Delivery guy told DS he’d get fat.

[christmastime4120]

Hi all, had a food delivery this afternoon. Not in bags so all in the crates. DS spotted the chocolate I had bought him for a treat and grabbed it out when I was bringing it all in (he should have waited admittedly) but it’s been a poop day and he seen the chocolate.

DS asked if he could have it now. Driver said you’ll get really fat if you eat too much of that.

Driver is not wrong that if you eat too much chocolate you’ll get fat ^ but was it his place to say?

To clarify DS is pretty slim, very active. Doesn’t really have any other sugar other than a chocolate treat - he doesn’t like sweets or fizzy drinks. Even if he did. Surely a treat is a treat right?

So DS then said he didn’t want it as he’d get fat. I am sure the driver had no ill intentions and meant it in a nice way but just find it a bit annoying tbh

He then went onto say at least you haven’t ordered any fizzy drink with it and proceeded to say that the amount of dizzy drinks some people
Order in one shop is crazy.

Is it his place to judge though? I get my shopping delivered every week and they are all lovely usually...

Aibu to think it really wasn’t needed?

@HollyCarrot

Just wondering, how would people feel if a delivery driver decided to make 'small talk' about sanitary towels or whatever in the shopping? I bet that wouldn't be too well received. Their job is to deliver shopping, not provide a running commentary on what you buy.

But he didn’t? So how is it relevant?

‘What if the driver held up oranges and pretended they were tits! What would you say then!’

My delivery drivers frequently comment on the shopping - but it’s usually very gentle things like ‘ooh I like those’ ‘that looks nice’ ‘can’t go wrong with wine can you!’. It’s just small talk rather than silence while you’re unloading the crates. I imagine that’s why OP’s driver was trying to do, but misjudged.

I'd be more concerned by the fact your child is rude enough to snatch something out of the shopping before the delivery driver has even left never mind before it's been unpacked or offered to him.

@WorraLiberty

Just wondering, how would people feel if a delivery driver decided to make 'small talk' about sanitary towels or whatever in the shopping?

I'm just wondering what the weather's like in Peru?

Maybe the delivery driver knows? No problem at all with small talk, but as with everything, it should really be limited to the weather or the news or sport. It's just not on to get too personal, we never know what's going on in someone else's life and seemingly innocuous can affect people in horrible ways.

please do not make a complaint about the delivery driver. just before xmas. with literally tens of thousands being made redundant. just let it go.
he was probably a friendly chatty person, the sort who would notice if mail/ milk had not moved from an old person;s door.
he probably said what he would to his own children to try to keep them off sweets. he was trying to be helpful.
Op you sound as if you are sensitive to what you think other people are judging you about, from your comments imagining people in shops thinking of your buying ready meals. you are projecting some feeling that you ought to be a domestic goddess and not rely on convenience foods, that you ought to provide home cooked food for husband and children every day. and then you are resenting them, the world , for thinking that, when you have so much to do, tired, no time.
in reality, no one notices. no one cares. busy with their own lives.
you are beating yourself with your own rod.

I wouldn't even think twice about this. It's just a silly jokey comment.

@arethereanyleftatall

But *@FedUpWithBriiiiick* can you seriously ever imagine a 24 year old bloke writing something like that?

I know some genuinely lovely bllokes who still talk about Diego Maradona cheating in thw world cup. And I know a (not so nice) bloke who threw his dinner at the wall because it wasnt what he wanted when he was about that age. And when my cousin was watching his team lose on penalties he kept having to go out for a smoke to deal with the stress and later was phoning his friends to talk about how they "just cant believe it". One of his friends bruised his knucles punching the wall so overcome with emotion was he. Other men will have been getting into fights over the issue. The point is men that age get upset over all sort of ridoculous and inconsequential things. Would any of them be likely to write on a forum "AIBU to be annoyed that my team lost/that the referree offered a penalty to the other team/that a bloke in the pub made fun of my team losing?" No, because none of them would even question whether they were being unreasonable. And no-one else does either.

Just wondering, how would people feel if a delivery driver decided to make 'small talk' about sanitary towels or whatever in the shopping?

Oh my

It was lighthearted. Seriously, it was lighthearted. Come on!!!

e.g. "AIBU to be a bit annoyed that another man tried chatting my bird up in the pub. I didnt say anything at the time but would I have been unreasonable to have given him a cutting look?"

@MatildaTheCat

Maybe he was just making a bit of lighthearted conversation? It must be pretty soul destroying to have to carefully consider each and every word you utter. If he’d said, ‘Oy, fatty, who ate all the pies?’ you’d maybe have a point.

Heheeeee 🤣🤣

But, back to the issue at hand. No, I dont think the driver was being that bad. He was just making (misjudged) small talk but possibly put his foot in it (as we all do at times), particularly considering he didnt know your ds has autism.

I don't think you were being unreasonable to be annoyed, it's not like you responded rudely to his thoughtless comment. I think he probably was just making jokey light conversation but it would have annoyed me too.

I grew up with a mother who was constantly making negative comments about herself, grouping foods into 'good' and 'bad' and was always on a diet, I developed food issues and a dodgy self image as a result, so I've been extra careful not to make stupid comments like this around my children. An old lady once said the same to my DD when she had a small chocolate bar and honestly I was annoyed, I just told my DD that the lady was just being silly and we walked away.

I know it's not a big deal and I suppose we can't shelter them from stuff like this and it's good to try to help them be resilient and not be bothered by daft comments.

@longwayoff

Oh ffs is nothing too bloody trivial for MN ? Yes he spoke out of turn, probably unthinkingly. Phone up side get him sacked before Christmas for trying to pas ime with customers.

To be fair, she didnt say she was planning to phone up and get him sacked. And, nope, nothing is too trivial for mumsnet.

@alexdgr8 I have stated a few times I am not going to complain and never intended to.

@sparklesocks I'm not saying he was horrible bastard or anything, I'm saying they are best off to avoid that kind of small talk when they don't know what's going on with someone. To use your example with the oranges, imagine if a driver did that to someone about to have a mastectomy? Obviously the driver wouldn't have a clue, but it has the potential to cause great upset to the customer. So as I said before, stick to the weather etc.

I think people are just trying to be friendly. Sometimes it's misguided or doesn't go down well, but I would rather people have a conversation and a bit of a joke around. It makes life bearable and not just miserable and masked and antisocial as the world is becoming. I've had a delivery driver comment that my toddler had too many bananas to eat and would turn into a banana! Another comment if all the chocolate was just for one of my children (my eldest so only one still awake on a later evening delivery, who isn't a big chocolate fan!) I've had them comment on how heavy all that fizzy water was (I replied yeah, I have been thinking of getting a soda stream sorry!) Another asking if we were having a party because I bought a crate of fizzy drink cans (nope all for me!)

At least all those were food related! I have had strangers ask me all kinds of fairly personal questions in parks, at cafes, at the library, on public transport etc. And tell me their life stories! Not to mention the women's loos on a night out or the smoking area of a night club! I miss the usual social interactions. The world is becoming sterile (necessary!) but also antisocial (unnecessary). I miss talking to strangers. It's fun.

Don't seem the problem here at all 🤷‍♂️.

[quote HollyCarrot]@sparklesocks I'm not saying he was horrible bastard or anything, I'm saying they are best off to avoid that kind of small talk when they don't know what's going on with someone. To use your example with the oranges, imagine if a driver did that to someone about to have a mastectomy? Obviously the driver wouldn't have a clue, but it has the potential to cause great upset to the customer. So as I said before, stick to the weather etc.[/quote]
My point was that you’re equating all small talk as equally offensive. Saying ‘well what if...’ and creating an imaginary scenario is not relevant, because he didn’t say that. It’s just a strawman.

And I wasn’t suggesting a driver would literally do that...it was an example of an irrelevant hypothetical which was more offensive than the actual event.

Actually throw away remarks from strangers can trigger complexes in kids. Probably not in 99 % of cases, but that doesn't mean it's OK for the delivery guy to make the comment. Its not really a wise move to comment on customer choices either. Wonder if he'd have said it if a father rather than mother had answered the door.

@Maryjane3227

Actually throw away remarks from strangers can trigger complexes in kids. Probably not in 99 % of cases, but that doesn't mean it's OK for the delivery guy to make the comment. Its not really a wise move to comment on customer choices either. Wonder if he'd have said it if a father rather than mother had answered the door.

A school friend of mine developed anorexia in part due to a throwaway comment like this. She had it for years, thankfully recovered but people (adults especially) should understand that words have consequences.

To use your example with the oranges, imagine if a driver did that to someone about to have a mastectomy?

This is getting ridiculous now!

@sparklesocks I'm absolutely not saying all small talk is offensive. But I think it's best to stick to very general topics rather than telling random children they're going to get fat. It's completely speaking out of turn and totally unnecessary. Weather/ news would be much easier/ safer.

@LadyCottingham

To use your example with the oranges, imagine if a driver did that to someone about to have a mastectomy?

This is getting ridiculous now!

In what way? If it were me, I could well imagine feeling extremely upset. There would be no need to do it in the first place. And don't get me wrong, I'm sure I've put my foot in it like that a thousand times, but surely when someone is at work they can just keep it very light?

A worker of a hotel said the same to me at a buffet, I laughed it off but it stuck with me.

@HollyCarrot

I think PP was saying we could all extend the metaphor to a silly place. As you comparing the chocolate remark to a driver chatting about sanitary products was a stretch, so too would be comparing it to someone holding up oranges. Both are extremely unlikely and would very clearly be weird. The chocolate remark, while misjudged, isn't as outlandish or unlikely a comment in real life and is therefore less shocking.