Taking pets to other peoples homes

[Satsuma2019]

Hey, so we are currently trying to make Xmas plans and have decided to host Xmas dinner at our house (within the permitted COVID rules). One family member has a dog... AIBU to say this family member is not to bring their pet when attending.

We don’t have pets and the dogs are known to wee and poo on the floor at a whim. Plus our house isn’t overly big and I just feel that there won’t be a lot of space for my DC to play with their new toys and we are going to have to constantly watch the dog all day to ensure they dont chew on the toys or wee on the floor. Just seems very stressful ...

I’m going against the majority and voting yabu.

My dog used to have separation anxiety so bringing her to such an event would have been my only option (there’s not many dog sitters available on Xmas day).

My dog is also a part of my family so not sure I would want to go anywhere where she isn’t welcome. Would you expect someone to leave their child behind?

You say you are going to have to constantly watch the dog all day to ensure it isn’t destructive, but surely this is the owners responsibility?

Ultimately it’s up to you as it’s your house but don’t be offended if they chose not to come because you’ve banned the dog.

I would never expect anyone to accommodate my dog on a visit, however equally I wouldn’t leave him alone on Christmas Day so I would decline the invite

You say you are going to have to constantly watch the dog all day to ensure it isn’t destructive, but surely this is the owners responsibility?

You would think so, wouldn’t you?

We’ve had two dogs pee in the house, and a third that jumped up at me while I was holding a dish of food, and later jumped onto the table. In all those cases, the owner was sitting feet away from the dog and totally oblivious. Two of the dogs have since died, the third won’t be welcome back, whereas the friends with a beautifully behaved black lab can bring him anytime.

Has the family member said they want to bring the dog? It's fine to make it clear you're not happy with it but they may need to decline

I wouldn’t take my dog to a house he wasn’t welcome in, but I would either have to cut my visit short to go back and let him out or not come. My entire family like animals though so it’s only on Mumsnet that I encounter people saying they hate the idea of any dogs in their house and would ban them! And it would definitely be my responsibility to check that the dog was behaving in someone’s house too.

This is what people need to consider when getting a dog. I dont allow people to bring their dogs to my home as I have two. Neither do I expect to take my dogs to other peoples homes. I've turned down lots of social events as I wont leave my dogs all day.

Your house, your rules. We just wouldn't come as no way would we leave them or send them to a kennel.

We would spend it with people who would welcome our dog, at theirs or ours.

@ForeverAintEnough

She thought i was being very unreasonable

She’s very dirty-you can smell her house from the end of her street and she wouldn’t have battered an eyelid if he’d done it to her sofas

I am still mates with her-she is a good friend-but she/the dog will never come to my house again

I’ve told her that our landlord won’t allow dogs to visit (which is half true-he doesn’t mind us having well behaved dogs round,we can’t own one)

She won’t come round without him

I’m still fuming tho-it cost us so much money to have our sofas cleaned to get the smell out-I did ask her half the cost but she claimed she couldn’t afford it (she’s in loads of debt,I’ve been helping her so I let it go)

You are of course NBU not to allow a dog in your house if you don't want it. From what you say the dog isn't very well-trained - a mature, healthy, well-trained dog shouldn't be toileting in the house or chewing things.

Just bear in mind it may at the very least curtail your relative's visit as they won't be able to leave the dog alone for too long (if at all given what you've said about its behaviour).

I ask, mines a handful but if people know her they generally don't mind (don't worry I ask 50 million times). But what we do do is get her plenty of exercise so she is whacked out and generally just snoozes unless people are leaving food around then she has to go on the lead and sit with us as she can be naughty as most pet dogs wld be if food left within reach. We will also take her out again when there for a wee etc although she seems to have a cast iron bladder especially if its raining!

Yanbu as it's your house, but regardless of whether it's reasonable or not your family member might struggle to get doggie daycare for the day and it presents them with a logistical challenge. Can you speak to them to agree some doggie ground rules?

Yanbu. Dogs aren't welcome in my house. I choose not to have them as a pet myself because I am not comfortable with them around and dislike the mess & smell, so not a chance am I having other people's dogs in my home.

your family member might struggle to get doggie daycare for the day and it presents them with a logistical challenge.

Which is their problem, not hers. Its very common to have to manage these situations as a dog owner, so they need to be prepared.

I wouldn't let a dog into my house
If they had to bring it , then it would stay outside ( or in their car on the drive )

@MaryLennoxsScowl

I wouldn’t take my dog to a house he wasn’t welcome in, but I would either have to cut my visit short to go back and let him out or not come. My entire family like animals though so it’s only on Mumsnet that I encounter people saying they hate the idea of any dogs in their house and would ban them! And it would definitely be my responsibility to check that the dog was behaving in someone’s house too.

Agree with this.

Totally reasonable to not want other people's dog in the house.

Totally reasonable to turn down an invitation because you don't want to (or cannot) leave the dog.

But I also have never encountered anyone in real life who has turned down the dog. I have often left him behind (with company) and been told off for it, because the hosts were looking forward to seeing him. But all my friends and family have various dogs, anyway, so it might more be about the company I keep.

You aren't unreasonable to be concerned.

I don't mind dogs in my house but we don't have new fancy carpets or sofas.

If you want to try to accommodate the family member could you suggest they bring a stairgate so the dog can be shut in a utility room if you have one? Or they bring a crate for it to use indoors? Or could it have a crate in the garage with extra blankets? Is it hardy enough to spend most of the time in the garden? Could it stay in the car with the tailgate open for ventilation?

All depends a bit on the type of dog, your house/garden and what they are prepared to do.

I know all of those are solutions considerate dog owners I know would consider but some wouldn't be suitable for all set ups or all dogs.

Your house, you say what goes.

I'm currently without a dog for the first time in over 40 years, and all of mine have been very well behaved and welcomed by all members of the the family.

I used not to take the last dog to MIL's if one branch of the family was there, because their kids were unruly and wouldn't leave the dog alone if she just wanted to snooze. MIL and the other DNs used to hate it if we went without her, but we would never have taken her to anyone's house without checking they were ok with it. If they hadn't been we'd have left her at home, even if it meant one of us couldn't go.

She was clean, house trained and well behaved though.

I let my friend and their two dogs in and a sibling and their 1 dog. These dogs I know well and I know how to distract, they listen to me so If I said time for a pee they would go pee, they're chilled around me and they are crate trained and will happily go and lay down in a quiet spot with a bone and not get stressed out.

I wouldn't have a dog in I didn't know well nor from family I probably don't see that often. my house isn't a palace but it is mine and I like to know it, me and my guests would be OK . Saying that friends dogs have each in an over excited manner peed in my house and it was the whole 'OMG I'm so happy to be here we cant hold our bladder' excitement when they were still under 2.

I wont let other siblings dog in. It has a habit of curling one our wherever and when ever and did on siblings sofa who wasn't at all fussed the dog did that. Sibling is of course pissed that dog isnt allowed in but others are.

YANBU.

I have a dog but he's not welcome inside my parents house - though they have relented from their original position and now let him in the garden

It doesn't bother me. DH will stay home with the dog when I go and visit, or the dog goes to my in-laws who absolutely love having him.

Having a dog is restrictive and you can't just assume you can take them everywhere. But I would say to be prepared for them to decline - there aren't many dog sitters who'll work Christmas Day and those who do will charge double or triple rate.

I wouldn’t be friends with someone who had an issue with having a dog in their house. Ridiculously uptight and precious.

YANBU at all, so long as you accept that they might not be able to come. Dog sitters and kennels aren’t necessarily easily available at short notice at Christmas, particularly at the moment.

I have two big dogs and assume that I can’t take them anywhere unless the host knows them well and says that they are welcome.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to not want a dog in your house.

However, (this is our choice I know) we rarely visit the in-laws or my husbands side of the family because they don't like dogs and we have one. They are a long way away and its not a case of us popping out for a few hours. We would never put our dog in a kennel. We have often got friends to look after her etc and visited but our visits are very limited now we have her. Funnily enough they love visiting here and would happily stay weeks and are not bothered by her (she mainly sleeps, she is very laid back and completely house trained, doesn't chew or cause a nuisance). In fact a lot of the children (our nieces and nephews) used to be terrified of dogs but have got over their fear after being around our soppy old dog (who loves kids and cuddles) when staying with us, so I have always be a tad bemused by it but I guess it's their choice.

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

I wouldn’t be friends with someone who had an issue with having a dog in their house. Ridiculously uptight and precious.

nope, not at all. My sibling was attacked by a dog requiring plastic surgery. they are terrified of dogs and they do not let any in their homes or near them nd spent a small fortune ensuring their backgarden was secure against dogs coming in.

Not all dogs are well behaved and some dog owners are entitled shites. Some dogs are reactive and aggressive, some incredibly territorial or anxious, many unpredictable and could easily behave out of character in an unusual setting.

some people are severely allergic to pets.

Its fair and reasonable for any number of reasons someone doesnt allow dogs into their home. Its their home and it doesnt make them uptight and precious.

YANBU surely they wouldn't assume their dog was invited. I've never even taken that into consideration when having guests and would turn them away if they randomly brought their dog to my house.

not unreasable at all its your house

my dad done this just turned up at my dsis with his dog because he didnt want to leave him

started barking and scracthing the door couldnt see he was n the wrong big row ensued

i dont know what it is that makes pet ownwers so entitled sometimes