty of compliments on his handsomeness and abilities (and never comment on the fact that he is a good 2 stone overweight whereas I'm at the gym almost daily).

I know if I mention it to him he will get defensive and tell me I'm overthinking. Maybe I do need to let this drop but I'm not good at that.

If he tells you he loves you and is affectionate, he clearly does still find you beautiful, he just expresses it in a different way.

If this doesn't work for you, you need to pick a good time to sit down together and tell him that you know you're probably being a bit silly, but you've been feeling a bit down about your appearance lately. Frame it as your issue rather than his, and he should hopefully be less defensive.

YouKnowWhoo · 06/12/2020 12:24

@katy1213

Just googled her out of curiosity as I'd never heard of her. She looks rather ordinary to me - certainly not beautiful - but she'd be much improved if she washed that orange stuff off her face.
Same. I don’t see it. I also had to google her!
diddl · 06/12/2020 12:33

My husband & I don't compliment each other, but then neither do we comment on others either.

It does seem odd that he felt he need to say it so that you would know.

Is it a thing that he does often?