To ask what your relationship is like with your MIL/DP’s mother?

[Lila653]

Wondering whether the stereotype of woman struggling with mother in law is that true in reality. What is your relationship like? And has it changed over time? By stereotype I just mean it is often portrayed in TV/film.

I think I started off in a better place with MIL than I am now - several years down the line I find more and more grating/irritating, probably unfairly in some ways! Is this normal?

DH doesn’t have a great relationship with his parents so maybe this has something to do with it!

I'm quite ambivalent to mine. We live 400 miles away so rarely see them. She's ok, not really interested in our kids which is a shame. She's not the kind of person I'd choose to hang out with, but she's polite and only annoying when she goes off on a Daily Mail inspired rant.

My FIL on the other hand is an utter wanker.

My MIL is very generous and has always made me feel welcome. We get on well in the main. She can talk for England though and loves to tell you what you should/ shouldn’t do but wouldn’t actually criticise once you’ve done the thing if that makes sense? So she’ll tell you at length why you should get the same type of carpet she’s had in her house for the last 40 years, repeatedly and at any opportunity, but when you have the wood flooring put down she’ll still say it looks nice

I was worried she’d be a bit overbearing when dd was born, but so far she’s not actually seemed that interested. To be fair lockdown has meant we can’t see much of them, and she does ask after her and all but generally her response to their first grandchild being born has been a tiny bit underwhelming.

Cordial. We are polite and can chat but it doesnt go much further than that. When I met DH I think she was menopausal- would have the most outragreous mood swings and say pretty awful things to and about people. Shes calmed down enormously in the last 3-4 years and we now get on fine but I still remember the things she said.

I loved my mother in law spending lots of time with her and father in law but when me and her son divorced ( his violence and affair ) she cut me dead and in the end the children too unless they saw their dad ( who had sent a letter saying he didnt want to see them , to punish me) . It broke my heart as i loved her

We're not super close, but are friendly and will happily (pre covid and hopefully again in future) spend an afternoon shopping together. She's quietly stubborn and has a wicked sense of humour! Rather like DH, actually....

I definitely don't consider her a friend, she gets on my nerves quite a lot

But I will always make sure we make time for her (well, make time for her to see the DC which is what she wants really), I am conscious of her feelings and want to make sure she sees her DGC regularly. For all her sins, I have felt for her over the pandemic as she's only been able to see our DC outdoors and I know she misses the closeness.

We are very friendly/civilised and get on well.

She does annoy me though! We have very different values and I do judge some of her parenting choices (makes it very obvious that she has a favourite child etc).

If my step mil had been married to my step fil, I’d have had the perfect in laws. Before she passed away earlier this year, she was one of the loveliest, kindest, most down to earth women I’d ever met and was incredibly welcoming. She adored my DH and made me feel like another daughter.

Actual mil doesn’t like me at all, which came as a massive shock when I first realised, as I’d always got on really well with the mums of previous boyfriends and partners. So we’re currently superficial. She has never been interested in building any kind of a relationship (I’ve known her for over a decade and she has no idea what my surname is, no idea what my job is, no idea when my birthday is, has never been to our home etc) and I’m no longer interested in trying to make her like me. So we’re polite and then go our separate ways.

We're fine, but to be fair, DP isn't that close to his parents and they don't visit regularly. I get on well with DSS and I think that puts me in their good books, as he's needed a solid female figure in his life for a very long time. So I think that gets me enough daughter in law points to keep me going for quite a while!

Mil number one, I got on great with. We had our ups and downs but it always got sorted out, I still talk to her now.

Mil number two, utterly vile excuse of a human being. Narcissistic, controlling bully.

She's lovely - mostly! Couldn't live with her, but am missing seeing her just now. Lives for her family, but very regimented, obsessed with cleaning, and stuck in her ways(but aren't we all??)

Mil 1 was lovely. Kind, caring and an all around genuine no nonsense kind of lady. Still think about her 25 years on.
Ex dp and mil in the making 2 was a venomous witch start to finish for 13 years. She hated that her ds came to live with me (older woman by 6 years).
She would take any opportunity to have a dig when we were on our own. Looking back she did countless things that caused irreparable damage to mine and dp relationship. The worst I think was telling dp that I wouldn't need to see him after I'd had an horrific emergency Cs with dc1. She told him that he wouldn't be allowed back to the maternity ward until the following evening and that the midwives would look after me. It was the only excuse the cowardly little man child needed to crawl under is mothers apron and hide.
I have an amazing dp now but no mil. She sadly passed away a long time ago.

I get on really well with mine. Unfortunately she has vascular dementia and doesn't have that much time left. I'll really miss her.

Mine is too busy being friendly with DP's ex wife to have much to do with me (EXW and me get along fine we're not friends but it's not like we're best buddies) and she feels she can't be close with both of us. Fair enough I suppose, in her eyes ExW is the mother of his kids and I'm not.

Mine hated me on sight and after years of trying to persuade her I gave up and we've barely communicated since. She goes out of her way to upset and insult me but lately I've noticed she's making an effort to be nice. I think it's because she's feeling her age now and I'm the only person she can rely on lift her on and off the toilet. That won't be happening. But I am grateful that she has taught me how not to be a MIL.

I have a good relationship with my mil. She didn't like my late husband's ex at all. Therefore she doesn't have much of a relationship with her older grandkids (my husband's fault too, but she's not a hands on grandparent by any means).
She's late 80s now, suffering from memory issues and health problems, despite looking amazing (I have a photo of her after four kids in her 50s wearing a bikini - fabulous). We don't live close by and she has been isolating pretty much since the first lockdown. I'm more in touch with her husband. But I'd say our relationship is good, and I'll be sad when she passes.

Cordial. We are polite and can chat but it doesnt go much further than that.

Pretty much this, but I think she blames me for us not living close by and holds it against our children. Husband finds his family a bit full on and loud to the point he often cooks when we visit where it’s quieter. Plus, they’re the type that just likes to pop by with no warning and we both hate that hence another reason we don’t live close by.

I love my MIL and FIL. They are great. Took me a while to warm to them and for them to get used to me as we are very different but we have an understanding now I think. They have been very accepting and treat me and my son (my DH's SS) like one of the family. They are very different to my family who are very dysfunctional. They do the unconditional love thing which is very alien but also really really lovely. It's so nice to have that (although emotionally I don't quite trust it 😊) Thry are not perfect but have a lot of respect for them. They are very kind and do lots for the community.

My MIL was fab. Really kind, generous and funny. She always lit up when we brought the dog along for a visit - they were thick as thieves! Sadly she died suddenly after a short illness three years ago when DH and I were 27, so I didn’t get nearly enough time with her.

DH, on the other hand, despises my mum. I can’t blame him; she’s a toxic narcissist and I can’t stand her either 😂

I love my MiL to bits! Closer than I am to my own mother, really. My first novel was dedicated to her.

MiL and my mum bonded over wedding plans when we got married 10 years ago and can spend 2 hours on the phone every few days. They are peas in a pod. So, the things that I love about them both, and the things that annoy me, are the same! However with my mum I can come right out and tell her she's being neurotic/weird, whereas with MiL I have to be all tactful.

They are both brilliant grandmas. I'd trust either of them to raise my DS if DH and I died.

Given that she still hasn't accepted or even acknowledged our engagement 2 years down the line (after knowing each other 13 years and together 8) I don't think our relationship will ever be a good one! Her reaction to being told we were engaged ruined it for both of us and I don't think I'll ever forget that.

Shit from the first time we met and she told me she didn't like me .
I barely spoke to her over the years.
The last 5 or so years DH and both DDs stopped having anything to do with her.
She's an absolute horror of a person.

I think she's fab, but it's not just me, she's great with all her children's partners and all of their parents. We are all treated as valued additions to the family.

In RL I think the majority of people I know have somewhere between good and OK relationships with their mil's.

I think my MIL is fab! Seriously, she's a lovely woman, warm and kind and so easy to get on with. I love her.

I love mine to bits, she is a lovely, kind lady, a fantastic mother and grandmother who would do anything for anyone.