Someone else’s KNICKERS down the sofa - balance of possibilities?

[SuspiciousAboutKnickers]

This incident happened a few years ago but DH recently reminded me of it .

A pair of skimpy black knickers was found by me stuffed down the side of the sofa. I’m pretty thorough on cleaning and regularly wiped down and hoovered down the sides of said (leather) sofa so they couldn’t have been there long. Sofa was quite new and bought new not secondhand.

We’d recently had our DC’s birthday party.

DH’s ‘suggestion’ was that they had dropped out of one of DC’s friend’s mothers handbags while they were sitting there waiting for party to finish. Possibly no more than 10 minutes. Would you not notice that a pair of knickers had fallen out of your handbag while sitting on a sofa though? How much moving around would you have to do to get them wedged down the side of the sofa?

AIBU to think this was very fishy?

My neighbour found a pair of my husband's pants in her garden. We do have a dog, but the dog is not known for an underwear fetish. Nor is dog known to go into their garden. It is indeed a mystery.

Could he have been shagging your sister?

Ah, I think I've worked it out. A fairly new leather sofa you say? I reckon that as part of the Quality Control process when manufacturing your sofa that a squeak was discovered caused by leather-on-leather.

It was almost going home time and so the quick-thinking worker stuffed her knickers in to prevent the squeak with every intention of retrieving them once she had got some more leather oil from Stores in the morning.

However she forgot the following day and and the sofa was wrapped and shipped out to you. Q.E.D.

I suspect this happens a lot - just think your self lucky that it wasn't Stinky Stan who did the final check on your sofa.

Have never left knickers after me after sex. I'd be concerned about leaks/staining somewhere I sat! My guess, in order of probability

1. Over the years, I've known friends that typically have a spare (mostly for a night out). So falling out of handbag could happen I guess?

1. OW deliberately left them there. I've not experience of this, but so many posters mention it, it seems possible?

1. Your DH has a fetish, is stealing from clothes lines, or much worse. It is well known the sex offenders take items knickers, etc., as souvenirs from victims

I once left a pair of CLEAN knickers behind a bathroom basket when at a mans house as I wasn't 100% sure he wasn't still seeing his ex.
Marking one's territory you could call it.

Why mark your territory? Why not just leave. Who wants a cheat anyway?

How old is your sister ? No chance she has a key and used your place to entertain someone?

We had a young couple as neighbours, they went on holiday and his sister was checking the house & dealing with the post. She certainly enjoyed herself in their bedroom with her fella. We heard them through the walls so these things do happen.

Discarding knickers is par for the course with 99.9% of OWs. It's not mandatory yet but I've heard it will soon be a legal requirement.

I think his logic is: 'You let me get away with an affair. An affair is worse than watching porn. Therefore it is irrational of you to be so annoyed about my watching porn,'

Of course the silly tool has forgotten that you know he has been watching porn - and are quite capable of working that logic backwards.

He's cheating on you. Leave him immediately.

Those of you deliberately leaving underwear around to force his hand, shame on you. It takes two to tango, you are not blameless in his affair, if you are knowingly the OW.

My H brought the OW home when I was working abroad and shagged her on our sofa. When I got back I found a lipstick, not a brand or colour I used, down the sofa but he managed to persuade me that it had probably been left by one of his mum's friends when they both visited him in my absence.

When it all came out, as so often it inevitably does, I checked her FB page (I know, I know) and in one of her selfies on there, I could see the photos of my children in the windowsill behind our sofa She later admitted she had deliberately left the lipstick as well - she saw it as getting one over on me.

Glad to know some of you find this funny. I only wish it was a plot for a novel.

My sister (who I am NC with for unrelated reasons, or so I thought) would have been early 20’s then. She never had a key to our house and I would never have asked her to keep a check on it if when we were away.

He and she always had a ‘jokey’ relationship. He described her at sexy once which devastated me especially as we’d fallen out by then but he said it was just ‘banter’.

DH and I actually been getting on well over the last year after a lot of issues over the for MANY years due to stress of DC and him not really being engaged and leaving everything to me, cos I’m the mother innit and me finding out about the porn.

It was really odd how he brought this up. We’d been discussing how things were much better now and after being on the brink of divorce, things were back on track. Then he brought up the knicker incident (it was actually around 15 years ago so no wonder I can’t remember it) and then immediately went on to say what my mother had said about my sister, which I was never aware of her saying or can’t remember, and laughing about it.

It’s amazing how he can clearly remember conversations from years ago but not what I’ve said to him a few hours ago . I had no suspicions about him and my sister at all at the time. I do remember my mother saying that sister had been with a married man which must have been a few years later and her being quite disgusted about it (sister always was a bit of a bitch and very spoilt as the youngest) but I thought she meant someone from work, and obviously my mind has been struggling not to put 2+2 together over the last few weeks,

I can’t quite comprehend that my mother would have had suspicions of something going on and not telling me though. She’s not around to ask now either. We moved abroad a year or so after this incident and hardly saw each other until we fell out.

I have a photo of sister with her arms around my twins at around the time this happened and she has a really sour look on her face . I always thought it was taken at an unfortunate moment.

So am I overthinking this? Obviously after finding out he wasn’t the man I thought he was (the porn), I definitely don’t trust him like I used to.

I also meant to say balance of probabilities not possibilities in the thread title!

Probability that they’d fallen out of some random school mum’s handbag while sitting on my sofa for a few moments and become wedged down the side of it AS OPPOSED to someone stuffing them down the side of the sofa either deliberately or in a panic at almost being caught in the act.

I left the bit about my sister out initially deliberately but it seems to be connected doesn’t it? Could DH really be that stupid .

I'm sorry but from everything you say it is possible that your DH and DSis were carrying on, with the knowledge of your DM.

The only way you'll know for sure is to ask him directly.

I found a bra strap (one of those removable ones) under my bed once. I have huge boobs, no way that it belonged to me! But my childrens' dad (EX!!!) said it was mine. Wouldn't have it. I was a mug. Thankfully I did dump him a short while later

This thread has gone to the dogs

I carry knickers in my handbag if i'm planning to spend the night at my DP, what is so unusual about that?

I'm sorry but from everything you say it is possible that your DH and DSis were carrying on, with the knowledge of your DM.

The only way you'll know for sure is to ask him directly.

Unfortunately he will lie. There is no way of knowing now. But what's more likely out of the scenarios you have in mind?

Context is key. The people giving innocent explanations aren't taking context, history within the family or past suspicious behaviour into account at all.

Maybe he used them as an ad hoc face mask and forgot about them when he took them off when he got back home?

He may lie but you have to ask yourself OP why did he bring it up now in the context of a conversation about how your relationship has come back from the brink?

Possible reasons:

1. He is playing mind games.
2. He gets a thrill after all this time that he/they got away with it.
3. He suspects you know and has expected over the years you to confront him. This was an opportunity to do so.
4. The guilt is eating away at him.

As PP says, no one knows the context surrounding this or the individuals involved. It may be completely innocent. We can only advise on the information you give us.

I have found knickers.

My step daughters have packed their mothers dirty knickers into their bags on a regular basis.

They were not black and skimpy.

I think it’s quite possible for spare knickers to fall out of a bag at a kids party. Especially if mums have toddlers/babies and were rummaging for bottles/dummies/milk/toys/cloths or trying to get at the wet wipes to wipe kids sticky face. You could easily sit on them and lose them with a child climbing on you. Or maybe a mum didn’t like you or fancied your DH and put them there on purpose!

I’ve found all sorts down the sides of our leather sofa including my friend’s gloves, a sock belonging to a guest, one of my mum’s paperbacks!

It sounds like the two incidents are very much tied in his mind. So I think he had an affair with your sister. Maybe he thinks you knew and chose to forgive him?

i'm amazed by how often MN-ers seemingly find mystery knickers in their home.

Mystery knickers turned up in a load of laundry I was hanging up, once. Plain white women's, not mine. I never wrote about it on Mumsnet though. So weird. It could be my DH cheating, but even then it still wouldn't make sense.

If your DH reminded you about it, he probably isn't guilty. I'd imagine Guilt Man wouldn't never mention that once you'd forgotten