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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend is a dick or am I jealous?

129 replies

Kellyslab · 03/12/2020 22:27

My friend is going to soon become my ex friend for many many reasons. However I want to know if I am being jealous (I don’t feel that emotion) or if she’s just an arsehole?

She had to move her wedding to next year due to Covid so changed venue. Picked a really expensive (think £1k a night hotel room cheapest) venue. It is stunning. As a result they uninvited a lot of people, they said this was due to cost. The people uninvited include people that paid to go on her hen do (wasn’t cheap!) and can’t get their money back. She has still invited other friends she has become closer to in the past few months (purely due to moving house and change of location but we’ve all known each other through work for 5 years) so it’s not just a numbers issue IYSWIM.

They are from rich families which they love to show off. They were gifted around 50k from parents for the wedding, they also just bought a house for £600k (gifted deposit). Both high earners. Suddenly though they want to uninvite people from the wedding due to cost and they also have made bridesmaids now pay for their dresses due to money.

Now this is the AIBU, they have done this with the excuse of money whilst simultaneously posting to Instagram their brand new expensive handbag (over a grand) and their new £50k Chelsea Tractor. Especially in these times I just find it highly insensitive??? Also so disrespectful to the people who have been uninvited due to “money” yet they’re advertising their wealth?

just to add - I haven’t been uninvited (yet...) and earn the same as her. However don’t come from a rich background and wasn’t privately educated which is a big deal to them.

OP posts:
ILikeStrongTea · 04/12/2020 08:18

I don’t know why people are getting at you OP, your friend sounds like a dick who has no self awareness and is rapidly going to lose a lot of friends entirely through her own selfishness.

Cheeseandwin5 · 04/12/2020 09:26

Sorry I have mixed feelings about this.
As Chief Bridesmaid , I assume you are seen as close friend by the bride, so I am unsure why you haven't voiced your concerns before. You seem to scared to tell her what you thought and now what to take the nuclear option of defriending her and removing her from your life, it seems strange course of action to be honest.
I hate when ppl talk about other ppls money, as an excuse to beat them, you know nothing about her finances and what struggles she may have. Its just a stupid argument.
I also like how you initially hinted that the hen do was expense and than said you were the organiser.....
To be fair she sounds terrible ( from your telling) but so do you.

Runnerduck34 · 04/12/2020 09:33

Yes they have badly handled it, really rude to uninvite people.
And not very empathetic or reasonable to expect guests to spend hundreds of pounds attending your wedding.
I think jealousy and envy are all normal human reactions! Maybe you are and maybe you arent but you are judging her but we all do that all the time! If shes not a close friend I would start distancing yourself from her for your own sanity.

HOkieCOkie · 04/12/2020 09:39

It’s not your business is it what they spend money on or what is gifted to them. Sadly I think you are jealous. Which is not a nice way to be.

Notonthestairs · 04/12/2020 09:46

Uninviting guests (unless due to Covid numbers) is v poor - they should have thought of that before they chose the new venue. And leaving you to take the flack from guests also poor.

The other stuff is their choice and doesn't impact you.

No idea why you are hanging on as chief bridesmaid to be honest.

GreyishDays · 04/12/2020 09:49

So they’re using Covid as an excuse to ditch old friends for the new, shiny ones?

Simplyunacceptable · 04/12/2020 09:50

I think you don’t like her very much and should probably just block her and move on with your life. It all sounds extremely toxic.

AhoyMeFarties · 04/12/2020 09:59

Money can't buy you class
Personally I wouldn't want to be associated with someone who could treat people so badly

WaterOffADucksCrack · 04/12/2020 10:09

Completely not the point of the thread but what has happened to the word "given"? It's been replaced with "gifted" which is just awful and I feel sorry for "given".

Fluffybutter · 04/12/2020 10:13

Just drop her , I honestly don’t understand why you are friends if you judge her so much.
I don’t think either of you will be worse off for not being friends .

GreySkyClouds · 04/12/2020 10:19

You sound jealous. If you don’t like her tell her so you’re not in all of her wedding photos as the bridesmaid.

billy1966 · 04/12/2020 10:22

And you want someone this awful involved your own wedding.

I'd take the hit with the Hen do and would fully withdraw from the whole thing.

OP,
You need to work on your self respect.
Doesn't sound like you have much to allow someone treat you so poorly.

Stop thinking about her and focus on yourself.

She's not your friend.
Why waste time on her.

Even worse to involve her in your own day.🤷🏻‍♀️

coconuttyhead · 04/12/2020 10:22

She sounds totally vacuous and materialistic - hideous.

Frieswithanythin · 04/12/2020 10:23

Sorry but she’s being a dick. Very disrespectful to the guests who paid for the hen night then uninvited. I wouldn’t want that sort of person in my life to tell you the truth.

Hoppinggreen · 04/12/2020 10:25

They are Dicks but I think you might be a bit jealous too though

WhereamI88 · 04/12/2020 10:28

50k deposit and 600k mortgaged house isn't huge though is it? It's well off don't get me wrong but not actually rich by any means in this country and she probably can't afford the lifestyle and the wedding. So she's being a dick and trying to offload the cost on her friends.

On a separate note, if I were a bride, I wouldn't want my MoH to be someone who dislikes me.

So it would be better for everyone if you just quit and leave her to it.

Frieswithanythin · 04/12/2020 10:33

A lot of these answers are unbelievable. If you think this women is being reasonable in her actions you have to question what kind of person you are. It takes bridezilla to a new level with greed.

Peachy1381 · 04/12/2020 10:40

I can well understand why you are pissed off. Sounds like you've borne the brunt of her greedy bridezilla decisions. If you really don't like her though you HAVE to extricate yourself from this horrible wedding. Its not fair on her to have someone involved that doesn't like her and its just going to get more annoying the more you let this go on. Its time to put on your big girl pants and do some real talk with your soon to be ex-friend.

Hawkins001 · 04/12/2020 11:16

It does seem odd that they want to limit the numbers using £ as the reason then at the same time showing off there 4x4 and handbag, it seems they want to replace one set of friends with there new ones,

UmmH · 04/12/2020 11:30

Weddings often turn perfectly sensible people temporarily insane. Have a word with the bride, explaining the hen situation and how offended people are at being uninvited. She might be a dick, or might not be thinking straight. Bridezilla and all that.

dayslikethese1 · 04/12/2020 11:38

That is so rude, to invite guests and then uninvite them just because she wants a fancier venue.

Original poster
Kellyslab · 04/12/2020 11:55

@TatianaBis

This is all happening in Essex isn’t it.

She’s awful. She’s not going to stay a friend. So you may as well bin her and her wedding now and save yourself a lot of hassle.

haha no it's not, she's from Surrey
OP posts:
Original poster
Kellyslab · 04/12/2020 11:57

So the cheapest room is £1,000 a night but I will not be staying in the hotel. I said 'think..' to exemplify how expensive the venue will be if those are the cost of the rooms. I assume they're staying. It's in the middle of nowhere, so some guests are only invited to the evening but will spend a fortune trying to get there. It's one of the top rated places in the world.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kellyslab · 04/12/2020 11:59

@Cheeseandwin5

Sorry I have mixed feelings about this. As Chief Bridesmaid , I assume you are seen as close friend by the bride, so I am unsure why you haven't voiced your concerns before. You seem to scared to tell her what you thought and now what to take the nuclear option of defriending her and removing her from your life, it seems strange course of action to be honest. I hate when ppl talk about other ppls money, as an excuse to beat them, you know nothing about her finances and what struggles she may have. Its just a stupid argument. I also like how you initially hinted that the hen do was expense and than said you were the organiser..... To be fair she sounds terrible ( from your telling) but so do you.
I actually know a lot about her parent's finances - her dad is a businessman so his finances are somewhat public knowledge e.g. his salary (millions).

I also know her salary as we work for a big company which has tiers so salary is transparent until you bring in clients (not that level yet).

I am scared to voice it to her. I have tried but she hasn't spoken to me in 5 months...she is ignoring my texts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kellyslab · 04/12/2020 12:00

@WhereamI88

50k deposit and 600k mortgaged house isn't huge though is it? It's well off don't get me wrong but not actually rich by any means in this country and she probably can't afford the lifestyle and the wedding. So she's being a dick and trying to offload the cost on her friends.

On a separate note, if I were a bride, I wouldn't want my MoH to be someone who dislikes me.

So it would be better for everyone if you just quit and leave her to it.

we are early twenties...
OP posts:
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