To ask what your relationship is like with your MIL/DP’s mother?

[Lila653]

Wondering whether the stereotype of woman struggling with mother in law is that true in reality. What is your relationship like? And has it changed over time? By stereotype I just mean it is often portrayed in TV/film.

I think I started off in a better place with MIL than I am now - several years down the line I find more and more grating/irritating, probably unfairly in some ways! Is this normal?

DH doesn’t have a great relationship with his parents so maybe this has something to do with it!

@lyralalala, how you wrote about you OtherMIL bought tears to my eyes.

I'm really lucky with my MIL. We've actually gone on holiday for a week (doing shared hobby) and left DH and the DC home.

I think the key thing for her was she was deeply in love with DH's dad and while losing him was awful for her her big hope was that her sons would both have someone they loved/loved them the same way.

She's always been so kind to me, and I've always reflected that back at her where possible. I'm really lucky!

My MIL was fabulous. Kind, generous, supportive and friendly. Never passing judgment or interfering. She was in my life for the last 40yrs and we got on from the moment we met. She lived next door to us for the last 14yrs of her life and was a brilliant grandma for our two boys. She died at Christmas 4yrs ago when she was 96 and we miss her greatly.

[quote Disfordarkchocolate]@lyralalala, how you wrote about you OtherMIL bought tears to my eyes.[/quote]
@Disfordarkchocolate She's a wonderful woman. I'm very lucky.

As I kid I had to live with my grandparents because my parents were abusive. It feels like I got parents as adults instead of as a kid :)

My MIL was a nice enough lady and we got on ok to start with.
When my DH and I got our own place she didnt like us spending money on the house or buying new things.
Never said oh thats nice....always what did you need that for.
She was quite bossy which was wasted on me,don't think she liked it when I said if I want to go shopping and spend my money I will.

Her behaviour became quite strange when I became pregnant with her first grandchild.
She would phone my husband everyday before and after work.
Kept happening he until told her it wasnt really convient .
Soon as we started on some jobs on the house like getting a nursery ready she suddenly decided she needed jobs done on her home and expected my husband to do it all.
Not really interested in our kids and never bought them anything special. £10 in a card for birthdays etc.

I took a massive step back when her daughter had a child and was spoilt rotten with time and gifts

Absolutely fine. We're not especially close or anything but there are no issues between us either. Her and FIL look after our dog for us when we're working so I see her 2-3 times a week.

She's practically housebound so we can't go for lunch or anything like that anymore, but we'll have coffee together and things like that instead.

I adore my MIL and I know the feeling is mutual. She has annoyed me for overstepping the mark and being a bit bossy at times but I know it comes from a place of love and we can talk about it without being tetchy.

My ex MIL... I am relieved to be rid of that whole family but especially her (after her horrible son). Ignorant, stuck up, homophobic idiot and one of the most boring people I’ve ever met. We never really got on and my DC tell me that granny is still a proper turd whenever the poor things have to visit her. I’m kind of relieved she wasn’t just a twat in my company.

My ex MIL is a nutter. Let’s just say I realised a bit late my ex H was just like her. My DP has no living parents - nor do I - so we are both spared any issues there happily.

My MIL has passed away but she was wonderful. She was like a mother, best friend and sister rolled into one.

Mine is great, I feel very lucky to have her.

My mil passed away before she got to meet any of her grandchildren, she was absolutely lovely.
Never took sides, was always there to listen and not judge.
I got together with my now husband at 16 and was in care, I moved out and lived with my mil when I was 17 (now husband lived with his dad back then).
I miss her immensely, and know she would of been the best grandma.

Hope to never meet someone like her again, our relationship has improved significantly since she died 3 years ago. dh's gran was more of a MIL figure than his mum and was actively welcome in our lives.

It is not a generic MIL bashing, she was a challenging woman. I really tried my best but years of lies, manipulation, tears, drama and downright nastiness got me in in the end. Oh the stories I could tell you..........

Once she told us her best friend M had split with her husband because he had abused their granddaughter and spent a long time that evening going into how upset M was, how you never get over something like that after 30 years of marriage, police involvement, how her friend was finding it hard as she was really into appearances and everyone in the village she lived in knew, how she was thinking about moving home etc. Really laid on thick her concern for her friend and talked about it regularly over the following weeks/months how M was getting on and how MIL was her rock supporting her, never really mentioned how the child was. tbh I half guessed at the time it was probably yet another jack-a-nory, I said to dh and he was adamant (probably wishful thinking) she wouldn't lie about something so shocking.

She didn't know I worked in the same company as M's son, different department and our paths rarely crossed but I knew who he was, and a few later I was chatting to him, just general small talk in the canteen queue - any holidays planned this year? and he told me he was going on holiday with his dw, dd and his allegedly paedo dad 😱. Asked if his mum was going too and garnered enough from the conversation to know it was all lies, his mum and dad had amicably split because he was spending most of his time working in London and they were basically living separate lives/grew apart.

My MIL is a lovely lady. Each year my respect and appreciation of her grows. We're different people but she loves my children and DH so we have the most important things in common.

I love this.. I guess you nailed it there.

Mine doesn’t love DH because she hurts him immeasurably despite her lovely gestures in other ways.. she also actually bullies my kids and it’s why I found out we fundementally have nothing in common.

I was extremely polite before. Thinkng it’s out differences that are causing the tension..

But you’re right.. I now know why I feel like we have nothing in common

I love my MIL. She is utterly bonkers and often hours late but is is loving and supportive and always there in a flash if I ever really need her.
She truly adores DS and tries her absolute best to to respect our parenting and boundaries. DS is besotted with her.
She of course has her flaws, as do I, but I wouldn't change her for the world.
We moved closer to PIL when we had DS and I'd never move out of the area while we still have them as I love popping in to each other.

Both of our mothers are dead so neither fiancé nor I have this relationship to think about. It's very sad really; I would love to have had a MiL who could step into the hole my own mother left.

Mine is like my second mother. Right now I’m sat in my home office and she has picked up my children from school and while she cooks dinner for them she is doing our ironing! I’m eternally grateful for mine and hope I can have the same relationship with my daughter in law if the time comes

I’m unbelievably jealous of so many of you. I’m actually gonna start a thread on how to not be jealous

@WeAllHaveWings - that’s a perfect phrase - “our relationship has improved significantly since she died 3 years ago.”

I love her to bits. I get on better with her than my own mum. She doesn't interfere, is there for advice or a shoulder to cry on and will call her sons out if she thinks they're being dicks.

I love both MIL and FIL, but MIL definitely holds me at arms length. Very close to FIL though, can go to him with anything. MIL quite like my own DM in that appearances matter, and it can make things strained because I’m much more go with the slow/spontaneous.

My MiL is brilliant - supportive, generous, kind, doesn't judge and we share a lot of the same hobbies. We started to spend more time together when my FiL died because she was by herself and when we had our first DC she helped me through the first few months of maternity leave and parenthood when everything felt a bit upside down. We see her most days and I text her every day. She helps with our DD if we're both at work but will also take her out for a few hours if we need some down time.

She's always been nice to me and we get on well although we rarely see each other. Perhaps that's why we get on so well.

I like mine. She's never supported us in any way, really, but I don't expect it and she means no harm.

Sadly my MIL was in the early stages of dementia when I first met her and she deteriorated quite quickly. I often wonder what it would have been like to have known her when she was well.

Most of the time, it's fine. We speak roughly once a week in the phone, and WhatsApp every other day or so. We don't live nearby, so I think the distance helps. I do bite my lip a lot when she does wind me up, as most of her actions come from a good place, but she can only really see things from her point of view which is frustrating. Twice I've had to speak bluntly with her to tell her to back off about certain issues, which she has done. She's kind, generous and caring. FIL is generally awesome. I love him.