Dsd will be 20 next month. She had a gap year which wan't an enormous success (did about 6 weeks work in the UK and 5 months travelling in SE Asia). She has just started university but it is not going well. She isn't going to lectures or studying and isn't settling into the social side of things either. She has already fallen behind and this week her cousin is going down to see her (she is over from Oz) so that will be another week where she doesn't work/catch up. This isn't sustainable and dh thinks she is likely to drop out before xmas.
She has fallen out with her mum and refuses to live there any more (the feeling is mutual, so this isn't going to change). About 4 years ago she did the same with dh and while their relationship is good, she has not stayed with us for quite a while now. In the mean time we have had ds who now has her old room. This has been fine with her until now.
She is going to need to come and stay with us during uni holidays but, it's also extremely likely she will need to come and live with us longer term if/when she drops out (which will happen the way things are going).
I am 25 weeks pregnant and ds is 3 (this week). Given that we currently live in a 2 bedroom flat, we now have to either a) move house asap or b) try to accommodate her here.
Despite the madness of embarking on a house move at 6m pregnant, we have put our flat on the market and I have spent many hours surfing/travelling to view houses/looking at finances etc. It would seem that it isn't going to be possible as we can't find anywhere big enough without moving much further away than I want to at the current time. We would have to leave the area and for my sake and ds's this is not a good time to do it.
So, in that case, she will need to live here. She is not easy to live with. Dh will be the first to say she has no regard for others. It's easy to say that she should take some responsibility, but the reality is that she doesn't. Dh will be at work 5 days a week and I will be at home with a toddler, a new born and a 20 year old in the middle of a life crisis that she won't be doing much about.
After a lot of soul searching I am at the stage where I really don't think I can take all of this on. A lot of people say "oh, we all manage" but I have a history of not quite managing and I am concerned about my welfare and that of my dcs. Dh thinks I am being selfish and unreasonable and that I am asking him to reject his daughter. I am not but we can't find a middle ground. At the moment, I can't see a way forward and am at my wits end.
Everyone in RL is telling me I can't take this on but dh is adamant I should.
Any advice would be welcome (and thank you for even reading this far!)