Would you be offended if your spouse did this?

[PiecesOfPie]

I am an only child, my parents have quite a large estate which is in trust. I am the sole beneficiary of this (with them life time beneficiaries). The amount would be quite substantial.

My husband and I share one DC, he has 2 with his ex partner.

I have not yet discussed the situation with a solicitor but I want to broach the subject with DH and then get legal advice for when this happens. As far as I am aware, there are times when inheritance can be viewed as a marital asset in the case of separation?

I'd like to see a solicitor about essentially ring fencing this so that it can be left solely in my will to our 1 DC only. Essentially, I don't want any of the funds going to my husband and then onto my step children if we were to ever divorce.

Would you be insulted if your spouse suggested this to you? Yes it would mean that our DC would have the chance to inherit a lot more than my SC but it would be from me (my parents really), not their dad.

I must admit I'm not hugely clued up on all the rules and law surrounding this sort of thing and to clarify I have not yet sought any legal advice so this is entirely hypothetical right now.

Sorry missed out a section
My step mum and sister came into my life when i was 6
I never met her mum and she never met my grandparents - both dead so its not like either of us has ties to the others stuff

I am genuinely worried about the number of people here who seem to genuinely hate the fact they are stepparents. Ensuring that only your dc inherits and not stepkids is another variation on this theme. Go see a solicitor about a trust but I do think you need to seriously think about what a terrible position you dc would be in, their half siblings are likely to be very angry. Whilst directing a larger proportion is fine, I do suggest you consider some provision as you say the amount is substantial

their half siblings are likely to be very angry

Why? Why would they be very angry that their siblings grandparents (who they do not share) left them their estate?

I can't imagine being angry at someone in this situation. At the end of the day it's my parents money, especially so if it bypasses me. My parents are not their grandparents so why would they be entitled to it and be 'very angry' at not receiving it?

I don't get that tbh. If it were the other way around I'd be explaining to my child that they aren't entitled to the money of their step mother's parents, who they had no grandparent relationship with.

In the same way I'd tell my DC the same if DSC inherit from their mums parents!

Mine and DHs assets will be split. My parents estate is separate in my mind.

Haven't read the full thread but yanbu and I say that as one who is in your SC situation. It's your parents money and morally not due to your SC

I don't get that tbh. If it were the other way around I'd be explaining to my child that they aren't entitled to the money of their step mother's parents, who they had no grandparent relationship with.

That is the conversation your DH will have to have.

Sorry OP but how old are the kids in question. I think this is key.

In the same way I'd tell my DC the same if DSC inherit from their mums parents!
Is it actually a possibility that they could inherit more than your DC? If not then you may hope to say that but you really don't know.

@movingonup20

I am genuinely worried about the number of people here who seem to genuinely hate the fact they are stepparents. Ensuring that only your dc inherits and not stepkids is another variation on this theme. Go see a solicitor about a trust but I do think you need to seriously think about what a terrible position you dc would be in, their half siblings are likely to be very angry. Whilst directing a larger proportion is fine, I do suggest you consider some provision as you say the amount is substantial

It’s not hating that being step parents. It’s accepting the reality that a child has two parents (and their wider families) to inherit from. You can love a child that is not your birth child but it’s kidding everyone to say that you (and by default) your whole family should love the child exactly the same as your own. Especially if both birth parents and family are actively involved in their lives. It’s a byproduct of blended families and if treated kindly then it is not a big deal. My kids would never expect to inherit from my partners family. Why would they? They barely see them and it would be preposterous and forced if I tried to insist that they should love my kids as much as their own grandchildren or make a similar provision in their wills.

You’re doing nothing wrong at all, and if you’d be happy to talk to your parents about adjusting the trust so that you are taken out of the chain or whatever then theres your solution.

People see the words ‘substantial inheritance’, ‘trust fund’ and ‘stepmother’ and project all sorts of crap. Ignore it Op, I don’t believe that anyone in your position wouldn’t want to protect their own child’s future.

To answer your original question, it’s possible that I would feel offended in your DH’s position, but I’d realise that would be unreasonable and I’d keep quiet out of respect for your parents and because I’d have no actual right to be offended about something that’s nothing to do with me.
I would be incredibly offended in your position if I told my DH that I wanted my inheritance from my parents to go to my own children and he got pissed off about it thinking he and his kids were entitled to some instead.

You and your parents need to find a competent law firm to guide you on this, with an experienced department and some STEP or CTA qualified practitioners. There could be quite a lot of tax if your parents were the settlers of the fund, but I think that is unlikely. The terms of the trust may already indicate that it passes down the line to your remoter issue and the deed might explicitly exclude step-children. If it does not and the terms of the trust can be varied then the competent law firm can assist you.

In answer to your actual question, we are in exactly the same situation. The natural parent of the 'step-children' has always taken the view that there are other sides of each family so there is no inherent unfairness and anyway they can over their life accrue assets and leave those in trust for the 'SCs'. No, I would not be offended at all.

Life has a curious way of working out and inheritances are not always a good thing if they are life-changing.

My FIL is a multi-millionaire.

So potentially my DSC could stand to inherit substantial amounts from him (as could my DS3). My DS1 and DS2 would not. That’s just life. Their grandfathers are not multi-millionaires.

As it is, FIL will probably leave it all to SMIL. And she’ll outlive him and leave it all to her nephews. That’s DH’s prediction anyway.

Regardless, I’d never begrudge my DSC any inheritance they got via their family even if it were much more than my elder DS’s could ever possibly inherit. And they’d understand why their half brother and step siblings had inherited when they had not.

That’s life in a blended family. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh the pearl clutching and moral outrage that a mothers top priority should be looking after her own children

@Whitney168

It's possible. But my DM tends to be very open when it comes to her Will. My DBIL (a trained accountant) is one of her Executors and I am the other. Between us, we'll make sure everything is handled fairly, within the terms of the Will.

That's if there's anything left of course. My DM is 81 and well off, but she's committed large sums to her Christian charity in West Africa. She also plans to go into a care home rather than have either my DSis or me looking after her.

Actually part of me hopes she'll spend all her money before she dies so that we won't have to worry about who gets what afterwards. She's very healthy so that could be how it works out.

BTW, I have already explained to my Step Son (& & even more so, his wife) that the house that I (alone) have bought, will be left to my 2 DC.
So that they are in no doubt that ( my grabbing DIL ) they will get shares in it.
In the mean time, they are welcome to use it as a holiday destination along with the rest of my family.

I was left a much smaller amount in trust by my grandmother with my father as a living tenant or something. He could take the interest, but decides not too as he is comfortable. I have no idea why she decided to do this and it was a shock when wills were read.

I would be offended if I found out you'd already been to the solicitors and sorted it all out without mentioning it. I think you need to have an actual conversation with your DH first and explain what you intend to do and why. Presumably his children also have a mother and he also has parents, and although the sums of money involved may be very different, you don't have an obligation to pass on your inheritance to his children. But he definitely deserves the courtesy of a conversation about it.

So let me flip this and see if ppl still think the same.
Lets assume there was no wealthy GP's and the DW mum got ill and need money for an operation. Would the DH be within his rights to say ' Ahh I am so sorry about your DM, but all our money is for ourselves and our kids. If you want to help out your DM you will need to get the funds from elsewhere.
Can I assume that those agreeing with the OP would also agree with the DH stance?

Haven’t read all so not sure if it’s been mentioned, if your parents are going to change their will to make your child the beneficiary rather than you, it may be beneficial to have it worded that it is to be shared equally between any biological children you have, rather than naming your child individually, this will save having to rewrite the will should you have more children in the future. I’m pretty sure leaving estates to descendants only is done quite routinely in aristocratic and very wealthy societies and shouldn’t be too difficult to set up.

I have a step mum who I call mum and we are close (walked out on my real mum and quite honestly won’t even go to her funeral) anyways, I wouldn’t be upset if she chose to leave her half or any inheritance she received to just my brother because I am an adult who can understand these things and a step mum myself.

OP protect the financial future of your children cause after all nobody else is going to look out for them.

I'd like to see a solicitor about essentially ring fencing this so that it can be left solely in my will to our 1 DC only

Perfectly sensible and reasonable estate management.

@Alethiometrical

I'd like to see a solicitor about essentially ring fencing this so that it can be left solely in my will to our 1 DC only

Perfectly sensible and reasonable estate management.

Not chilling and neurotic then as another poster suggested? 😂

I'd be happy for it to bypass me if necessary and go straight to DC. If our DC can be made the beneficiary of the trust I'd rather that

Perfectly possible - my trust fund came directly from my grandparents, bypassing my father (with his agreement).

No I wouldn’t be offended by your plan. The reason being that your step DC’s own mother has the opportunity to leave money to her own DC If she wished doesn’t she? The financial provision for those children should be the concern of the biological parents not you. I see zero offence in this.

I would be offended if I found out you'd already been to the solicitors and sorted it all out without mentioning it. I think you need to have an actual conversation with your DH first and explain what you intend to do and why. Presumably his children also have a mother and he also has parents, and although the sums of money involved may be very different, you don't have an obligation to pass on your inheritance to his children. But he definitely deserves the courtesy of a conversation about it .....this too!

OP, you are doing the right thing in protecting the money from your parents for your son.

I would see about your DC being brought into the trust, it can refer to future issue of yourself, so that all your DC are included should you have any more.