Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hate this 80% of the time

265 replies

Nomoreboobs · 30/11/2020 12:58

Start off by saying, I adore my Dd, 2.6 years old. We waited years to have her and some days are amazing..but, the majority aren’t. Does/has anyone else found this age ridiculously hard? Does it get easier, if so, when is that exactly?
My life feels like an endless cycle at the moment and recently I’ve felt myself really pining for my child free days-they were so easy..but then I feel guilty.
I remember years ago, a friend who had a small child explained it to me as being ‘Relentless’ my mum said it was an awful thing to say and that it wasn’t..I’m inclined to feel my friend was right,

OP posts:
Toocold · 30/11/2020 17:04

I have a 4 year old, 12 year old and 15 year old and I would take all of those ages over 2.5 any day! For me 18 months -2.5 and 3 were the hardest years, teenagers are hard emotionally but at least you can leave them alone to mentally recharge, toddlers are relentless and it will get easier for you very soon, I think 3 is the magic age when it gets easier.

JonHammIsMyJamm · 30/11/2020 17:08

I was so smug.

My kids were sweet babies.
Funny, charming toddlers.
Calm and engaging preschoolers.
So on and so on.

I was convinced I had it made. Until the TEENS.
Teens from Hell.

lowlandLucky · 30/11/2020 17:10

Up until 12 us easy, teenage years are trying and the adult years are 50% lovely and 50% hardwork.

pictish · 30/11/2020 17:16

Relentless is precisely the word. I have used it in regards to parenting, adulting, working and the responsibilities and obligations pertaining to all, many a time.
That’s what it is...the sheer relentlessness of it. Gies a break!

BigButtons · 30/11/2020 17:18

Toddlers are difficult for sure,. It is boring and receptive, but at least they mostly go to bad and are controllable to a degree.
IME they are not anywhere near as hard and emotionally draining as teens. Teens are giant toddlers who refuse to go to bed and do unspeakably cruel things to their parents.
I would much ratter have a toddler. I have had to deal with teens for the past 10 years now and I am on my knees.

Phineyj · 30/11/2020 17:20

I can't say it's got much easier here (7 year old, but she has some special needs). But when things are tough I try to reflect that at least the bottle, vomit, nappy, toilet training, buggy and reins bit is over. Bodily fluids and running off suck. And she can blow her own nose! And she goes to school all day!! You need a bit of a break, OP. Hopefully you can source a bit of childcare next year.

pictish · 30/11/2020 17:20

I would have to agree about the teen years. As much as I was knackered out by the little years, nothing could have prepared me for the enormity of negotiating through the teens. Now THAT is tough.
I still have two to go.

BigButtons · 30/11/2020 17:26

if I could go back now I would have appreciated my toddlers more. I had dc 6 in 8 years. Yes it was tedious and draining and mind numbingly boring, but they were also sweet and loving at times and wanted me.
My teens though, I wish i could have my toddlers back.
So appreciate the time you have with them at the age they are.

PlanDeRaccordement · 30/11/2020 17:34

@G5000

What do you suggest we do? Just withhold this information?

yes, on this thread, yes. OP is struggling, wants to know if it gets better, and the truth is that it does. Pretty much everybody agrees that 4-5-6 is easier than 2-3. Telling her that 16 might be shit again is not helpful and does not help her to avoid 16 possibly being shit either, so it's not a useful piece of info.

Well yes, it’s true, but it’s not the whole truth. You are patronising the OP by implying she can’t handle the whole truth. I think all parents experiences and perspectives are helpful even if it’s not what you may want to hear or, in your case, not what you want the OP to hear. I’m not sure you have a right to censor other parents.
Tumbleweed101 · 30/11/2020 17:34

2-4yrs and then 14-16yrs are the ages I found most challenging with mine.

DildoAndAKneeAss · 30/11/2020 17:36

@Timeontimeoff

I think it is different for everyone.

I personally find the teenage years much worse.

This was my experience, too. I think most children are very, very difficult at some point in their lives - it's just a matter of when.
Tumbleweed101 · 30/11/2020 17:37

I should add I currently work with 2-3yo toddlers but found the 3-4 preschoolers completely different and much easier to work with, they really start to change at 3yo.

Nimello · 30/11/2020 17:39

@BigButtons

Toddlers are difficult for sure,. It is boring and receptive, but at least they mostly go to bad and are controllable to a degree. IME they are not anywhere near as hard and emotionally draining as teens. Teens are giant toddlers who refuse to go to bed and do unspeakably cruel things to their parents. I would much ratter have a toddler. I have had to deal with teens for the past 10 years now and I am on my knees.
Flowers, @BigButtons. I have only been dealing with them for 8 years thus far, but at the moment, I can't see much light at the end of the tunnel.

I thought toddlers were great. At least you can bodily pick them up when they're being a PITA.

Teenagers are, as you say, giant toddlers but with the added bonus of being able to work out how to make you really, really unhappy, and then to stick the knife in that little bit more, just in case you don't feel quite crap enough.

DressingGownofDoom · 30/11/2020 17:39

@Hardbackwriter

I'm kind of curious to know what the people who come on to say 'oh, having a teen is SO MUCH WORSE' are hoping to achieve?
You get this from the minute you conceive don't you? Complain about morning sickness and you get 'oh wait til the third trimester!' Complain about the third trimester 'oh wait til the baby comes and you can't sleep!' Complain when your newborn isn't sleeping 'oh just wait til the toddler years' and so on. Everyone finds the different stages challenging, some more so than others, when you're on your knees because you have a tiny being totally reliant on you for every second of every unrelenting day you don't really give a fuck about people worrying about their teenagers because at least they can wipe their own arses.
tolerable · 30/11/2020 17:42

I loved 2-4yrs best of all. ...they are little sponges that soak up absolutely everything(ok then twat it atchu at worst times possible)..I think i loved it cos i got down to same level.i am the mum who...opened door with a collander on head and fuzzy moustache,that ran a roll of wallpaper from front to back door.(.initially hoped for feet/handprints to craft into shitgifts.....)resulted in stripp to the nappy n bum slides n purple paint flicks on kitchen for way longer than hygiene standards...you gotta loose a little bit of restraint...to have actual fun...also..when pull shitstorm-publicly\crowdgathery you feel less judged if say things like "what will mummy say when we get home"judgy folks assume your NOT responsible so pressures off.

DildoAndAKneeAss · 30/11/2020 17:48

@Hardbackwriter

What's she supposed to do with that forewarning? What would you have done with it when you had a toddler, and how would it have made you feel? This is also why I hate it when people tell new parents that they should cherish every second - they always say they wish they had, but no one ever actually manages it at the time (show me someone who says they cherished every second at the time, not in retrospect, and I'll show you a liar) so you're just giving advice that is impossible to achieve, but makes anyone having a tough time feel worse.
I don't think my point was to 'forewarn' the OP. I think my point was that all children are likely to be difficult at some stage. If hers is going for the toddler stage, she might well have lovely, agreeable, selfless teenagers. My toddlers were classic toddlers - one in particular was a horror (though he was my one easy teenager) but it was my favourite stage of parenting. So with luck, the OP will have an easier ride from 3/4 onwards!
BigButtons · 30/11/2020 17:50

@Nimello thank you.
I have three of each. My worst by far is my now 19 year old DD. I would like to say she has improved but she hasn't. She lives with her father now as I can't have her in the house as she is so revolting.
My youngest DS is 13 and pretty mild mannered. The girls have been the worse by a county mile. They are currently 15 and 17.

Nimello · 30/11/2020 17:59

I don't have six of them, @BigButtons, but would probably have had to leave home if I had. And my experience has also been that girls are worse teenagers than boys.

Good luck, and more Flowers. You need them, I think.

perfectpanda · 30/11/2020 18:08

I've got 2 older ones (11 and 13). And then a 3 year old. I know I'm not at full blown teens yet. But they are an age at which they are capable of moods, back chat and general nasty tween behaviour. However in my opinion, it is nothing compared to the monotony and emotional rollercoaster of the 2 / 3 year old. Parents of teenagers forget. The whining. The endless endless interruptions.. the mess. The sameness every day. Never ever having control over your time or space to do anyyhing for yourself. I adore my 3 year old but my god, I had forgotten / blocked out these years. Or maybe I'm just burnt out from lock down and fact he is day 1 of 10 day isolation. Sob.

So in my experience so far, the toddler bit is the toughest. I remember a family holiday before dc3 was born, when the older 2 kids were 6 and 4. We sat in a pub and played uno and they walked a long way without whining. That was the turning point.

Whilst I wrote that, dc3 has emptied 3 jigsaws out and all his cars, after my evening tidy up..that will teach me to come on mumsnet.

Original poster
Nomoreboobs · 30/11/2020 18:10

Thanks so much everyone 💐
I absolutely appreciate this time and know I’ll look back one day and want it all back again, which makes me feel even guilty when I have days where I just can’t wait for a couple of hours in front of the tv..alone!
Even more so as she’s an ivf baby and we longed for her for years. It’s amazing, but just so hard at times. I think when nursery starts it will make a huge difference as I’m so much better if I just get even a couple of hours when she’s with Dp.
She’s also recently dropped her nap it seems, that’s made a huge difference 😬
I can’t really think about the teen years at the moment tbh, in the trenches of this stage.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 30/11/2020 18:12

Early years hard work drudge very tough. The fact you need to be “on” with them all the time. How the hell (and frankly why) anyone would have more than 2 I will never understand
Primary years lovely
13 onwards getting harder again but nothing like the early years

MsTSwift · 30/11/2020 18:14

6 is the best age.
Old enough to go to loo, eat, do up car seat etc but young enough to believe in magic. Love 6 year olds and loved being 6 myself!

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 30/11/2020 18:19

4
When ds hit 4 he became my best mate. Hes nearly 7 now and still lovely. I feel like I'm living with a ticking time bomb until one day he'll hate me/ be embarrassed by me / avoid my kisses!

Pinotwoman82 · 30/11/2020 18:20

It was sooo hard I hated it. I look back and think how did I do it, the ages of 1.5 - 4 were awful. Now my oldest is 13 and we are getting a few teenage tantrums but like a PP said you can kind of leave them alone to mentally recharge, also I can’t imagine a toddler in lockdown, you are doing amazing Flowers

Sarahandduck18 · 30/11/2020 18:23

Mothering young children is hell.

I’m so glad I’ll never do it again.