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Original poster

Sisters weddng reshecduled to when my first baby is due

231 replies

Momma2bee · 01/12/2020 11:14

Hi ,
I am about 11 weeks pregnant with first baby first grandchild for my parents. I am in my early 30s.My sister who has no kids and has banned kids from her wedding had to sadly cancel her wedding due to covid this year. We all made a fuss of her , however she is very particular was not happy about her big day. She will express anger if she is unhappy at something her maid of honour organised a family hen do and one with friends on what would have been her hen do aboard and she was very vocal that she didn't want my dad being at that event (no underlying issues just didn't want her dad at a hen do)
My sister has now rescheduled the wedding now for first weekend in July 2021 in a very remote location a good three hour drive from where we live . My baby is due at the end of June also first baby so unlikely will be on time. I am not part of the wedding party was never a bridesmaid etc. however some accommodation has been booked and paid for me and my partner. I am just wondering how people would approach not being able to attend myself and my partner don't feel comfortable due issues with location lack of phone signal , over a hour to local hospital if we did have a baby it would be very little would be likely we would still be resting after the birth/ accommodation would be big shared house so would be noisy. Also my sister doesn't want kids at her wedding is the type of person who would get very angry if someone dulled her sparkled so to speak.
I haven't told my sister or parents yet about baby waiting for next scan 12 weeks. How would people approach this situation ? I am very worried both my sister and parents will not be happy about this news. My sister has always been the favoured child recently her and partner lived rent free with parents for over a year so there new home could be refurbished, it is highly likely if she isn't happy they wont be .We don't want anyone to change any plans but we don't want any backlash negativity at this special time for us. We where mindful of dates previous year but felt that we couldn't keep putting things on hold due to our ages etc. also this is a rainbow baby my parents and sister not aware of this.
Please help

OP posts:
Serendipity79 · 01/12/2020 12:11

Announce after the 12 week scan (and I totally understand not announcing a rainbow baby until later as I had a 14 week MC and didn't tell a soul about my next pregnancy until I was 18 weeks).

Then address the issue over the wedding afterwards. My first arrived 4 days early and she was 2 hours 20 mins from first contraction to delivery. You cant rely on them being late and taking hours, I've had 4 children and she was the longest, with the shortest being 50 mins start to end.

It does sound like there's resentment in there about other things. Just don't worry about those issues, the main one is that its not practical for you to attend but that you recognise she hasn't done it on purpose as she doesn't know that you're pregnant.

Shark2020 · 01/12/2020 12:11

My first was due five days after my sisters wedding which was about two hours from home. I was due to be bridesmaid, that job was passed to a cousin, I went to the wedding all prepared in case baby came, car seat fitted, hospital bag and notes. I'd have been gutted to miss the wedding, however my sister wouldn't have created a fuss like yours potentially may do. In the end baby came 5 days later so 10 days after the wedding.

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 01/12/2020 12:13

You always hear that "first babies are always late". I looked it up, and apparently there's a slightly higher chance that your first will be late compared to subsequent babies, but it's not a guarantee! Mine was a couple of days early despite my family constantly telling me I'd need to be induced, all babies on our side were late etc. And let's just say, I wouldn't have made it to a hospital an hour away! He was in a hell of a rush.

I mean, if your sister doesn't like having her limelight stolen, she's not going to want your waters breaking on the dancefloor, or a tiny cute newborn being carried around, so you not going is a positive for her.

SecretSpAD · 01/12/2020 12:13

Why have you included all that? I mean I sympathise, it sounds like she's a bit spoilt and used to getting her own way.

She doesn't sound spoilt at all. Her sister just sounds resentful of her for whatever reason.

I can't see what she's done that's so wrong? She's allowed to be pissed off that her wedding had to be re-arranged (in the world outside of MN weddings are a big thing and a major life change etc etc). She's allowed to not want children at her wedding. She's also allowed to ban her father from her hen do (what father would want to go to their daughter's hen do anyway?).
She probably didn't have much choice in dates for next year and, like the rest of the world, is probably still wondering if the re-arranged wedding will go ahead.
Your parents are entitled to put up one of their children when their house is being refurbished - again nothing wrong with that, and again their choice not to charge rent (many parents of adult children do let their children stay rent free it's not unusual).
The only one who is being a bit dramatic about this whole thing is the OP herself.

Serendipity79 · 01/12/2020 12:14

@Stantons

Sorry slightly off topic but what is a rainbow baby?
Its a pregnancy following a loss
Mrgrinch · 01/12/2020 12:15

OP you say you have already booked and paid for accommodation? Are you actually intending to go?

Mrgrinch · 01/12/2020 12:15

And congratulationsFlowers

tyrannosaurustrip · 01/12/2020 12:16

If she's checking the date, can't you tell her now you're pregnant? And she can move it? Its not clear why that isn't an option

Newkitchen123 · 01/12/2020 12:17

@user1471457751

I've never heard of the bride's dad being invited to her hen do. No wonder your sister didn't want him there. Did you have your dad at your hen? I don't know why you even see that as an issue.
I've never heard of this! I thought it was odd
OchonAgusOchonO · 01/12/2020 12:19

@NellyDElephant

As your parents and sister don’t know yet, and I’m sure they will be pleased for you, you are potentially worrying unnecessarily. First babies are often late, so you should be able to attend all being well. Also, as a rule, labour with first baby takes a fair while and often several days to get going properly (in my experience!), so if you should need to make your excuses and leave (in the very unfortunate event you go into labour on the wedding day), you will have time to travel home. Or do you not really want to attend? I get the impression maybe you don’t from your OP?
I wouldn't rely on this. Mine were all early, with the first the earliest (2 weeks). All were quick labours. Admittedly, the first was the longest but he still only took 5 hours from start to finish.
ChikiTIKI · 01/12/2020 12:19

If baby isn't born yet by the wedding you would probably feel very uncomfortable sitting in a car for 3 hours, and weddings have lots of sitting around too. Not to mention distance from the hospital you will be using. I wouldn't be attending!

randomsabreuse · 01/12/2020 12:22

My first came at 38 weeks and "official" labour was about 3 hours of which 2.5 hours was second stage pushing. I was pretty certain from about 10 hours before.

I can't imagine 3 hours in the car at 40 weeks pregnant either. Another issue is that after 40 weeks you'll probably be on regular monitoring and/or be likely to be induced on due date given previous history - so barring a healthy baby at 38 weeks and an easy recovery for you both there is very little chance of you being available at 41 weeks.

I'd announce pregnancy after scan back ok, then regretfully decline with apologies to sister.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 01/12/2020 12:23

If you gave birth a week before the wedding, what would you do?

She said no kids. If you rock up with a baby the attention will be taken away from her. You already know she'll hate that.

Will you be breastfeeding? Still trying to get settled into a routine? Could you leave your newborn for 2 days to attend? If so who with?
Even if she says ok to baby going, there's not a chance I'd want my newborn around that many people in one go, even without worrying about covid.

SVRT19674 · 01/12/2020 12:23

There is no way in hell I would have gone to a wedding with my newborn. When my baby was born (early, at 36 weeks, fast labour and final emergency Csection) quite frankly I couldn´t have given a monkey´s toss about anyone´s wedding. Would have wished them well and concentrated on my baby.

Original poster
Momma2bee · 01/12/2020 12:23

Hi just a few points to clarify and thanks for the advice so far
Rainbow baby- baby after a miscarriage
Pregnancy will be consultant led due to a heath condition
my dad at my sisters hen do, it was during rule of 6 so first family came dropped off some wine and snacks for my sister to enjoy with friends but it was made clear that there was two timed sittings he'd be going , she'll be having another hen do also it was more an event on what would of been her hen do her maid of honour organised to cheer her up show she was supported, so when my dad bought her wine etc. and she was aware that he was only staying as was my mum for awhile that's why it was a bit blunt that she wanted him to leave, my dad isn't the type who would rock up and crash a proper hen do something he wasn't invited too

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 01/12/2020 12:23

If your parents and sister say anything but 'Congratulations, we are so happy for you!' then you really should not worry about their feelings. They clearly don't care about yours.

CosyQueen · 01/12/2020 12:24

Op it’s not unreasonable to put yourself and your baby first. It’s just a wedding - it’s one day, having a baby is a much bigger life event. Your sister should understand, and if she doesn’t then it’s not your problem to worry about!

MsTSwift · 01/12/2020 12:28

God don’t listen to “first babies are always late” shit.

I got eyerolled by my mother for refusing to go on dads big birthday weekend 2 hours from home in a remote location 3 weeks before my due date. Refused to go lots of sad face disappointment. My waters dramatically broke suddenly on the Saturday lunchtime I was in labour all day Sunday emergency c section on the Monday morning. Fun times. Would have been a nightmare if I’d gone!

TillyTopper · 01/12/2020 12:30

Congratulations OP! I wouldn't tell her right now, just wait for your scan and see how you're feeling. Then when you feel ready just politely decline "Sorry we can't be at your big day, but we have some wonderful news of our own. We are expecting a baby and due around the time of your wedding". Don't take any of her shit if she tries to persuade you to be there - just tell her your due just before the day so she's not pestering for you to come if it's the week before the birth! If she wants to have a strop about it just go low contact, don't engage and look forward to your new family!

Unsure33 · 01/12/2020 12:32

Congratulations .

when you are ready announce the pregnancy

I would not even mention the wedding yet - the penny will drop - worry about that later .

Pinkroses87 · 01/12/2020 12:33

Tiny babies can’t do long distances in cars - I can’t remember what they’re allowed to do, maybe half an hour? As it can be dangerous. Maybe point out that the long journey would be literally impossible with a newborn.

slashlover · 01/12/2020 12:38

my dad at my sisters hen do, it was during rule of 6 so first family came dropped off some wine and snacks for my sister to enjoy with friends but it was made clear that there was two timed sittings he'd be going , she'll be having another hen do also it was more an event on what would of been her hen do her maid of honour organised to cheer her up show she was supported, so when my dad bought her wine etc. and she was aware that he was only staying as was my mum for awhile that's why it was a bit blunt that she wanted him to leave, my dad isn't the type who would rock up and crash a proper hen do something he wasn't invited too

I don't understand this. Do you mean that your mum and dad dropped off some wine and then made it clear they'd be staying for a short while?

Original poster
Momma2bee · 01/12/2020 12:39

thanks Cinderella she is a very dramatic person don't want to make her sound horrible but she is very blunt person very headstrong and she will articulate when she is annoyed bring others into things
Im happy for her to have got another date at her chosen venue for next year
my concerns are how to tell her and if she reacts badly which isn't unlikely how to handle the situation

OP posts:
Popcornriver · 01/12/2020 12:39

Consultant led pregnancy and you'd be an hour away from the nearest hospital with bad phone service? I'm sorry but there's no way I'd go OP. I was very unfortunate to need a hospital quickly with my first and very fortunate that I managed to receive urgent medical attention when I needed it. It sounds like you'll be a regular guest so she won't need someone else to fill a role if you can't make it?

Beautiful3 · 01/12/2020 12:40

My first was only 2 days late and took 4 hours and 25 minutes. Dont go. Tell them now that you're pregnant and will be due a few weeks beforehand. They should be happy for you, if not then they can stick it! Always put yourself first, because no one else will.