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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend is a dick or am I jealous?

129 replies

Kellyslab · 03/12/2020 22:27

My friend is going to soon become my ex friend for many many reasons. However I want to know if I am being jealous (I don’t feel that emotion) or if she’s just an arsehole?

She had to move her wedding to next year due to Covid so changed venue. Picked a really expensive (think £1k a night hotel room cheapest) venue. It is stunning. As a result they uninvited a lot of people, they said this was due to cost. The people uninvited include people that paid to go on her hen do (wasn’t cheap!) and can’t get their money back. She has still invited other friends she has become closer to in the past few months (purely due to moving house and change of location but we’ve all known each other through work for 5 years) so it’s not just a numbers issue IYSWIM.

They are from rich families which they love to show off. They were gifted around 50k from parents for the wedding, they also just bought a house for £600k (gifted deposit). Both high earners. Suddenly though they want to uninvite people from the wedding due to cost and they also have made bridesmaids now pay for their dresses due to money.

Now this is the AIBU, they have done this with the excuse of money whilst simultaneously posting to Instagram their brand new expensive handbag (over a grand) and their new £50k Chelsea Tractor. Especially in these times I just find it highly insensitive??? Also so disrespectful to the people who have been uninvited due to “money” yet they’re advertising their wealth?

just to add - I haven’t been uninvited (yet...) and earn the same as her. However don’t come from a rich background and wasn’t privately educated which is a big deal to them.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 04/12/2020 12:06

I think you have to message one final time saying you’re not happy with the way things are going/that people are being treated and you feel like you want to step down from bridesmaid duty. This will probably result in her binning you anyway so stepping away won’t be difficult!

billy1966 · 04/12/2020 12:14

She hasn't spoken to you in 5 months.🙄

Isthisnothing · 04/12/2020 12:20

This is crackers, you sound absolutely fine, she sounds horrible.

If you haven't spoken in five months are you sure you're still MOH? Uninviting people is really horrible for any reasons other that covid but then not reimbursing what they spent on the hen do is totally unacceptable. Inviting new guests to replace the old guests is beyond offensive. Choosing a venue that most people won't be able to afford is crass.

Personally I would mail her and tell her it's been too stressful dealing with the fallout from organising the hen do etc, you think it's unfair how she has treated people and will be stepping down from bridesmaid duties.

I would leave it there. If she follows up then no harm attending the wedding as a guest but I wouldn't be chasing her if she froze you out afterwards.

whynotwhen · 04/12/2020 12:45

How are you chief bridesmaid for something who hasn't spoken to you for 5 months? How did she communicate the change of venue to you? Did you just get a new invite? It's all a bit bizarre but yes leave her to it and unfriend if you want

PuppyPlanning · 04/12/2020 12:46

She hasn’t spoken to you for 5 months?!

She’s already an ex friend. Tell her you’re uncomfortable with having to deal with all the people she’s messed around, and as things have progressed it’s become clear that her wedding is not something that you want to be part of.

You’re essentially ex friends already, so just confirm it and move on.

whynotwhen · 04/12/2020 12:46
  • someone. Sorry
1forAll74 · 04/12/2020 12:53

Anyone,like this person you speak of,is not worth knowing at all. All this big time money talk, and posting about everything on social media, is truly showy and sick making. I would need to drop out of this kind of situation altogether.

MatildaTheCat · 04/12/2020 13:24

She’s beaten you to it and dumped you already.

Your dilemma is sorted.

Grin
Ginseng1 · 04/12/2020 13:47

Sounds like you are next for the chop if you not spoken in 5mths. Have some dignity tell her the truth & drop out now & stop following her on social media.

Keratinsmooth · 04/12/2020 13:58

It’s not for you to decide how they spend their money. Politely decline, you will be doing both parties a favour.

Viviennemary · 04/12/2020 14:03

Who are the people who can't get their money back. Money from the hen do or money from the wedding. It's cheeky if people have booked and can't get a refund because there been uninvited.

JorisBonson · 04/12/2020 14:28

Really want to know more about this hotel.

Jobsharenightmare · 04/12/2020 15:05

Maybe she is realising that when it comes to her wedding she would rather have people who she is close to there than acquaintances or long term friends that haven't kept in touch? But it's hard to say, look I'd rather just have the people who mean to most to me there so is blaming money?

Original poster
Kellyslab · 04/12/2020 15:13

@whynotwhen

How are you chief bridesmaid for something who hasn't spoken to you for 5 months? How did she communicate the change of venue to you? Did you just get a new invite? It's all a bit bizarre but yes leave her to it and unfriend if you want
Her husband to be sent the text - he does all the planning and communication.

She is worse at talking to other people, I'm the lucky one. There's a bridesmaid group and she put in it about buying our own dresses.

She is my MOH and I get married before her now, she's not discussed my wedding once... she hasn't responded to my last whatsapp. When we last spoke she said she overwhelmed with whatsapp and speaking to people as she's always been bad at it (except with her fiance)

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 04/12/2020 15:35

easy then just say its obvious you dont want to be moh and tobh neithe do i so lets jut leave it there

WineIsMyMainVice · 04/12/2020 15:57

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Not up to you or anyone else how the spend their money.

What is a Chelsea tractor?

Also "think 1k a night hotel room"? Is it 1k a night or not? Why the "think"?

In my book it’s a Wan*er Tanker!!
CakeRequired · 04/12/2020 16:01

Sounds like she likes the expensive life only. My mum got cut out by a friend who decided that richer people were only who she wanted to associate with. No real loss, they were incredibly boring people anyway.

Buttercream22 · 04/12/2020 16:38

Looks like your next on the cut list!! To be fair, if sounds like it's no great loss!

luckylavender · 04/12/2020 16:48

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion - Chelsea tractor is quite a commonplace expression for a 4x4. And using the word 'think' is to illustrate the sort of hotel.

Wheresmykimchi · 04/12/2020 16:59

Surprised at PP here. I don't think you're coming across badly at all.

MerchantOfVenom · 04/12/2020 17:04

Another MN thread bringing out my latent victim-blaming tendencies.

Why are so many people on here seemingly so incapable of helping themselves?

You haven’t spoken in 5 months? And she’s your Matron of Honour..? And you’re snivelling round doing her dirty work, dumping people from her hen party...??

I can’t believe this is actually happening to someone in real life. If it is, get some respect woman.

Nanny0gg · 04/12/2020 17:06

@TatianaBis

This is all happening in Essex isn’t it.

She’s awful. She’s not going to stay a friend. So you may as well bin her and her wedding now and save yourself a lot of hassle.

Wow!

Why Essex?
(As if I didn't know)

BitOfFun · 04/12/2020 17:12

I have only read the first few replies so far, and I'm baffled by the hostility towards the OP- what has she done wrong? Hmm

tiredofthisbsagain · 04/12/2020 17:54

This is so so weird, she hasn’t spoken to you in 5 months and she doesn’t bother talking to her MOH? So why are you still planning anything for the wedding? How do you usually communicate and why are you even bothered by this, it’s like she doesn’t even need you to do anything but you are carrying on. Why? What are you getting out of this? I am also really confused why she is your MOH when she doesn’t seem to want to be involved at all? Something is missing here

EscapeTheCastle · 04/12/2020 18:16

You work for the same company? Do you work together? This makes it tricky if she's a ruthless social climber.

Under normal circumstances it would be easy to end this arrangement and friendship as she sounds like a terrible friend.

Is it the work relationship holding you back?