Taking pets to other peoples homes

[Satsuma2019]

Hey, so we are currently trying to make Xmas plans and have decided to host Xmas dinner at our house (within the permitted COVID rules). One family member has a dog... AIBU to say this family member is not to bring their pet when attending.

We don’t have pets and the dogs are known to wee and poo on the floor at a whim. Plus our house isn’t overly big and I just feel that there won’t be a lot of space for my DC to play with their new toys and we are going to have to constantly watch the dog all day to ensure they dont chew on the toys or wee on the floor. Just seems very stressful ...

@AryaStarkWolf

YANBU, this seems to be a new thing where people expect to be allowed bring their dogs everywhere

It’s not a new thing at all. My parents were inseparable from their dog over 50 years ago. They took him everywhere.

I love dogs and we have always had dogs, so do many of our friends. But when we invite each other for a meal or social occasion, we leave the dogs at home. Or sometimes, in the car. Nobody expects their dog to be underfoot in someone elses house during the meal.

 Your relatives are probably intending to either leave the dog at home or in the car,  just check to set your mind at rest.

No, it's fine. Us dog owners are used to not being able to go everywhere. I always check before I take my dog over to someone's house, even if the dog's been there before. It does sometimes affect whether or not I can go myself, but that's part of having a dog. It's not unreasonable not to want a dog in your house. But especially dogs that mess. There's no excuse for that unless they're elderly or disabled.

I would insist they brought the dog

To be fair to these dog owning relatives.

As a dog owner, I would never think I should bring the dog. Dog is happy to be left as long as he has had a good walk. My friend comes in after 4 hours, spends time with him. She will also give him dinner at right time. We get home later and let him out before bed.
Doesn't happen often, but dog has had massive walk in the morning and sleeps all day.
Overnight and another friend who has a dog is happy to have him.

BUT Christmas is a problem. It is not possible really to ask someone else to dog sit, very few people are in a position to be happy with random extra dog on Christmas day, including people who get paid for dog sitting.
So it can be very hard to work out what to do with dog for those 2 days. Sad to be excluded from family, but not many options.

I wouldn't have a dog in my house regardless of how well behaved it is at it's own house. Who knows how it will be in a house it's not familiar with, coupled with excited children and the added noise.

@steppemum I agree it’s sad to not be allowed spend Christmas with your family just because you have a dog. Luckily my family want me there so much they don’t mind the dog being there though one of them is not a big fan of dogs and has lots of young children. I’m surprised how many here would make their family member feel like lepers due to dog ownership. It’s unfortunately cruelty to leave a dog all day on it’s own and as you said it can be near impossible to find help or minding for dog on Christmas Day itself so an inability to compromise means the owners would need to be left out of the family get together.

Not alot of Christmas spirit going around those households!! Feeling grateful for my wonderful family

How could anyone think shutting a dog in a cold car on its own for hours on end is acceptable?

Dogs are not children! They can be trained to stay in the car, with blankets and toys. And they have furry coats anyway. Usually the owner goes out to check on them every hour or so, takes them for short walks, brings them food.

Lots of dogs live in kennels! Outdoors, no heating. Working dogs being one example.

I don’t see what’s wrong with leaving them in a car or van and checking on them frequently.

I’m surprised how many here would make their family member feel like lepers due to dog ownership

It's not the family member I don't want, it's the dog. It would ruin my day to have a dog around my house with children and extra people. I can't imagine many dogs being happy with it tbh.

Luckily my family want me there so much they don’t mind the dog being there though one of them is not a big fan of dogs and has lots of young children. I’m surprised how many here would make their family member feel like lepers due to dog ownership

So you think it’s ok to inflict your dog on someone who is ‘not a fan of dogs’, and has ‘lots of young children’ in the house Xmas day? Why don’t you find a dog sitter if you know your dog makes family members uncomfortable? Insisting you can only come if you bring the dog is manipulative.

Not wanting a dog in the house isn’t treating someone like ‘a leper’ they just don’t like dogs being in their home. It’s not cruel to train a dog to stay in the car/van, provided you take it for regular walks and keep it warm. Kids will always be seen as family even by those who don’t like kids, dogs are only ‘family’ to their owners.

Kids will always be seen as family even by those who don’t like kids, dogs are only ‘family’ to their owners.

I beg to differ. We are not keen on kids and ask our guests to leave them at home with someone. On family holidays we choose not to see friends/family who have children.

Lots of dogs live in kennels! Outdoors, no heating. Working dogs being one example.

It’s fine for them, they don’t know anything else. It would be a very cruel thing to do to a dog that spends their life in a centrally heated house with people around most of the time.

@RattleOfBars

How could anyone think shutting a dog in a cold car on its own for hours on end is acceptable?

Dogs are not children! They can be trained to stay in the car, with blankets and toys. And they have furry coats anyway. Usually the owner goes out to check on them every hour or so, takes them for short walks, brings them food.

Lots of dogs live in kennels! Outdoors, no heating. Working dogs being one example.

I don’t see what’s wrong with leaving them in a car or van and checking on them frequently.

Dogs would stay in a car but would suffer. Working dogs are not pet so you can't compare the two. Would you train your kid to be left in a tiny, separate room, alone, and not come in while you are enjoying your friends' and family's company?

@RattleOfBars actually I said to my family member I couldn’t come as it would be unfair to leave the dog all day and my family member said they would rather I came plus dog. Not everyone is nasty like you!

Lots of dogs live in kennels! Outdoors, no heating. Working dogs being one example

My neighbour's dogs live in kennels outside and are working dogs. They seem to prefer being outside. They leap into his vehicle to sleep at any opportunity, no doubt worried he'll go somewhere without them. When they've been out all day working or training, they have to be coaxed out of the vehicle in their return. Probs hoping if they stay there they'll get to go out again. They are very fit and happy dogs. And extremely well trained.
They live the life that nature intended.

I wouldn’t mind the dog, I would mind the poo and wee though. I don’t wear shoes in the house so ‘dog’ would need to be ok with a paw wash when they arrived too!

They do come into the kitchen to socialise. But sleep outside unless it's freezing.

@ClickandForget but can you not see the owner can’t come without the dog? You’re making them choose between being cruel to the dog leaving it on it’s own at home all day when they know that would distress it (and in my case that would be two hours away) or spending Christmas without their family. Most dog owners care about their pets so have no choice but to forgo seeing family.

I don’t know who I could get to kind my dog Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Dog walkers aren’t working Christmas Day and the daycare my dog goes to is also closed Christmas Day too presumably as they want to have their own Christmas celebration with family. Luckily my family don’t put me in that position.

@ForeverAintEnough

Yes, that's why my DSis and DBIL tend to host us. It works fine. My DH can bring his anti-allergy medication with him and I don't have to worry about my cats, who are being well looked after at a cattery, or with a cat sitter looking in on them every day.

I do think also that dogs vary enormously.

My dog will (once walked etc) sit under my legs all day. If told to sit down, he wouldn't be jumping round, chewing toys, or even interacting much. If he was on his lead and told to, he would sit quietly with me. When we sit down to eat, he will lie down under my chair.

He isn't always like that, he can be over excited etc, but when required he can be under control.
I know many dogs who will curl up behind a chair and not want to be in the middle of the noisy room anyway.

But I know other dogs which are a pain in the neck. But actually it is the owner not the dog. If you arrive at someone's house and let the dog loose to run round, scare the cat, shove past the kids, stand all over the gifts get loose in the kitchen etc then the dog is not going to be welcome.

And for OP, a dog that wees on the floor is not welcome in my house on Christmas day.

A lot also depends on where the relative lives. Can they pop home?

[quote ForeverAintEnough]@steppemum I agree it’s sad to not be allowed spend Christmas with your family just because you have a dog. Luckily my family want me there so much they don’t mind the dog being there though one of them is not a big fan of dogs and has lots of young children. I’m surprised how many here would make their family member feel like lepers due to dog ownership. It’s unfortunately cruelty to leave a dog all day on it’s own and as you said it can be near impossible to find help or minding for dog on Christmas Day itself so an inability to compromise means the owners would need to be left out of the family get together.

Not alot of Christmas spirit going around those households!! Feeling grateful for my wonderful family [/quote]
Pay no attention to RattleOfBars. She’s another well known animal hater. I don’t think you are inflicting your dog on anyone. I personally would chose not to spend Xmas with a bunch of noisy and over excited young children, but if I want to see family I know this is a sacrifice I must make in order to do so.

As for leaving your dog alone in a cold car while you enjoy your Xmas dinner in a heated house with all your friends and family around you? No way would I ever do this to my dog. I’d rather leave her at home and cut my visit short.

@ClickandForget

Lots of dogs live in kennels! Outdoors, no heating. Working dogs being one example

My neighbour's dogs live in kennels outside and are working dogs. They seem to prefer being outside. They leap into his vehicle to sleep at any opportunity, no doubt worried he'll go somewhere without them. When they've been out all day working or training, they have to be coaxed out of the vehicle in their return. Probs hoping if they stay there they'll get to go out again. They are very fit and happy dogs. And extremely well trained.
They live the life that nature intended.

Working dogs and regular dogs are very different. Every dog is different. For example, there is no way my dog would be happy sleeping in a kennel or being shut in a car for hours. I wouldn’t even try to train her to do this, she would hate it and I don’t see the point in having a dog if you aren’t going to treat it as a part of the family. I know working dogs are different.

I find your idea that they live life the way nature intended comment very bizarre though. Dogs are domesticated. They aren’t wild. They definitely aren’t wolves.

If they really must bring the dog, or not come at all, could they not leave the dog in the car, and pop out every hour or so if necessary, to check on it? I would not want it in my home at all.

I once had someone visiting me who just turned up with their dog and expected him to be invited in. It was very awkward as I did not want the dog inside. If they do come for Christmas Day, you will need to discuss the dog OP, as some people just unreasonably assume they can bring their pet with them.

YANBU

If I wanted a dog in my house then I would have my own. I have spent a lot of time and money decorating and furnishing my house - so I do not want animals or small children touching/licking/peeing on anything.

Perils of dog ownership is that it can curtail your social life.

Have they asked if they can bring the dog? I wouldn't expect to take my dog when visiting anyone.