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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to leave partner who doesn’t wear seatbelt

119 replies

Rottiemum4102 · 04/12/2020 23:12

Maybe so petty.

Do I want to really marry a man who won’t even consider his own life? It drives me mental, even with my car that sounds an alarm he leaves to the last minute.

We’ve had a huge bust up tonight, and I’ve even said maybe my dad would still be here if he wore a fucking seatbelt !

Should I consider marriage and serious commitment with a man that doesn’t even value his own/others lives on the road?

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 04/12/2020 23:13

It’s weird he doesn’t want to wear one - what’s his issue with it?

I don’t think it’s a small thing, it shows quite a reckless approach which could be indicative of other risks he takes/will take in life. But also it’s a weird hill to die on, it’s such an easy thing to do?

LawnFever · 04/12/2020 23:14

You can leave a relationship for whatever reason you want, this can be your deal breaker if you want it to be and that’s fine

Does he really understand how badly this annoys you? To the point you could leave him?

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/12/2020 23:14

You can leave for any reason you like. Feeling regularly enraged is good enough.

DianeChambers · 04/12/2020 23:15

I agree it isn't petty. It shows his attitude. Would he have the same attitude towards correct seatbelts / carseats with a baby?

musicalfrog · 04/12/2020 23:15

If he won't do this for himself he's unlikely to do it for any children you may have in the future. Not worth the risk and your worry.

SnowyJungle · 04/12/2020 23:16

His life, yes....

But others on the road?
Yes ok, if his in the back seat, he could kill the front seat passenger but if his in the front?

My parter doesnt wear one but always drives.

Would you leave him if he smoked? Drunk?
Same thing really

GlowingOrb · 04/12/2020 23:16

Definitely speaks to his values.
It’s also a red flag for co-parenting if that is a path you plan to go down.

PicsInRed · 04/12/2020 23:19

Do you want your kids to have a thick father?

SnowyJungle · 04/12/2020 23:19

People saying he wouldnt strap a baby / child into a car because he doesnt wear a seatbelt himself

Its completely different

Someone smokes... Damaging to health, is he going to stick a cigarette in the childs mouth, ofcourse not.

He drinks, Is he going to put vodka in the babies bottle, no!!!!

For goodness sake people, Just because he doesnt wear a seatbelt, it does not mean he wouldn't strap a baby into a car seat!!!!

SirMoanalot · 04/12/2020 23:22

Do whatever you want to do..i would think he is an irresponsible dick and would not even date him.

Hangingover · 04/12/2020 23:22

This is so odd. Why doesn't he?

electronVolt · 04/12/2020 23:24

To the pp who says it won’t matter if he is in the front seat without a seatbelt...Watch this

Now imagine being in the passenger seat with an unsecured 90kg male flying towards you.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 04/12/2020 23:24

On the one hand.... If he is only risking his own life... But he isn't is he? ... He's also risking you being widowed prematurely and any kids fatherless.

Utterly thoughtless to do it, if your Dad was killed in an RTA... Enraging. I'm sure for me, in those circs. And probably oul

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 04/12/2020 23:25

PS and would probably tip me over into LTB....

Thewinterofdiscontent · 04/12/2020 23:31

Do I want to really marry a man who won’t even consider his own life?

Yes, if you have a happy relationship, enjoy life together and see yourself growing together.

To me, the fine would be the biggest worry. I can’t get worked up about risking life. I agree with Clarksons quote that steering wheels should have massive spikes sticking out, not seat belts. Watch the traffic slow right down.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 04/12/2020 23:33

Someone smokes... Damaging to health, is he going to stick a cigarette in the childs mouth, ofcourse not.

He drinks, Is he going to put vodka in the babies bottle, no!!!!

He smokes: second hand smoke kills.
He drinks: will he fall asleep and drop/suffocate the baby.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt: will he be a projectile that smashes against the baby seat in an accident.

HeddaGarbled · 04/12/2020 23:36

It sounds like he does wear the seatbelt but doesn’t put it on until the last minute. Is that right?

lurker101 · 04/12/2020 23:42

You’re not unreasonable at all. I still remember watching this advert on tv as a child, I think of it often
m.youtube.com/watch?v=epTdI-9V6Jk

AlwaysLatte · 04/12/2020 23:57

When you say 'last minute' is it as he's driving away from the house? But he does put it in when he gets the main road? I do that too.

Griselda1 · 05/12/2020 00:20

I used to be in a relationship with a man who didn't wear a seatbelt, he went as far as paying his gp to give him an exemption certificate. His only reason was that he thought no one should tell him what to do.
He also was financially reckless and was declared bankrupt. The inability to wear a seatbelt may seem minor but I think it shows a negative attitude.

DianeChambers · 05/12/2020 08:18

@SnowyJungle

People saying he wouldnt strap a baby / child into a car because he doesnt wear a seatbelt himself

Its completely different

Someone smokes... Damaging to health, is he going to stick a cigarette in the childs mouth, ofcourse not.

He drinks, Is he going to put vodka in the babies bottle, no!!!!

For goodness sake people, Just because he doesnt wear a seatbelt, it does not mean he wouldn't strap a baby into a car seat!!!!

He doesnt need to stick the cigarette in the baby’s mouth for the baby to be affected by his smoking though. Him smoking near the baby is enough to impact the baby’s health, even lead to increased risk of cot death.

Does your partner also smoke?

And yes I certainly would have left a smoker. I wouldnt have even got to the second date.

Oysterbabe · 05/12/2020 08:23

Yanbu. He could kill himself and anyone else in the car. There isn't a single good reason not to wear one.

Oysterbabe · 05/12/2020 08:28

@SnowyJungle

His life, yes....

But others on the road?
Yes ok, if his in the back seat, he could kill the front seat passenger but if his in the front?

My parter doesnt wear one but always drives.

Would you leave him if he smoked? Drunk?
Same thing really

Your partner is an arsehole. Just so you know.
PegasusReturns · 05/12/2020 08:33

If you don’t wear a seatbelt you’re a danger to others in the car.

It smacks of the bravado you see in a particular type of male teen: trying to be the “big I am”. It’s cringey, I’d actually find it embarrassing.

Sushi123 · 05/12/2020 08:39

Yanbu...there is something wrong and horribly selfish with his thought process.