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Original poster

Drink Driving

172 replies

Kit0069 · 30/11/2020 09:31

I have just reported my wife, whom I love very much, for drink driving. I am broken hearted. Understandable she hates for what I have done as she will lose her job and faces a prison sentence. Was I right to do this and destroy my life with her.

OP posts:
Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 23/03/2021 00:20

It's not your guilt to carry It's her. You have with shadow of a doubt done the right thing.

And I say this candidly as someone who is an alcoholic in recovery and lost my licence when I crashed my car drink driving. By the grace of God I didn't hurt anybody, or myself. I still have awful anxiety and nightmares about what devastation I could have done to an innocent person and their family or to my family and children if I'd killed myself. I will always carry the shame and guilt but it was enough to stop me drinking and I've been sober ever since. I wish I could take it back but I can't.

It sounds like she is in the depths of alcoholism when you just have no rational thought or idea of consequences. Which is why I think you need to report her again. She'll either kill herself or someone else. And that guilt will be unbearable. As an alcoholic, you need to face the cold hard reality and face the consequences of what you're doing otherwise they'll be no change.

All the best

Missymare · 23/03/2021 00:27

Please report her again before she kills/hurts someone. Drink drivers should have their licences revoked immediately after being caught. So sorry for you OP I understand what you’re going through my father and brother both are/were alcoholics sadly my brother died in his 30s.

AnotherKrampus · 23/03/2021 00:34

Keep reporting her if she still drinks and drives. Every single time! I hope she goes to jail. I loathe people like her. I lost a dear friend as a teenager through someone like your wife.

BritWifeinUSA · 23/03/2021 05:55

My brother-in-law was killed by a drunk driver, leaving a wife and 5-year-old son. You absolutely did the right thing to report her. And she needs help for her addiction.

Hollanda40 · 23/03/2021 08:46

Thoughts to you @Kit0069

Dramallamabanana · 23/03/2021 08:53

@Kit0069

Not too good. Living apart but in family home. She continues to drink drive and because of CV19 court delayed until June so she still has her licence. Trying to be supportive but looking to move out as stress of watching helplessly this disaster waiting to happen is unbearable. How kind to ask.
OP you must must continue to report her if she continues to drink drive.

You’re feeling guilty for reporting her but she is breaking the law and could kill someone. Would you feel less guilty to know she’s killed the young mum or dad of a new baby in a drunken crash, than if you reported her?

There is literally no defense for drink driving, it is utterly selfish behavior. You haven’t done anything wrong, it is your wife who should feel guilty.

ssd · 23/03/2021 08:53

Thank you @Kit0069

I too have reported a drink driver, twice. And he went back to the same job...as a bar manager.

MrsCalypsoGrant · 23/03/2021 08:59

@Kit0069 I'm sorry to hear life is so tough for you. As everyone else had said, you have done the right thing all along, however hard it has been, & that does you credit. Please please report her every single time she drinks & drives. The more evidence they have the greater the chance of stiffer penalties. This woman should never have the privilege of driving again. Just knowing she's out there putting lives at risk troubles me.

Good luck with your plans to move out. I'm assuming that you have been together a long time so this will be very hard. But you can have a life free of all this stress. It won't be easy getting there but it will be worth it. I think when you finally cut the ties the sense of relief & optimism will be enormous. All the best.

Original poster
Kit0069 · 23/03/2021 09:10

Thank you everyone here has been so supportive. Just found out she had an affair 10 years ago so perhaps it is time for me to move on. It's tough when you love someone isn't it.

OP posts:
MrsCalypsoGrant · 23/03/2021 10:30

@Kit0069 Oh Kit, another blow. Her selfishness knows no bounds. Alcoholics are famously self-centred. What matters to her is her wants, & to hell with anyone else.

It is definitely time for you to move on. Eventually your feelings for her will dissipate & your future will be much brighter & easier when you shed the weight of carrying her. Have you got real life support? Can you manage financially without her? If you have been married a long time then it would be wise to seek legal advice. Make sure you get all you are due so you can start afresh.

welshladywhois40 · 23/03/2021 11:57

I just saw your update. I am glad you are trying to move on. You don't mention if there are children?

5 and a half years ago I left my alcoholic exhusband. His drinking and inability to work left me hugely in debt. Get legal advice. Supporting a drinking habit is expensive and is her expense to find. I used to financially support his drinking habit and then get abuse after. And my exh had a dd offence as well.

Lastly - as she is still drink driving - she doesn't understand that she has a problem. In my experience it doesn't get better.

The end of my story. I met a new partner, we are about to get married and have two wonderful boys. My exhusband died a couple of years ago. He didn't or couldn't stop drinking

KarmaStar · 23/03/2021 13:17

Hi op

Please do not hold into the negative energy of guilt.
Release it,if it helps,write down all of your feelings and emotions then shred it all and put it behind you.
I have attended many road traffic collisions where both adults and children have been injured or killed by drink drivers,I one case a baby just placed on the back seat went straight through the windscreen,her injuries were horrendous,I've seen a beautiful young woman with a face like a road map of stitches,families devastated,lives ended and ruined.
You may have saved lives,saved your wife's life.
And maybe,hopefully,this will be a wake-up call and she will seek help that she needs.
Move forward,not back.

Original poster
Kit0069 · 23/03/2021 17:50

Surviving thanks to you lot Smile

OP posts:
Chloemol · 23/03/2021 18:31

Yes you were right. I would do the same, I simply couldn’t live with myself if someone was killed and I could have stopped it

Hopefully this is the wake up call she needs to get herself sorted

Chloemol · 23/03/2021 18:33

Sorry but if she is still drink driving I would be reporting each and every time

Barton10 · 23/03/2021 19:07

If she is still drink driving you need to report her. Let the Police know and give them details of her car. If she kills somebody you will never forgive yourself.

Original poster
Kit0069 · 23/03/2021 21:17

X

OP posts:
Original poster
Kit0069 · 16/05/2021 23:22

Update - after a lot of heart searching reported her again today and she has been re-arrested. No idea what level she was breathalyser at as she is still in police cells. I think she may now go to jail. Heartbroken and my head a whirl. I know I’ve done the right thing but doing this to someone you love if the absolute pits.

OP posts:
user1471457751 · 17/05/2021 00:22

I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you realise one of this is your fault and there is nothing you can do to stop her drinking. I hope you have supporting real life to help you get through this.

As someone who has lost a family member to a drink driver - thank you for reporting her, you did the right thing

Original poster
Kit0069 · 17/05/2021 08:32

Thank you and I am sorry about your past situation.

OP posts:
MrsCalypsoGrant · 17/05/2021 08:42

@Kit0069

You have done absolutely the right thing. It's clear that she isn't going to stop until she's stopped by an outside force. As I said earlier on the thread, imagine she kills a child - whilst it wouldn't be your responsibility I'm sure it would weigh heavily on you as you are a decent, empathetic person. I suspect you'd beat yourself up for the rest of you life about why you hadn't reported her & think constantly about the poor family she'd decimated.

You really need to access some therapy now to move your life on & get away from her. She's squandered your love & the rest of your life must be yours to live. Contact your GP, they should be able to refer you on. I'd suggest you also contact Al-Anon if you haven't already, they are there just for people like you. They were really helpful to me, they gave me some tough truths about having an alcoholic partner (like the 3 C's - you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it) but I needed to hear it. There is a better life out there for you & I promise you when you find it you'll be so much happier, you'll look back & wonder why you stayed implicated in her mess for as long as you did.

Good luck. Keep posting if it helps. Lots of us will be here for you x

MrsCalypsoGrant · 17/05/2021 08:43

@user1471457751

I'm so sorry for your loss x

trevthecat · 17/05/2021 08:51

I just wanted to add my support. What you have done is incredibly hard but you know it was the right thing to do. Hope you are okay

Original poster
Kit0069 · 17/05/2021 08:54

Thank you - despite every thing it us hard to move on when you love someone so much. But lots of good advice for which I genuinely thank you x

OP posts:
MinnieJackson · 17/05/2021 09:22

You haven't done anything wrong at all, she has. She knows what trouble she'd be in and the devastation she could cause to herself and others. Please try not to feel guilty Flowers you've endured this behaviour for far too long, you need to focus on your needs now