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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to leave partner who doesn’t wear seatbelt

119 replies

Rottiemum4102 · 04/12/2020 23:12

Maybe so petty.

Do I want to really marry a man who won’t even consider his own life? It drives me mental, even with my car that sounds an alarm he leaves to the last minute.

We’ve had a huge bust up tonight, and I’ve even said maybe my dad would still be here if he wore a fucking seatbelt !

Should I consider marriage and serious commitment with a man that doesn’t even value his own/others lives on the road?

OP posts:

Sexnotgender · 05/12/2020 08:41

He sounds like a selfish immature dick. No I wouldn’t marry one of them.

ProfessorSlocombe · 05/12/2020 08:49

I'll be the first to say that it's a legal requirement.

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 05/12/2020 08:59

Leave him op. Trust your gut instinct and give yourself a pat on the back. There are some women on MN who put up with any old shit, I know it's skewed but sometimes it's so depressing to read, like the woman who thinks it's fine. They're her low standards and low boundaries, but you have higher ones and you know it's not justifiable and is probably indicative of the entitled manchild he actually is.

DreadingSeason2020sFinale · 05/12/2020 09:01

@SnowyJungle

His life, yes....

But others on the road?
Yes ok, if his in the back seat, he could kill the front seat passenger but if his in the front?

My parter doesnt wear one but always drives.

Would you leave him if he smoked? Drunk?
Same thing really

This.

My DH travels to work in a car pool and one very big fella doesn't wear a seatbelt. I've told DH he's not to sit in front of him, a possible 17 stone projectile in a high speed crash! And when BIL won't put his seatbelt on I don't drive away. I'll sit and wait until it just gets awkward and he puts his belt on.

To me not putting a seatbelt on is akin to littering. There is no good fucking reason for it and yes, it does piss me off.

I would definitely question a relationship where one partner does something regularly for no reason that enrages the other.

Lonecatwithkitten · 05/12/2020 09:03

Only you can decide if it's a deal breaker for you, it would be for me.

Tamingofthehamster · 05/12/2020 09:04

Would be a dealbreaker for me too, and I certainly wouldn’t have kids with him.

user1493413286 · 05/12/2020 09:06

I wouldn’t travel in the car with him; the force of his body flying into you could be fatal. Also just seems really immature and if he was seriously injured I doubt insurance would cover him.

Warsawa31 · 05/12/2020 09:06

It's societal attitudes really, in many parts of the world they don't wear seatbelts or helmets when riding bikes. I've seen families including babies on a motorbike....

However as previous people have said you can leave for whatever reason you want.

Dozer · 05/12/2020 09:06

Deal breaker for dating let alone marriage!

Chances are if you had DC he’d have some odd attitudes about parenting too, leading to high conflict.

GabriellaMontez · 05/12/2020 09:07

Not at all? Or he's slow to put it on?

Porcupineinwaiting · 05/12/2020 09:09

Seems like a typical arsehole alert to me. I'm sure if you scratch the surface there'll be many reasons you shouldn't marry him.

DreadingSeason2020sFinale · 05/12/2020 09:12

It smacks of "arrogant arsehole" to me. It would put me right off.

Scarlettpixie · 05/12/2020 09:13

This would be a dealbreaker for me too. I wouldn’t travel in a car with someone who refused to wear a seatbelt. I am assuming he wears one in your car because he is reminded by the beep but doesn’t in his or others. Last minute I would find annoying but be ok with, not doing it I would ltb. Its illegal and its unsafe. Why does he not wear one?

AliMonkey · 05/12/2020 09:15

Don’t marry him:
He is selfish as could hurt you or others as well as himself.
He is selfish to do it despite knowing it upsets you because of your dad.
Would he be similarly dangerous with other things, particularly if you had kids?
He regularly breaks the law - would he also be ok with breaking other laws?
He can’t be very intelligent if he thinks this is a good idea.

BaileysAndIceForOneplease · 05/12/2020 09:16

What is his reason for this behaviour? If it is that he doesn't like being told what to do, that's a red flag for me. That's years ahead of random "don't tell me what to do" attitude, which can be really wearing to live with as it comes over petulant and selfish.

Newkitchen123 · 05/12/2020 09:16

Your dad died as a result of a crash and he won't wear a seat belt?
Smacks of arrogance... It won't happen to me. Also total lack of respect for your feelings

Brunt0n · 05/12/2020 09:20

I wouldn’t even go on a second date with someone so stupid. The previous posters saying their husbands don’t wear one, I hope you know you’ve married a dickhead and I hope you haven’t bred 😑

Drbrowns · 05/12/2020 09:23

I wouldn’t be with him, and I definitely wouldn’t travel in a car with someone not wearing a seat belt. There was an ad years ago about not wearing sealtbelts and it should how one guy not wearing his managed to either kill or badly injure three others in the car who where all wearing their seatbelts.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/12/2020 09:24

You can end a relationship for whatever reason you choose. It sounds as though he wouldn’t wear a seatbelt if it the car didn’t beep. This sounds like your red line.

lottiegarbanzo · 05/12/2020 09:28

Trust your instincts. You feel uncomfortable about this. If it's made you feel uncomfortable about him, then it's probably because it's indicative of bigger, longer term issues. About his attitude to life more generally.

I think it may be a case of 'buy in haste, repent at leisure'. You may not be able to foresee exactly how this attitude will play out over time and what problems it will cause but you know that it will.

lottiegarbanzo · 05/12/2020 09:29

So I'd be focusing outwards from the attitude, not inwards on the minutiae of seat-belt use.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 05/12/2020 09:31

I won't move the car if people haven't got a seat belt on. If someone refuses they aren't coming in my car.

I wouldn't be with a man who is unlikely to make children out seat belts on. He sounds like a selfish dick tbh

MojoMoon · 05/12/2020 09:33

I bet he drives like an idiot too.

Speeding, close passing, looking at his phone?

I dumped someone because they gave me a lift home and drove like an idiot, nearly knocking a cyclist over. Was a very clear insight into what sort of person they actually were!

Listen to his actions not his words

HollowTalk · 05/12/2020 09:35

I won't move the car if people haven't got a seat belt on. If someone refuses they aren't coming in my car.

I'm the same. But OP, if your dad died in a RTA then this man is being incredibly thoughtless.

Hahaha88 · 05/12/2020 09:40

I genuinely don't understand why someone would not wear their seat belt?!

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