Page 6 | To have judged? Awh feckit. Yes I judged, I VERY judged.

Farkinell · 2020-12-03T21:52:04+00:00

Was in slow moving traffic today. Big fuck off black BMW (suv/mpv/hpv??? who the eff knows) was coming towards me on other side of road. Saw what I thought was a TV monitor in front passenger seat angled forwards. Strange, I thought. Surely a passenger would be holding it and it would be facing backwards?? But LO! It *was* angled towards the passenger. [confused] A teeny baby in the carry part of travel system, backwards facing. A tablet set up, plating a cartoon for a young baby to watch in the car. Just Goodness Gracious. Let's get them Oblong Addicted early, yeah?

Tootsietoot · 04/12/2020 07:21

OP I'm with you. I have kids born 15 years apart. The eldest is now in 20s, the amount of parents this time round that instantly go for a screen to distract is incredible. The impact is yet unknown but fuck me it's a big change. Constant stimulation from birth must have some sort of impact on the brain if you consider that even minor things like the colour green can cause (positive changes to endorphin release).

DobbleQueen · 04/12/2020 07:27

I drive a big black BMW and have TVs for the kids (although mine a bit older). My youngest hates the car and her crying and moaning can be dangerously distracting.

She hates the car because we spend most of our time outside so perhaps you should less judgmental about screen time and cars; she only really watches TV in the car!

Lovemusic33 · 04/12/2020 07:29

Did was a horrible baby and would cry non stop on car journeys, I couldn’t take her out on my own as it was just too stressful, if I could have used a screen to keep her quiet I probably would have.

SpanielSprint · 04/12/2020 07:33

I would have judged too. Stick music on and sing to them. Stop pandering to every whim. They cry. Mine got used to sitting in the car when we drove to France/belgium/Holland for holidays. Teach them some resilience. Unless there is a medical problem.

Jesus. Babies and toddlers don’t learn resilience from being left to cry their eyes out in a car seat until they are sick. I feel sorry for your kids. Did you adopt this policy in other areas of your parenting? Did you leave them to cry themselves sick in their cots when they didn’t go to sleep at night?

I8toys · 04/12/2020 07:35

Nope. Just short journeys in the car. My first child didn't watch tv until he was one. I felt guilty when I gave in. He didn't need it. Other things kept him happy. Now he's 17 and constantly attached to his iphone!

SimonJT · 04/12/2020 07:39

@I8toys

I would have judged too. Stick music on and sing to them. Stop pandering to every whim. They cry. Mine got used to sitting in the car when we drove to France/belgium/Holland for holidays. Teach them some resilience. Unless there is a medical problem.

It doesn’t teach resilience, it teaches that you won’t meet their need.

caoraich · 04/12/2020 07:39

You didn't see the kid so you have no idea how old they were. Kids are meant to be rear facing until age 4. It may well not have been a "tiny baby" anyway and lots of toddlers have tablets.
My 2 year old's RF car seat looks just like a baby carrier from the outside (obviously it is bigger) - I don't give her a tablet to watch as she would chuck it around the car but I'm aware I am very lucky to have a kid who is happy to look out the window/sing along to the radio.

Bedroomdilemma · 04/12/2020 07:40

Oh god, I had 3 screamers in the car.
I never even thought of screens but I kinda guess I had now! How much interaction can you give when you’re driving in traffic?

SpanielSprint · 04/12/2020 07:42

Nope. Just short journeys in the car. My first child didn't watch tv until he was one. I felt guilty when I gave in. He didn't need it. Other things kept him happy. Now he's 17 and constantly attached to his iphone!

Short journeys to France/Belgium/Holland? Ok.

Honestly I would be more judgemental of you letting a 1 year old watch TV at home than if you used it strategically during car journeys to prevent potentially dangerous/distracting screaming at a time when no other activity is available to said child.

I8toys · 04/12/2020 07:43

SimonJT - So you are saying that it you don't have a screen in your car you can't drive anywhere? That's mad. They will learn that sometimes you cannot automatically comfort them because you are driving and it maybe dangerous. As soon as you can you will see to them.

BogRollBOGOF · 04/12/2020 07:43

My friend's baby was very refluxy and screamed for every single second she was in the rear facing car seat... actually that's only nearly true... if she stopped screaming it was because she was being sick or had stopped breathing.

I once went out with them for an afternoon. DS was a bit older and my breasts were used to not feeding him through a working day while at work/ nursery, and I was wondering why I was randomly engorged mid-afternoon and leaking perfusely... I was responding to her screams by lactating!

The moment baby was heavy enough to meet the minimum to forward face, she did, and she was fine with the more upright position of the FF car seat. It was safer in these circumstances for the driver not to be constantly anxious and distracted about the screaming or pulling over in random places to ger baby breathing again.

I'm not sure that screens would have worked for them, but if it relieves a desperate situation, fair play.

I'm not a fan of screens being used as the first port of call to pacify a child, but in random moments like that, it's better to give the benefit of the doubt.

It didn't need to happen in the 70s/ 80s because babies were laid more comfortably in a carry cot then free-range on the back seat, plus a lot less car travel to exist as services were more localised. Babies weren't forcibly held back intl a single position that might not suit them.

Original poster

Farkinell · 04/12/2020 07:43

I'm actually reading all of your stories of DC who travel badly with awe.

It's far from my experience, and I'll apologise because, frankly my travels with DC were a charm - they loved it, and still do. I think I'll try to widen my mind before being an arrant arse again.

I'm glad that a distraction works for many of you, and it makes that part of life a little more bearable and a lot safer.

Pax.

OP posts:

NoPointInWednesdays · 04/12/2020 07:44

Love the judgment you get on mumsnet can always count on a thread to make the rest of society feel and look like shit and others have the perfect lives with the perfect kids and babies 👍🏻

I8toys · 04/12/2020 07:44

Spanielsprout - it was Baby Einstein for 30 mins each day. He liked the music! 😄

Equimum · 04/12/2020 07:45

Not something to judge!

When DS1 was a toddler we had to take him on the underground a lot. He hated it and screamed. We found that Peppa Pig on a phone, volume down kept him calm. We were used to be stared at for having the screaming child, but very soon we were listening to people having extra-loud conversation about how bad phones were for children and how terrible it was that parents used distractions like that. It helped no-one, and my son barely saw the TV at home.

Time2change2 · 04/12/2020 07:45

OP, clearly you have never had a baby that screamed so much in the car that they made themselves sick and it was actually a danger to your driving because it was such a huge distraction.
My child did this until 9 months old, every car trip. Sometimes screaming for the entire trip. Sometimes screaming until they fell asleep for 1/2 hour and then waking and screaming again.
Sometimes I had someone else in the car. Other times not.
If I would have thought of a tv screen or had the means I would
Have done it.

BogRollBOGOF · 04/12/2020 07:45

@I8toys

SimonJT - So you are saying that it you don't have a screen in your car you can't drive anywhere? That's mad. They will learn that sometimes you cannot automatically comfort them because you are driving and it maybe dangerous. As soon as you can you will see to them.

And your experience of raising adopted children with additional needs is...?

SimonJT · 04/12/2020 07:46

@I8toys

SimonJT - So you are saying that it you don't have a screen in your car you can't drive anywhere? That's mad. They will learn that sometimes you cannot automatically comfort them because you are driving and it maybe dangerous. As soon as you can you will see to them.

Not now he is older and forward facing. As a baby/toddler the car was a very traumatic place for him to be, at that age he also became stressed if he could not see me. When he needed it he had a screen in the car, now he can see me better and interact with me he no longer needs it.

No child should be denied comfort, its a basic need.

Iamsodonewith2020 · 04/12/2020 07:47

I’m with you. I would have judged, just like I judge when young children have iPads in restaurants and supermarkets. What’s wrong with a white noise CD on radio or talking to them?

baubled · 04/12/2020 07:48

I've read most of the thread and I'm still unsure what it's actually got to do with anyone

Iamsodonewith2020 · 04/12/2020 07:49

And I completely sympathise with parents whose children struggle inthe car, just like 3 of my 5 did. Screens are not the answer though.

CloudyVanilla · 04/12/2020 07:50

Jesus I couldn't get het up about something like this. Not by a long shot

Ironingontheceiling · 04/12/2020 07:50

I will concede that dd got slightly better once she could forward face and sit upright - she had reflux. But she still barfed. We couldn’t go anywhere for years until she was old enough to tolerate it.

And then we were judged for putting her in the front passenger seat. But that was what meant she didn’t throw up.

She’s still a crap traveller - cars planes trains and the boat all make her feel very very sick. She gets drowsy inducing travel sickness stuff from the doctor.

On the plus point. She’s good if she drives, doesn’t throw up, so I have a driver on tap.

drumandthebass · 04/12/2020 07:50

I would have judged too. It's like when you see a one year old in a buggy holding a phone. What is wrong with a baby crying for a while or a child being a bit bored. They'll just never know boredom or how to entertain themselves and will expect constant attention. It's very sad

TruculentandFarty · 04/12/2020 07:51

DG who was my screamer and puker is now grown. He still gets travel sick from time to time although he screams a lot less.

Anyone who thinks a three month old has to learn resilience is cruel in my book. Three month old babies don't scream like that without reason, if a screen could have taken away the suffering he went through ten times a week just for school runs I would have done it.