To be overwhelmed at this level of extended breastfeeding?

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I belong to a FB group for extended breast feeders (from when I was breastfeeding my 3 year old) and a thread just popped up on my newsfeed where a woman was celebrating her daughter’s 6th birthday and saying how she still breast fed her.

As I read the comments they were all lovely and supportive and other women came forward saying they were still feeding their 8, 9, 10 year olds (and some even older).

I won’t lie - I was surprised that breastfeeding continued for that length of time in some families, not that there’s any specific reason why it shouldn’t, but I was genuinely taken aback. I was a bit in awe really of the women who were continuing despite probably feeling it was viewed as something they ‘shouldn’t’ be doing.

When I was breastfeeding my 3 year old my husband would make the odd comment about our son “being too old for that now” so I can’t imagine what he’d have thought if I’d carried on for much longer. I suppose that’s due to the UK’s societal and cultural attitudes towards extended breastfeeding though.

AIBU to be so astonished by this?

Does anyone know anyone who has breastfed for that long or done it themselves?

I would love to understand the reality of it, and learn about the emotions/reasons behind it, and especially how the mothers cope with any negative attitudes they face - of which I imagine most sadly do.

I’d definitely find it strange is a parent still have their child a bottle of formula at 6.

What about a glass of milk? You know, breastmilk from another species.

When I was at primary school there was a boy whose mum would come stick her tit through the school gate. The head had to ask her to stop as kids would gather to watch. Poor boy was picked on all through school.

@HotGlueGun

Please.... before people get in any more of a lather about this one.... I'm on the same breastfeeding page and the OP has MISUNDERSTOOD what many of the women have stated in their posts. Most are feeding children somewhere between 3-4.5 years old. Very few are feeding 7 or 8 year olds. NONE are feeding 10 year olds or older, as claimed by the OP. She has misinterpreted what they have said

Yeah, I was a bit at the OP to be honest. Didn’t seem like that was accurate at all!

We went to the zoo and one colobus monkey snatched all of the boiled eggs and most of the best food at feeding time. The keeper explained she was breastfeeding her two (quite big) monkey babies. Not only that, but her 10yo daughter, a mother herself, still went over for a cheeky feed

@popgoeshertail

I have no experience of this as my little one is still under one but this made me think of a beautiful article I read about breastfeeding in Mongolia where the cultural norm is completely different to the UK. Article link

What a great article. Thanks for posting.

So much internalised misogyny on this thread.

Everyone is ok with the actual substance the child is getting presumably, so it much be the packaging that everyone is getting their knickers in a twist over... and why is that?? Why, because breasts are for MEN don’t you know. They’re only for sexual purposes... despite them being able to produce nutrition for a baby/toddler/child.

BF mine until he was nearly 2.

@Backtoblack1

Bitty.

Grow up.

In fact, almost any woman, or any man, for that matter can begin to produce milk and breastfeed if the breasts are stimulated long enough and frequently enough

This is not true. You require prolactin to produce milk and men do not produce enough of it in normal conditions.

Even women who have not recently lactated typically require hormone treatment to produce milk in any meaningful quantity.

This is not true. A biological Male human

I also disagree with the “It’s for the mother” comments. When breast feeding my second it got to the point where I hated it, I was sick of him lunging at me and asking for it all the time. Every time I say done be would come scuttling over and I used to really resent it. I kept up with it because I know how much comfort it gave him and because of the health benefits - which of course don’t just stop the minute the infant turns 6 months old. It definitely wasn’t for me.

I knew one woman who did it for 9 months and hated every second of it - but she did it for the benefits to the baby.

I’ve just requested the ‘bitty’ comments be removed. I don’t think they should be mindlessly posted in a site that’s supposed to be supportive of women.

Is it also weird if they can remember being bottle fed?

Yes I think it would be weird, because you stop using baby bottles at a certain age and start using sippy cups or just cups. If a 5, 7, 10 year old was using a bottle I'd find that bizarre.

so it much be the packaging that everyone is getting their knickers in a twist over... and why is that?? Why, because breasts are for MEN don’t you know.

Exactly. It’s such a shame we’ve been culturally primed to think like this.

Ethelfeda

What I said in my OP is true and I didn’t misunderstand anything. That was dealt with a few pages ago - reinforced by a lady who had read the same comments as she was in the same group as me.

Funnily enough there is more than just one FB group for extended breast feeders.

Everyone is ok with the actual substance the child is getting presumably, so it much be the packaging that everyone is getting their knickers in a twist over... and why is that?? Why, because breasts are for MEN don’t you know. They’re only for sexual purposes... despite them being able to produce nutrition for a baby/toddler/child
That's exactly it. Why else would they have an issue with it?

Sometimes I wonder if people who say 'breasts are icky because they can be touched in a sexual way' also decide cuddles are icky because hands can be used in sex. What about giving their children a kiss, is that also icky and should be avoided once they can remember?

There does seem a position that breastfeeding is fine, just don't do it for longer than 6 months to a year because that's just eewie, because, well it is.

This thread reminds why I’ve actually been quite glad I’ve been stuck in most of this year while breastfeeding a toddler.

A lot of posters on this thread need to familiarise themselves with the ‘noble savage’ trope.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noble_savage

Just because something is done in non-western cultures (and it’s hugely problematic to lump all these together anyway) doesn’t mean it is automatically superior.

Quite

@LoveMyKidsAndCats

When I was at primary school there was a boy whose mum would come stick her tit through the school gate. The head had to ask her to stop as kids would gather to watch. Poor boy was picked on all through school.

Give over.

Nobody believed that sort of stuff twenty years ago when the myth first started doing the rounds. They're not going to believe it now.

Just because something is done in non-western cultures (and it’s hugely problematic to lump all these together anyway) doesn’t mean it is automatically superior.

It’s biologically normal behaviour we’ve been persuaded out of by the demands of a consumerist and misogynistic society.

Why is ‘our way’ superior? I’m looking for a better response that ‘ew’ by the way.

@TheKeatingFive

I’ve just requested the ‘bitty’ comments be removed. I don’t think they should be mindlessly posted in a site that’s supposed to be supportive of women.

Good idea, it's embarrassing for them. I bet they still say "simples" too.

Well firstly I'd take what you read on FB groups like that with a pinch of salt - people get weirdly competitive and seem to stretch the truth a bit. I wouldn't be surprised if some people outright lie because it gives them a bit of "celebrity" status within a group like that.

Secondly remember the rule of self selection - if there are (say) 20 people in the UK who breastfed their kids past 7 years old, the odds are that 17 of them ARE on that group, and if there's a popular/controversial post, will see that post and reply to it - and therefore they look overrepresented. In reality they are still a miniscule percentage of the population. A group specifically for extended BF support is not a representative sample of the population of the UK. (And if it's worldwide, you might even have people posting who have links to cultures where it is more normal, although perhaps they would feel less of a need to join a support group.)

And people's memories are poor - apparently when you look at long term studies that contrast parents reporting the age at which their children reached particular milestones, vs when they actually reported them being reached, people tend to be out by around 20%. So a 10 year old might have really been 8 but the parent remembered it wrong. Although if they are talking about currently nursing children then probably not.

And lastly, when I have heard of children being breastfed past about the age of 7, it is common for the child to have some kind of additional needs and/or trauma - which may account for a need to continue breastfeeding even past the upper edge of what is typically considered the biological norm, which is the change to adult teeth.

And I was proud of my 3 months

If a child can remember being breastfed in later life then it's fucking weird
Only if you think breastfeeding's disgusting

I take everything on this topic with a pinch of salt. Literally putting a newborn to the breast disgusts so many people where I live - a view that was expressed to me many times over the years. FF is absolutely the norm here. Anyone having any view on BF at all does so with the backdrop that it is absolutely not the cultural norm. FWIW I stopped at the latest at 2.5 and DS remembers BF and certainly his older siblings remember him BF.