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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend is a dick or am I jealous?

129 replies

Kellyslab · 03/12/2020 22:27

My friend is going to soon become my ex friend for many many reasons. However I want to know if I am being jealous (I don’t feel that emotion) or if she’s just an arsehole?

She had to move her wedding to next year due to Covid so changed venue. Picked a really expensive (think £1k a night hotel room cheapest) venue. It is stunning. As a result they uninvited a lot of people, they said this was due to cost. The people uninvited include people that paid to go on her hen do (wasn’t cheap!) and can’t get their money back. She has still invited other friends she has become closer to in the past few months (purely due to moving house and change of location but we’ve all known each other through work for 5 years) so it’s not just a numbers issue IYSWIM.

They are from rich families which they love to show off. They were gifted around 50k from parents for the wedding, they also just bought a house for £600k (gifted deposit). Both high earners. Suddenly though they want to uninvite people from the wedding due to cost and they also have made bridesmaids now pay for their dresses due to money.

Now this is the AIBU, they have done this with the excuse of money whilst simultaneously posting to Instagram their brand new expensive handbag (over a grand) and their new £50k Chelsea Tractor. Especially in these times I just find it highly insensitive??? Also so disrespectful to the people who have been uninvited due to “money” yet they’re advertising their wealth?

just to add - I haven’t been uninvited (yet...) and earn the same as her. However don’t come from a rich background and wasn’t privately educated which is a big deal to them.

OP posts:
Gifgif · 03/12/2020 23:09

You don't sound jealous. Rip the plaster off and say you're finding it too stressful with so many people upset they went to the hen and are now not invited. It's almost as though they are creating drama to make the invitations seem more attractive. Stay away. I know someone like this who likes to divide people and she's a nightmare.

Butchyrestingface · 03/12/2020 23:10

You quite clearly don't like or respect her. That is neither reasonable nor unreasonable. It would BU for you to attend her wedding though, given your feelings.

Leave her and her pots of gold to it.

category12 · 03/12/2020 23:11

I think it's dickish to make bridesmaids pay for their dresses.

If bride wants them to wear it, bride should pay. If she can't afford to buy dresses or is too cheap to buy dresses, then don't have bridesmaids or let them wear what they want.

Catlover77 · 03/12/2020 23:13

@Twiddlet

I don’t think you sound jealous. I think she sounds awful, thoughtless and materialistic.
I agree, she sounds awful, you do not
Thewinterofdiscontent · 03/12/2020 23:13

[quote Iminaglasscaseofemotion]@Kellyslab, no, people say "think" when they don't want other posters to know exactly what they are talking about. Its annoying any other time but this time it just doesn't make sense.[/quote]
Op has abbreviated “ If you can think of” to just “think”.
It’s another way of saying “ imagine”. Obviously some of the rooms are more expensive than others, so saying the rooms are 1K a night would be excessive.

Krazynights34 · 03/12/2020 23:15

I just wonder how many will actually be at the wedding...

Mrbob · 03/12/2020 23:15

She is being a dick.

ClaireP20 · 03/12/2020 23:16

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Not up to you or anyone else how the spend their money.

What is a Chelsea tractor?

Also "think 1k a night hotel room"? Is it 1k a night or not? Why the "think"?

It's an expression, maybe cross wires in regional translation..

OP, I don't think she sounds like a nice person, especially making the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses...who does that?!

I think you should 'uninvite' yourself from the wedding. You've probably just outgrown her. Awkward if you work together but you can think of something.. x

jakeyboy1 · 03/12/2020 23:16

She's basically all about appearances isn't she? I suspect she's now chosen a wedding she can't afford. Just because you have a £600k house and a £50k car doesn't mean you can afford a WAG style wedding. She sounds like a complete wannabe who's out of her depth but making other people feel shit to hide it.

ClaireP20 · 03/12/2020 23:17

@category12

I think it's dickish to make bridesmaids pay for their dresses.

If bride wants them to wear it, bride should pay. If she can't afford to buy dresses or is too cheap to buy dresses, then don't have bridesmaids or let them wear what they want.

Exactly!
AcornAutumn · 03/12/2020 23:21

I don’t think you sound horrible at all, I’m really puzzled by some f these answers

I think it’s awful to uninvite people for this and I feel for you dealing with the fallout.

Luciferthecat666 · 03/12/2020 23:22

@Kellyslab Reading your opening post my first thought was it's none of your business how friend spends her money. But reading your update on how you've bore the brunt of the anger from the people who are now uninvited after paying to go on the expensive hen do yeah your friend is a dick for doing that. If I were you I'd take a step back she doesn't sound very nice and you clearly don't like her so why are you maintaining the friendship? I'm curious about her previous behaviour is there a backstory here?

BloggersBlog · 03/12/2020 23:23

You sound fine, she founds awful and socially unaware of what is going on. Not a person who can read a room well I would imagine

TatianaBis · 03/12/2020 23:23

This is all happening in Essex isn’t it.

She’s awful. She’s not going to stay a friend. So you may as well bin her and her wedding now and save yourself a lot of hassle.

RomeoLikedCapuletGirls · 03/12/2020 23:23

I didn't say you did say "I think"

Iminaglasscaseofemotion ok, we get that you don’t like the way the OP used the word “think” but you know what she meant. Not every post has to be a teachable moment you know.

OP your friend sounds awful and materialistic. It is also supremely unfair of her to put you in the middle of it having to deal with disgruntled guests.

Tell it to her straight then drop her.

twilightermummy · 03/12/2020 23:27

Christ, why are people attacking you on here?! I can't see where you have behaved badly at all.

Anyway, losing you as a friend may open her eyes to what is actually important. Of course, it may take years for her to realise this as selfish people tend to not see who they truly are. One explanation though could be debt and a 600k house is likely to come with a large mortgage?

Ah, how the other half live...

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/12/2020 23:33

OUt of interest, do you have to specify which wedding you are attending when you book rooms? Because £1k a night might a "get your guests to pay for you wedding" thing that a lot of hotels do now. They bump up the rack rate in order to cover virtually the entire cost of the day, so the hotel gets the bucks in but the B&G dont have to find the money to pay for it as they are passing it on to their guests.

She sounds awful btw.

Mamanyt · 03/12/2020 23:34

I don't think this is an either/or situation. You do sound a bit jealous, and she definitely sounds more than a little bit dickish. I'd bow out as gracefully as possible, and begin to decline any further invitations from her...not that I think there will be any. But you'll be better off. Find a new friend, or group of friends if she takes people with her, who value character over ostentation. You'll be far happier in the long run.

Cuppachino · 03/12/2020 23:34

Your friend is a dick. She has no loyalty, get rid. I don't think you sound bad at all. I don't know why some posters are giving you a hard time.

twilightermummy · 03/12/2020 23:37

**PyongyangKipperbang

OUt of interest, do you have to specify which wedding you are attending when you book rooms? Because £1k a night might a "get your guests to pay for you wedding" thing that a lot of hotels do now. They bump up the rack rate in order to cover virtually the entire cost of the day, so the hotel gets the bucks in but the B&G dont have to find the money to pay for it as they are passing it on to their guests.**

Wow, I've never heard of that before! That could actually be it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/12/2020 23:39

@twilightermummy

ITs got more and more popular in recent years. Many hotels have a three tier system so standard rate and the B&G pay for the wedding. Mid tier where its higher but the B&G pay some of it and then top tier where basically they get a £40k wedding for a couple of grand.

I have friends in the hotel industry and this is becoming standard now.

GabsAlot · 03/12/2020 23:50

she sounds atrocious you cant do an expensive hen do then uninvite people to the wedding

and have you got to cough up for your room aswell-who the hell can afford that

dottiedaisee · 03/12/2020 23:52

Stick to your morals and conscience..you cannot go wrong 💕

nowishtofly · 04/12/2020 07:26

Yep, I think you have worked out she's not the sort of friend you want to have and you should resign from your MOH post. Saying that you don't want to pay for your bridesmaid dress and are uncomfortable fielding comments from those that paid to be on a hen you organised and are now uninvited is fair I think and sends a message.

Weddings should be within people's means, if she can't afford all her already invited guests at a new expensive venue, choose another venue! It's really rude to uninvite people.

WildfirePonie · 04/12/2020 08:03

Just bin her off OP. Block and remove her from your life, job done.