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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL wanting to break the rules at Christmas

148 replies

Trousersareoverrated · 04/12/2020 22:28

PIL are planning to ignore the Covid rules over Christmas and see DHs siblings families indoors. The announced they are coming to ours for Boxing Day. I have said no way if we are still in tier 2. DH has been very good at sticking to the rules and the rest of his family haven’t been great. His dad is clinically vulnerable and I am pregnant so officially clinically vulnerable (although that is more of a precaution so I am not too worried).

AIBU? DH is very unhappy about not being able to see his family over Christmas and thinks that one day won’t matter. It’s only me who is saying no and he’s upset with me but will obviously respect my wishes.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 04/12/2020 23:16

If I were you I’d say you want to see them on the 23rd ( or whatever day the “allowed” window starts in your after) instead. That way they come to you first and you aren’t breaking any rules. If they then add to the number of people they see that’s not on you.

Redlocks28 · 04/12/2020 23:22

The announced they are coming to ours for Boxing Day

People can’t announce they are coming to someone’s house for Xmas, surely? That’s so CF!

If your DH disagrees though, that isn’t easy.

PanamaPattie · 04/12/2020 23:29

Why do people put up with family members "announcing" they are going to visit? Just say no. It's ill mannered and displays a dreadful sense of entitlement. I wouldn't dream of telling anyone I'm just going to turn up whether they like it or not. CFs.

CeibaTree · 04/12/2020 23:37

I don't get it - you are 'allowed' to mix indoors for 5 days at Christmas. Fair enough if you don't feel comfortable, but your PiLs won't be breaking any rules 🤷🏻‍♀️

Heyahun · 04/12/2020 23:38

This shit is driving me mad - adults sulking because they can’t drop in for a drink over the Christmas break - or can’t have a turkey with a big gang for one fucking year!

I’m the same as you op - pregnant and plan on a quiet one at home with my husband this year rather than risking it! I’d just say no to them coming around - he can see them again soon

LouiseTrees · 04/12/2020 23:39

@CeibaTree

I don't get it - you are 'allowed' to mix indoors for 5 days at Christmas. Fair enough if you don't feel comfortable, but your PiLs won't be breaking any rules 🤷🏻‍♀️
In my response I was assuming it’s because the OPs partner has multiple siblings and therefore they’d be visiting more households than the allowed limit ( which I think is 3 or 4 here)
ODFODXmas · 04/12/2020 23:40

@CeibaTree

I don't get it - you are 'allowed' to mix indoors for 5 days at Christmas. Fair enough if you don't feel comfortable, but your PiLs won't be breaking any rules 🤷🏻‍♀️
There’s a limit on number of households. Hmm
PickAChew · 04/12/2020 23:41

It's more complicated because your dh isn't going to play ball. You need to be unavailable but that won't help, really, anyhow.

PickAChew · 04/12/2020 23:42

@CeibaTree

I don't get it - you are 'allowed' to mix indoors for 5 days at Christmas. Fair enough if you don't feel comfortable, but your PiLs won't be breaking any rules 🤷🏻‍♀️
Then you need to learn to read.
CeibaTree · 04/12/2020 23:49

@PickAChew alright no need to be a douche bag, it wasn't entirely clear from the OP how many households were involved. But hope you feel pleased with your oh-so-amusing pithy one liner Hmm

Heyahun · 04/12/2020 23:51

It doesn’t matter how many households are involved / mixing ! It’s a stupid policy and it’s not totally safe to mix with even one house tbh - but of course it’s legally allowed and people are welcome to mix with who they want - sounds like the op would rather not mix with anyone and stay safe and that should be respected too

PickAChew · 05/12/2020 00:05

[quote CeibaTree]@PickAChew alright no need to be a douche bag, it wasn't entirely clear from the OP how many households were involved. But hope you feel pleased with your oh-so-amusing pithy one liner Hmm[/quote]
The government website is quite clear about 3 households.

LouiseTrees · 05/12/2020 00:09

Seriously OP compromise could be they come on the 23rd but that just so happens to be when you are in the kitchen cooking something for Christmas Day when they are in the living room, upstairs wrapping something or feeling sick/lying down because pregnancy is so tiring when they are in the kitchen

Original poster
Trousersareoverrated · 05/12/2020 06:16

Thanks for the responses. Yes it would be breaking the rules as you are allowed a 3 household bubble and they are already planning to spend the day with DHs sister and her family on 23rd and his brother and his family on Christmas Day. They knew they were welcome on Boxing Day under tier 1 restrictions but said they were coming anyway even if we are in tier 2 which doesn’t allow indoor mixing outside of the 3 household Christmas bubble.

DH has told them that I’m not comfortable with that and they have said they understand but I know they all think I’m in the wrong and DH feels like I’m spoiling Christmas by not allowing him to see his family when they are all just going to see each other regardless of the rules.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 05/12/2020 06:54

I would think you tell them you’re not going to see them at all. Or you swap with his sister.... their choice to break the 3 families rule after you’ve seen them. Idk if anyone else is vulnerable but putting a pregnant woman bottom of the pile is rubbish.

luckylavender · 05/12/2020 06:55

The tier system is irrelevant for the 5 Christmas Day period, the 3 day household max is the rule.

Honeyhoops · 05/12/2020 07:00

@Trousersareoverrated
So if you were in tier 1 you'd be happy for them to visit?

emilybrontescorsett · 05/12/2020 07:03

They have said they are coming by anyway, really?
I'd not put up with that covid or not.

What is wrong with people. We are going to be in this situation forever with idiots like this. Covid, and all viruses for that matter, do not respect Christmas. Stick to your guns op.

user1493413286 · 05/12/2020 07:07

It’s one year - do what makes you comfortable. You could meet them for a walk on Boxing Day so you see each other

Original poster
Trousersareoverrated · 05/12/2020 07:29

My understanding is that in tier 1 you can still have up to 6 people gathering inside as well as having the additional Christmas bubble. So yes, I would be happy with that if within the guidelines.

They haven’t said they will come now I have said no but I’m being made to feel like I am the one who is in the wrong. FIL has a medical condition that means he can’t walk for any distance (not severe enough to need a wheelchair) so we could go and sit with them somewhere outside weather permitting but they wanted to spend the whole of Boxing Day with us and see the kids open their presents. Of course I understand that they are desperate to spend quality time with their grandchildren but like millions of other families across the world it just isn’t safe to do so this year.

OP posts:
Honeyhoops · 05/12/2020 07:47

@Trousersareoverrated

I just wondered re the tiers as I wasn't sure if you weren't happy for them to visit due to you being worried about Covid, with you being pregnant.

If the reason you won't allow them is purely to stick to the "rules" and you would have let them visit if in in Tier 1 then I actually think YABU.

Oblomov20 · 05/12/2020 07:57

How are they breaking guidelines? Is it because they meet sister, then brother, then OP, that is 4, rather then 3?

Can't they just go for a walk with OP. Then that's within guidelines isn't it?

Creatingausername · 05/12/2020 08:14

I've read the government website for rules over Christmas and I don't understand it the way you do OP regarding tiers. My understanding is the tier system is obsolete between 23rd and 28th Dec and only your Christmas bubble applies during that time regardless of what tier you were in prior so you wouldn't be able to have a separate gathering with up to 6 as well as the Christmas bubble in tier 1 at all.

Squirrelblanket · 05/12/2020 08:21

I agree with @Honeyhoops.

The virus doesn't know about tiers. You are either worried about the virus or you're not.

You seem to be focussed instead on 'the rules'. No wonder you sound unreasonable.

Original poster
Trousersareoverrated · 05/12/2020 08:45

We are in tier 2 because the Covid numbers are higher in our area than when we were in tier 1 and therefore there is higher risk so yes I would be happy to have them if the risk was lower. Is that wrong?

OP posts:
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