Is it okay for parents to call teachers by first name?

[thisisnot]

Hi,

At my child's previous school we referred to all the teachers by their first name, and they signed off with the same (in emails etc.).

But in this new school, despite the email address including the first name, the teacher always signs off as Mrs last name - even when I have sent the initial email with her first name.

I also sign off with my first name and she responds "hi mrs last name".

What is going on here? Is it wrong for me to call her by her first name? I don't want to be rude so I will stop if I am being unreasonable.

It just feels odd calling them mrs, but I understand there may be some etiquette I have missed.

I also don't like being referred to as mrs, but not to the degree that I would bother correcting anyone. Just not something I would use myself.

Please let me know what you think!

Some posters on here have serious issues with teachers I can only imagine it is due to a traumatic event in their own school during childhood but it is sad to think that they still feel that way into adulthood.

and we still manage to remain professional and keep control of ourselves...how do we do it?

If I was a lawyer and you emailed me or rang me because you needed my services and you addressed me as Bob then I wouldn't think you were professional at all.
Even debt collectors will address you in a formal way.

But seeing as you have changed your mind on your job title I'm not sure I believe the rest of what you say now anyway which would make more sense.

Oh good. Another thinly veiled teacher bashing thread.

Disrespectful that teachers can call kids by their first names but not the other way round?

God I love this site.

Primary .. if they called it was first and last name. I always replied Mrs/Mr ....

I am friends with one teachers Dad so knew my name but it was always Mrs ..

High school children use first names so i do too.

Isnt it obvious? The teacher is in a position of authority towards your child therefore the use of a polite/formal mode of address indicating that the teacher is not your child's peer.

Following on from that, you are contacting them with regard to your child & in reference to their role in a position of authority in relation to your child, therefore it follows naturally that you would address them in a formal manner & also consistently with how they are known to your child.

In an office environment people dont always use Mrs & Mr, however it's very common for official correspondence in my field to be addressed to Dear Sir or Dear Madam

it seems very deliberately disrespectful to me that children can’t use the teachers first name but the teacher can use the child’s first name..

It's nothing to do with reflect. The teacher holds a position of authority. They are not your child's peer.

@toocold54

and we still manage to remain professional and keep control of ourselves...how do we do it?

If I was a lawyer and you emailed me or rang me because you needed my services and you addressed me as Bob then I wouldn't think you were professional at all.
Even debt collectors will address you in a formal way.

But seeing as you have changed your mind on your job title I'm not sure I believe the rest of what you say now anyway which would make more sense.

I'm not sure you have ever contacted other professionals on a regular basis when you think I'd email my lawyer and address them by title, it certainly wouldn't be usual in this century. I don't mind if you believe me or not - why would it matter? 😂

I’m on first name terms with my DCs teachers and SLT, it wouldn’t occur to be to address them any other way, but them address me more formally. They’re my kids teachers, not mine.

I think it is just showing professionalism and respect for their job. My kids see a teacher from their school in a social setting and call him by his first name then. But at school he is Mr Jones. They also see teachers in passing at events/clubs but as we are only passing and don't spend time with them, refer to them as Mr Bloggs etc I really can not see what the fuss is about of an adult wanting to maintain a professional manner with the parents of kids. They are in a job and you are their client/customer

At my son's school, the entire teaching body including the head go by first names (or even nicknames) to everyone: students, parents, and in all school communication. The school - quite rightly, I think - deem that titles are largely outdated, and certainly irrelevant to learning. So for example, the head teacher is called something like Natasha but signs off all her emails with Tash, and the kids call out 'hi Tash' when they pass her in the yard or pop into her office to ask her something. I absolutely love this approach and hope it spreads more widely. My nine year old has literally never referred to anyone as Mr/Ms in his life. It's the way of the future!

Ds's teacher uses first names, so I do...it would seem clunky when she's emailing, 'Hi Hazey...' Other staff it's usually surnames, so I use what is acceptable depending on who I'm contacting.

Our GP and dentist are first names too, and it is a mixed bag with ds's Drs - others surnames. I don't think there are hard and fast rules.

I've never addressed a doctor by their first name in my life! Only ever Dr x, Dr y.

I would expect to refer to a nurse as Nurse or perhaps Sister or Matron as appropriate.

Depends on the school and your relationship with them. Always, on first name terms with the boys' teachers. Ds1 spent some years at a quaker school, so it was mandatory!

I have no problem at all with calling teachers by their surnames, but I find this ...They are in a job and you are their client/customer ...a strange way of looking at it!

It might be old fashioned I think it is respectful.
Teachers are professionals I'm not sure why these threads go downhill or why anyone would want to be a teacher in the UK with the lack of funding, lack of respect, treated like a childcare worker, paying for class stationary from your own pocket.
Some posters often knock RC schools in Ireland at least they let you make your own decisions with reason for your own DC.
Between policing lunch boxes, fines, understandable if a DC brought sweets daily or missed a lot of time.
All above before Covid19 no masks, little social distancing the list goes on.
I hope all you tired teachers are looking forward to the Christmas break.

It’s just how you talk politely to people you don’t know well in a professional situation. Lighten up!

This ^

And this

you are contacting them with regard to your child & in reference to their role in a position of authority in relation to your child, therefore it follows naturally that you would address them in a formal manner & also consistently with how they are known to your child

Sorry, Can't remember who asked me if I call my hairdresser Mrs Hairdresser as she isn't my friend - I can't really help there, as she is my friend. So is my cleaner - she was my friend before she became my cleaner. However, I would say 'Mr Builder' / Plumber / Electrician / etc, until such a time as they specifically invited me to call them 'Bob' or Jane or John. I don't know them socially, and my only connection is professional, so my thinking is that is my default way of addressing someone, until they ask me to call them by their first name.
Same as I expect my bank or estate agent, or, indeed builder to call me MrsforGood, until such a point when I choose to invite them to use my first name.

@wonderstuff

Completely agree op, at 6th form college as a student I used teachers first names, it was still professional. But it seems very important to some, had a teach in one school i worked at who insisted on the kids addressing him Dr., surgeons don't do that!

That's nothing to do with informality, surgeons have always been Mr. (more recently Mrs./Miss./Ms. too). It's an old tradition dating back to the times when surgeons were people with little training but were handy with a saw.

I'm in good condition all round so I've never met a surgeon but I'm pretty sure that they would still be called Mr./Mrs./Miss/Ms. Bloggs at work.

I wouldn’t unless they asked

I've never addressed a doctor by their first name in my life! Only ever Dr x, Dr y.

I would expect to refer to a nurse as Nurse or perhaps Sister or Matron as appropriate.

This is not current practice at all. Both doctors and nurses in every setting I've ever worked in go by their first name. We still manage to be perfectly professional. While I always check how a patient likes to be called, it is vanishing rare to have anyone ask to be called by title and surname, I can't remember when that last happened.

The primary relationship is between the pupil and teacher, and Ms/Mr whatever are what the children are expected to use, as that is their teacher name. Presumably when parents talk to their child they are happy to use their teacher name and don't refer to them by their first name? As a previous poster mentioned, nobody just decides to call their doctor by their first name, rather than their professional title. If you are contacting a teacher in a professional capacity then why would you just decide to use their first name, just because you are both adults?

I am interested in how often some people seem to email teachers that this is an issue, surely most parents have little need to be in regular contact? Also, in my experience, those parents who email a lot are not people teachers want to be friends with!

I call my cleaner Emma, my dentist Neil, my physio Mobolaji and my accountant Mark. They all call me Janet. This is because we all live in 2020. I call teachers Mr and Mrs Surname if there are children around, otherwise I call them Bridget, Des and Angela. They have all lived to tell the tale.

@thisisnot

Is anyone else just so over titles entirely? I think I may have been thinking about it too much so now it just sounds weird! What even is the point?!

I'd be happy to ditch them. Unless any of you can tell me why I should care for them?

I working school and I hate using titles. Nowhere else in my life am I known as Ms Last name. Nowhere! I think it's incredibly stuffy and feel uncomfortable with it all the time.

I would much rather have the kids and parents use my first name.

I tutor outside of school also and it's so much more comfortable everyone just using first names. I actually feel it's more respectful to me, child and parent!

It's only elderly men and women who generally still prefer to be Mr/Miss/Mrs where I live. And schools...

I call my doctor by her first name.
I call my specialist by his first name.

It's very strange, in 2020, to be using deferential titles.