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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Delivery guy told DS he’d get fat.

158 replies

christmastime4120 · 05/12/2020 17:28

Hi all, had a food delivery this afternoon. Not in bags so all in the crates. DS spotted the chocolate I had bought him for a treat and grabbed it out when I was bringing it all in (he should have waited admittedly) but it’s been a poop day and he seen the chocolate.

DS asked if he could have it now. Driver said you’ll get really fat if you eat too much of that.

Driver is not wrong that if you eat too much chocolate you’ll get fat ^ but was it his place to say?

To clarify DS is pretty slim, very active. Doesn’t really have any other sugar other than a chocolate treat - he doesn’t like sweets or fizzy drinks. Even if he did. Surely a treat is a treat right?

So DS then said he didn’t want it as he’d get fat. I am sure the driver had no ill intentions and meant it in a nice way but just find it a bit annoying tbh

He then went onto say at least you haven’t ordered any fizzy drink with it and proceeded to say that the amount of dizzy drinks some people
Order in one shop is crazy.

Is it his place to judge though? I get my shopping delivered every week and they are all lovely usually...

Aibu to think it really wasn’t needed?

OP posts:

HollyCarrot · 05/12/2020 19:17

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@HollyCarrot

I think PP was saying we could all extend the metaphor to a silly place. As you comparing the chocolate remark to a driver chatting about sanitary products was a stretch, so too would be comparing it to someone holding up oranges. Both are extremely unlikely and would very clearly be weird. The chocolate remark, while misjudged, isn't as outlandish or unlikely a comment in real life and is therefore less shocking. [/quote]
You're right, but equally I think it could have consequences for the poor kid so it really shouldn't be done. Highly unlikely no doubt and wouldn't be intended by the driver no doubt, but on the off chance really shouldn't be done as isn't necessary IMHO.

Griselda1 · 05/12/2020 19:46

Focus on developing your son's resilience and try to take things a little less seriously. People are starved of communication at present and why cause issues for a lowly paid worker who simply tried to speak to your son.

LadyCottingham · 05/12/2020 20:07

@HollyCarrot it's getting ridiculous because the oranges scenario was an exaggeration to show that the exaggeration of the sanitary scenario was daft.

Are you saying you would be upset in the original chocolate situation or that you would be upset at the imaginary oranges/mastectomy scene?

CherryValanc · 05/12/2020 20:16

What? What have oranges got to do with having a mastectomy?

HollyCarrot · 05/12/2020 20:16

[quote LadyCottingham]@HollyCarrot it's getting ridiculous because the oranges scenario was an exaggeration to show that the exaggeration of the sanitary scenario was daft.

Are you saying you would be upset in the original chocolate situation or that you would be upset at the imaginary oranges/mastectomy scene?[/quote]
I could potentially be upset at both. I think the commentary on someone's shopping is unnecessary no matter how well intentioned. And when it comes to food and kids people shouldn't make off the cuff remarks, there can be consequences to that kind of thing. Of course build up a child's resilience etc but Jesus, can't a grown up use their head and just not make comments that could potentially damage a child? Could they not just stick to the weather? I'm not suggesting ringing their employer, just that they keep it all very light with their chit chat.

HollyCarrot · 05/12/2020 20:19

@CherryValanc

What? What have oranges got to do with having a mastectomy?

Sorry, that was in response to the post asking what if the driver held up two oranges pretending they were tits.

Alloftheboys · 05/12/2020 20:27

Taking in a delivery of a punchbag for OH. Chatting to delivery driver and he made a comment that now OH can punch his bag instead of me.
I think that’s far more offensive than a comment about chocolate.

HollyCarrot · 05/12/2020 20:30

@Alloftheboys

Taking in a delivery of a punchbag for OH. Chatting to delivery driver and he made a comment that now OH can punch his bag instead of me. I think that’s far more offensive than a comment about chocolate.

It absolutely is (what was he thinking???). But I do also think people should be cognisant of the affect food related comments can have on kids.

Original poster

christmastime4120 · 05/12/2020 20:37

Thankfully DS is over it but I do believe that people should be careful what they say. I have no doubt it was an attempt to make pleasant conversation.

Comments do stick though. This one probably won’t. A few people have told me that I need teach my son not to take things seriously - clearly you those who have said that don’t know anything about autism.

On another note. When I was a teen perhaps, I went into the local school uniform shop to buy jumpers. I clearly remember the lady said oh you’re big girl aren’t you and it’s stuck with me forever (I was slightly chubby but not huge). I know delivery driver didn’t call my son fat or anything but things do stick in his head.

I just think he wouldn’t have said it to an adult so why say it to a child?

OP posts:

HollyCarrot · 05/12/2020 20:43

@christmastime4120

Thankfully DS is over it but I do believe that people should be careful what they say. I have no doubt it was an attempt to make pleasant conversation.

I just think he wouldn’t have said it to an adult so why say it to a child?

Exactly! Isn't this why they spend so much time in school reminding kids to mind their words! That stuff isn't done in school for no reason. Ok, a delivery driver probably didn't get that in school but I don't get people dismissing what happened as nothing/snowflake etc.

CherryValanc · 05/12/2020 20:47

Sorry, that was in response to the post asking what if the driver held up two oranges pretending they were tits
Ah right. I was a bit lost. Thought the suggestion was making a comment about eating oranges couldn't work out the connection.

It was a comment about eating too much chocolate, made to a child who isn't overweight. It was in jest.

Plus I think give supermarket delivery drivers a bit of slack. Consider the fact that while people were avoiding going to supermarket because they thought it too risky, they still excepted these drivers to take the risk.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 05/12/2020 20:49

@Alloftheboys

Taking in a delivery of a punchbag for OH. Chatting to delivery driver and he made a comment that now OH can punch his bag instead of me. I think that’s far more offensive than a comment about chocolate.

Ugh that really is horrible, what a wanker.

Userzzz · 05/12/2020 21:25

I don’t see a problem with it. I think people actually need to be more straightforward about the harmful effects of sugar and processed food.

MellowBird85 · 05/12/2020 21:32

@Alloftheboys

Taking in a delivery of a punchbag for OH. Chatting to delivery driver and he made a comment that now OH can punch his bag instead of me. I think that’s far more offensive than a comment about chocolate.

On the flip side of this, when I was pregnant a close male colleague said to me “Oo wait til you’re all fat n saggy n he won’t come near thi” (referring to my DH). I pissed myself because I took in JEST and knew he was ribbing me.

How have we all turned into such delicate flowers?

HollyCarrot · 05/12/2020 22:14

@CherryValanc

Sorry, that was in response to the post asking what if the driver held up two oranges pretending they were tits Ah right. I was a bit lost. Thought the suggestion was making a comment about eating oranges couldn't work out the connection.

It was a comment about eating too much chocolate, made to a child who isn't overweight. It was in jest.

It doesn't matter if they're overweight though, that's the point. These kind of comments can tip someone over the edge into an eating disorder. They're not necessary as part of the job and they can be seriously damaging.

HollyCarrot · 05/12/2020 22:20

@Mellowbird85 for one, this was a child. Also, lots of people are delicate and vulnerable due to previous life experiences. We don't tell people (I hope) to just get over these things. I really can't see why asking people dealing with the public to be mindful of what they're talking about to complete strangers is such a big deal.

saraclara · 05/12/2020 22:39

A few people have told me that I need teach my son not to take things seriously - clearly you those who have said that don’t know anything about autism.

I spent most of my career teaching children with autism, and helping them manage things like this was a lot of my job. So yes, you can help him understand what the delivery man was saying. This was one of the easier comments to explain to a literal autistic child.

you’ll get really fat if you eat too much of that.

"Yes, if you ate too much you would. But you're not going to eat too much. Too much would be (however many bars) every day. You're just going to eat one bar today. That's not too much. That's just right."

It's managing these simple 'puzzles' that helps them move on. Okay, some move on more than others, some get stuck along the way. But I don't think that what the delivery man said should be seen as a huge problem.

Also, no, the driver wasn't judging you.

Campervan69 · 05/12/2020 22:42

:Userzzz I don’t see a problem with it. I think people actually need to be more straightforward about the harmful effects of sugar and processed food

I completely agree.

Waveysnail · 05/12/2020 22:42

Your overreacting. Drivers comment was light hearted joke. My dc are autistic and would have took it literally but what he said was ok. If they eat too much of that chocolate they will get fat so guess what - they dont shovel the whole thing into themselves.

blue25 · 05/12/2020 22:43

You & your son are way too sensitive!

HollyCarrot · 06/12/2020 00:00

Would all the people who think it's harmless be happy enough with a randomer in a restaurant wandering and commenting on what they're eating? I doubt it. But it's grand to inflict that on kids.

Simplyunacceptable · 06/12/2020 00:02

Bit of a weird remark. Usually jokey remarks aimed at children would be about their teeth rather than their weight...

Rosebel · 06/12/2020 00:11

My daughter is autistic so I understand your son taking it literally. However the delivery guy did not say you can't eat that so your son is actually making an interpretation of what was said. If he can do that then you can explain that the delivery guy meant too much chocolate makes you overwhelming not you must never eat chocolate.
I think there should be an option on delivery forms saying do not speak to me or my child as we may be offended by light conversation.
I hope this man never hears that his attempt to engage with a customer caused so much grief.

CrotchBurn · 06/12/2020 00:18

How patronising are you with your comments about posters "clearly" not knowing anything about autism?

He has autism. He still needs to live in the real world. Presumably you want him to be okay out there. Autism doesnt prevent you from, you know, parenting

HollyCarrot · 06/12/2020 00:20

Maybe he should hear it caused grief. He doesn't have to flagellate himself about it, bit maybe be more mindful in future. Just because you or I might find something like that harmless, others may not. And it isn't a requirement of the job to comment on the contents of the shopping.

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