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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking pets to other peoples homes

252 replies

Satsuma2019 · 02/12/2020 10:39

Hey, so we are currently trying to make Xmas plans and have decided to host Xmas dinner at our house (within the permitted COVID rules). One family member has a dog... AIBU to say this family member is not to bring their pet when attending.

We don’t have pets and the dogs are known to wee and poo on the floor at a whim. Plus our house isn’t overly big and I just feel that there won’t be a lot of space for my DC to play with their new toys and we are going to have to constantly watch the dog all day to ensure they dont chew on the toys or wee on the floor. Just seems very stressful ...

OP posts:
Bobtheshark · 02/12/2020 10:58

It’s your choice. I have two dogs, my daughter will bring her dog on Xmas day. It will be hectic but her dog is part of her family and she’s part of ours.

None of our dogs have ever peed in the floor.

Ultimately it’s up to you though. It’s your house .

Winederlust · 02/12/2020 11:04

Yep just to echo, your house your rules. Equally you may have to accept they can't then come.

VinylDetective · 02/12/2020 11:05

@Dazedandconfused10

If it was going to be for more than 4hours I'd have to decline the invite.

Plus dogs who have been trained dont just wee and poo indoors when they feel like it. Do you think people with pets just spend their time cleaning this up?!

This. Our dog would be absolutely mortified if she had an accident - and it most definitely would be an accident. We definitely wouldn’t leave her alone for more than four hours at the most. Fortunately our family are dog lovers and she’s welcome everywhere.
Mulhollandmagoo · 02/12/2020 11:05

Not all dogs wee and poo on a whim, but that's completely aside the point, if you don't want a dog in your home then don't, its your hoke and you are hosting! You are absolutely not being unreasonable at all. I have a dog myself but I hate those entitled pet owners who expect to bring their dogs everywhere and get offended when someone says no

midnightstar66 · 02/12/2020 11:06

Never take a dog to someone else's house. It is a darned nuisance and a cheek.

Well that's a bit of a generalisation lol. Most of my family and friends have dogs so they come to my house and my dog comes with me to theirs. My dc make more mess and take up more space.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 02/12/2020 11:08

I once took my perfect well trained and house trained ddog to a friend's house.
Invited.
She did a huge poo on friend's new rug!!
Never again.
We used to have ds's ddog over. Just put them all out back /utility access only!!
Yanbu to day no. Be prepared for guests to not accept your kind invite though.

Mulhollandmagoo · 02/12/2020 11:12

I do however echo other posters who say they may not accept your invitation, which is fine, its really unfair to leave a dog for hours and hours on end

ruby4ever · 02/12/2020 11:13

Do people take their pets/dogs with them to peoples houses? Regardless of peeing pooping, I wouldn't allow anyone to bring their animals to my house. They choose to have a pet, doesn't mean everyone else has to now accommodate to it where ever they go. Are you assuming they will get their dog, or is that what they normally do? Just say to them the invite doesn't include pets.

NoSquirrels · 02/12/2020 11:17

I won't vote as I don't think YABU not to want a dog who wees and poos on the floor in your house on Christmas Day (or any day, tbh).

However, as a dog owner it is not as simple as "just leave them at home."

The tone of your OP is a little bit like you've decided on plans for other people without discussion:

we are currently trying to make Xmas plans and have decided to host Xmas dinner at our house (within the permitted COVID rules). One family member has a dog... AIBU to say this family member is not to bring their pet when attending.

You can invite someone to Christmas Day at your house, and let them know that you can't also host the dog. But you cannot force anyone to attend and more importantly you should not get the arse if they decide to stay home or go elsewhere.

LastGoldenDaysOfSummer · 02/12/2020 11:17

No dogs allowed here. Be prepared for them to turn down the invitation but stick to your guns.

Dog owners don't realise what a pain non dog owners find them.

The hair and the smell. Yuck.

TragedyHands · 02/12/2020 11:19

YANBU

I think only a cf would expect to take an animal to somebody else's home.

FoxtrotOscarPoppet · 02/12/2020 11:22

YANBU - your house, your rules.

Dog owner here.
I wouldn’t ever presume that my dog was automatically invited to another house.

However I wouldn’t leave my dog behind at home alone on Christmas Day so would decline any invitation that didn’t include her and have the day at home with my family (and dog). Grin

ForeverAintEnough · 02/12/2020 11:24

@Satsuma2019 I have a new dog this year. He has been welcomed into my family and friends homes whenever we have visited. He is fully toilet trained clean and doesn’t shed. He will also sit at my feet sometimes on a lead if he doesn’t settle. So there have been no issues bringing him places.

I do have a friend who is terrified of dogs and I wouldn’t bring him to her house so I only go when I have arranged care for him. I also wouldn’t bring the dog somewhere my friends have not explicitly said he can come.

However I would not be able to go and visit those people on Christmas Day as it’s usually a long day and the dog shouldn’t be left for more than 4 hours on its own and dog walkers etc are not working Christmas Day.

So you are of course allowed to say you don’t want the dog there however it likely means your family member won’t be able to come either. So you need to weigh up whether your not wanting the dog there is more important than having Christmas with your family member. For me luckily my family members want me there even though before getting my dog there was a no animals in the house policy.

I wouldn’t be offended if someone said they didn’t want my dog there as long as they said it nicely ie we would love you to come but unfortunately we don’t let dogs in the house so would you be able to come without X. There’s no need to be nasty saying it’ll pee everywhere etc.

RattleOfBars · 02/12/2020 11:27

Just say you don’t allow dogs in the house. Make it sound like a blanket rule not just their dog.

I stopped allowing dogs into my home years ago, after one cocked its leg and weed all over the sofa! It was supposedly house trained too, just got over-excited!

Simplyunacceptable · 02/12/2020 11:27

Of course YANBU to not want untrained dogs in your home. I’d expect them not to attend though if they usually take their dogs everywhere so bear that in mind. They may not be able to find a suitable kennel at short notice.

mummy2oli · 02/12/2020 11:29

YANBU. Equally they will NBU to decline the invite.
My in law doesn’t like dogs. So if they host anything we don’t attend, they are more than welcome to come here, but if they chose not to that is totally fine. There is no hard feelings at all

LST · 02/12/2020 11:30

You are obviously not being unreasonable not to want them to bring their dog. But be expected for them to say thanks but no thanks as we would if our dog was being left for hours. Most dogs do not wee or poo in peoples homes by the way

MrsDonnelly · 02/12/2020 11:30

I think it depends on how close a family member it is. I would never expect to take my dog to a friend’s/distant family member’s house. Not everyone wants a dog around and I fully appreciate that. However, if it was a very close family member such as my mum or sister I’d be gutted. Yes, dogs can be messy and so can small children. I have never complained to my sister about her children touching things with sticky fingers or wetting the bed when small. As far as I’m concerned, they’re my family and I accept that small kids can make a mess. I’d never say that a child was unwelcome and would be upset if my child was excluded to avoid mess. I’d expect the same welcome to be extended to my dog who is part of the family too

daisyjgrey · 02/12/2020 11:31

I wouldn't 'expect' to take my dog to someone's home, especially if they didn't have them already. I wouldn't mind someone bringing theirs to mine if it was well behaved and not liable to try eat my dog/children.

You are being a bit unreasonable with the 'known to wee and poo on the floor at a whim' though, bit overly dramatic.

RattleOfBars · 02/12/2020 11:31

Most of our friends with dogs have a van so when they visit for the day dog stays in the van (in his dog bed with his toys) and gets brought out every hour or so for a walk and wee or a stroll around the garden.

Other friends are happy to leave their dogs in our garden (secure and has an open shed) but nobody’s objected to the no-dogs-indoors rule.

PandemicPalava · 02/12/2020 11:33

YANBU But be prepared for them to decline the invite. I wouldn't go to my mother-in-law if we couldn't take the dog, she is an hours drive away and I wouldn't want to be in a rush. I also wouldn't like to have a dog sitter coming Christmas Day. Luckily we can take the dog she has one too. I would also not want to leave my dog alone on Christmas day as my daughter would be gutted.

All that said, your house, your rules and our dog is like having a toddler about the house I have to watch constantly, so does add a level of stress

Honeyroar · 02/12/2020 11:33

Our family always let us bring our dogs Xmas day. We actually don’t anymore as two other members of the family take their dogs, who are a bit aggressive. But we don’t stay as long now because we don’t take the dogs. If the family member doing Xmas wasn’t local and I couldn’t take the dogs I simply wouldn’t go.

ForeverAintEnough · 02/12/2020 11:37

I would also say some posters here seem to be implying they then might not come almost like it’s as you’ve offended them. While I would be disappointed if my family members wouldn’t let my dog come I wouldn’t not be coming because of that.

When you get a dog you are responsible for it and can’t just leave it at home for 12 hours while you go have a nice Christmas. It has to be fed walked and let out to go toilet as dogs do not like to toilet where they sleep or in their crate and it woikd be very uncomfortable for them.

Yes it’s ’just a dog’ but it’s cruel to leave them all day on their own so unfortunately if dog wasn’t welcome I would have no choice but to decline an invite.

So please don’t be annoyed at them or take it as a personal affront if they don’t come following your no dog rule. They’re not left with much of a choice and might not have the money for expensive dog walkers and kennels at Christmas.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 02/12/2020 11:39

It’s your choice. I wouldn’t be able to visit anyone if my dog wasn’t allowed but that doesn’t mean people have to include him.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 02/12/2020 11:40

Totally dependant on you, the dog's temperament, your relationship with the owner, and the rules in your own home.

In your situation you aren't being unreasonable, but equally your relatives aren't either if they decide not to come because they can't bring their dog.