To ask what your relationship is like with your MIL/DP’s mother?

[Lila653]

Wondering whether the stereotype of woman struggling with mother in law is that true in reality. What is your relationship like? And has it changed over time? By stereotype I just mean it is often portrayed in TV/film.

I think I started off in a better place with MIL than I am now - several years down the line I find more and more grating/irritating, probably unfairly in some ways! Is this normal?

DH doesn’t have a great relationship with his parents so maybe this has something to do with it!

Cant stand to be in the same room as mine but try to keep my feelings to myself for the sake of everyone else. She once went through my dirty laundry, grabbed a pair of my knickers, brought them into the livingroom asking me 'have you got thrush' whilst waving them in my face. I'd just had major surgery so yes there was discharge (sorry tmi) but no it wasnt thrush. Even if it was I'm 30 and can sort myself thank you very much.

Poor, but FIL dislikes me and I him. I suppose she’s just supporting her husband but I’m not sure why they don’t like me and neither is DH. I’m not a yes woman though which is how they think all women should be.

They love BIL on the other hand, who’s been violent to SIL and cheated on her

She drives me insane. She’s overbearing yet uninterested. We have absolutely nothing in common. I try though she’s only young I’ve g a LOT of time left with her!

Love my MIL! She’s so kind, helpful, sweet and would literally drop everything anytime to help us. She treats me like a daughter. So grateful to her.

My husband on the other hand sometimes gets irritated with her fussing over him, which I find quite amusing.

Other than us and the midwives, she was the first person to meet our son when he was a few hours old and thinking about that moment and her emotion always brings me so much joy.

Not great, she’s very nothingy, not well travelled (I don’t mean geographically, just not well rounded really) and her accent annoys me!

Have a great relationship with her and FIL. Am always popping in for a cup of tea if I'm in the area and they do the same, doesn't have to have DH around. They've always made it clear I'm welcome as their daughter not just their sound wife, even before we had DD, which is lovely.

@Newbie8365

Cant stand to be in the same room as mine but try to keep my feelings to myself for the sake of everyone else. She once went through my dirty laundry, grabbed a pair of my knickers, brought them into the livingroom asking me 'have you got thrush' whilst waving them in my face. I'd just had major surgery so yes there was discharge (sorry tmi) but no it wasnt thrush. Even if it was I'm 30 and can sort myself thank you very much.

God almighty

My ex MIL lived on the other side of the world and let's just say I'm very glad she did. She is a nice enough woman but I find the whole idea of having your OH's mum sticking their beak into your life appalling.

My bf's mum thankfully also lives far enough away that I don't have to see her.

I find the whole concept of having a MIL awful and the further they are kept from me the better.

She's dead now, but we got on OK. She had been to Oxford in the 30s on a State Scholarship so was scarily clever (as was FIL) and somewhat intimidating. Whenever we disagreed we just tacitly avoided speaking about that subject again. Worked well for us.

My MIL is lovely, one of the bravest, strongest, wisest women I've ever met, and we get on very well.

As long as we avoid talking about Brexit.

She’s lovely. She occasionally says things that I really disagree with, but I know her heart is in the right place. She always sees the best in people, and is generous to a fault.

She always makes me welcome, and buys wine that I like when we visit. We live a few hours apart, and sadly haven’t been able to visit for a while due to restrictions, but she will phone for a chat sometimes, and I call her too.

Polite and respectful. She had some very interesting ideas of what becoming a grandmother meant and it was bumpy.Once she adjusted her expectationbumpy we became respectful of each other

Love my MIL, she is the loveliest person I know but takes no shit
I always know I speak to her about anything and she will give me honest advice, even backs me up over her son of she feels he's in the wrong. I am very lucky to have two fab parents and in laws which means my kids have fab grandparents, we get annoyed with each other as humans do but I don't think we ever hold it against each other

I won the MIL lottery. She was just one of the world's good people. Warm, accepting, kind, a fantastic grandma, and she loved me. She taught me everything I know about being a good parent and, now, a good grandma.

It's hard saying 'was'. She's still alive, but only her shell remains, ravaged by dementia. I managed to visit her in between lockdowns, but she didn't even know that a person was sat 2m away from her, let alone who that person was.

I still love her, and I'm tearing up typing this.

Lovely lovely woman. One of the kindest, most thoughtful and nuturing women I have ever met. She does get a little anxious sometimes but that is only because she cares so much. Total contrast to my mum who is horribly critical, uses me as her punchbag whenever shes angry( often) and totally disintested in my wellbeing. She is my second MIL. 1st Mil was a narc nightmare, an absolute bitch from Hell. My 1st husband was an abusive arsehole, but to this day im convinced I was more glad to divorce his mother than him !

@Dinosauratemydaffodils that was a classic! I actually burst out laughing at the 21 hours

God, very up and down. She's a genuinely very nice person at heart, but for some reason, she just does my head in at times.

We're very very different and come from very different backgrounds. I find her to be quite hysterical, meek, and overbearing at times, and I think she sees me as far too feisty and a bit gobby (I'm not the sort of person who will sit back and let in-laws make passive aggressive comments, and have said things back to them which I think shocked them all as they're very non-confrontational)

It's such a strange dynamic, as when we're together, we're the ones that will natter on for hours on end, but I think there's still a slight wariness about one another on both parts.

Well mine is extremely jealous and acts like I've taken her ds away. She always mentions dp looks tired/thin/miserable when we see her and she fawns over him telling him he needs to rest.
She acts like she knows my dc better than I do and is manipulative and says things to them to try and make me the bad guy ie, " I'd love to take you to X but your Mum wouldn't let me". Cue "Why Mum?" from my dc when they return home from a visit.
She's also obsessed with the DC being like her 'side' of the family ( they're not) and is desperately jealous of my parents and hates them having a good relationship with my dc.
She currently thinks I'm keeping the children away from her and thinks they should still be allowed to go to hers despite Covid " X sees her grandkids!!!!!Why can't I?".
We don't get on.

My MIL is wonderful. Such a kind and supportive lady. But she had a negative relationship with her own MIL so she knows how this could impact. I’m very grateful to her and hope we can see her soon

It's challenging.

She was very much a "my little boy" type when DH and I met, so saw me as a threat. I had regular "you're stealing my son" type conversations from her alongside digs and jabs about not being good enough, so always tried to take her with a pinch of salt because I never believed it was deliberately manipulative, more from a place of fear of being left alone.

A couple of years ago she did something which resulted in one of our DC being hurt, and rather than acknowledge and deal with it, she lied to cover it up and undermined the DC who was hurt, minimising his experience. Since then I've not really been able to move past this. We are polite when we meet but she's no longer able to play an important role and I know it makes her furious that I won't shut up and brush it under the carpet in the usual way her whole family do. But my DC have to take priority above her, and that leaves her with huge resentment towards me.

It's made me very determined not to replicate her behaviours with my own DC as they grow up.

We get on fine. Not best mates but no bad feeling at all.

She has done alot for us in the past and I hope she knows we would be here if she needed anything in return. As long as it isn't money because we don't have any!

We keep a polite distance but that's because she has always treated my dh badly in favour of her other child. I'd like to tell her what I really think but dh doesn't want the drama so we have a polite visit a couple of times per year.

Generally I find her a sad person; she is very negative and envious of others. Everything comes down to luck with her - she sees other people's success as good luck and her own misfortune as bad luck but never steps back and thinks about the actions that brought about the "luck".

I genuinely love my mil more than my own mother (who I am nc with), I massively respect her and whilst she has some funny ways her heart is in the right place, she’s always been a wonderful grandmother to our children, including my eldest who is my exh child. She’s helpful when asked and doesn’t interfere at all.

I love my mother in law like a mother.
She’s always been lovely but we wasn’t close until I was 22 with a newborn baby. She treats me like one of her own (I don’t have any contact with my mother)

She’s amazing and if my future daughter in law thinks of me how I think of her then I’ll be very very happy ❤️

About 200% better than my relationship with my own mother.