To be overwhelmed at this level of extended breastfeeding?

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I belong to a FB group for extended breast feeders (from when I was breastfeeding my 3 year old) and a thread just popped up on my newsfeed where a woman was celebrating her daughter’s 6th birthday and saying how she still breast fed her.

As I read the comments they were all lovely and supportive and other women came forward saying they were still feeding their 8, 9, 10 year olds (and some even older).

I won’t lie - I was surprised that breastfeeding continued for that length of time in some families, not that there’s any specific reason why it shouldn’t, but I was genuinely taken aback. I was a bit in awe really of the women who were continuing despite probably feeling it was viewed as something they ‘shouldn’t’ be doing.

When I was breastfeeding my 3 year old my husband would make the odd comment about our son “being too old for that now” so I can’t imagine what he’d have thought if I’d carried on for much longer. I suppose that’s due to the UK’s societal and cultural attitudes towards extended breastfeeding though.

AIBU to be so astonished by this?

Does anyone know anyone who has breastfed for that long or done it themselves?

I would love to understand the reality of it, and learn about the emotions/reasons behind it, and especially how the mothers cope with any negative attitudes they face - of which I imagine most sadly do.

A toddler who breastfeeds isn't a "baby" anymore than a toddler who has a cup of milk is.

Just because something is considered ‘not normal’ in a society, does not mean it’s wrong.

Look at the obesity epidemic. It’s becoming increasingly ‘not normal’ to be a healthy weight. Does that make it not ok?

these threads are never going to change anyone's views, but it cannot come as a surprise that many do find it weird

It’s not a surprise. What is more interesting is people’s unwillingness or inability to pick apart why they find it weird. Given it’s a biologically normal process.

Kids grow up. It's a good thing, it's not healthy to try to keep them behind.

I don’t understand this point. How is it ‘keeping them behind’ any more than them giving them a cup of milk is ‘keeping them behind’. The only reason you say that is because you have equated breastfeeding with tiny babies. There’s no justification for that position.

What no one’s ever addressed is why children drinking breastmilk from their own species is ‘weird’ but not drinking breastmilk from another animal. Other than we normalised the latter.

A 4 year old really is not a "baby" anymore.
I agree, DS wasn't a baby at 4, he left me on his first day of school without a second glance as one of the youngest in the class. He self weaned at 5.

I don't know anyone who breastfed past 5 although people probably wouldn't talk about it if they were due to the negativity expressed by some. There are some cracking examples if that on this thread!

I stopped breastfeeding DS somewhere between 3 and 4 years. I never expected to continue after he started to get teeth and thought my milk would stop after i went back to work part time when he was a year old but surprisingly neither of those things posed much of a problem. I used to pump at work (for the following day at nursery) and then feed him before and after work and at bedtime or on demand at the weekends.

By the time he was 2 he was only feeding first thing and last thing unless he was feeling poorly or overtired (something to be aware off when on holiday and up later than normal - your toddler can become very insistent). I didn't tend to feed him in public much past 18 months.

Extended breastfeeding isn't really talked about in real life as people don't tend to see it. Most babies feed much less past a year when solids are established. By then they are having other drinks too and so when out and about can have those instead.

When I mentioned I was still BF past 2 or 3 to mum friends, more often than not, they said they were too.

I think bf past school age is pretty rare though but have no issue with it personally. The child must want/need it. All the talk about it being for the mother is bollocks.

Those saying bf should stop once a child can feed themselves are being rediculous. My son fed himself from 6 months. Haven't you heard of baby led weaning? Stopping then would go against advice from the NHS and WHO. Who are you to know better?

Finally, I just don't get how people find giving their children breastmilk weird but think it is fine (or preferable) to give them cows milk which is, you know, intended for baby cows!

It’s not a surprise. What is more interesting is people’s unwillingness or inability to pick apart why they find it weird.

This.

My son fed himself from 6 months.

Well, you are lucky. None of my kids could spoon feed themselves, none of my 6 months old could have eaten their soup or yogurt alone at 6 months. None of anyone else I know either. We must have slow developers - they grew out of it fine since then

and baby led weaning means introducing solid food, not replacing milk by food just yet...

For most normal families, a 6 months old is definitively NOT feeding themselves. That's not what "feeding" yourself independently remotely means.

There's a rather large difference between the need of a 6 months old and 6 YEARS old!

What is more interesting is people’s unwillingness or inability to pick apart why they find it weird.

we told you why many times in the thread.

This is a subject that people just disagree on. Nobody is ever going to back down or change their views so it edges into the territory of not being worth debating

@TheSilentStars it was GreenMonkies on GMTV

we told you why many times in the thread.

It doesn’t stand any objective scrutiny though. It’s just ‘ew’ or ‘not normal’ without any scrutiny as to why we’d see a biologically normal practice like this.

maybe the best way to ascertain opinion on this is to do a study on the adults who were breastfed to an older age, and that remember it, how they feel about it now. If a lot of trauma or emotional issues are present in these people due to this, then it is worth considering more carefully whether it is appropriate beyond a certain age, at least in certain societies.

@kinsi researching is never bad but you don’t mention researching the benefits too

[quote ShowOfHands]@TheSilentStars it was GreenMonkies on GMTV[/quote]
That's it! Thank you! I knew Green was in there and I knew it wasn't Greeny (Sleeves)
Hope you are well! Missed your "stumps" this year as I'm not around as much as in ye olden days. (Probably for the best reading some of the rubbish these days )

It's interesting that almost all of the "euwww" posters use the sexualisation of the female anatomy as their reasoning. Or indeed the sexualisation of young children. I guess that says more about their own personal context though. Which I personally find more "euwww" but there you go.

It's interesting that almost all of the "euwww" posters use the sexualisation of the female anatomy as their reasoning. Or indeed the sexualisation of young children. I guess that says more about their own personal context though. Which I personally find more "euwww" but there you go.
Same
I find it a bit odd that the reason seems to be:

• breasts are fine to feed for a little while but then after a year it's just a bit gross and eewwie
• boobs as sexual because they just are so breastfeeding beyond an arbitrary point is just gross
• it's gross and eewie because children will have already sexualised boobs by the time they can talk

No questions asked about the fact that the whole silly argument rests on the principle that women bodies and boobs are primarily sexual.

Nobody says that hands or lips are eewie if children can talk. That would be a funny thread "AIBU to think that cuddling your children is gross and only for the parent's benefit. Hands are used in sex so they are sexual, and cuddling is really intimate, so it's weird to want to cuddle your children. It does make you wonder why the parents want to keep cuddling when their child can talk. Surely there's less dependent ways to get comfort than having a snuggle"

@TheSilentStars I don't think I even whipped out my stumps this year, for fear of offending people possibly. I'm also around much less.

I had to properly churn the old grey matter to dredge up the right Green! She was rather marvellous against the silly Dr.

Wasn't she just!
I can't believe he's still around peddling his garbage. Him and the other sleb doc, Christian wotsit.

@TheKeatingFive

these threads are never going to change anyone's views, but it cannot come as a surprise that many do find it weird

It’s not a surprise. What is more interesting is people’s unwillingness or inability to pick apart why they find it weird. Given it’s a biologically normal process.

Kids grow up. It's a good thing, it's not healthy to try to keep them behind.

I don’t understand this point. How is it ‘keeping them behind’ any more than them giving them a cup of milk is ‘keeping them behind’. The only reason you say that is because you have equated breastfeeding with tiny babies. There’s no justification for that position.

What no one’s ever addressed is why children drinking breastmilk from their own species is ‘weird’ but not drinking breastmilk from another animal. Other than we normalised the latter.

You speak a lot of sense

I bf dd until just after she turned 4. Despite being back at work full time when she was 9 months old. I never intended to bf that long. I just never tried to wean her. By the end it was just a feed at bedtime, and she settled fine if I was held up at work and not back in time for bed.

@LazyName

I’d think it’s weird for a 7 year old to still be drinking milk from a bottle or using a dummy so yep is weird to still be breastfed, just mothers being selfish, 6/7/8year olds don’t need breast milk OR formula milk, it’s just mother’s being selfish and not letting go lol. Hopefully my child will be capable of using a cup at the correct age

I bet they eat and drink lots of other things that they don't "need" though, don't they?

@KindKylie

2 of my DC remember being breastfed and have no issue with those memories of being snuggled, cuddled and comforted and drifting off to sleep in my arms - and whilst I was utterly and completely done with BF way before they were (it was categorically never for me, not least because I don't enjoy being open to judgement from anyone who thinks they can comment on what I do with my body) - I have absolutely no regrets about having given them what they needed when they needed it. I am prod of myself and happy for them that those memories (which you all think are disgusting) have sent them off into their independent lives feeling secure, happy and loved. I feel more worried for the one who I stopped feeding early becaise I was pg and worried about others' opinions etc - she wasn't ready to stop (at 18 months) and was deprived of something she wanted and needed.

We live in a rural farming community and my DC positive experiences of being BF are reinforced everyday when they help their friend's with their animals and know how important it is for the young animal to get to the teat/udder quickly and to be kept with their mothers etc. It makes perfect sense to my DC as they have first hand experience of mammalian behaviour to draw on.

Not one of us thinks it's weird, or disgusting or shameful. Because it isn't.

Yes it is interesting that when you watch programmes about farming the importance of colostrum is always emphasized if an animal gives birth.

There was a poster on here a few years ago who talked about feeding her daughter into double figures, though AFAIK she never revealed the exact age they stopped.

I forget her username, but this thread reminds me of her! Star something or other, I think?

@Firefliess

Breastfeeding a 10 year old reminds me of that mad woman in Game of Thrones.

It's wrong, because you're creating something that the child is going to learn they have to keep secret from other people that involves intimate touching with an adult in a position of trust. That's a very dangerous lesson for them to learn.

My daughter is 9 and 3/4 and does not feel like she needs to keep the fact that she nurses secret. My friends and family know, my GP knows, etc.

She hugs me when we are naked too; quick, call social services about the secret intimate touching!

It's very true that no one sets out to breastfeed a child. You start with a newborn and just carry on! I took the lazy way and (so far, DS is 3.5) just never stopped. It's definitely not "for me". Breastfeeding through pregnancy was not fun, breastfeeding him now makes me feel really annoyed, but he still benefits from it, and to be honest, I'd rather feed him to sleep in 5 minutes than spend much longer waiting till he falls asleep.

No one really knows that we're still feeding though, except my parents and one of my friends. I think even MIL thinks he's stopped already. It's a shame that I feel embarrassed about it I think. It would be nice if attitudes were more like Mongolia and everyone found it totally normal. Thanks @popgoeshertail for the article, I loved it!

To those who are going on about nutrition, no it's not about nutrition. The antibodies are beneficial, but I think it's more of a psychological benefit. Same as you get from hugging. Yes, children can survive without hugs, but their mental health is much improved with physical contact.

And just to tackle the whole breastfeeding bingo sheet, no, breastfeeding doesn't make your breasts sag! You've got pregnancy and age to thank for that!

To the "bitty" posters. Oh yes, very droll. So witty.

@GeorgiaGirl52

When my daughter was 9 years old, she was in a ballet class. The mothers waited together in a side room. One of the mothers with a daughter in the class brought her six-year-old daughter and two-year-old son along with her and breast-fed both of them in the middle of the group of mothers and younger children. Someone called Child Protective Services and reported her for child abuse and exhibitionism. Don't know what happened because the child was withdrawn from dance and the mother never came back.

She breastfed them "in the middle of the group"? Really? I bet she "flopped" or "slapped" or "whipped" her boobs out too, right? Forgive me for assuming that tale has been somewhat embellished.

And if it did happen, would you go back to a group where someone had called child protection services on you? For doing something that is in no way detrimental to a child?