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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to leave partner who doesn’t wear seatbelt

119 replies

Rottiemum4102 · 04/12/2020 23:12

Maybe so petty.

Do I want to really marry a man who won’t even consider his own life? It drives me mental, even with my car that sounds an alarm he leaves to the last minute.

We’ve had a huge bust up tonight, and I’ve even said maybe my dad would still be here if he wore a fucking seatbelt !

Should I consider marriage and serious commitment with a man that doesn’t even value his own/others lives on the road?

OP posts:
Disappointedkoala · 05/12/2020 09:55

I checked and it's been the law to wear a seatbelt in any seat of a car since 1991 except in very specific circumstances. What year does your partner live in?

I couldn't cope with that level of idiocy so I'd be binning him off.

aModernClassic · 05/12/2020 09:55

If you love someone you wouldn't go against their wishes in this way. He would do it because he knows it's important to you. Even if it was just while you were driving together.
It's dangerous to other road users, as his body will go flying out of the car and could hit another car or person, harming them too. So it's not just him that could get hurt or die, it's others, including yourself.

Complete deal breaker for me.

zigaziga · 05/12/2020 09:59

@SnowyJungle

People saying he wouldnt strap a baby / child into a car because he doesnt wear a seatbelt himself

Its completely different

Someone smokes... Damaging to health, is he going to stick a cigarette in the childs mouth, ofcourse not.

He drinks, Is he going to put vodka in the babies bottle, no!!!!

For goodness sake people, Just because he doesnt wear a seatbelt, it does not mean he wouldn't strap a baby into a car seat!!!!

Smoking damages other people too though. Anyone you live with for starters.

Everyone has known for a long time that babies are more likely to die from cot death if a parent smokes, even if no one smokes in the house.

Not wearing a seatbelt would make me question how conscientious that person would be with a baby seat.

insancerre · 05/12/2020 10:02

Op, I know how you feel and I’m sorry for the loss of your dad
My son doesn’t wear a seat belt either and it really worries me, especially as my brother died in a car accident at 17. He was a rear passenger and wasn’t wearing a self belt as in 1988 it wasn’t the law and many cars didn’t have them
I don’t understate why some people don’t wear them, but then I guess they haven’t had the grief and heartache of losing someone when it could have been so easily prevented

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 05/12/2020 10:04

Are we in the 1970’s?

BogRollBOGOF · 05/12/2020 10:11

@lottiegarbanzo

So I'd be focusing outwards from the attitude, not inwards on the minutiae of seat-belt use.
This is the crux of it.

Is it a control issue that he's above the law and society's expectations.
Is it a control thing of your feelings.

It is likely that this attitude will increasingly manifest in different and increasingly wearing ways into the future, especially if married and with children. It's not an easy type to co-parent with after separation either.

lottiegarbanzo · 05/12/2020 10:16

People I've met who are like this about rules and 'freedoms' have been bolshy twits who think they're being edgy, individual, entrepreneurial, captains of their own destiny, by subverting the system, ignoring 'petty red tape' and living to the beat of their own drum. They're generally irritating, ineffectual, hard to get one with (so inevitably work for themselves) and end up causing themselves endless problems by stubbornly insisting on working around the system, instead of taking the easier, legitimate route.

I may be drawing upon too few examples to be relevant to you there OP!

PandemicPalava · 05/12/2020 10:19

This would really bother me. I would think it likely he wouldn't be as safety conscious if we had children

AntiHop · 05/12/2020 10:20

It is making me stressed just thinking about it. I couldn't live my life with someone so reckless and selfish, and I would worry about what he would be like as a parent.

MoiraNotRuby · 05/12/2020 10:20

I've done first aid on someone who didn't wear a seat belt. Did everything I could, but he died. It was horrible.

I now couldn't be in a car with anyone not properly strapped in.

Ginfordinner · 05/12/2020 10:35

It's societal attitudes really, in many parts of the world they don't wear seatbelts or helmets when riding bikes. I've seen families including babies on a motorbike....

I don’t think that is relevant to this thread really.

My partner doesn’t wear one but always drives

Why not @SnowyJungle?

When you say 'last minute' is it as he's driving away from the house? But he does put it in when he gets to the main road? I do that too

Why don’t you put it on first @AlwaysLatte? It only takes a second.

I won't move the car if people haven't got a seat belt on. If someone refuses, they aren't coming in my car

Same here

Regularsizedrudy · 05/12/2020 10:38

@SnowyJungle smoking and drinking isn’t illegal

amusedbush · 05/12/2020 10:40

DH always wears a seatbelt but he faffs about for ages so I won’t move until he’s clipped in. Thankfully he doesn’t drive so I don’t need to worry about him forgetting!

The first thing I do before I even switch on the ignition is put my belt on.

Lasttraintolondon · 05/12/2020 10:43

There should be no free NHS care for those injured in a car accident whilst not wearing a seat belt. A few news stories about the hundred grand the medical care costs might see attitudes change.

2bazookas · 05/12/2020 11:06

DP knows that your dad died in car, not wearing seatbelt, yes? Then he knows why its such a huge issue to you that DP doesn't wear one. And he just doesn't give a toss about your fears, anxieties, loss, painful memories etc. In fact, he uses the seatbelt issue as a weapon to mock and antagonise and upset you.

That cruelty and disregard are the opposite of love, kindness, empathy, respect , support.

Why on earth do you stay with a man who treats you like that?

CakeRequired · 05/12/2020 11:13

I'm not even sure why you kept dating him to be honest. Surely you've known about this for a long time if you're considering marrying the moron?

First time he didn't put a seat belt on, I'd have told to stop the car and got out, and then phoned the police. He's a selfish prick who doesn't care about anyone else and deserves to be fined. You by not telling the police are just allowing him to potentially hurt or kill someone. Can you live with that? I couldn't.

You know it's happening, and you know he won't stop. Dump the moron and tell the police.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 05/12/2020 11:21

Is he aware that his insurance won’t pay out in the event of an accident? If you are driving they won’t either. It is the responsibility of the driver to ensure passengers have their seat belts on. If he sustains life changing injuries there would be no pay out from insurance for care and equipment. Beyond irresponsible.

Oysterbabe · 05/12/2020 11:46

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

Is he aware that his insurance won’t pay out in the event of an accident? If you are driving they won’t either. It is the responsibility of the driver to ensure passengers have their seat belts on. If he sustains life changing injuries there would be no pay out from insurance for care and equipment. Beyond irresponsible.
He would still be paid out if it was someone else's fault. His award would be reduced by 25% though.
ohwhatamiserableyear · 05/12/2020 11:49

Imagine having children with him. Children will soon clock he doesn't wear a seatbelt and fight against wearing them themselves.

If you're driving him anywhere when he's not wearing a seatbelt, btw, you get a ticket for it.

Brighterthansunflowers · 05/12/2020 11:52

I can’t think why any rational person wouldn’t wear a seatbelt. If they’re irrational and have no regard for their own safety and the safety of others, WHY would anyone trust that they would ensure a child’s safety? I certainly wouldn’t!

YANBU

FippertyGibbett · 05/12/2020 11:54

No. You can’t trust him to put a seatbelt on any children.

billy1966 · 05/12/2020 11:56

I couldn't marry stupid and I sure as hell couldn't have children with stupid.

Move on OP.

Flowers
HaudMaDug · 05/12/2020 11:57

The seatbelt warning alarm would be enough for me. My handbag sets off the passenger seat alarm so I have to belt my bag in to stop the bloody racket. A grown ass adult (idiot) who refuses to wear one would not be getting a lift from me as its the drivers responsibility to ensure they are carrying passengers correctly.

Ginfordinner · 05/12/2020 11:58

If you're driving him anywhere when he's not wearing a seatbelt, btw, you get a ticket for it.

I don't think that's true. I did a bit of googling to check. The driver is responsible for anyone under 18 wearing a seatbelt, but not for adult passengers.

Highway code

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 05/12/2020 12:02

Presumably he wore a seatbelt to pass a driving test? He didn't have the courage of his convictions to argue with the examiner.

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