Page 10 | Son gifted GF a designer bag from uni fund AIBU to be livid?

meadinchelsea · 2020-11-30T18:55:48+00:00

Just that basically. The finer details as follows: Son has a very small inheritance for uni (£3k) that was collected over the years from various grandparents at birthdays /Christmas ect while they were all alive, sadly they have all now passed away. He was given access this year as he moved away to uni and we always said the money is for adventures and emergencies. We (his parents) are financially supporting him while there and he has a p/t job. I savings account statement came in the post to out house (he asked me to open it), I couldn't help but notice it was £500 short. When I asked he said it was his long term girlfriends birthday present, a designer bag. I'm not sure who I'm more pissed at, my mug of a son for spending it or the CF girl for asking for it (she did, I asked it was a specific one she wanted). He says she will give him half the money back but 2 months on and it's not happened. AIBU to be fuming at them? Or should I just let him spend his money however he sees fit?

blueshoes · 01/12/2020 01:07

SkintSanta do take a chill pill.

UsedUpUsername · 01/12/2020 01:10

C. If I ever caught my DDs bfs mother (many years away yet thankfully) talking about her like this online or to anyone she would be getting the sharp end of my tongue, or a fist to the face. Most of you are so fucking vile about a girl who you don't even know for sure asked for a bag. I highly doubt she did. Not only that but OP claims to like her and still talks about her like this. I'd hate to see what you were like about someone you dislike OP

It’s entirely correct to talk like this about someone who has accepted an extravagant gift from a student using money lovingly saved up for him (and him alone) from a poor family. It says a lot about her, none of it good, unfortunately.

SkintSanta · 01/12/2020 01:29

@UsedUpUsername

C. If I ever caught my DDs bfs mother (many years away yet thankfully) talking about her like this online or to anyone she would be getting the sharp end of my tongue, or a fist to the face. Most of you are so fucking vile about a girl who you don't even know for sure asked for a bag. I highly doubt she did. Not only that but OP claims to like her and still talks about her like this. I'd hate to see what you were like about someone you dislike OP

It’s entirely correct to talk like this about someone who has accepted an extravagant gift from a student using money lovingly saved up for him (and him alone) from a poor family. It says a lot about her, none of it good, unfortunately.

To be fair, my point C was reliant on my point A. Who knows if the OPs ds is telling her the truth?

SkintSanta · 01/12/2020 01:31

@blueshoes

SkintSanta do take a chill pill.

Ummmm no. It's a horrible way to talk about a young woman based on what is in effect hearsay and may not even be the truth. This sort of thing can really damage a young brain, and mental health. It's vilifying her for something we don't know to be the truth, and people have killed themselves over much less. I wouldn't want that on my conscience. I'm sure most the people on here wouldn't either.

SkintSanta · 01/12/2020 01:35

OP if it has come from a savings account is it just the transaction for withdrawal that you see? Because until he shows you receipts or tells you all about the bag in it's entirety then I wouldn't necessarily be believing him, and certainly not vilifying his GF on a public forum without having heard her side of it first. It's a bit unfair.

Seeingadistance · 01/12/2020 01:38

This!

Seeingadistance · 01/12/2020 01:39

I was trying to quote a previous post.

Basically - it's not an inheritance, it is his own money - which was given to him over the years, and you have no say in how he spends it.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 01/12/2020 01:41

GF obviously knew about the free money and wanted a share of it.

TheLadyOfShallnott · 01/12/2020 02:04

Yes we only have one side of the story. I’ve not been on a Thread yet, in my years on mumsnet ,where we got both sides. (Though it may well have happened)

So. The OP is only telling the truth as she has been told it. Which is what a lot of us have commented on.

But if the GF didn’t ask for the bag, then the lovely young man who wants to treat his GF is not so lovely after all because he has covered his own arse by lying to his mam about his GF.

The only person who is close enough to the story to judge which version is the most likely is the OP.

SkintSanta · 01/12/2020 02:08

@TheLadyOfShallnott

Yes we only have one side of the story. I’ve not been on a Thread yet, in my years on mumsnet ,where we got both sides. (Though it may well have happened)

So. The OP is only telling the truth as she has been told it. Which is what a lot of us have commented on.

But if the GF didn’t ask for the bag, then the lovely young man who wants to treat his GF is not so lovely after all because he has covered his own arse by lying to his mam about his GF.

The only person who is close enough to the story to judge which version is the most likely is the OP.

Oh I'm absolutely not saying that OPs son is lying for definite, or that the GF didn't ask, but my point is some of the responses on here, OPs included go way past being reasonable. Of course we will only ever know one side of the story, and in this case only half of one side of the story. I think that is even more reason not to rip what is likely still a teenage child to pieces.

TheLadyOfShallnott · 01/12/2020 02:14

Well I don’t think I have ripped her.

Just questioned why someone would ask a student (or anyone really) for such an expensive gift.

If indeed they did.

Who knows or dares to dream?

TheLadyOfShallnott · 01/12/2020 02:23

I didn’t see the OP rip into her either.

To me she was expressing disappointment at both of them/the whole situation.

It is 0230 though and I’ve been up for about 30 hours. 😬

blueshoes · 01/12/2020 02:37

If I ever caught my DDs bfs mother (many years away yet thankfully) talking about her like this online or to anyone she would be getting the sharp end of my tongue, or a fist to the face.

SkintSanta And a "fist to the face" is a proportionate response? You are referencing violent acts far beyond anything anyone has said on this thread against this gf. And talking about people taking their lives. Sheesh.

I will say it again. Take a chill pill.

boredasf · 01/12/2020 03:20

someone who has accepted an extravagant gift from a student using money lovingly saved up for him (and him alone) from a poor family

Oh op, I didn't realise you were poor!

RichPetunia · 01/12/2020 04:20

I’ve only read the first page but for everyone who said their children paid for things for their friends, don’t you think that shows a lovely character and reflects a nice person? Doesn’t show them in a bad light at all.

UsedUpUsername · 01/12/2020 05:16

@RichPetunia

I’ve only read the first page but for everyone who said their children paid for things for their friends, don’t you think that shows a lovely character and reflects a nice person? Doesn’t show them in a bad light at all.

It sounds as if the funds were gathered from relatives who didn’t have much money in the first place.

I imagine that they wanted the money to go towards things that would be good for his future.

Sure, he can foolishly spend it, but as a parent Id be disappointed he spent so much of that sum on a handbag for a GF and not for what it was intended for: work, study, travel. It shows immaturity, not a lovely character (that would be delaying gratification and perhaps saving it from his PT job, although I do think his GF should never have accepted such an extravagant gift)

Rollmopsrule · 01/12/2020 05:36

It wasn't an inheritance. It was his birthday/ Christmas money you decided to save then have handed back to him with strings on what he can use his money for. It was a silly purchase however its his to do what he wishes.

UsedUpUsername · 01/12/2020 05:40

@Rollmopsrule

It wasn't an inheritance. It was his birthday/ Christmas money you decided to save then have handed back to him with strings on what he can use his money for. It was a silly purchase however its his to do what he wishes.

She clarified in a follow-up that this wasn’t the case, it was money collected in bits throughout the years to fund this sum. A little different imo

SuperCaliFragalistic · 01/12/2020 06:12

My brother and I were both given similar amounts at around that age. I spent mine on a round the world ticket and had an amazing time travelling (earning extra top up funds along the way). My brother spent his in the pub. I don't think my parents were best pleased with him but smhe got a good job and off the back of my adventure decided to save up and go on adventures of his own. So no difference to the end result.

3k is a nice gift and I too would be annoyed at what your DS spent it on but that's mostly because I think designer anything is a waste of money and people who spend mega bucks on a handbag are vacant idiots.

TeachesOfPeaches · 01/12/2020 06:25

I was looking at opening an Kids ISA for my son but as soon as I realised you are unable to control the money as it is in the child's name I decided against it.

Flatpackback · 01/12/2020 06:32

It's up to him how he spends his money, you can't do anything about that. But you can control what you spend your money on & I would be thinking hard about spending less of it on him.

Orangeboots · 01/12/2020 06:39

Ds buys stupid shit too - stuff that is way above his means, I keep thinking he’ll learn his lesson

Yeahnahmum · 01/12/2020 06:48

Cut his financial support by 50 pound for the next 10 times.
Great he buys something for a gf but very irresponsible. Also: his gf being a very... uh... CF for asking for a 500 pound bag... jeez

Veniemmanuel · 01/12/2020 06:49

Sure, he can foolishly spend it, but as a parent Id be disappointed he spent so much of that sum on a handbag for a GF and not for what it was intended for: work, study, travel. It shows immaturity, not a lovely character (that would be delaying gratification and perhaps saving it from his PT job, although I do think his GF should never have accepted such an extravagant gift)

This. £3I is not that much money but it took a lot to save it to give DS a comfortable cushion and freedom to do some things he ordinarily wouldn't have as a student. Added to his parents financially supporting him. It's his money but to spend a sixth of it on one gift for someone else is not generous- it's careless. It's the same as spending £20k on a GF from a £120k nest egg. I doubt any parent would be pleased with that.

Being generous is springing for dinner and a movie not a £500 bag from £3k savings -he vant afford it.. it's effectively a £1k a year he should be dipping into to last uni. It's his money but OP is NU to be upset. I guess we all have to make expensive mistakes. Hopefully he will learn from it

DorisDaisyMay · 01/12/2020 07:02

Were none of you ever 20?
20 year old girls want bags.
20 year old boyfriends want to please girlfriends.
He is an adult.
He also needs to get a job.

Amazon delivery driver, A level student tutor, fruit picker in the summer.

You feel as you feel - but use this uncomfortableness to make changes, reflect on the situation and decide what you are comfortable with, but don’t carry on the same.