Hate this 80% of the time

[Nomoreboobs]

Start off by saying, I adore my Dd, 2.6 years old. We waited years to have her and some days are amazing..but, the majority aren’t. Does/has anyone else found this age ridiculously hard? Does it get easier, if so, when is that exactly?
My life feels like an endless cycle at the moment and recently I’ve felt myself really pining for my child free days-they were so easy..but then I feel guilty.
I remember years ago, a friend who had a small child explained it to me as being ‘Relentless’ my mum said it was an awful thing to say and that it wasn’t..I’m inclined to feel my friend was right,

In all honesty, I'm not that much of a fan of babies and toddlers. I'd rather have a puppy or kitten. But once they begin turning into proper little people who want to have conversations with you about their world, I think they're brilliant - which is round about 3 and a half.

You're nearly at the start of that bit. Not far to go and by the sounds of it, you will love the preschool-infant stage!

Mine is two, and has turned into a gremlin overnight. We have had to abandon a potty training attempt as the horrendousness of it sent my mood lower than it has been for years and years.

Every single boundary is tested. Over and over and over again. I had to put him down for his nap early as he wouldn't stop spitting water at me. He has started biting. I'm already dreading bedtime as it has taken 1-3 hours every night for the past week.

I used to be so chuffed I had such a cheerful baby, but he is a furious goblin at the moment, no matter what we do.

And I was dreading him being three...

@perfectpanda your post made me smile (a bit)
“ Parents of teenagers forget. The whining. The endless endless interruptions.. the mess. The sameness every day. Never ever having control over your time or space to do anyyhing for yourself. ”
This is my life with my teens. Now I don’t get down time in the evenings either. Currently bribing my 15 year old daughter to finally try and find her bedroom floor which is ankle deep in detritus. She has taken all my socks and under wear and make up. I need her to tidy because I have no knickers left.

@INeedNewShoes

With DD we've mostly been content but I have found the ages between 2 and just-turned 3 quite challenging at times. For us it seems to go in phases and certainly we've had quite a number of phases where everything just feels like a battle and I've felt like I'm not parenting effectively.

We've had a more general turning a corner though in the past few weeks and all of a sudden quite a lot has slotted into place in terms of DD's understanding, ability to do things for herself, being able to enjoy relaxing things together (like sitting through a whole proper film), able to go for decent 2–3 mile walks etc. I'm now enjoying her whole-heartedly again whereas there have been days in the past year where I've looked forward to bedtime!

Keep ploughing on but don't be hard on yourself for not thinking it's all beautiful joy and laughter all the way!

How is your DD now? Your description has really struck a chord. Mine will be 3 in 3 months time

So it’s definitely a toddler thing?

Ha. No. My delightful little angel of an eldest turned evil at 2 on the dot. It's waning as she's approached 7. Youngest was lovely until 5.

Little ones are harder, on average, because they are so needy and struggle to control their emotions. It does get easier, OP.

Teenagers are by far, far, far the worst.

Yeah, but you give yourself two big advantages by then:

1. Lots of hard work on being a good parent when they are younger so they know the boundaries, trust your advice and their mistakes aren't too bad.

1. Photos and videos of every embarrassing thing they do in their lives and the contact details of everyone they know. When the first big paddy happens at 13 you queue up The Email and start counting down until they surrender.

Not sure if I’m replying properly. This is for BabyBooms. I LOVE 2 year olds. They are SUCH hard work but amazing as they begin to talk and develop and become proper little people. So definitely true that different people prefer different ages, and also that different children are tricky at different ages. I am so glad that the baby years are behind me. You couldn’t pay me enough to go through all that again. Under 5s are really hard work though, just more interesting to me than babies

Jesus people, a little empathy? OP says she feels guilty because parenting feels hard and relentless. Do you really, really have to jump in with your "Noooo it's the best age ever, so much fun, you're just doing it wrong!! Oh and it will get even worse, ha!"

The thing I find with this age is that they are very often frustrated. They have their own ideas, opinions and preferences, but they can’t always express them verbally yet. These frustrations lead to tantrums, and almighty ones at that!! They want to explore, but still have very little in the way of understanding (and cooperating with) boundaries and risks, so when they’re told no, again, a tantrum lol.
No magical answer as to what to do, there never will be, just know you’re not alone!

@GoatCheeseTart

Jesus people, a little empathy? OP says she feels guilty because parenting feels hard and relentless. Do you really, really have to jump in with your "Noooo it's the best age ever, so much fun, you're just doing it wrong!! Oh and it will get even worse, ha!"

This is what I said:

"all children are likely to be difficult at some stage. If hers is going for the toddler stage, she might well have lovely, agreeable, selfless teenagers. My toddlers were classic toddlers - one in particular was a horror (though he was my one easy teenager) but it was my favourite stage of parenting. So with luck, the OP will have an easier ride from 3/4 onwards!"

How is that lacking in empathy?

@donquixotedelamancha

Lots of hard work on being a good parent when they are younger so they know the boundaries, trust your advice and their mistakes aren't too bad

Talk about making people feel bad! Nobody put more work into being a good parent than I did when my DC were younger. With one teenager in particular, it is as if she has never actually had any parents.

[quote Nimello]@donquixotedelamancha

Lots of hard work on being a good parent when they are younger so they know the boundaries, trust your advice and their mistakes aren't too bad

Talk about making people feel bad! Nobody put more work into being a good parent than I did when my DC were younger. With one teenager in particular, it is as if she has never actually had any parents.[/quote]
Yep- absolutely.

Depends. If you have undiagnosed neurodiverse children, this phase can last for another 10 + years.
And of course, even a diagnosis means they will still have be doing this behaviour. Possibly for life.

My Son, aged 27, still has toddler tantrums, except for him they are now called meltdowns. Cos he's diagnosed ASD.

But, it's the same experience, as far as I'm concerned.

And, it's exhausting.

My first DS was a wee fucker up until he turned 3/3.5 and then he was my best little funny companion.
And then the school system could-opted him and broke both of our hearts.
I realise I am being dramatic here, but school was bad for him and he was at such a beautiful age when he had to go after being such hard work as a toddler.
It will get easier and you mustn't feel guilt. Cling on to the good and how funny toddlers are and let "duties" and housework slide a bit.

Talk about making people feel bad! Nobody put more work into being a good parent than I did when my DC were younger. With one teenager in particular, it is as if she has never actually had any parents.

@Nimello. I presume you didn't even bother to read the rest of the post before commenting?

If you go into settings you can check a little box so that ironic or light-hearted posts are highlighted for you and this won't happen again.

Yes, I did @donquixotedelamancha

Your second suggestion was funny and was very obviously lighthearted. The first one less so.

Your second suggestion was funny and was very obviously lighthearted. The first one less so.

The second one is taking the piss out of the first. The humour is in the juxtaposition between the po-faced, preachy tone and the ridiculous content. (Though clearly not a great joke if it needs that much explanation)

Unless it's money, which I sympathise with, I would SERIOUSLY consider daycare a couple of days per week. She's probably as tired of you as you are of her. Socialising with other children will make her more interesting to you as well as she learns new things and has her weird little daycare life to tell you about.

Also get her (and yourself) used to the idea of babysitters NOW. Are you really not going to have any time alone, out of your house, with your partner until your child is what, 13 or 14? That's insanity and it will very likely ruin your relationship.

I agree that by the time they turn 4, life is blissful compared to what it has been the previous 4 years.

I always think people that say teenagers are the worst, have forgotten just how awful being a parent to under 4s is. Or, maybe my eldest was dream and I have turbulent times ahead.

I'm on my third child now and I think this one in enjoying the most as I've got more understanding of the phases they go through. I think a lot of the struggles 2 year olds go through is from wanting to do things for themselves and us expecting them to do as they are told. I find the montessori method really useful, trying to allow my kids to experiment with things and involve them in what I'm doing even if it's a bit messy or takes longer. For example washing fruit up at the sink or unloading the dishwasher together. The more you can involve them in what you are doing the better it is. Also knowing that they need one activity after another as they have short attention spans. So 20 mins doing a large piece puzzle, 20 mins walking, 20 mins reading a book with you and so on. Or even 5 mins or 10 mins depending on your child. With my first 2 I didn't realise this and expected one activity to be enough to keep them occupied. Also following what they're interested in at the time. They might go through phases of throwing things. This is the time to embrace throwing balls playing catch or balloons rather than telling them off. Also they might go through a climbing phase- again how can you factor that into your day to keep them engaged..they may like to walk somewhere and walk up and down steps. I find this child led approach helps alot (research montessori) if you are interested and I realise a lot of the toddler tantrums are just due to frustration of not being able to do things and so having patience when they have a tantrum. There will be crying, screaming and mess at times but it's all part of them growing up so having patience with them will make you both so much happier.

“@Spinakker Love the Montessori method too (I’m an Early years & primary school teacher by profession and spent two years in a Montessori setting, really loved the concept) but I still find it hard work and all consuming a great deal of the time

@Spinakker

I'm on my third child now and I think this one in enjoying the most as I've got more understanding of the phases they go through. I think a lot of the struggles 2 year olds go through is from wanting to do things for themselves and us expecting them to do as they are told. I find the montessori method really useful, trying to allow my kids to experiment with things and involve them in what I'm doing even if it's a bit messy or takes longer. For example washing fruit up at the sink or unloading the dishwasher together. The more you can involve them in what you are doing the better it is. Also knowing that they need one activity after another as they have short attention spans. So 20 mins doing a large piece puzzle, 20 mins walking, 20 mins reading a book with you and so on. Or even 5 mins or 10 mins depending on your child. With my first 2 I didn't realise this and expected one activity to be enough to keep them occupied. Also following what they're interested in at the time. They might go through phases of throwing things. This is the time to embrace throwing balls playing catch or balloons rather than telling them off. Also they might go through a climbing phase- again how can you factor that into your day to keep them engaged..they may like to walk somewhere and walk up and down steps. I find this child led approach helps alot (research montessori) if you are interested and I realise a lot of the toddler tantrums are just due to frustration of not being able to do things and so having patience when they have a tantrum. There will be crying, screaming and mess at times but it's all part of them growing up so having patience with them will make you both so much happier.

I’m all for this method too. Plus Dd goes to Montessori nursery. They do it well.

It is relentless and I think people genuinely forget or look back with rose tinted glasses. I think all parents find different stages harder or easier based on the child’s personality abs theirs.

For me, first 6 weeks were a complete mess both times and then I loved having babies from 3m onwards. Child no.1 was an early Walker and a complete liability from about 10m. She was physically hard work but a lovely 1 year old. She was fine at 2 and a bloody nightmare at 3 (door slamming, high drama, v strongwilled. Child no.2 was slower to walk and was a delight until about 14m whereby she has become the naughtiest baby ever. She is lovely but quite hard work at 1. Her tantrums have started early so I’m hoping she is a delightful 3yo unlike her sister.

The eldest is now 4 and can be wonderful abs really good company but she is still high drama and very wilful. She constantly demands attention and needs a lot of stimulation. I think this is personality and not age. I suspect she’ll be a challenging teenager. She is very driven and bright but can be driven by self doubt. A combo that worries me somewhat in terms of future mental health.

Im knackered by the relentless and difficult ages coinciding with lockdown. As soon as everything is back to normal,I’m booking myself in for a very expensive spa break and I just want to sit in silence for a weekend and not have to be responsible for anyone else.

Nomoreboobs "I’m not working at the moment so we’re together pretty much 24/7 (live abroad) no parents to help or never had a babysitter, it’s hard."

Could you work part-time to give you other things to do and then you may enjoy the time more eith your daughter?

Being together 24/7 is hard work. Do you have a partner or are you parenting alone?

I really enjoy every stage of being a mum but loved it when my ds was a toddler. He was so chatty, funny and cute. He was a real little friend I could chat with (he was an early talker) and have lots of fun with. I certainly wouldn't call it anything approaching relentless or boring. How can anyone feel like that about their own child? No, I don't think perfect or special, I just don't understand how spending time with your dc is seen as some kind of chore.

@Bbq1 I never said boring, not at all, and if I can get a break, I genuinely enjoy her company and adore her of course. But when it’s two hours ‘Off’ to watch tv every other night, it can become relentless, yes! It’s hard work and I’m exhausted at times.