Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking pets to other peoples homes

252 replies

Satsuma2019 · 02/12/2020 10:39

Hey, so we are currently trying to make Xmas plans and have decided to host Xmas dinner at our house (within the permitted COVID rules). One family member has a dog... AIBU to say this family member is not to bring their pet when attending.

We don’t have pets and the dogs are known to wee and poo on the floor at a whim. Plus our house isn’t overly big and I just feel that there won’t be a lot of space for my DC to play with their new toys and we are going to have to constantly watch the dog all day to ensure they dont chew on the toys or wee on the floor. Just seems very stressful ...

OP posts:
luckylavender · 02/12/2020 20:08

This thread brings out the worse in dog owners. I used to have a dog as I mentioned earlier. I also had a child (grown up now). Animals are not the same as humans and don't know it's Christmas. Children do. I would never take a child anywhere where I knew people didn't want to see them, I wish people were the same with animals. And if you have an animal, don't be offended if people don't want it in their home. Their home, their choice. I had a great aunt when I was growing up who was very 'love me, love my dog' and she used the bring it when she came. It peed on the carpets every time, was aggressive, yappy, skittish and nipped whoever he could catch and generally set everyone on edge. Such selfish behaviour.

Original poster
Satsuma2019 · 02/12/2020 20:33

Thank you all for your opinions. It has given me lots to think about. For some of the comments made regarding being uptight and precious, not at all. I have no issues with the dogs when I visit said member of family in their own home. Can’t have pets in my own home as other family member has allergies so it wouldn’t be fair for them to suffer. Not only that but it would be stressful as home isn’t very large and is open plan so not like they could go into a separate room.

OP posts:
VinylDetective · 02/12/2020 20:36

I don’t think this thread has brought out the worst in dog owners at all. Most of us have said we wouldn’t visit anywhere for Christmas if we couldn’t take our dog, we’d prefer to stay at home. What’s wrong with that?

SlippersForFlippers · 02/12/2020 20:42

Yanbu, just be aware they may not want to come if they can't bring the dog. If they don't want to come don't take it personally.

movingonup20 · 02/12/2020 20:43

@luckylavender

Why do you think dog owners are bad. If someone invited us over they knew we had a dog therefore if it was more than a 6 hours approx visit including travel time we had to bring him, no way would I use kennels again, we tried them and it caused major issues, he took weeks to recover from us abandoning him there (my parents have him for holidays). I would never impose him on others who didn't like dogs, we would just refuse the invite.

Foxyloxxy7 · 02/12/2020 20:54

@Mittens030869 I actually like children and animals.

This is the problem, people judge you when you don’t want children involved in every aspect of your life. I also have many friends that have children and I’m a godmother to some of them.

I don’t expect people to let my dog in their house. They shouldn’t expect me to let their child in mine.

RattleOfBars · 02/12/2020 20:55

Would you train your kid to be left in a tiny, separate room, alone, and not come in while you are enjoying your friends' and family's company?

You can’t compare kids and dogs. Dogs aren’t human and don’t have the same needs or rights (unless you treat them as human then you have a different problem on your hands!) Families accept kids if they’re part of the family (even if they don’t like them) but pets aren’t always viewed the same way.

I know lots of people who keep their dog in the car or van when they visit. They seem perfectly happy and get brought out regularly for walks or a run in the garden. Some of them are house dogs, but used to being outdoors all day so the cold doesn’t bother them. One of my friends is a builder and says his dog likes sitting in his work van, she has her own bed and toys in there as she accompanies him on jobs.

I’m not an animal hater (as BlackKitty claimed) I just don’t like dogs in my home.

luckylavender · 02/12/2020 21:04

@movingonup20 - you wouldn't impose your dog as I didn't, as I wouldn't impose children. Plenty who would though.

Runnerduck34 · 02/12/2020 21:22

Yanbu to say no, i have said no before to a friend who wanted to bring her dog , i didnt think.my cats would appreciate it! I now have dogs but would never expect to take them with me to someones house,most dogs are fine left for a few hours, good walk before leaving and another walk.when you get home, water to drink.etc depending.on your guest and their dog they may want to leave earlier if they cant bring them.but thats up them.

ForeverAintEnough · 02/12/2020 21:23

@RattleOfBars I’d love to know more about your friends circle! In the thread the other week on using Dr as title you said nearly all your friends have doctorates. Now you seem to have loads of friends who own vans to keep their dogs in. I’d love to meet this weird breed of doctorate holding van owners Confused

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 02/12/2020 21:37

We only take our dog to parents and our siblings houses, nowhere else without checking first.

But we think this may be his last Christmas, he is 15 years, so if we were to go to someone outside the immediate family, we would be asking, however, I think we're staying home this year.

rhowton · 02/12/2020 21:38

I would only take the dog to my parents or my DHs parents.

FreshFreesias · 02/12/2020 21:41

Very mean spirited OP.
They might not be able to find short notice dog boarding and then you will probably start another thread complaining that they’re unable to come.

hellejuice91 · 02/12/2020 21:42

I would not have a dog in my house either, especially if they are not toilet trained

hellejuice91 · 02/12/2020 21:51

Also I have just had more of a read through the comments with a good number of people calling the OP something along the lines of 'mean'.

The bottom line is it her house and her choice as to whether a dog comes or not. Unless the dog is some form of guide dog there does not seem any need for a dog to be there. My MIL and FIL have a dog and they will just go home at a time when the dog will need her walk or whatever. We have 2 cats and my husband cannot abide dogs and so we would not have one in our house. Even a well trained one, who can control its' bladder and bowel movements.

That being said if someone did not feel comfortable leaving their dog at home I would not be upset or annoyed if they didn't come. A dog is a member of their family and if there is a reason why the dog can't be left it is as simple as that I would accept that. But just as a dog is a member of their family my Husband and my cats are mine and I would not want them to be uncomfortable in their own home.

UnholyConfessions · 02/12/2020 21:54

@FreshFreesias

Very mean spirited OP. They might not be able to find short notice dog boarding and then you will probably start another thread complaining that they’re unable to come.
Not the OPs problem if they can’t. Xmas falls the same time every year and most families come to an agreement where and what will happen months ahead of time. If you have pets you make this allowance well before Xmas either by offering to host or sending gifts/well wishes early/getting a pet sitter/planing a shorter visit.
GabsAlot · 02/12/2020 21:56

IN the case of allergies they just cant bring the dog then op

are they refusing to come

Mittens030869 · 02/12/2020 21:57

@FreshFreesias The OP has said that she has a family member who has serious allergies, which is the reason why she can't have a dog in the house. That isn't mean spirited. Some people really do have serious allergies to pets, I had a friend in the past who became very seriously unwell if there was a cat or dog in the house.

Runssometimes · 02/12/2020 23:51

To PPs saying a dog wouldn’t be ok in a car, of course they would - maybe not all dogs if they don’t like the car anyway - but lots would. In winter they won’t overheat and as long a it isn’t too cold they’d be fine. My dog stays in the car if we’re on a ferry and when we get back to the car he’s sound asleep, very unstressed. And although working breed he’s very much an indoor dog and loves the sofa. I booked him in the kennels once in the ferry thinking that would be kinder but he was very stressed when we came back as he could hear the distress of the other dogs. He’s used to the car, it’s got plenty of room and his own blanket. For several hours he’s fine in there. We use the wait command same as we do when we leave the house and he just sleeps.

I wouldn’t do it first time at Christmas or on a busy street of course but If somewhere quiet where I could keep an eye and he wouldn’t be disturbed and warm enough I would be totally comfortable.

My friends did this too with their dogs one Christmas when they came to our house. We have a tiny house and a large dog, they have two even bigger dogs, one of whom was still young and we got sick of the general ruckus of three large dogs playing so shut friends two beasts in the car whilst we had dinner for about 90mins.

They were perfectly refreshed after their car nap and up for more high jinks which gave us the perfect excuse to take everyone for a walk to work off the dinner. All three dogs and some humans feel asleep when we got back. No problem.

RattleOfBars · 03/12/2020 11:35

@RattleOfBars I’d love to know more about your friends circle! In the thread the other week on using Dr as title you said nearly all your friends have doctorates. Now you seem to have loads of friends who own vans to keep their dogs in. I’d love to meet this weird breed of doctorate holding van owners confused

I have a lot of friends. Can people with doctorates not own dogs or vans? 😂

Lots have hobbies like climbing and kayaking, so have vans for their sports gear (and dogs). Others trail hunt and leave their outdoor dogs in the van or 4 wheel drive when visiting. In the spring lots of them puppy-walk hounds (take them into their homes until they’re old enough to go back to the hunt kennels) there’s no way they’d bring them into someone’s house as they’d cause chaos. They’re fine outdoors or in the car/van. Not everyone treats their dogs like humans. I’m not sure what having a PhD has to do with it 😂

VinylDetective · 03/12/2020 11:41

My dog wouldn’t be fine if left in the car. And I wouldn’t do it to her. I don’t give a toss what other people do or think.

Springersrock · 03/12/2020 12:07

@VinylDetective

My dog wouldn’t be fine if left in the car. And I wouldn’t do it to her. I don’t give a toss what other people do or think.
Same here. Mine would hate it and I’d never do it to her.

She comes with us to places she’s welcome and get a dog sitter where we can if she can’t, if not, we just wouldn’t go.

kungfupannda · 03/12/2020 12:27

Perfectly reasonable to say no, but be prepared for huffiness. We have a close family member who has two dogs, both acquired on a whim, despite having a lifestyle manifestly unsuitable for dog ownership, and the first dog causing huge logistical/housing/child-related problems.

We have a household member with a severe allergy, and the house is therefore strictly dog-free. Family member was extremely huffy when she turned up with dog 1 and was not allowed to bring it in, despite knowing, from a previous unsuccessful period of dog ownership, that we won't budge on this point.

We've also had friends turn up with a newly-acquired dog they hadn't mentioned, and be surprised that they couldn't bring it in - also despite knowing about the allergies in question.

WiddlinDiddlin · 03/12/2020 12:40

I don't have other peoples dogs here, mine aren't all friendly to unknown dogs and those that are are a bit selective, so in the interests of not having all out dog fights or dogs stressed out by being split up and shut away.. visitors do not bring dogs.

If that means they can't come... thats how it is.

If I have a dog that can't be left (and sometimes I do if we have a puppy or are treating/avoiding separation anxiety), I might ask if they can come, if the answers no thats fine, but I won't be coming either.

Just communicate your wishes clearly and don't get huffy if they then don't attend.

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 03/12/2020 13:02

Others trail hunt and leave their outdoor dogs

Keyword here being outdoor - not all dogs are outdoor dogs. Most are pets and they are not used to be left outdoors, at least not for prolonged periods of time.