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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend is a dick or am I jealous?

129 replies

Kellyslab · 03/12/2020 22:27

My friend is going to soon become my ex friend for many many reasons. However I want to know if I am being jealous (I don’t feel that emotion) or if she’s just an arsehole?

She had to move her wedding to next year due to Covid so changed venue. Picked a really expensive (think £1k a night hotel room cheapest) venue. It is stunning. As a result they uninvited a lot of people, they said this was due to cost. The people uninvited include people that paid to go on her hen do (wasn’t cheap!) and can’t get their money back. She has still invited other friends she has become closer to in the past few months (purely due to moving house and change of location but we’ve all known each other through work for 5 years) so it’s not just a numbers issue IYSWIM.

They are from rich families which they love to show off. They were gifted around 50k from parents for the wedding, they also just bought a house for £600k (gifted deposit). Both high earners. Suddenly though they want to uninvite people from the wedding due to cost and they also have made bridesmaids now pay for their dresses due to money.

Now this is the AIBU, they have done this with the excuse of money whilst simultaneously posting to Instagram their brand new expensive handbag (over a grand) and their new £50k Chelsea Tractor. Especially in these times I just find it highly insensitive??? Also so disrespectful to the people who have been uninvited due to “money” yet they’re advertising their wealth?

just to add - I haven’t been uninvited (yet...) and earn the same as her. However don’t come from a rich background and wasn’t privately educated which is a big deal to them.

OP posts:
BloggersBlog · 04/12/2020 18:44

If you work together why havent you spoken for 5 months?

Saz12 · 04/12/2020 19:13

Your freind is a clueless eejit.

£600k house (how much of the deposit did she save?) and £50k gift “toward” the wedding. Awful that we have a country where these things are acceptable alongside child poverty.

SurreyHillsGirl · 04/12/2020 19:21

She sounds very nouveau riche posting photos of her new 4x4 and handbag, do people really do that Confused How vulgar.

Bluntness100 · 04/12/2020 19:25

Eh she’s ignoring you and you’ve not spoken for five months, and you clearly can’t stand her, so why do you think you’re still involved in the wedding? Sounds to me like she’s binned you off.

Helpmylecreuset · 04/12/2020 19:32

I’m also suspicious of the £1000 per night room. There aren’t very many hotels in the UK with that as a STARTING room rate. I wonder if the hotel is including the wedding reception cost in this?

Is the hotel in Surrey OP?

Original poster
Kellyslab · 04/12/2020 22:05

@Helpmylecreuset no the venue is somewhere else, it is very famous but holds no connection to them other than being lovely. My SIL lives by it and so we drive past it when visiting, it’s a 2 hour car journey for us/most guests.

We worked at the same company but I started a new job. It was a very big finance firm. We were different departments but met training together. I moved on to a better position elsewhere.

OP posts:
Helpmylecreuset · 04/12/2020 22:08

Ohh is it Cliveden house? Please forgive my noseyness!

MerchantOfVenom · 04/12/2020 22:10

Cliveden House is in Berkshire, not Surrey.

Helpmylecreuset · 04/12/2020 22:11

Ignore that, Clivenden is no where near minimum £1000 😢

Original poster
Kellyslab · 04/12/2020 22:12

I am a mug. I’m in therapy at the moment for it. I have OCD so I really struggle to know when it’s really my fault or if I’m paranoid. We last spoke on my birthday, she made an effort, sent a lovely gift etc.

I just don’t know how to have the conversation. I am so so so scared about it. I definitely don’t want her MOH due to reasons I won’t go into. Her other bridesmaids told me to dump her... they are angry too but don’t really care enough long term.

The liability for the hen is currently on my card. People paid their share but refunds must obv come through me. If the hen can no longer go ahead due to Covid I will bear the brunt and we can’t get the money back. I’ve text asking for help and what to do. Her sister in law to be told me to leave it and “play it by ear”.

I have decided my jealousy is there slightly - I think it’s because whilst I now have some money, I come from a disadvantaged background. So I feel a lot more weight to money and can’t be so blasé about it. I also volunteer at the food bank and I hate people who advertise their wealth like this

OP posts:
Helpmylecreuset · 04/12/2020 22:12

@MerchantOfVenom

Cliveden House is in Berkshire, not Surrey.
OP said it’s not in Surrey.

Honestly I’m just really curious here. You can get rooms for much less even at the Savoy.

Helpmylecreuset · 04/12/2020 22:14

She does sound like an utter bitch tbh. The ONLY reason in my opinion to uninvite guests would have been Covid numbers. Bet she has a cash bar at the ££££ hotel as well.

Thewithesarehere · 04/12/2020 22:16

@Twiddlet

I don’t think you sound jealous. I think she sounds awful, thoughtless and materialistic.
This.
Helpmylecreuset · 04/12/2020 22:21

When is the Hen? To be fair it might still get cancelled due to Covid so you won’t have that stress on your shoulders. My friends Hen was cancelled as it would have been multiple households staying in the same accommodation, but we did lose a small deposit as the hotel said we could still come as only 2 households.

Thewithesarehere · 04/12/2020 22:22

Ok. Reading after your update that she is your MoH, I have changed my opinion. I think you all seem to like drama and have far too much time and money in your hands. Grow the hell up and fast.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 04/12/2020 22:41

@luckylavender I'm aware of why people use the "think" infront of things. Its just pointless and annoying.

thosetalesofunexpected · 04/12/2020 23:22

Hi Op.

I can't understand why some other Posters are having a go at you, saying you sound Jealous and something else..
(how bit peculiar odd certain people on mumsnet are sometimes.!!😕

(Your thread Op sounds very much out of that posh series of Sloane type toffs etc in Chelsea TV series..

These people who you are surrounded by, sound far too shallow,materlistic,self centred up themselves Arrogant type..
I can see why you have started to get pissed off with way things have panned turned out.

(But saying that Covid 19, has put people into all sorts /trickey Arkward situations, I think perhaps they are using Covid to invite/unvite people who they prefer to invite, just cause perhaps they are not as quite well off as they first appear,but want to keep up the prentense,plus, there sense of loyality is flaky,fair weather type and the mask has falter, revealing their shadow side which isn't as pretty...

nimbuscloud · 04/12/2020 23:36

This is quite literally unbelievable.

Chumleymouse · 04/12/2020 23:55

Just don’t go to the wedding............ sorted ...job done 👍

tiredofthisbsagain · 05/12/2020 01:22

I really don’t understand why OP continues to be involved in this so I am going off this thread, it’s frustrating lol

CoffeeCreamandSugar · 05/12/2020 01:57

Ah. If you are in therapy then if you haven’t already then talk to your therapist about this.

I would end the friendship personally but that is for you to decide.

GabsAlot · 05/12/2020 11:59

Op is involved because it looks likes shes paid out for the hen and has to sort out the refundsand noone is helping her

RealBecca · 05/12/2020 12:22

You sound insecure about your money and background

CBAtothinkofyetanotherusername · 09/12/2020 02:46

@RealBecca

You sound insecure about your money and background
Rude.
Honeyroar · 09/12/2020 09:43

Stupid as well as rude. She didn’t sound insecure, just fed up, as most people would be.

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