To be overwhelmed at this level of extended breastfeeding?

[ThornAmongstRoses]

I belong to a FB group for extended breast feeders (from when I was breastfeeding my 3 year old) and a thread just popped up on my newsfeed where a woman was celebrating her daughter’s 6th birthday and saying how she still breast fed her.

As I read the comments they were all lovely and supportive and other women came forward saying they were still feeding their 8, 9, 10 year olds (and some even older).

I won’t lie - I was surprised that breastfeeding continued for that length of time in some families, not that there’s any specific reason why it shouldn’t, but I was genuinely taken aback. I was a bit in awe really of the women who were continuing despite probably feeling it was viewed as something they ‘shouldn’t’ be doing.

When I was breastfeeding my 3 year old my husband would make the odd comment about our son “being too old for that now” so I can’t imagine what he’d have thought if I’d carried on for much longer. I suppose that’s due to the UK’s societal and cultural attitudes towards extended breastfeeding though.

AIBU to be so astonished by this?

Does anyone know anyone who has breastfed for that long or done it themselves?

I would love to understand the reality of it, and learn about the emotions/reasons behind it, and especially how the mothers cope with any negative attitudes they face - of which I imagine most sadly do.

The 2 things I never 100% understand (having bf 2 kids) about bf beyond about age 2 or 3.....

1. how anyone's milk supply keeps going on only the one or two feeds a day a 3+ year old the extended breastfeeders on here usually say their 3, 4 or 5 year old is probably having (mine always went rapidly when we got down to 3 feeds a day and under & they weaned fairly swiftly because they couldn't get anything to let down). I wonder what actual.volume of milk these 4-8 year olds are actually getting?

2. how common tandem bf really is. Continuing to nurse young from a previous litter alongside a subsequent one is unheard of in other species and rare in indigenous cultures so is it actually the biological "norm"? The only people I knew in RL who extended bf lost their milk (and had really painful boobs) when pregnant with subsequent babies and their toddlers self weaned at that stage - it feels to me like our bodies send most of us signals that we arent really supposed to continue to feed throughout pregnancy. I also didnt know anyone who's lactational amenorrhea lasted more than a couple of years (usually way less) so in a "natural" world without contraception a subsequent pregnancy would probably follow by age 3 or so.

STILL nobody has explained HOW it is for the mother. I am still nursing my 5 year old most bedtimes and I struggle to see what I am possibly gaining from it aside from the happiness of knowing that it is bringing him comfort when he asks for it. The notion of it being for me is beyond ridiculous.

Still bfing my 13 month old. Definitely for her, not for me! And trust me, if she doesn't want to feed, she won't. I'll try in the middle of the night to help get her back to sleep if a dummy doesn't work and if she doesn't want to feed, she refuses by turning her head away, cries etc. Literally physically impossible to force a child to feed. Some weird comments on this thread!

I wouldn't be in awe of a 6yo still being bf. That is really odd and weird and im sure these extra special people are in the tiny minority.

@NoPainNoTartine

I am still waiting to see the medical evidence about the physical benefit of breastfeeding a 5 year old...

at least in our countries with unlimited food and running water if you want to be picky.

I maintain that if you breastfeeding your 3, 4 or 5 year old, it's entirely for yourself. At least be honest about it.

Tell me how you get a young child, who doesn’t want to feed to do so? I’d be really interested. Especially as you have no experience in this. I couldn’t have forced my dd to feed daily way before 3! Obviously I was doing it wrong or something as I would have been quite happy to continue past 3 had she done so.

I didn't have to go back to work and I have only got the one DC so I had the luxury of extended BF. I wasn't into forced weaning anyway but if you have to work then you would have no choice. I had a huge amount of negativity directed at me from my family and DH's and they made my precious time with DS hell so I tended to try and keep away from them. There's so much controversy surrounding BF older children. He eventually stopped when he was 4. No one knew he was still BF except DH!
One thing I would say is that when you EBF you tend to bed share and this was another massive issue for family so I ended up lying about that too.
It's a nightmare for BF mums in this country when you look how things are so different in other cultures.

Historically children were weaned much later to top up from malnutrition from food sources. The wealthy also had wet nursing and didn't breastfeed at all. It doesn't fit in with our social norms to continue so late and could be considered child abuse here. I have no idea about Mongolia but I would think when they can ask or are prepared for going to school that's a good time to stop if it already hasn't.

I won’t lie - I was surprised that breastfeeding continued for that length of time in some families, not that there’s any specific reason why it shouldn’t, but I was genuinely taken aback.

That’s nice dear.

The latching thing makes me laugh, off course you don't forget how🤣. TMI but my hubby would find milk if I had any there.... Feel free to ban me sorry 😂🤣😂

I stopped as soon as mine got teeth and bit me. Ouch! Off to the tippee cup you go!

@SleepingStandingUp

My friends daughter is 5 1/2, when we have a recent zoom social she prewarmed that her daughter might come in for milk, but I think it's mainly bedtime. As someone whose milk dried up after 6 months of pumping I'm just amazed her body is still producing.

From conversation I think her attitude is just that as long as her daughter is happy, she's happy and so is DH. No one else's opinions matter. She's happy DD will stop whenever she chooses.

Did you mean that you pumped your breast milk and bottle-fed it? If that's the case, that may be why you dried up at six months. The action of the pump is very different from the action of suckling. In fact, almost any woman, or any man, for that matter can begin to produce milk and breastfeed if the breasts are stimulated long enough and frequently enough. It happens in animals, as well. In females, it is called relactation, in males it is generally simply called male lactation.

I think when people say that "it's for the mother" they mean that they assume the mother is trying to 'baby' their child and won't let them grow out of BF because they're over protective or like having a baby etc? I think this is offensive because mothers often don't enjoy it and sometimes feel trapped or irritated by BF, but they do it because it offers so many benefits to their child. The nutrition comments are very ignorant.

I had a nursing aversion before my DD was 2, but we kept on for another 2 years. I stopped between 3 and 4 years. It wasn't enjoyable but it was very reassuring because it made all upsets and illness better during that time. I still had supply for a long time after stopping, I assume because weaning naturally was a slow process.

I found BF uncomfortable, had mastitis and every other problem over the course, but I felt positively about all the benefits and so kept on. Of course at times it was also a bonding moment or an easier option, but generally I felt it was a necessary parenting task, just like changing nappies or playing boring games, or any other parenting task that I didn't particularly enjoy every time. The age mine weaned was fully directed by them, they grew out of it once they were ready. I didn't enjoy it for a long time before they stopped but the benefits to them were great enough for me to feel it worth continuing.

I do struggle to see why a child of 10 couldn't be psychologically comforted by other means, or why their immune system or regulatory behaviour wasn't present by that age. I wonder if those minority of much older children who BF perhaps have nutritional or psychological difficulties and so haven't been able to wean at a more developmentally common stage. I don't think our society is very educated or understanding, my HV tried to make me wean from 9 months, the NHS BF clinic were the same and said I had the oldest child they'd seen, and the GP wanted me to stop with my toddler as they said there were no benefits. They mustn't get much training. I don't think it's unusual to be taken aback by 8-10 year olds nursing though, I'm not sure how many people are genuinely doing that.

@ClearingSpaceOnTheTrophyShelf

Bitty!

[can't believe I'm the first poster to say that!]

Maybe because it's 2020 and not 2003? And it's not, and never was funny.

Those comparing breastfeeding ages in other countries is wrong though, most of the world is very poor, they breastfeed for longer usually as a case of necessity, as they do not have enough money or they don’t have access to the same nutrition we do.

Honestly the difference with some posters between this and the bottle feeding threads is astounding.
When it comes to FF it seems it's all 'Fed is best' 'Do whatever you and baby wants' 'It's no one elses business'

Suddenly because it's breastfeeding related the narrative changes and the true judgement comes out. So much for 'Your body, your choice'

Thay Mongolian story was beautiful btw!

Indeed!

@YoungScrappyHungry I’d definitely find it strange is a parent still have their child a bottle of formula at 6.

Don't know what happened there, was meant to be quoting @BullshitVivienne

'Bitty' was never funny

Bloody hell, it's 10 years since I first started breastfeeding and yet I'm still hearing the same bullshit:

I think it's weird that some people think drinking cow breast milk is totally normal but human breast milk is just a step too far.

I think it's really funny when people think that breastfeeding toddlers is only about the mother as if every parenting choice ever made is 100% about the child.

DC1 stopped at 4, and yes, did forget how as they were unable to feed whilst DC2, who was a baby, continued till 3. But by that age, it's mainly bedtime only. It wasn't long after DC1 stopped that the first of their milk teeth started to get wobbly, but that may be a coincidence.

Also, if it's weird to remember being breastfed, is it weird to remember being bottle fed and sucking on a rubber nipple instead of a human one?

Wow, way to screw up your kids!

Anyway, I could probably write more but first I need to have my coffee complete with cow breastmilk

Yum!

Totally down to the mum & baby/child. I BF my two DS’, DS1 stopped wanting to BF at 1, I found out I was pregnant again, DS2 stopped wanting to BF at 10mths. I would have continued for longer if they still wanted to BF. Nothing weird about it at all in my mind.

The old ‘breastfeeding is for the mum’ yawn. Absolute load of shite.

I breastfed my son until he was 3yr 3mo & forced him to wean as it was so painful (dry nursed for months + months through pregnancy). I’ve no doubt as soon as my milk came in he would be breastfeeding more, he was in no way wanting to stop & cried for a week.

NOT for me, you small minded idiot.

@NoPainNoTartine

when a child is old enough to ask for his food, let alone hold a spoon, then yes, it feels wrong.

This is against medical advice. Both my kids could spoon feed themselves before 1 yet under 1 milk should be the main source of nutrition and breast feeding it recommended by the WHO and NHS until at least 2 years.

The U.K. a has a very poor understanding of infant nutrition and breast feeding.

The average child self weans about 4 years old.

Do you know what's weird to me - this "it's for the mother" statement ... What does it even mean?!

Exactly. It’s just so stupid.

It raises so many questions. What is the mum supposed to be getting out of it? How do you force a child to bf who doesn’t want to? It’s total bollocks.

And as for whoever brought ‘bitty’ up. What are you, 13 or something? I thought we’d put LB’s shitty casual misogyny behind us.