Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hate this 80% of the time

265 replies

Nomoreboobs · 30/11/2020 12:58

Start off by saying, I adore my Dd, 2.6 years old. We waited years to have her and some days are amazing..but, the majority aren’t. Does/has anyone else found this age ridiculously hard? Does it get easier, if so, when is that exactly?
My life feels like an endless cycle at the moment and recently I’ve felt myself really pining for my child free days-they were so easy..but then I feel guilty.
I remember years ago, a friend who had a small child explained it to me as being ‘Relentless’ my mum said it was an awful thing to say and that it wasn’t..I’m inclined to feel my friend was right,

OP posts:
StatisticallyChallenged · 30/11/2020 23:21

Well done for being a perfect parent.

I read the same peppa pig book 6 times in a row earlier. There was a screaming fit when I refused the 7th. That was not fun or enjoyable.

It is possible to adore your child and still find them hard work.

Ratatcat · 01/12/2020 07:10

Bbq1 I’m not sure that your tone was quite right for this thread as you do sound a bit smug when others have admitted they are struggling. I’d also ask if you just have one child? Because for me, I don’t think I described parenting as relentless with one but it certainly has been with two. I’ve found for example that they tend to tag team bad nights so if one is up at 1am, the other is likely up at 3. They bicker and currently have quite different needs.

Juggling work and small children through lockdown is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and it was most definitely relentless. And yes I find a lot of parenting quite boring. I love my children dearly but reading the same book for the 1000th time or putting together a two-piece puzzle isn’t the most entertaining thing for me. And at the moment, there is nothing else to do because of lockdown. Parenting my second as a toddler during the pandemic has been infinitely more challenging than parenting my first as a toddler a few years ago. It is isolating and lonely.

Rollmopsrule · 01/12/2020 07:13

It was the worst age for me. Don't get me wrong they bought lots of joy at this age but just so relentless. I've found things easier as they get older.

LilyLongJohn · 01/12/2020 09:54

My dd is now 13 and a joy. I can deal with the stroppy teenage strips, the rudeness, crying about friends and spots etc. What I really couldn't deal with was the toddler and young child years. I hated them and if someone has said I can turn the clock back I'd have never had kids.

Hang in there op

Dmtush · 01/12/2020 10:06

Three year olds are massive arseholes. At least you can walk away from your average teenager when they’re being a tosser, the three year old just follows you shouting even louder! Mine all had the perfect storm of still not sleeping through the night and being incredibly short fused. Horrible times. My youngest is nearly four now and is much more tolerable.

KatharinaRosalie · 01/12/2020 10:42

I do not believe anybody who says baby and toddler years are all pure joy in every moment. How exciting exactly are diaper changes or being screamed at because the banana broke and they don't want to go outside when you had no plans to go outside in the first place?

Badwill · 01/12/2020 11:44

Either your life's was seriously dull before you had DC Bbq1 or you just have one child!

Toddlers aren't boring but life with them (particularly if you have more than one) is dull as shit!

Pleaseaddcaffine · 01/12/2020 12:09

I love ds dearly but if he screams at me to make a Fort for the 12th billion time when I've just made my first coffee of the day, I may die. On the plus side my sisters perfect sleeping baby has turned into evil toddler and his tantrum are impressive and make ds look like an angel.

CheetasOnFajitas · 01/12/2020 16:45

So you’re an Early Years teacher OP? Why are you avoiding answering the question that so many of us have asked about whether or not you will put her into nursery?

DrSK2 · 01/12/2020 17:35

I feel exactly the same. Same age son. Love him tremendously but am exhausted. Also working from home full time. Terrible experience. Am full of rage and nerves at all times.

addictedtotheflats · 01/12/2020 17:38

Mines 19 months and by god is he full on. I never anticipated toddlers would be more difficult than babies. Im been told it gets easier about 6 so just taking one day at a time 😂 going to work is like a spa day compared to running round after him. Its good to read on here that it's completely normal to be fed up of your child and want peace for even 5 minutes. They are amazing at the same time though

Elfblossom · 01/12/2020 17:56

I have 4 children ranging between 11 and 28 and I can absolutely promise you that 99% of it is that you reap what you sow.

If your toddler is hard work then it's possible that it's because of things you're doing or not doing.

I see many parents complaining about the toddler meltdowns on supermarkets and often they take the child traipsing round the shop when they're hungry, tired, bored and think they can ignore them while they just sit in a trolley ... hell! I'd be wailing or causing mischief if I had to do the same.

So plan for it, prepare yourself and your toddler for success and that doesn't necessarily mean just give them your mobile phone to play with.

Wilkie1956mog · 01/12/2020 18:13

It gets easier once they are at school full time and you actually have a good break each day. Until they hit about 13 and the teenage moods and rows kick in. That lasts for about 5 years and is like the toddler years again but with more swearing and door slamming.

restingbitchface30 · 01/12/2020 18:23

All I want to say here, as a parent of a 13 and 15 year old please try and make the most of these years. I feel like I mourn not having tiny ones anymore. I remember it being hard but now I look back I would cherish those years more.

IndecentFeminist · 01/12/2020 18:28

With just one child, relatively easy to enjoy every moment. Vom.

I currently have a 10, 8 and 3 year old. The 3 yr old is haaaaaarrrddd. I don't remember the older two being similar, maybe because I was in the throes of 2 under 2 and not trying to do anything else. Now I'm trying to work, run a house, be there for two older ones etc a.with a whirlwind in the background making a mess or a noise or both.

Relentless is very accurate...it isn't necessarily negative but on and on.

Fudgemonkeys · 01/12/2020 18:29

Have to say my 2DS were lovely as toddlers but the pay back as teenagers now that was an entirely different level of pushing buttons 🙄🤣

Barney60 · 01/12/2020 18:33

It gets slightly better when they get married.

MamaDeeDee · 01/12/2020 18:46

Yup I agree!! My boy is 4 and a half now and I feel I am finally fully enjoying him again. The new born stage was a piece of piss compared to toddler stage. I think a lot of people feel like this but don’t necessarily admit it! It must be even more hard for you as can’t have a night off now and again. Hang in there OP x

bigmumsymcgraw · 01/12/2020 18:47

Try and get out the house every day Means child is being occupied and should reduce your stress. Feed the ducks, go to park, dont need to spend a fortune. It does change but every age brings different challenges

ShedFace · 01/12/2020 18:49

Relentless is definitely the right word. But it passes. Promise! Grin

gottogonow · 01/12/2020 18:54

The book Toddler Taming was my absolute bible at this age. It has easy to dip in to sections and really clued me in to what was causing the changes in behaviour along with making me laugh too. I really, really recommend it for anyone at this stage.

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 01/12/2020 19:02

@Bbq1

I really enjoy every stage of being a mum but loved it when my ds was a toddler. He was so chatty, funny and cute. He was a real little friend I could chat with (he was an early talker) and have lots of fun with. I certainly wouldn't call it anything approaching relentless or boring. How can anyone feel like that about their own child? No, I don't think perfect or special, I just don't understand how spending time with your dc is seen as some kind of chore.
@bbq1 I felt like this when my DC were toddlers (close in age, so they were toddlers together). They were awake for about 13 hours a day, and those 13 hours were spent doing things with them, chatting with them, reading to them, doing boring household stuff, shopping with them, etc, etc. Then they went to bed and I could do absolutely nothing for a couple of hours.

In fact, I was probably quite smug. Having had teenagers, I now realise that I was just much better with toddlers than I am with teenagers. Other posters will find this incomprehensible, but I find the demands of teenagers really are relentless, and I find the girls' friendship dramas, social media strops, selfies, etc, etc unspeakably boring (all much worse during lockdown, because they've had nothing else to do). Plus they never go to bed, and won't tidy up at the end of the day if you turn it into a nice game.

At least you can walk away from your average teenager when they’re being a tosser, the three year old just follows you shouting even louder

Not my experience. They just follow you, shouting in properly loud voices, desperate to pick a fight with you just for something to do. I just want to run away and not come back when that happens.

A lot of it is nature (any one child's particular disposition), a lot of it is nurture, there's a lot of luck, plus their peer group, friendships ... a whole host of things. Some of us hate the baby stage, but love toddlers. Some of us hate the toddler stage and love teenagers. Some of us love all of it. Some of us find it all a slog. Rather than doing an @Elfblossom saying (to the OP, in this case), If your toddler is hard work then it's possible that it's because of things you're doing or not doing, perhaps it's better for us all to acknowledge that most of us find some parts of parenting really, really difficult and relentless and boring, and some parts fantastic and joyful and lovely? The people who find it all awful or all fantastic do exist, obviously, but they are not the majority. Anyone who bothers to post on here is, on the whole, trying to do their best.

I would also say that if I had been WFH when I had toddlers, and hadn't been able to take them to friends' houses, coffee mornings, toddler groups, parks, soft play, shops (IKEA was always a good bet on a wet day) whenever I felt like it, I might have felt very, very different.

Lockdown has been sheer Hell for me, but I still think that WFH parents of cooped up small children have been worst off of all (even if they have still been paid).

Waveysnail · 01/12/2020 19:03

Saw a fb post yesterday calling toddlers 'womb gremlins' its apt lol

ilovechocolate07 · 01/12/2020 19:04

It is hard but time does really fly. As a teenager parent, I'm pining for the days when the kids were young and enjoyed spending time with me, crafting, trips to the play park and pool etc.

Elfblossom · 01/12/2020 19:07

Same! That's why it's heartbreaking for both the parent and the children to hear that some find it relentless and boring ... some days were bloody tough but, I'd go back in a heartbeat given half a chance.

Swipe left for the next trending thread