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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have judged? Awh feckit. Yes I judged, I VERY judged.

317 replies

Farkinell · 03/12/2020 21:52

Was in slow moving traffic today.

Big fuck off black BMW (suv/mpv/hpv??? who the eff knows) was coming towards me on other side of road.

Saw what I thought was a TV monitor in front passenger seat angled forwards.

Strange, I thought. Surely a passenger would be holding it and it would be facing backwards??

But LO! It was angled towards the passenger. Confused

A teeny baby in the carry part of travel system, backwards facing.

A tablet set up, plating a cartoon for a young baby to watch in the car.

Just

Goodness

Gracious.

Let's get them Oblong Addicted early, yeah?

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 04/12/2020 23:10

Hell yeah, we all get addicted in the end, but my brain is fully formed, young kids brains aren't.

Macncheeseballs · 04/12/2020 23:12

Ironing, I dont like the tone of your post in the least, I have every right to say I dont like screens in the hands of young kids without being told I am nasty! Come on

Ironingontheceiling · 04/12/2020 23:13

Snort.

Bless.

NuniaBeeswax · 04/12/2020 23:57

"Ironing, sorry just to be clear I am not talking about DVDs, I am talking about interactive screen usage in young kids,"

How is passively watching a screen any better than interacting with one?

Carouselfish · 05/12/2020 00:52

Agree op. Am judging for front seat and screen. easy life for parent over best for child.

TruculentandFarty · 05/12/2020 02:14

One thing we do know is that leaving babies to cry is stressful for them and can have effects that last.

Also do new mothers really need to have to deal with that day in and day out? It is utterly exhausting to have to hear your child cry like that day in and day out while you take other children to school or get groceries etc. New mothers have enough on their plate. Ten minutes of screen time twice a day when in the car is not the same as parking a three year old on an iPad for four hours a day.

blueshoes · 05/12/2020 02:54

I am so judging the OP. One of those ...

Shastabeast · 05/12/2020 04:58

Have a bit of compassion. Other women are the worst for judging mums. It’s hard. If you can’t put yourself in the shoes of someone with a baby who screams a lot then you are the shitty one here.

We didn’t do this but I would if I had a screaming baby now. I did resort to sitting in the back and showing a video on my phone when it was really bad. God it was fucking awful. She has additional needs and it’s still tough.

Shastabeast · 05/12/2020 05:05

We also used cartoons to snap her out of night terrors. Ever experienced a child having a night terror? Nothing like a nightmare. Actual screaming. Every night for years and lasted about an hour. Screens are extremely useful for these situations.

Posturesorposes · 05/12/2020 05:44

Hey OP

You joined MN just to make this post?

WOW.

Tobebythesea · 05/12/2020 06:59

You can get pram screen holders as well.

Pegase · 05/12/2020 07:23

Let's just assume that the OP saw a mum who had one of the extreme cases we have mentioned- for example vomiting through crying. Screens are still not the only way of dealing with the situation but it's a bloody hard situation, particularly if you are on your own so why not.

However some posters are already off down the slippery slope. "My child cries in the car so I give them a screen." As I said previously, current baby cries in the car to my horror but I don't give her a screen that could impact on her brain development. We talk, sing, play calming music on the stereo etc.

"It's not the same as putting a child on an iPad for hours." No it's not but it quickly turns from something one feels one has to do to survive a tricky car journey to letting them watch it while you make dinner or tidy up or do some mumsnetting etc etc. Whereas to some of us, screens for babies is a line in the sand, like giving a baby a happy meal or a cup of coffee.

Because although there is not scientific consensus (there often isn't - just look at Covid), respected organisations (WHO and AAP, Canadian Paediatric Society) believe screens for babies should be completely banned. The RCPCH disagrees. Well personally I'll go with the more conservative recommendation while waiting for more robust evidence to emerge.

Hardbackwriter · 05/12/2020 07:34

"It's not the same as putting a child on an iPad for hours." No it's not but it quickly turns from something one feels one has to do to survive a tricky car journey to letting them watch it while you make dinner or tidy up or do some mumsnetting etc etc.

It's a shame that you don't have self control but I can see how you'd need to avoid entirely if you're not capable of doing something in some situations but not others. Luckily lots of people do have that ability, so aren't in the same position as you.

SimonJT · 05/12/2020 07:37

@Carouselfish

Agree op. Am judging for front seat and screen. easy life for parent over best for child.
So leaving my son to suffer trauma on his weekly journeys from North London to the Midlands would be best for him?
OutComeTheWolves · 05/12/2020 07:39

I thought you meant angled towards the driver so they could drive and watch tv at the same time - that I would've judged.

LastChristmas20 · 05/12/2020 07:43

Nope. Sorry.

I will judge screen use quite quickly.

See it a lot round here, lip fillers, kid in buggy with a sausage roll and phone. Even saw that combo once but the toddler also had a can of coke!

But car ride? If the screen stopped some crying then fine. I was lucky mine liked the car.

Also - front seat with airbag off if rear facing isn't any less safe than the back.

For longer rides alone with a baby/child I moved the seat to the front too.

Facelikearustytractor · 05/12/2020 07:53

My DC2 pretty much screamed for about 10 months of his life when not asleep in the car. Journeys under 20 mins were off limits. We had to sing nursery rhymes to calm him and most often it didn't work. A bit of nursery rhyme youtube would have worked a treat. FWIW he doesn't get a screen shoved in front of him at home - he's very active - but I would have certainly utilised a screen in the car if I could.

My DC1 has also learnt quite a lot of from videos about science, maths etc, on his tablet and we talk about what he's seen too. It does depend on what they watch.

Facelikearustytractor · 05/12/2020 07:58

I do find it weird how some generations think it's ok to park a child in front of a TV or games console for hours, but when you don't need to plug something with a screen into a wall for it to work it is suddenly a thing of evil.

Mistigri · 05/12/2020 08:05

My DD was such a difficult traveller that we avoided any car trips above 40 minutes for the first 4 years of her life. She never slept in the car.

If tablets had existed at the time I'd have definitely used one.

I do judge people who drive SUVs though. I judge them especially hard in cities.

Universallyhappy · 05/12/2020 08:11

I wouldn’t judge. As a parent with a sen child, my child never could be distracted as a baby. She was happy in a car but we did take her iPad with her to restaurants and sometimes out to shops, when we could still go (with covid everyone is getting to see what it’s like to have such heavy restrictions on your life that you never expected). We couldn’t go outside without my child screaming constantly due to sensory overload.

Parents who haven’t had to be in that world or work in that world just couldn’t possibly understand. I used to judge everyone for that, now I’ve had neurotypical children I can see how removed from the norm it is.

SinkGirl · 05/12/2020 08:14

@Ilovesugar

I judge people that use iPads / phones in restaurants and can’t have normal conversations with their kids, so no I would have judged too! Maybe not what I would do but each to their own?!
This sort of attitude really makes me angry. You have absolutely no idea why that’s happening.

We’ve been to an actual restaurant twice in the last two years or so with our twins. Not fancy places, but also not a cafe at a family attraction.

Last time one had an iPad and the other was looking at books. They are both autistic and can get very distressed - they can’t be occupied by conversation, they’re not interested in people, they don’t understand words or why they’re sitting in a chair doing nothing.

I know people would also be judgemental if they were screaming and hurling themselves to the floor. I did it because I didn’t want them disturbing others, we were there for a meal with family which doesn’t happen often. I’m sure everyone was judging us anyway.

Bluntness100 · 05/12/2020 08:17

At least the op climbed down. I never understand this need people have to judge other parents and act superior, when they don’t know the back story,

Most people ust getting though and doing the best they can. Judging them for doing it wrong and gloating about how much better you did it, is just really shitty.

Bluntness100 · 05/12/2020 08:19

I do judge people who drive SUVs though. I judge them especially hard in cities

Why? I drive a four by four because l live rurally and the roads are shit. Would you like me to avoid going into the city in my car, or you do feel I need a spare car to use for city trips?

VettiyaIruken · 05/12/2020 08:23

Yeah, they should have been playing patty cake with the baby while they were driving.

The nerve of someone doing something that might allow them to concentrate on the road. People used to cope when it didn't exist so nothing should ever come along that might make something easier. 😂

Tellmetruth4 · 05/12/2020 08:43

DH almost crashed once when DD creamed the car down. I wish we would’ve had a screen that day.

I would’ve only judged if the tv screen was facing the driver!

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