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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have judged? Awh feckit. Yes I judged, I VERY judged.

317 replies

Farkinell · 03/12/2020 21:52

Was in slow moving traffic today.

Big fuck off black BMW (suv/mpv/hpv??? who the eff knows) was coming towards me on other side of road.

Saw what I thought was a TV monitor in front passenger seat angled forwards.

Strange, I thought. Surely a passenger would be holding it and it would be facing backwards??

But LO! It was angled towards the passenger. Confused

A teeny baby in the carry part of travel system, backwards facing.

A tablet set up, plating a cartoon for a young baby to watch in the car.

Just

Goodness

Gracious.

Let's get them Oblong Addicted early, yeah?

OP posts:
StillCoughingandLaughing · 03/12/2020 22:23

I’d keep your mind on your driving and your eyes on the road.

pompey38 · 03/12/2020 22:24

OP- yawn 🥱

Disorganisedfish · 03/12/2020 22:25

God, whatever gets you through the day I say. I was a single parent from pregnancy - I used to put DS in the car with those baby Einstein DVDs on and drive just so I had some version of a break. Everyone is just doing their own version of their best, surely? Some days that’s an iPad in the car and food out a packet, other days that’s arts and crafts and being superwoman 🤷‍♀️

daisyjgrey · 03/12/2020 22:26

You'd probably be better off paying attention to what you're doing rather than judging someone who's baby probably screams for the entirety of a car journey (stressful, and not great for concentration when driving).

Msloverlover · 03/12/2020 22:27

Oh my god. I had a car hater. It was absolutely brutal and so incredibly traumatic and distracting for me as a driver. We tried EVERYTHING. The day when we discovered cartoons worked was one of the best days of my life. Seeing my daughter scream like she did was something I never want to repeat and there is no way ok earth that a few baby cartoons were worse for her than that horrific distress she must have been in to cry like she did.

AriesTheRam · 03/12/2020 22:27

How old? Newborn I would judge,6 months to a year not so much.

MrsJBaptiste · 03/12/2020 22:29

Oh come on, I think we all know that the people who shove a screen in front of their small children aren't doing it for any other reason than to keep them quiet as they can't be bothered to interact with them. Not all, but most. How many parents give their babies/small toddlers a phone to look at when they're in the pushchairs? Ridiculous.

Cam2020 · 03/12/2020 22:29

What if the baby doesn't like car journeys and screams all the way through and the screaming stresses the parent driving? That could potentially be very dangerous.

SenoraSurf · 03/12/2020 22:29

My son is Deaf and as a baby he HATED being in the car and facing backwards. I think he felt alone. He was significantly happier with sensory videos on my phone mounted to the headrest.

You don't know what their reasons are. YABU.

ancientgran · 03/12/2020 22:30

One of my kids screamed on car journeys, how I envied people who had kids who slept in the car. When she was old enough to talk we realised she was travel sick, the rear facing seat must have been horrible for her. I often felt so distracted I could have crashed, sometimes I felt so desperate I wanted to crash, nature designed baby cries hard to ignore for a reason.

If I'd had a monitor and it would have distracted her I'd have used it and you could judge me as much as you like.

TreaterAnita · 03/12/2020 22:30

@theonlywayisup33

Um, from the OP the baby was rear facing and what’s being judged here is not the front seat issue...

JustCallMeGriffin · 03/12/2020 22:31

I hate babies with screens...however I had a car screamer. She'd turned purple with rage as soon as the engine started. I'd have let her watch anything if it meant driving without her ear piercing screams.

I did a lot of walking in those first few months!

FoxyTheFox · 03/12/2020 22:31

The rear being safer is only true for front/side-front collisions, in a rear/side-rear collision its more dangerous to be in the rear.

injuryprevention.bmj.com/content/4/3/181

Cam2020 · 03/12/2020 22:31

Oh come on, I think we all know that the people who shove a screen in front of their small children aren't doing it for any other reason than to keep them quiet as they can't be bothered to interact with them.

A bit difficult to interact with them when you're driving and they're in the back of the car in a rear facing car seat, I'd think!

BashfulClam · 03/12/2020 22:32

Whatever works, my niece used to scream and cry in the car until bc she was sick and would have bruises from flailing her limbs. That was even with someone sitting with her trying to calm her down. If watching peppa pig would stop that I say go ahead!

WinterWhore · 03/12/2020 22:33

Perfect Parent Police!!!!!
You dont know what kind of journey they were making, you dont know if the baby screams bloody murder every time they get in the car! Yes you judged. Shame on you.

theonlywayisup33 · 03/12/2020 22:34

[quote TreaterAnita]@theonlywayisup33

Um, from the OP the baby was rear facing and what’s being judged here is not the front seat issue...[/quote]
Wow.
Biscuit

namechangetheworld · 03/12/2020 22:34

I do this with our toddler. Couldn't really give a shite if it's judged as substandard parenting. We have an old phone that has a few Youtube nursery rhymes downloaded on and I stick it on whenever she starts getting upset. She's fine in the car if her sister is in the back, but if she's by herself she screams bloody murder. Much better to have a driver who is 100% focussed on the road instead of one who is distracted and trying to placate an hysterical child.

I don't have a black SUV though. Wish I did.

pastabest · 03/12/2020 22:34

@AlwaysBehindTheCurve

I wish I’d thought of that with DC3 who screamed so much in the car that we just stopped going places. Might have helped us make it to the supermarket or something.
Oh yes.

The fact that DC2 hated cars and screamed blue murder every time we went anywhere massively contributed to my PND. Not fun when you have a 4 mile drive to the nearest shop for even a pint of milk.

If I had the means to play videos in the car I would have done it in a heartbeat.

GlowingOrb · 03/12/2020 22:35

My child screamed bloody murder every time we got in the car. Where I live, there is no public transit and nothing is walkable . I barely left the house for almost a year and when we finally started getting out just a bit, we could never have more than one stop and the drives had to be short. I’m amazed my mental health did not suffer more than it did.

I was completely against screen time for infants. I looked desperately for a way to safely hold a screen up for a rear-facing infant but given DD’s age, all the devices available at the time were too heavy. If she were an infant today, there would have been an iPod air pointed at her for every car trip.

And yes, we now know dd has special needs. She was legitimately in sensory distress. At the time I just knew I had an infant that screamed so forcefully and so long every time I put her in a car seat that I could not drive us safely.

FoxyTheFox · 03/12/2020 22:35

I think we all know that the people who shove a screen in front of their small children aren't doing it for any other reason than to keep them quiet as they can't be bothered to interact with them.

Not interacting for a short period is fine, we all need five minutes to ourselves. Like I tell my DC when I take them to the park "I've brought you here so that I don't have to entertain you" then I shoo them off to play. I've also been known to bust out the tablets and send them to sit together in the dining room to watch YouTube or Minecraft while I sit in the living room in peace for a while.

Original poster
Farkinell · 03/12/2020 22:37

Oh come ON!

It's WAY too young to use a screen.

To reiterate, it was slow moving traffic. It was a quick glance. Didn't actually see the baby, just the container.m, so I guess it was quite young.

People coped on car journeys before the Screen obsession started.

Baby was in front seat, so could have seen parent's face, chatting, singing etc would be a FINE replacement.

And no not jealous, BMW so not my style. Wink

OP posts:
AlwaysBehindTheCurve · 03/12/2020 22:38

@Farkinell

Oh come ON!

It's WAY too young to use a screen.

To reiterate, it was slow moving traffic. It was a quick glance. Didn't actually see the baby, just the container.m, so I guess it was quite young.

People coped on car journeys before the Screen obsession started.

Baby was in front seat, so could have seen parent's face, chatting, singing etc would be a FINE replacement.

And no not jealous, BMW so not my style. Wink

Fair play to you if you can chat, sing and interact with a baby while also maintaining full concentration on the road.
livinlavida · 03/12/2020 22:38

Why on earth do you care? If it settles a baby what's the issue? Honestly mumsnet baffles me sometimes!

Ironingontheceiling · 03/12/2020 22:39

I had a screamer in the car. Screens saved my sanity.

Singing and faces didn’t work the same (she was in the back with a brother to entertain her).

Don’t know what the fact it was a bmw has to do with the price of fish but ok.