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AIBU?

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Original poster

Someone else’s KNICKERS down the sofa - balance of possibilities?

268 replies

SuspiciousAboutKnickers · 01/12/2020 10:19

This incident happened a few years ago but DH recently reminded me of it Hmm.

A pair of skimpy black knickers was found by me stuffed down the side of the sofa. I’m pretty thorough on cleaning and regularly wiped down and hoovered down the sides of said (leather) sofa so they couldn’t have been there long. Sofa was quite new and bought new not secondhand.

We’d recently had our DC’s birthday party.

DH’s ‘suggestion’ was that they had dropped out of one of DC’s friend’s mothers handbags while they were sitting there waiting for party to finish. Possibly no more than 10 minutes. Would you not notice that a pair of knickers had fallen out of your handbag while sitting on a sofa though? How much moving around would you have to do to get them wedged down the side of the sofa?

AIBU to think this was very fishy?

OP posts:
Ayeshastal29 · 02/12/2020 17:51

Well, I knew of a girl who use to hook up with guys on a night out. She would then find out they are married or engaged and are cheating and she would leave behind underwear. So the other woman would find them.

exaltedwombat · 02/12/2020 17:52

The point is, ALL men watch porn. It's unfair and futile to pick him up on it. Not QUITE all men play around.

Imissmoominmama · 02/12/2020 18:00

Even monks?

ninka68 · 02/12/2020 18:00

Were they your partner's size? Perhaps he wears them when you're not around...that's as convincing as his excuse!

Plumbuddle · 02/12/2020 18:01

@Hesnotlocal

Whatever the truth behind the knickers in the sofa, your DH sounds like an arse. He has clearly lied to you about watching porn and when you've found out and questioned him his response is to try to doubt yourself/make you think you're probably over-reacting by reminding you of a previous occasion when you had concerns about whether he was being honest/faithful and he managed to persuade you that you were clearly in the wrong.

Even if the knickers incident had an innocent explanation I'd be worried that he's trying to 'train' you to assume that any doubts you have are unfounded.

Watch the okd movie sex lies and videotape when your husband is not there. It will open your eyes. I think he's a gaslighter but the pants were part of his porn habit not necessarily another woman. In my view if a man who had lied to me about porn and knew I didn't like it, then later reminded me about that time and coupled it with another suspect incident, it should be in the context of continuing to copiously apologise and say he has raised his consciousness, not to remind you of all the times when you have had unfair suspicions about him. He's trying to make you take responsibility for his lies, that's seriously gaslighting. I would check his bank statements.
Diva66 · 02/12/2020 18:02

I had a Burmese cat that used to bring home socks, knickers and once an Arran sweater. I couldn’t bring myself to trawl the neighbourhood asking whose they were. People probably thought there was a kinky washing line thief in the neighbourhood Grin

SnozPoz · 02/12/2020 18:11

Definitely the OW wanting the affair to be found out! Has to stuff them down the side of the sofa... somewhere you'd find them but he wouldn't

AlwaysLatte · 02/12/2020 18:12

I think that a tiny percentage of the population carry skimpy knickers in their bag ready to pop down sofas purely to give people years of wondering about it. Like the ones who put gnomes on doorsteps.

LakieLady · 02/12/2020 18:14

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel

I have never in my life had sex and then left my knickers at the sex location because I unaccountably forgot to put them on afterwards. Is this really a normal thing?

Otoh I have had knickers fall out of my trouser leg once or twice.

I had a pair of knickers fall out of the leg of my trousers in the corridor at work once.

Said knickers were brought to my attention by a very young member of the IT team, who was walking behind me.

I'm not sure who was most embarrassed.

Oscarsdaddy · 02/12/2020 18:14

I think we all know how they got down there but weird how he’d bring it up again when he obviously had gotten away with it

tolerable · 02/12/2020 18:18

my ever loving fella-went to his ma n dads for tea.He says was having usual issue trying to drag conversation out his dad who did what ever did and held his gaze towards his (adoring sons)feet.Apparently-outta nowhere,the old yin started roaring n laughing,so much he had to get inhalered...in our haste..my knickers musta landed legs of fellas jeans and were poking out the end caught on his boots....

FelicisNox · 02/12/2020 18:19

Whilst it's not completely out of the relms of possibility that they were stuck to someone's clothes and ended up down there, it's a no from me.

Very dodgy.

Ddot · 02/12/2020 18:19

It's possible so just let it slide, or you will be forever beating yourself up.

FelicisNox · 02/12/2020 18:21

I meant to say: turn the situation on it's head, if your DH found a pair of boxers down the side of the sofa, how likely would HE be to buy the same excuse?

Try it and see. Buy a really obvious pair (keep the receipt as proof) and put them where he's likely to find them and see how he reacts. Then throw it back at him.

bellocchild · 02/12/2020 18:29

I think I would be more worried about DH watching porn but denying it.

Sendintheclown · 02/12/2020 18:41

From my own previous experience it’s amazing how much stuff you can forget, or shake off, and then it’s be brought up and you question yourself. It’s called coercive control: I’m going to say how i see this, he did cheat on you, he sounds like a consistent casual liar and if you go back over all these things you will realise there’s a lot more. It’s great your getting on at the moment but actually the casual mentioning of it shows this is only how you perceive this as normal. He’s conditioned you to have a different level of normal. This is all my opinion based on experiencing very similar things which I am now thankfully past and shot of Dhead Ex. Please think carefully about if you think this is how you want to carry on Flowers

GreekOddess · 02/12/2020 18:42

When I was a teenager I was notoriously untidy and rather than put my knickers in the washing basket I would just kick them under the bed.

We were getting new carpets and my sisters boyfriend was disposing of our old carpets, he walked a couple of blocks with the rolled up carpet on his shoulder as he was giving the carpet to someone in the area. Somehow my knickers had been in the carpet and unbeknown to him had ended up on his head. I was never able to look him in the eye again 🤦‍♀️

Grover79 · 02/12/2020 18:43

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sheridanstar · 02/12/2020 18:45

Could it have been someone put them there at the party to deliberately stir up trouble?

Annie2245 · 02/12/2020 18:46

@Momma2bee

I'd be suspicious personally try and have look through partners phone and socials
Aww really bad idea ! I never understand why people do this to try and secretly illicit information of an impropriety? It’s not as if you’re going to keep quiet about uncovering an affair. To me you just lose some of the moral high ground by sneaking about and invading someone’s privacy. The relationship is definitely on the decline if you can’t have a frank discussion about suspicions
MamaSharkDooDooDooDooDooDooo · 02/12/2020 18:55

[quote Ariela]@SuspiciousAboutKnickers I think the obvious thing to do now is suddenly remember about the knickers as in :

'Oh I remember now, I had forgotten, but those knickers you mentioned the other day that were found down the side of the sofa, they were actually Sister's knickers weren't they?'

And watch carefully for his reaction.[/quote]
This is what I would do too!

Yogalola · 02/12/2020 19:03

Sounds odd, do many have the habit of putting knickers in handbags? On occasion I have accidentally left a pair of knickers in a pair of jeans and put the jeans on and later felt a lump in the trouser leg and then pulled them out. Maybe one of your friends came for coffee and pulled a pair of knickers out of their jeans and put them on side of chair and forgot about them? So could be accidental and innocent

Noranorav · 02/12/2020 19:03

Definitely something going on that he knows more about than you. Bringing it up sounds like a deliberate attempt to spin a past incident in a different light noe than it was at the time, so rather than a suspicion/unsolved conversation it's you and him jointly - 'oh how we laughed when ...' which judging by your surprise at him doing this is way off kilter to what happened at the time. I'd agree with the posters who say he's revisiting the 'scene of the crime' to check if he got away with it - buy what, who knows? The sister thing is odd too, what made you think of that?

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 02/12/2020 19:07

My mum once grabbed my dads coat to run out and bring the washing in when it started raining and she shoved small items in the pockets . My dad pulled a bra out of his coat pocket with his wallet next time he wore it lol weird things do happen

GameSetMatch · 02/12/2020 19:17

It’s surprising what pops up in strange places, I found a pair of my SILs knickers in my draw, they were clean and definitely hers black, full briefs from M&S size 16 it’s all she wears. Weird!

Give your husband some slack, two years ago is a long time to drag things up, that must of been sorted at the time.

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