To be overwhelmed at this level of extended breastfeeding?

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I belong to a FB group for extended breast feeders (from when I was breastfeeding my 3 year old) and a thread just popped up on my newsfeed where a woman was celebrating her daughter’s 6th birthday and saying how she still breast fed her.

As I read the comments they were all lovely and supportive and other women came forward saying they were still feeding their 8, 9, 10 year olds (and some even older).

I won’t lie - I was surprised that breastfeeding continued for that length of time in some families, not that there’s any specific reason why it shouldn’t, but I was genuinely taken aback. I was a bit in awe really of the women who were continuing despite probably feeling it was viewed as something they ‘shouldn’t’ be doing.

When I was breastfeeding my 3 year old my husband would make the odd comment about our son “being too old for that now” so I can’t imagine what he’d have thought if I’d carried on for much longer. I suppose that’s due to the UK’s societal and cultural attitudes towards extended breastfeeding though.

AIBU to be so astonished by this?

Does anyone know anyone who has breastfed for that long or done it themselves?

I would love to understand the reality of it, and learn about the emotions/reasons behind it, and especially how the mothers cope with any negative attitudes they face - of which I imagine most sadly do.

@NoPainNoTartine

I am still waiting to see the medical evidence about the physical benefit of breastfeeding a 5 year old...

at least in our countries with unlimited food and running water if you want to be picky.

I maintain that if you breastfeeding your 3, 4 or 5 year old, it's entirely for yourself. At least be honest about it.

Why does there have to be a medical benefit? Why can't comfort and enjoyment be seen as a benefit?

I imagine there's probably more at play if someone's still being breastfed at 10

It wouldnt be for me, but I would never judge. Why is it weird? Because society says it is? A mother feeding her child with her breasts.. I highly doubt these children feed out of the family home and its probably more common than you think. I don't remember the last time my 20 month old fed in public so its hard to imagine a older child doing so. There are plenty more accepted disturbing things going on in the world to worry about a woman chosing extended breastfeeding.

If a child can remember being breastfed in later life then it's fucking weird

No weirder than wandering around with a filthy dummy stuck permanently in their mouth, and how many are still hanging onto them at 5?

4 here, but I was fed up with it by the age of 2. DD still needed those comfort moments though. It didn’t do any harm so what’s the issue.

I think still breastfeeding when able to hold a conversation with your child is just plain weird (We are all entitled to our opinions!)

Boys been know to father their own kids age 10/11 so you have to wonder who is the breastfeeding for....certainly not the child at that age......

@LolaSmiles you are 100% right.

So bizarre in the uk that with a baby 0-6month it’s “you need to breastfeed” “breast is best” and a bit of shame culture for feeding babies formula. How dare any parent not breastfeed!

6-12 months the comments start of “not when they are eating proper food” and “you should move them to formula as they have teeth”

12months plus “it’s weird to breastfeed babies over 1” “it’s for the mothers benefit only”

I find it so hard that people are so pro but then anti breastfeeding all in the space of 1 year 🙈🤣

It seems logical that we have evolved milk and adult teeth so feeding till we lose milk teeth is biologically normal.

Children have been known to father children at 10/11? Is your argument child abuse is more normal than breast feeding? Really?

And I also question why the OP posted? To get a thread full of ignorant people saying that it's revolting if the child can remember being bf? Right.

I genuinely have found some of these responses surprising. Both my children remember being breast fed and when we talk about it, it’s lovely.

I didn’t feed them until they were particularly old (3 years) but the looks and comments I got from people were pretty upsetting from when I was still breastfeeding at 18 months.

When they hit the age of about two I kept the fact I still breastfed them quite hidden. At the point where I stopped only my husband and brother knew they’d still been breastfed up to that point - everyone else probably thought I’d stopped a long, long time ago.

It’s quite sad really that we feel something so natural has to be hidden. That’s why I said I was in awe of the women who were brave enough (for want of a much better word) to continue for so long in a culture where it’s incredibly frowned upon, as this thread has highlighted.

2 of my DC remember being breastfed and have no issue with those memories of being snuggled, cuddled and comforted and drifting off to sleep in my arms - and whilst I was utterly and completely done with BF way before they were (it was categorically never for me, not least because I don't enjoy being open to judgement from anyone who thinks they can comment on what I do with my body) - I have absolutely no regrets about having given them what they needed when they needed it. I am prod of myself and happy for them that those memories (which you all think are disgusting) have sent them off into their independent lives feeling secure, happy and loved. I feel more worried for the one who I stopped feeding early becaise I was pg and worried about others' opinions etc - she wasn't ready to stop (at 18 months) and was deprived of something she wanted and needed.

We live in a rural farming community and my DC positive experiences of being BF are reinforced everyday when they help their friend's with their animals and know how important it is for the young animal to get to the teat/udder quickly and to be kept with their mothers etc. It makes perfect sense to my DC as they have first hand experience of mammalian behaviour to draw on.

Not one of us thinks it's weird, or disgusting or shameful. Because it isn't.

@Misbeehived

Children have been known to father children at 10/11? Is your argument child abuse is more normal than breast feeding? Really?

No I'm just saying children are quite capable of sexualising bodies at that age

I’m not sure why we’re using 10 year olds to make points here. 10 year olds who BF OR father children are vanishingly rare, if they exist at all.

@ThornAmongstRoses DS is 17 months (my first) and I’m still breastfeeding and already feel I have to hide it. The only time it comes up in conversation is when people ask if he sleeps through the night yet (to which the answer is no, because I feed him back to sleep once or twice) but the judgement was too much so now I just say I cuddle him back to sleep. I wish I didn’t hide it, I’d love to play a part in normalising it, but I really was being made to feel awful.

(And to add... why are people so obsessed with asking me if he sleeps through the night yet?! Maybe I constantly look like a zombie but I don’t feel like I’m missing out on sleep particularly?!)

I think still breastfeeding when able to hold a conversation with your child is just plain weird (We are all entitled to our opinions!)
Why? Children start getting their words around 1 and toddlers can have conversations. Do you have a reason why breastfeeding a child who can talk is weird that doesn't come down to 'yeah but boobies are sexy'?

No I'm just saying children are quite capable of sexualising bodies at that age
More accurately, some children learn sexualised attitudes from the adults in their life who promote those attitudes.

If the adults in a child's life are of the view that women's bodies are for sexual pleasure and breasts are to look at more than they are a body part to feed young life then of course children will take that view.
If the adults around them comment on women's bodies and talk about how eewie breastfeeding is then that's what the child will learn.

Children absorb the attitudes of the adults around them.

FFS the “bitty” comments are pathetic. It wasn’t funny at the time, and even less so now.

As for @AnnnaBananna - are you speaking for all people in all “third world countries” with this ridiculous generalisation? Do you think all “third world countries” are a homogenous mass? What a fucking nonsensical comment.

Because it’s a different culture with different beauty standards. Women aren’t going around having Botox and tummy tucks. Makeup is expensive and not widely used. Breasts are often exposed in warmer countries with no self consciousness. There isn’t the same sense of vanity as in Western countries. I doubt they would stop feeding their baby because they thought their left breast was starting to sag

No weirder than wandering around with a filthy dummy stuck permanently in their mouth, and how many are still hanging onto them at 5?

one doesn't make the other any less weird. It's natural to want to keep your "babies" as long as possible, but at some point, you really need to let them go. A 4 year old really is not a "baby" anymore.

I don't think it's weird for a child to remember, and as long as both mum and child are happy to continue until little one self weans then fab. If that is aged 8+ though I'll be honest I do find that odd, the child doesn't need it for nutrition, and additional needs for some aside, they have usually developed less dependent ways of comforting themselves- it's an important life skill in my opinion rather than being reliant on mum physically rather than emotionally. I also wonder who it is more for the benefit of.

I considered breastfeeding my youngest past 2.5. My older children were 16,14 and 9. My eldest is a son and he said to me once 'I wouldn't like that memory. It would make me feel uncomfortable and question your need for it'. 'We don't live in a society were it is normal and accepted. Therefore it's harder to understand'. He made sense. He didn't judge and I realise he was a teenager, not a parent but in my mind he was also right. He wouldn't have thanked me for those memories. We don't live in a country where it's normal. Therefore, rightly or wrongly (and they'll always be people who disagree). I stopped. And I'm glad I did. For my oldest and my youngest.

I breastfed for 3 and half years and for the last 3 months or so I began to hate it, I just wanted not to be touched all the time and left alone, so 8 or 10 seems to long to me but we do have a strange attitude to breastfeeding in this country

My eldest is a son and he said to me once 'I wouldn't like that memory. It would make me feel uncomfortable and question your need for it'

How would he know as he never experienced it?

And he’s clearly been absorbing societal attitudes about who the boobies are for too.

'We don't live in a society were it is normal and accepted.

So we just perpetuate norms of our misogynistic society rather than question them? Why? Nothing ever changes for the better that way.

@mummabearfourbabybears

I considered breastfeeding my youngest past 2.5. My older children were 16,14 and 9. My eldest is a son and he said to me once 'I wouldn't like that memory. It would make me feel uncomfortable and question your need for it'. 'We don't live in a society were it is normal and accepted. Therefore it's harder to understand'. He made sense. He didn't judge and I realise he was a teenager, not a parent but in my mind he was also right. He wouldn't have thanked me for those memories. We don't live in a country where it's normal. Therefore, rightly or wrongly (and they'll always be people who disagree). I stopped. And I'm glad I did. For my oldest and my youngest.

Your son sounds quite judgmental tbh, especially as he hasn’t experienced it himself.

I was breastfed until age 4 and while I don’t remember the actual latching on, I remember fondly the warmth and cuddles and closeness, which was lovely. I find it really sad the way breastfeeding is viewed here.

No one was seriously expecting a long-term breast feeding mother to suddenly go "oh you are right, it's very weird"

these threads are never going to change anyone's views, but it cannot come as a surprise that many do find it weird, and having breastfed my own kids, I do find it even weirder and don't think it's healthy for the mum to insist on keeping babies years after they are past the baby stage.

Kids grow up. It's a good thing, it's not healthy to try to keep them behind. I am not expecting anyone to change their mind about it though!

Your 16 your old son thought you had bad motives for wanting to continue feeding his younger brother? Because that is what you have described. I would take that as an opportunity to educate my son, not to be guided on mothering by him.