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AIBU?

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Original poster

Delivery guy told DS he’d get fat.

158 replies

christmastime4120 · 05/12/2020 17:28

Hi all, had a food delivery this afternoon. Not in bags so all in the crates. DS spotted the chocolate I had bought him for a treat and grabbed it out when I was bringing it all in (he should have waited admittedly) but it’s been a poop day and he seen the chocolate.

DS asked if he could have it now. Driver said you’ll get really fat if you eat too much of that.

Driver is not wrong that if you eat too much chocolate you’ll get fat ^ but was it his place to say?

To clarify DS is pretty slim, very active. Doesn’t really have any other sugar other than a chocolate treat - he doesn’t like sweets or fizzy drinks. Even if he did. Surely a treat is a treat right?

So DS then said he didn’t want it as he’d get fat. I am sure the driver had no ill intentions and meant it in a nice way but just find it a bit annoying tbh

He then went onto say at least you haven’t ordered any fizzy drink with it and proceeded to say that the amount of dizzy drinks some people
Order in one shop is crazy.

Is it his place to judge though? I get my shopping delivered every week and they are all lovely usually...

Aibu to think it really wasn’t needed?

OP posts:
LadyFelsham · 06/12/2020 00:43

Op. I'm concerned that you write,

'Thankfully my son is now over it', which implies it took some time

How did he react to what almost everyone would regard as a lighthearted comment?

I may have missed how old he is but I would be seriously worried about his day to day life at school if this non-event means that you have to give thanks that he got over it.

I know he is autistic but the rest of the world won't know that and many won't care even if they do know. I think you need to start thinking about you can help to make his skin a little thicker.

LadyFelsham · 06/12/2020 00:48

@HollyCarrot

My husband was very upset when a driver remarked on a big bag of nuts as his are very small.

It led to him thinking that I had been having an affair with the driver and had told him this intimate information.

We eventually divorced and my husband is now living in the gutter.

And all because of a thoughtless remark about a bag of nuts.

I complained because I was sure a remark about his testicles would have been on the driver's noes. In actual fact, the subsequent enquiry found that it was but the guy hadn't consulted his notes.

He was sacked and he is now living in the gutter with my husband.

All so sad and all so easily preventable.

Schummakker · 06/12/2020 00:54

I wouldn’t like those comments being made nor his opinions on other peoples shopping either.

HollyCarrot · 06/12/2020 01:08

[quote LadyFelsham]@HollyCarrot

My husband was very upset when a driver remarked on a big bag of nuts as his are very small.

It led to him thinking that I had been having an affair with the driver and had told him this intimate information.

We eventually divorced and my husband is now living in the gutter.

And all because of a thoughtless remark about a bag of nuts.

I complained because I was sure a remark about his testicles would have been on the driver's noes. In actual fact, the subsequent enquiry found that it was but the guy hadn't consulted his notes.

He was sacked and he is now living in the gutter with my husband.

All so sad and all so easily preventable.[/quote]
While that's a delightful and amusing story, it in no way equates to a random stranger commenting on food choices to a child. But go on ahead, you might get a book deal out of it.

Clevererthanyou · 06/12/2020 01:14

I’m amazed the delivery driver doesn’t have better things to think about than obsessing over customers consumption of fizzy drinks and chocolate.

I don’t know where the hell the previous posters live but small talk doesn’t usually mean slagging off strangers where I’m from.

TheMotherShipAhoy · 06/12/2020 01:39

I am really surprised at the prevailing vibe that this kind of comment is OK for 'small talk' and that OP is somehow overreacting. You're not, OP.
I'm pretty bulletproof but DC1 struggles with anxiety and a throwaway remark like this, made in jest, sent DC1 into a complete tailspin for a couple of weeks in the spring, severely restricting calories and doing secret laps around the house. Talking them down was one of my biggest parenting achievements to date; I've never been so scared in my life, and I fucking hated the person who made that remark, though they'll never know the impact it made.
Is it so hard not to venture into the realm of potentially upsetting subjects in passing social interactions? How is it U to expect people in customer facing roles to exercise a modicum of awareness when dealing with the public? Totally patronising not to expect someone like a delivery driver to be able to act with a sense of propriety; he drives a van, he's not a child. And what's with the jumping to the defence of the right to be a social klutz, irrespective of how comments land?

HollyCarrot · 06/12/2020 01:53

Isn't it the height of patronising to assume that a delivery driver can't control their language? This thread has made me quite angry for a variety of reasons. But I have no sense of humour ya know Hmm

Groovinpeanut · 06/12/2020 02:02

If he'd have carried the milk in and the driver said "You'll get big and strong drinking that"
As people often do. Would that offend?
People are soooo easily offended over the tiniest of things.

HollyCarrot · 06/12/2020 02:11

@Groovinpeanut

If he'd have carried the milk in and the driver said "You'll get big and strong drinking that" As people often do. Would that offend? People are soooo easily offended over the tiniest of things.
I can't imagine that would offend anyone tbh? Unless it was some poor person that milk wouldn't do the job. Either way, people should as a rule stfu because they have no idea what's going on for other people.
TheClaws · 06/12/2020 02:21

Here's where you have the opportunity to parent. Say something like: "Oh, it isn't like we're going to eat the chocolate all at once," or "Chocolate is fine as a sometimes treat." Then tell him how active he is and that is what matters, and shift his focus. Job done.

Piggieinblanket · 06/12/2020 02:34

Nothing the delivery driver said was offensive - he was addressing truth - if you eat a lot of chocolate, you will get fat.
Having fizzy drinks is bad.

Unhealthy habits should be addressed and alerted to children to prevent preventable diseases.

TheMotherShipAhoy · 06/12/2020 07:51

Holly, I don't know if you were responding to my post about people's attitude to the driver being patronising; I think we're saying the same thing Smile

yetanothernamitynamechange · 06/12/2020 08:15

[quote LadyFelsham]@HollyCarrot

My husband was very upset when a driver remarked on a big bag of nuts as his are very small.

It led to him thinking that I had been having an affair with the driver and had told him this intimate information.

We eventually divorced and my husband is now living in the gutter.

And all because of a thoughtless remark about a bag of nuts.

I complained because I was sure a remark about his testicles would have been on the driver's noes. In actual fact, the subsequent enquiry found that it was but the guy hadn't consulted his notes.

He was sacked and he is now living in the gutter with my husband.

All so sad and all so easily preventable.[/quote]
I hate to break it to you but... have you considered that it was your husband and the delivery driver that were having the affair and that this whole chain of events was just an elaborate scheme for them to free themselves of their respectie responsibilities and set up home together in a luxury gutter small nuts and all? "cherchez le livreur" as they say.

ClarenceBoddicker · 06/12/2020 08:17

I didn’t realise Prince Philip had got a second job Grin. Especially so given his driving ability has seemed to decline recently

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/12/2020 08:30

I can't believe some of the comments on here. What's with all this "He was trying to make conversation bull shit. If you've got nothing to say you've got nothing to say, a smile and basic pleasantries will do.
YANBU, Op.

OverTheRubicon · 06/12/2020 08:38

Could this be a cultural misunderstanding? My family are not white British and it's extremely common in our country of origin to comment on people getting a bit fat and talk about food choices. Many delivery drivers are also from overseas and this could be a clumsy statement anyway, but that is much worse in the UK context.

Rosebel · 06/12/2020 08:48

I honestly can't believe people are offended. Working as a delivery driver is a shit job and if its for a supermarket it's shit pay too.
All those who are offended should try doing the job (I'm not a delivery driver). MN is full of people bitching about supermarket staff, having no idea of the long hours we work or the ridiculous targets we have to hit. There have been loads of threads on rude staff who don't interact. When someone does people moan about that too.
Perhaps we should go for a society where supermarket workers don't speak, its not like they matter anyway.

TimeForDinnerDinnerDinner · 06/12/2020 09:02

YANBU OP
I often wish people would keep their smalltalk to themselves. In my experience, smalltalk which started pleasantly enough quickly turned into unwelcome 'observational' comments which felt increasingly judgemental as the conversation moves on. So annoying, and rude.
Why would this delivery person think you need to hear their thoughts on your family's food choices? Or another family's choices! Confused

HollyCarrot · 06/12/2020 09:02

@Rosebel

I honestly can't believe people are offended. Working as a delivery driver is a shit job and if its for a supermarket it's shit pay too. All those who are offended should try doing the job (I'm not a delivery driver). MN is full of people bitching about supermarket staff, having no idea of the long hours we work or the ridiculous targets we have to hit. There have been loads of threads on rude staff who don't interact. When someone does people moan about that too. Perhaps we should go for a society where supermarket workers don't speak, its not like they matter anyway.
The comments are in no way mocking supermarket staff! I would feel the same if I went in to the bank manager and he deigned to give me diet advice. FWIW I used to work in a supermarket and understand the shitty treatment you get at times but this isn't one of those times.
Original poster
christmastime4120 · 06/12/2020 09:24

@CrotchBurn

How patronising are you with your comments about posters "clearly" not knowing anything about autism?

He has autism. He still needs to live in the real world. Presumably you want him to be okay out there. Autism doesnt prevent you from, you know, parenting

Prevent me from parenting? Are you having a laugh? Making assumptions about my parenting skills? Great one! But it’s true, people know little about autism unless they’ve experienced it first hand. He very much lives in the ‘real world’. Still has his struggles though!
OP posts:
saraclara · 06/12/2020 09:28

As I said before, I spent a long and successful career working with children with ASD, many of them severely affected and with other learning difficulties. I have great empathy with and sympathy for their families and carers. It's really tough, and I was always aware that I was the lucky one who could leave work at the end of the day.

But, even those of us who care for them really can't expect the social world to stop for them. Interaction and small talk oils the wheels of life. If delivery men are told not to chat with people, those who've been living alone throughout lockdown would be deprived of a little bit of human interaction that might well make their day bearable.

And of course for every autistic child like OP's, there'll be another who'll have a meltdown if he tries to chat to the delivery man and the guy doesn't respond to him.

None of us are mind readers. Sometimes small talk can go wrong. When I was nursing my dying husband it could be agony when some smiley checkout assistant asked me what I'd been doing today. But other times a smiley chatty assistant can lift one's mood.
When life's tough for us, it's hard. But it's 'our' tough time and we can't expect strangers to tiptoe around everyone just in case one of them is going through what I was.

Lockdown, if anything, has made people friendlier and chattier in my experience, and I'm glad of it. I live alone, and sometimes the person queuing behind me waiting to go into Tesco making conversation with me has brightened my day.

HollyCarrot · 06/12/2020 09:34

Surely the rest of the world needs to learn about autism as much as an autistic child needs to learn how to live with everyone else? We surely aren't saying that kids with autism just need to cop on and figure it out? People just need to be more mindful of their language, it's not that big of an ask imo.

CottonHeadedNinyMuggins · 06/12/2020 09:39

@AcornAutumn

“ He then went onto say at least you haven’t ordered any fizzy drink with it and proceeded to say that the amount of dizzy drinks some people Order in one shop is crazy. ”

What an arse. I do this because it means I’m sorted for me, mum, guests, and don’t have to carry it plus can meet minimum order.

Same here. For the last few years of his life my grandfather was an alcoholic and had dementia too. We used to get loads delivered because he thought it had rum in it and other than tea he would drink nothing but Cola.

He also ate LOTS of chocolate (and I mean huge amount) to replace the sugar his body was craving due to not drinking so our shops looked like we did nothing but drink coke and eat crap sometimes!

LadyFelsham · 06/12/2020 09:44

@yetanothernamitynamechange

Well, I've been up all night considering your remarks.

At first, I thought you were trying to be hurtful but now I see that you are being cruel to be kind.

I think you are right! I will be contacting Tesco again because surely I will be entitled to compensation for this dastardly and deeply dark plan that their employee carried out.

Oh woe! The dangers and far reaching implications of allowing small talk.