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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking pets to other peoples homes

252 replies

Satsuma2019 · 02/12/2020 10:39

Hey, so we are currently trying to make Xmas plans and have decided to host Xmas dinner at our house (within the permitted COVID rules). One family member has a dog... AIBU to say this family member is not to bring their pet when attending.

We don’t have pets and the dogs are known to wee and poo on the floor at a whim. Plus our house isn’t overly big and I just feel that there won’t be a lot of space for my DC to play with their new toys and we are going to have to constantly watch the dog all day to ensure they dont chew on the toys or wee on the floor. Just seems very stressful ...

OP posts:
TheFuckingDogs · 02/12/2020 14:29

We have family members who don’t allow our dogs to come to their house. On Christmas Day that just means we won’t be able to go to their house as we aren’t leaving the dogs at Christmas

Noshowlomo · 02/12/2020 14:29

It’s the assumption that pisses me off. We have two cats, one who is scared of his own shadow and we had a message “on our way and the dog is with us”
Er then don’t stop at our house please! The dog would leave it’s scent meaning our cats would spray (they’ve been done but still do it), and we’d end up with a rank living room and stressed cats. Just don’t assume people want your pets, even if they are lovely (and they generally are, in their own houses.. !)

LethargicLumpOfLockdownLard · 02/12/2020 14:35

I asked our guests what time they would rather have Christmas dinner so they can work around their dogs (two families, two dogs each) as I know they have to get back to feed and walk them.

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 02/12/2020 14:42

@Noshowlomo

It’s the assumption that pisses me off. We have two cats, one who is scared of his own shadow and we had a message “on our way and the dog is with us” Er then don’t stop at our house please! The dog would leave it’s scent meaning our cats would spray (they’ve been done but still do it), and we’d end up with a rank living room and stressed cats. Just don’t assume people want your pets, even if they are lovely (and they generally are, in their own houses.. !)
Absolutely. We used to go away with friends on holiday (we'd rent a house together) and they would bring their dog. Which means we could choose properties from a much smaller pool because we could only go to those who took dogs. Our dogs stayed at home with the sitter.
emilyfrost · 02/12/2020 14:42

It’s the assumption that pisses me off. We have two cats, one who is scared of his own shadow and we had a message “on our way and the dog is with us”
Er then don’t stop at our house please!

If someone sent me that message I’d send one back saying “We have already discussed that the dog is not welcome. We’ll have to meet up another time.”

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 02/12/2020 14:43

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

I mean I do understand if they’re horribly allergic or something, but this is all just so strange to me—I’ve genuinely never met anyone who doesn’t welcome dogs to their house, or who is that precious? Is this is a middle England thing?
I don't think so. We have dogs but appreciate if guests ask before bringing theirs. Same with kids - we don't have kids and don't want kids in our home.
nokidshere · 02/12/2020 14:46

No one who knows me would ever suggest bringing their dog to my house.

I have allowed 2 of my sisters to bring their tiny chihuahuas, and a friend to bring her dachshund very occasionally because I wanted them to be here and I'd rather see my family and friends than not. But they have to keep them away from me and off the furniture.

They'd never assume that because I let them once they are free to bring them every time. By the same token I would not be offended if they refused to visit because I didn't want their pet.

VodselForDinner · 02/12/2020 14:47

Your house, your rules.

I have a “no children inside the house” rule for visitors and it works well.

lakesideadvent · 02/12/2020 14:50

Although it is maybe a little hard to organize a family Xmas dinner if all the dc have to stay away 😂

ForeverAintEnough · 02/12/2020 14:52

@Satsuma2019 I think we’ve all gone off topic. Seems pretty unanimous though

  1. YANBU to not want the dog there
  2. It will mean they most likely can’t come as no one to mind the dog and contrary to what some think you can’t just leave it home all day like you would a pet rabbit
  3. So you need to decide whether you would prefer Christmas without them and dog or with them and dog (luckily my family choose this option)
  4. If you do want them there maybe consider a compromise of no dog in main sitting room or dog in a crate etc
Kokosrieksts · 02/12/2020 14:52

You clearly dislike dogs. They don’t pee or poo inside unless they are an untrained puppy. If I couldn’t take my dog I would not attend as where is she supposed to stay all day? I wouldn’t take offense as each household has different rules, but I would decline the invitation.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 02/12/2020 14:55

Absolutely. We used to go away with friends on holiday (we'd rent a house together) and they would bring their dog. Which means we could choose properties from a much smaller pool because we could only go to those who took dogs. Our dogs stayed at home with the sitter.

We have a family member like this and it’s made several trips awkward. In fact, the trips have decreased over time (obviously we didn’t travel this year anyway), because everything always revolves around her dogs. Our dog has his own holiday at the sitter’s house, he loves it!

WeAllHaveWings · 02/12/2020 14:58

our dog tends to go to others homes with us, but that is only because he is usually invited and we never ask or assume. he is fully trained and normally once he has given everyone a quick sniff finds somewhere to lie down and just watch everyone or sleep only getting up if he needs out.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 02/12/2020 15:01

This thread has reminded me of another one where the OP's sister announced she would be buying the children pet pigs and they would all be coming for Christmas. 🤣🤣🤣 I can't remember how that one panned out.

Mittens030869 · 02/12/2020 15:04

I feel sorry that we can't have my DSis and her family to stay because of their dog. I have no problem with dogs, I really like them, but with three cats and my DH's allergy it just isn't possible. (This is a young dog, they hadn't had one for a number of years since their last one was PTS). So we go and stay with them. They live on the Isle of Wight now, though, so that's a much nicer place to be. My DH just takes his medication and they're considerate in not allowing the dog to go upstairs.

Cats are easier to leave (whether in a cattery or to have a sitter come in daily), so that makes sense.

QueenOfCatan · 02/12/2020 15:14

Yanbu, but they werent unreasonable to ask (as long as they aren't arsey if you decline). We have a puppy who can't be left alone for long yet, our family member was going to host Christmas and so we asked if puppy could come and stay in the garden and they said no, that's okay with us and we understand as she's our pup not theirs, but it does mean that we can't go. We're not too fussed, more of an excuse to stay home and snuggle the pup!

Cosmos45 · 02/12/2020 15:17

@VodselForDinner - I do so wish I could implement that rule here too! It does make me laugh that my dog is not allowed at any of my husband's families houses but all their children can traipse over our house.

joystir59 · 02/12/2020 15:17

I wouldn't expect anyone to put up with a dog that isn't house-trained. My dog would never per or poo in someone's house and I would expect to take him with me at Christmas- what to do with him otherwise? He loves Christmas (dinner) and would be so miserable not to be included. So I'd stay home with him.

Nottherealslimshady · 02/12/2020 15:26

You dont even need to explain. You dont want someone elses dog in your house, end of.

They can choose to not come or can choose to host.

It would be unreasonable to insist they always travel to you but leave their dog behind, especially if they're travelling a distance and have to board their dog.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 02/12/2020 15:29

Chestnutshell it's not a mnet thing, it's a "the circles you move in" thing. I have very friends with dogs and no family at all. We had two friends who had dogs. Over time, those two have drifted away from the group we knew them from, as their dogs restrict their lives terribly and no one else we know is willing to have dogs in their houses.

Dog people tend to gravitate towards other dog people, the fact that you don't know many non dog people does not mean they dont exist in their millions.

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 02/12/2020 15:33

[quote Cosmos45]@VodselForDinner - I do so wish I could implement that rule here too! It does make me laugh that my dog is not allowed at any of my husband's families houses but all their children can traipse over our house.[/quote]
Can you not say your house is not child friendly and you'd rather they didn't bring them?

41weekswithno2 · 02/12/2020 15:35

Of course you're within your rights to not invite their pet and it's certainly not comparable to a child. I have a dog and don't know why people make the constant comparisons. A child is a human being, a dog is a pet.
However so be prepared for them not being able to come. We wouldn't leave our dog for any longer than 4 hours and it will probably be tricky for them to arrange a dog sitter of any kind now for Christmas Day.

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 02/12/2020 15:36

Because if you don't like children they are as much of a pain as dogs are to non-dog people.

41weekswithno2 · 02/12/2020 15:41

Because if you don't like children they are as much of a pain as dogs are to non-dog people.

What if you don't like old people or disabled people?
Dogs aren't children and children aren't dogs I don't know why there are constant comparisons.
Of course there are people that have no time for children but the comparison to dogs I find weird.

blackkitty1234 · 02/12/2020 15:42

@BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

Because if you don't like children they are as much of a pain as dogs are to non-dog people.
Totally agree.