Son gifted GF a designer bag from uni fund AIBU to be livid?

[meadinchelsea]

Just that basically. The finer details as follows:
Son has a very small inheritance for uni (£3k) that was collected over the years from various grandparents at birthdays /Christmas ect while they were all alive, sadly they have all now passed away. He was given access this year as he moved away to uni and we always said the money is for adventures and emergencies. We (his parents) are financially supporting him while there and he has a p/t job. I savings account statement came in the post to out house (he asked me to open it), I couldn't help but notice it was £500 short. When I asked he said it was his long term girlfriends birthday present, a designer bag.
I'm not sure who I'm more pissed at, my mug of a son for spending it or the CF girl for asking for it (she did, I asked it was a specific one she wanted). He says she will give him half the money back but 2 months on and it's not happened.
AIBU to be fuming at them? Or should I just let him spend his money however he sees fit?

Everyone saying you should withhold money from him - it’s just mean! He will just think you’re a twat.

God there are some spiteful people. He spent his money, none of his mother's business, nothing to do with uni funding. Parents are expected to support them at uni, that's how the loans are worked out, it isn't doing them a favour.

It’s his money, but more fool him. GF obviously has no concept of money expecting your son to fork out so much money when on a student grant. All you can hope is the GF will go after some richer guy and your son will learn that money can’t buy you love.

YABU for saying "gifted" 🤮 . He GAVE her a bag.

But more seriously YANBU. It's all very well saying it's his money but who is he going to come to, cap in hand, fro a bail out when the money runs out ? I would be extremely annoyed

people who live month to month or week to week or day to day are not going to think 'oh that is how the loan is worked out' Sorry people need to be aware of these things, it has been that way for a long time, well long ago it was grants not loans but the same principle. You have 18 years to prepare. I saved for my kids when I was short of money, paid more than expected for all 4 of them. I chose to have 4 kids so it was up to me to do that.

I've seen lots of spite, not from OP, but from people saying don't help him any more, as if £500 is going to get him through uni. He works, his birthday money has been saved for him. The OP would be happy for him to spend/waste it on something she approves of but it isn't her place to approve or disapprove, his money to drink, smoke or spend on a girl.

I'd withdraw access to the fund myself. He's clearly shown he is unable to manage it sensibly.

It's all very well saying it's his money but who is he going to come to, cap in hand, fro a bail out when the money runs out ? I would be extremely annoyed You are assuming he will come to her for money, time enough to deal with that when it happens.

Kids should be learning the value of money before uni, I think if parents haven't dealt with it gradually for years before uni then it is their failing.

There is also a positive side in this scenario - you have raised a very generous son 💓 Well done 💓

a fool and his money .......

I agree with @Hardbackwriter
No way was it ever going to be a 50/50 split!

It's his money, he has to learn how to manage it.
Which he'll do so much better without you providing financial support, paying for his holidays...

It was birthday and Christmas present money so of course it is his, if you give someone a present don't you think it is their's? How weird

She’s already explained this! It wasn’t Xmas/bday money saved up, it was specifically collected from relatives over the years to make this fund.

It was intended to be spent on his school/activities/travel and not to be foolishly given away to a GF.

I think hardly anyone would agree with the reverse, where a fund for a girl’s carefully saved education/travel/internship fund is wasted on a BF (like in an Xbox or something equally as frivolous)

@PatriciaPerch - Good luck. They will thank you down the line - maybe not initially - but the penny will drop

I just wonder what she'll be getting him

I would be pretty hacked off too OP - let's hope he learns from this.

I know its his money but I would be livid too! You're not controlling, your a mother - you worry that he will be parted from his money easily, you're disappointed in him that's all. He knew he shouldn't really of done it that's why he never told you about it! Good job mum

Summed up perfectly @UsedUpUsername

PLEASE stop saying 'gifted' - That is only a word that applies in the context of say, an exceptionally 'gifted' child for example.

If you are given something by someone then you have NOT 'been gifted' ffs

I haven’t RTFT (it’s miles long) but I can’t help but feel the girl is getting rather a hard time. Do we know if she actually asked for it? Rather than just admired it? And he, in a fit of trying to be impressive, bought it. I wouldn’t fancy ever being your DIL. The scorn is eminently palpable.

@Kissthepastrychef

I'd withdraw access to the fund myself. He's clearly shown he is unable to manage it sensibly.

How would you manage that when it’s in his bank account?

I meant you got him to uni, he sounds like a good lad, you're doing a good job

She said he has been given access to the account so I assume it is a joint account considering she was sent a statement

@Kissthepastrychef

She said he has been given access to the account so I assume it is a joint account considering she was sent a statement

So why did he ask her to open the statement?