To have judged? Awh feckit. Yes I judged, I VERY judged.

[Farkinell]

Was in slow moving traffic today.

Big fuck off black BMW (suv/mpv/hpv??? who the eff knows) was coming towards me on other side of road.

Saw what I thought was a TV monitor in front passenger seat angled forwards.

Strange, I thought. Surely a passenger would be holding it and it would be facing backwards??

But LO! It was angled towards the passenger.

A teeny baby in the carry part of travel system, backwards facing.

A tablet set up, plating a cartoon for a young baby to watch in the car.

Just

Goodness

Gracious.

Let's get them Oblong Addicted early, yeah?

@FitterHappierMoreProductive

I’d judge too OP but then I’ve read the studies in the impact of TV on the developing brain...

And I’ve had a car screamer. One of mine was a high needs baby, she’s a pretty high needs school age child still now 🙈 but she would scream without cease for hours - unless you sang to her. So we did, endlessly on loop, often the same song over and over again. It totally is possible to interact without using a screen in the car.

Singing didn't work for mine, if anything it made it worse when he was tiny although it worked as he got into the toddler years. We had music in the car a lot for my older son. Raffi was a big hit and Shakira. Go figure.

Anything that we did trying to distract him made him more upset. His brother trying to play with him, a mirror to see me, talking to him, music...

@Farkinell

Oh come ON!

It's WAY too young to use a screen.

To reiterate, it was slow moving traffic. It was a quick glance. Didn't actually see the baby, just the container.m, so I guess it was quite young.

People coped on car journeys before the Screen obsession started.

Baby was in front seat, so could have seen parent's face, chatting, singing etc would be a FINE replacement.

And no not jealous, BMW so not my style.

LOL ok then love

If my parents had screens in the early 90s, they would have used them

Oh and if your giving quality interaction to the baby and not concentrating on the road, you do not deserve a license. Your a danger to all others over you odd hate of screens.

yabu, some babies scream murder when in the car which can be dangerous when driving as distracting so if it keeps the baby quiet and you safely driving then do it :S its not really going to harm the baby now is it as long as the baby is entertained in other ways too.

I agree with you OP. It's clear though that the next generation considers screens to be an appropriate tool to keeping their child pacified. Very sad. All these reasons being given can also be given for why it's ok to have screens in their buggies, restaurants etc.

At some time in the future we're going to see the high cost of this sort of benign neglect and lack of effort to make human interaction in our parenting. The tech addiction is real and scary. I would keep my little ones away from it for as long as possible. Unfortunately we are all (me included) modelling behaviour for our kids, being on our phones/iPads so much that demonstrates that the cyber world is far more interesting than the world and people around us - often even in the same room as us!

Btw I have two tech-addicted teens, I know what's coming and it's not pretty!

I don't like screens for little babies either. But after driving down a busy motorway several times, craning my arm back to try to comfort my screaming baby who I was worried would throw up and choke to death on his vomit, I honestly think anything is preferable. Distracted driving kills, and there's nothing more distracting than a hysterical baby somewhere you can't reach them. But I do understand the initial judginess, I still hate seeing babies and toddlers with iPads. On balance though YABU.

I wish I’d had a screen for DS2 when he was little in the car - he would scream instantly until he vomited or pull his NG tube out resulting in either a trip to hospital to have it put back in or a nurse coming round to do it. He had so many medical appointments we had to go by car frequently and it was awful!!! We tried everything, songs, toys, one of us in back with him and nothing worked. I’d have happily tried a screen to stop the distress.

@Farkinell

Oh come ON!

It's WAY too young to use a screen.

To reiterate, it was slow moving traffic. It was a quick glance. Didn't actually see the baby, just the container.m, so I guess it was quite young.

People coped on car journeys before the Screen obsession started.

Baby was in front seat, so could have seen parent's face, chatting, singing etc would be a FINE replacement.

And no not jealous, BMW so not my style.

My son is hearing impaired, funnily enough being in a car doesn’t cure this so chatting, singing etc would be completely pointless as they can’t see your face from that angle, they can only see the side. Babies and young toddlers need to see your actual face, not your ear and side profile.

If you were looking away from the road for long enough to see the car seat, angle of the screen, the screen being on you were not paying sufficient attention to the road.

I do this with my baby. She's 17 months now but tele tubbies in the car is the only thing that stops her screaming which is a massive distraction when I'm driving and it upsets my other children. She is the only baby I've had who Hated the car and it took a long time to find something that would settle her.

Baby was in front seat, so could have seen parent's face, chatting, singing etc would be a FINE replacement

Yeah and if you buy the automatic version of the BMW that will leave one foot free for you to practice your Chinese calligraphy or mix up a hearty fruit bread for the whole family.

I remember doing those panicked nursery rhyme medley through my teeth while stuck in London traffic. Technically I could see the road in front of me but you couldn't have called that residual amount of attention actually "looking at the road".

A HPV? lol

It's better than causing a crash because of distraction through constant screaming or being distracted entertaining a baby to stop constant screaming.

Could be a baby prone to wailing so loudly you’d think it were trying to contact its home planet & needs placating with something & loud & bright.

Far better than a much played tape full of dinosaur songs I regret buying from Early Learning to do much the same for my son (utterly hated the car if not amused for 99.9% of any journey, pain in the arse he was).

Over 25 years later, I still find myself humming a tune about 5 hungry pterosaurs.

Oh shite. And now I’ve ear wormed myself even typing that. “Five hungry pterosaurs glide across the sea, one flew down & caught a fish for tea...”

YANBU about the beemer though. Bloody terrible cars & owners.*

*maybe influenced by ex & the dad of dinosaur loving son. Thinking about it, it was he who bought that sodding tape. Bastard.

We invested in what was then A DVD player/tv screen to take our little one to London for her dads cancer treatment. It stopped her screaming half the way on what was a stressful trip.

I don't want to sound like a Facebook meme but you don't know anyone else's circumstances. And even if you did, there is no right or wrong way to bring up a child.

Some people may say wasting time on judging others and posting about it on the internet to make others feel judged is not a good way to live one's life but that's your choice. Maybe just recognise how it makes others feel and reflect on whether that's the kind of person you want to be?

People coped on car journeys before the Screen obsession started.

People coped without cars before they were invented. But you use one, OP, because it takes loads of hassle out of life. I bet you've got a washing machine too. Lets take those 2 things off you, and see how much you hail 'the old days' then.

Judge away. It’s grim.

I would have judged too. Stick music on and sing to them. Stop pandering to every whim. They cry. Mine got used to sitting in the car when we drove to France/belgium/Holland for holidays. Teach them some resilience. Unless there is a medical problem.

Lots of parents with babies who are extremely distressed in the car didn’t cope before screens. Lots of people in this situation now who have tried screens and it’s not worked, don’t cope. We just didn’t/don’t go anywhere. So hey, we may have been totally isolated, lost friends, been abused by family members who think we’re just awkward for not travelling, been depressed, missed out on all kinds of things for months/years but at least we didn’t have lovely people like yourself judging us. Every cloud I suppose.

I think parenthood teaches some people that we really have to challenge our views on the ways other people get through life. Until I had a baby/toddler who was extremely car sick and was on the receiving end of so much judgement from people I knew who just didn’t get it, I don’t think I truly had that realisation that a lot of parents have their own struggles that may look minor from the outside, but can actually be wreaking havoc on their entire life. Other people (like you?) sadly seem to double down on their petty and judgemental outlooks, because of course “we did X,Y, Z” and it worked for us” means that it’s applicable to everybody everywhere 🙄

We couldn’t travel more than 5 mins (and I’m not exaggerating- I do mean 5 mins absolute maximum) in the car without him being violently sick and crying until he stopped breathing unless you blew in his face. I was also convinced he would choke on his vomit so we only ever attempted a short car journey if both of us could go and someone could sit in the back with him. It was so distressing and contributed hugely to my crippling post natal anxiety which, at points, left me suicidal. We spent 2 years like that, not going anywhere and not knowing if/when it would ever end. If a screen or sitting in the front with the airbag turned off could have helped, I’d have done it without question. Maybe then we could all have benefitted from being able to actually experience life and DS wouldn’t have had a mother who was a nervous wreck.

When you're struggling, it's also very distressing to know that people who have no clue what your life is like are silently judging you. People who are struggling also read MN. They see what people like you write.

Be thankful that this isn't a struggle you face, and be hopeful that if ever you find yourself in a situation that's not easily understood from the outside, other people show you more compassion and grace than you are capable of yourself.

Fuck off you sound absolutely horrible. You’ve obviously got no idea what it’s like to have a baby that hates going in the car. If I saw this I would feel nothing but sympathy. And what has the make/model/colour of the car got to do with anything?

Current rear-facing car seat styles mean babies can’t do anything other than stare at the seat they are strapped to, and the parent needing to concentrate on driving can’t interact. So this is probably the least-damaging time you could be using a screen given the lack of alternative activities available.

I’d save your judging for people that stick their children in-front of screens at home when they actually do have hundreds of other options available.

Why judge the BMW? If someone can afford a big BMW it means they have done rather well in life. Which means they probably worked hard at school and got a good education. Either that or they have entrepreneurial nouse. Or both.

We are all want our kids to do well in School don’t we or successful in life? Presumably the op’s perfect parenting aims to achieve this.
Will she sneer at her own kids if they are successful and can afford to buy a BMW?

I agree with you. I find it really depressing seeing young children with iPads in front of their faces. In the car, in the restaurant, in the pram going around a shopping centre. I saw one in the summer staring into one while going around a zoo!
I worry for that generation and their ability to tolerate boredom and as a result manage their impulse control. I also think they aren't taking in their surroundings or learning how to have general chit chat and table talk.
It's not something I do with mine and believe it's a slippery slope to get off once you introduce it to your child. There are many documentaries out there made by the people who designed tablets and phones stating that they were specifically made to be addictive and how they don't let their children use them because they understand and now feel guilty about the harm they're doing.

I once sang baa baa black sheep 77 times on a journey with DS as a baby.

A screen would have been marvellous. They didn't exist in 2008!

I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and think it could be a screaming reduction technique. Or they might be idiots.
It is awful to drive with a screaming baby though. Sleep deprivation and crying baby in the car ain't good.

Seriously, you decided to judge someone based on the two seconds of their life that you saw when you should have been watching the road?

alltheusernames It's like the film Wall-E - everything around them is missed just to fixate on a screen right in front of them.

@IWantT0BreakFree

Lots of parents with babies who are extremely distressed in the car didn’t cope before screens. Lots of people in this situation now who have tried screens and it’s not worked, don’t cope. We just didn’t/don’t go anywhere. So hey, we may have been totally isolated, lost friends, been abused by family members who think we’re just awkward for not travelling, been depressed, missed out on all kinds of things for months/years but at least we didn’t have lovely people like yourself judging us. Every cloud I suppose.

I think parenthood teaches some people that we really have to challenge our views on the ways other people get through life. Until I had a baby/toddler who was extremely car sick and was on the receiving end of so much judgement from people I knew who just didn’t get it, I don’t think I truly had that realisation that a lot of parents have their own struggles that may look minor from the outside, but can actually be wreaking havoc on their entire life. Other people (like you?) sadly seem to double down on their petty and judgemental outlooks, because of course “we did X,Y, Z” and it worked for us” means that it’s applicable to everybody everywhere 🙄

We couldn’t travel more than 5 mins (and I’m not exaggerating- I do mean 5 mins absolute maximum) in the car without him being violently sick and crying until he stopped breathing unless you blew in his face. I was also convinced he would choke on his vomit so we only ever attempted a short car journey if both of us could go and someone could sit in the back with him. It was so distressing and contributed hugely to my crippling post natal anxiety which, at points, left me suicidal. We spent 2 years like that, not going anywhere and not knowing if/when it would ever end. If a screen or sitting in the front with the airbag turned off could have helped, I’d have done it without question. Maybe then we could all have benefitted from being able to actually experience life and DS wouldn’t have had a mother who was a nervous wreck.

When you're struggling, it's also very distressing to know that people who have no clue what your life is like are silently judging you. People who are struggling also read MN. They see what people like you write.

Be thankful that this isn't a struggle you face, and be hopeful that if ever you find yourself in a situation that's not easily understood from the outside, other people show you more compassion and grace than you are capable of yourself.

Hugs for you.

That’s exactly what DD was like.

My mum, god bless her, grandly announced that feeling travel sick was just something dd was making up for attention. She took her and her siblings out for the day in my brother’s new Astra. (Not a beemer).

They didn’t make it 10 mins up the road until dd had barfed all over the place, covered her sibling in puke, and covered the car. Mother had to take it and get it valeted.

She believed in car sick after that.

Had my (now ex) BIL (I’m divorced) stop his car (a vw) to laugh at us as we arrived at a family dinner and were strip washing dd and trying to clean the car seat in a car park. He helpfully said “well, if you did have 3 children” from his car.

Had people tell me I was awkward and anti social.

She couldn’t have read in the car (that made her sick) but a dvd on an in car player (teletubbies and balamory on a loop) worked to stop her throwing up and made a 30 min journey bearable.

It’s horrible to be judged for something so bloody difficult. Would it have been better to just let her throw up every time we needed to go in the car?