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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend is a dick or am I jealous?

129 replies

Kellyslab · 03/12/2020 22:27

My friend is going to soon become my ex friend for many many reasons. However I want to know if I am being jealous (I don’t feel that emotion) or if she’s just an arsehole?

She had to move her wedding to next year due to Covid so changed venue. Picked a really expensive (think £1k a night hotel room cheapest) venue. It is stunning. As a result they uninvited a lot of people, they said this was due to cost. The people uninvited include people that paid to go on her hen do (wasn’t cheap!) and can’t get their money back. She has still invited other friends she has become closer to in the past few months (purely due to moving house and change of location but we’ve all known each other through work for 5 years) so it’s not just a numbers issue IYSWIM.

They are from rich families which they love to show off. They were gifted around 50k from parents for the wedding, they also just bought a house for £600k (gifted deposit). Both high earners. Suddenly though they want to uninvite people from the wedding due to cost and they also have made bridesmaids now pay for their dresses due to money.

Now this is the AIBU, they have done this with the excuse of money whilst simultaneously posting to Instagram their brand new expensive handbag (over a grand) and their new £50k Chelsea Tractor. Especially in these times I just find it highly insensitive??? Also so disrespectful to the people who have been uninvited due to “money” yet they’re advertising their wealth?

just to add - I haven’t been uninvited (yet...) and earn the same as her. However don’t come from a rich background and wasn’t privately educated which is a big deal to them.

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 03/12/2020 22:29

You all sound bad tbh.

CushionsandCandles · 03/12/2020 22:29

Sorry but you sound like you deserve one another

Ponoka7 · 03/12/2020 22:34

You need to decline the invitation and leave them to it.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 03/12/2020 22:41

Not up to you or anyone else how the spend their money.

What is a Chelsea tractor?

Also "think 1k a night hotel room"? Is it 1k a night or not? Why the "think"?

livinlavida · 03/12/2020 22:44

You aren't coming across any better tbf

Sinful8 · 03/12/2020 22:46

Well if the hotel is 1k a night per guest 50k isn't going to stretch far is it?

Sinful8 · 03/12/2020 22:46

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Not up to you or anyone else how the spend their money.

What is a Chelsea tractor?

Also "think 1k a night hotel room"? Is it 1k a night or not? Why the "think"?

Chelsea tractor is a big 4x4 car.
Twillow · 03/12/2020 22:47

Yes she's a dick. It's all about money to them. No loyalty. Obviously, this is how people get and stay rich (and why I'm not, but then I'd rather not have a lifestyle that's that superficial!) When you think of the good that could be done with the money used for a single handbag!

Not saying you do feel jealous but how do you never feel that emotion out of interest? It's a skill I'd like to acquire!

Justmuddlingalong · 03/12/2020 22:50

More info please. Are you one of those who've lost money spent on the hen do? Are you a bridesmaid now expected to pay for your dress? Or are you miffed on behalf of everyone else?

Sarahlou63 · 03/12/2020 22:50

It doesn't sound like you like her very much so it's fine to decline the invite and become an 'ex friend'. Probably best to stop following her on social media as well.

thepeopleversuswork · 03/12/2020 22:50

Yes she's a dick but you sound pretty grabby and jealous yourself.

Lie down with dogs, get fleas etc.

DrManhattan · 03/12/2020 22:52

Id say jealous

Janaih · 03/12/2020 22:56

Uninviting people for any other reason than legal restrictions on numbers makes her a monumental dick.
Let her crack on.

Original poster
Kellyslab · 03/12/2020 22:57

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion I didn’t say “I think” I said “think” as in to express the cost of the venue.

They aren’t paying for hotel rooms for the guests, only the normal wedding style room rental in the entertainment but.

I am the bridesmaid and the organiser of the hen. I have had to deal with the very angry people. At first I was sympathetic but now I’m angry.

I know I sound like an absolute twat in this post. I am more than aware. But I am raging about people now being left out of pocket and made to feel like shit because they’re constantly showing off.

I do feel jealousy @Sinful8 but not in this situation I mean. I used to feel the emotion a lot as I grew up really poor surrounded by less poor people and I always wished I could have what they did. Not so much now but I am sure that’s in there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kellyslab · 03/12/2020 22:58

She is actually going to become an ex friend for other reasons I have posted before and everyone told me I was a mug and needed to get rid of her but they’re unrelated to this. I still haven’t manned up, but when I ask her to step down from maid of honour at my wedding, I know she will not want to be my friend.

OP posts:
Twiddlet · 03/12/2020 22:58

I don’t think you sound jealous. I think she sounds awful, thoughtless and materialistic.

Homebody12 · 03/12/2020 23:00

I don’t know why so many PPs think you’re the problem. Do you all treat your friends like this then say they are just jealous? Your friend sounds really selfish, uninviting people to anything is just rude. I’d be careful not to gossip with other friends but quietly let her go as a friend.

AntiHop · 03/12/2020 23:00

She sounds awful

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 03/12/2020 23:01

@Kellyslab, no, people say "think" when they don't want other posters to know exactly what they are talking about. Its annoying any other time but this time it just doesn't make sense.

NoProblem123 · 03/12/2020 23:02

I don’t think you sound jealous and your ‘friend’ is just showing you who she is.
You’ve not seen this before, but now you have you know she’s a dick.

It happens.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 03/12/2020 23:02

I didn't say you did say "I think"

reader12 · 03/12/2020 23:03

Hm it sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do and need to figure out a lot of stuff about boundaries, if you’re a bridesmaid and organising the hen do for someone you clearly don’t like. And you asked her to be maid of honour at your wedding, that’s also weird. Good luck extricating yourself and learning how to live without drama and surround yourself with people you actually like.

Justmuddlingalong · 03/12/2020 23:04

I think if you're getting stick from other people because you organised the hen do and are a bridesmaid, you will have to step down. If the bride ends the friendship and can't see your perspective, then I don't think it's as close a relationship as you thought.

liveitwell · 03/12/2020 23:06

It's poor judgement of her to invite people.

But let's be honest - it's clearly not about money so she must be uninviting people she no longer wants there. Things change. Maybe she doesn't see them as long term friends anymore so why should she pay for them at her wedding?

Has she committed a bit of a social faux pas? Yes. Is it her right to invite people and use budget as the most reasonable excuse? Yes.

Also - maybe the parents have had to reduce what they gave her towards the wedding. Obviously she's not going to announce that but lots of people have had financial impacts from Covid so it's very possible her budget is different, despite her wanting to buy a car and a handbag.

BluebellsGreenbells · 03/12/2020 23:08

I think you’ve just had your eyes open to what’s happening.

In normal times her wedding would’ve been fine. Now you are clearly seeing her true colors and she has no empathy for guests she’s let down and further guests who are expected to from out huge sums just for the privilege.

The money is an issue for those who grew up with nothing, I would feel the same way, it’s extortionate without any thought to those around them.

£1000 a night, I’d turn down the invite. Pay for my own dress, depends ... but all in probably not.