Page 2 | Drink Driving

Elai1978 · 30/11/2020 12:21

Good for you OP. A courageous thing to do but you’re helping to keep everybody else’s family safe. Hopefully she’ll get the help she needs and understand why you’ve done what you have.

Plonque · 30/11/2020 12:25

@Kit0069

I have just reported my wife, whom I love very much, for drink driving. I am broken hearted. Understandable she hates for what I have done as she will lose her job and faces a prison sentence. Was I right to do this and destroy my life with her.

While she may well lose her job, she will not go to prison unless she has caused an accident or hurt someone.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 30/11/2020 12:28

You've done the right thing OP, what does she do for a living?

MyOwnSummer · 30/11/2020 12:39

You had a choice, to feel the way you are feeling now or feel even worse because someone has been hurt, or killed, and you could have stopped it.

You made the right choice. Have you got anyone in real life to support you?

LindaEllen · 30/11/2020 12:47

I think that, perhaps, this could be the end of your relationship - unless she's able to get the help she needs and she may then come to realise why you did what you did, and that it was absolutely the right thing.

Well done.

You have done a very difficult thing, but for the good of both your wife and whoever else she may come into contact with on the road, it was the right thing to do.

mistermagpie · 30/11/2020 12:48

I'm not sure your relationship will survive, but I think you have done the right and only thing you could have done.

Sorry OP, what a terrible situation all round.

Suzywhoo · 30/11/2020 12:49

@Kit0069

I understand but my burden of guilt is unbearable. I've hurt the person I love the most in the world.

It sounds like this has being your only option. I’d rather report someone than they kill someone whilst drunk driving.

welshladywhois40 · 30/11/2020 12:52

Well done. People are killed by drunk drivers.

Now I saw a comment where you blamed yourself for making on drink in a private. Let's be clear you did not. It is her decision to do this or rather the disease. I don't say this lightly having had an ex husband who blamed me for his drinking.

When I left my ex husband he thanked me in a round about way for causing him to hit rock bottom and thus get help.

Hopefully she will thank you that she didn't kill someone today drink driving and realise she needs to ask for help.

pointythings · 30/11/2020 12:52

You say your wife is an alcoholic - this means you are powerless to change her. You have done the right thing reporting her for drink driving - it is now time to take care of yourself. You need support to help you set boundaries and detach with love so that you are no longer enabling her addiction.
alcoholchange.org.uk/alcohol-facts/fact-sheets/a-guide-to-family-support-services

The link above will direct you to organisations who provide support for relatives of alcoholics and other addicts. Please contact them - you deserve help. You can't save your wife, but you can save yourself.

I am the widow of an alcoholic. Fortunately he didn't drive. I know the emotional pain you are in and how hard it is to let go, but it is what you have to do.

Bettydot · 30/11/2020 13:10

You’ve done a very brave and difficult thing and potentially saved lives. You can’t stop an alcoholic from drinking only she can make the decision to get support. It’s only once she starts to see the consequences of her drinking that she may be open to seeking support. You’ve done the right thing.

Zoolally · 30/11/2020 13:13

Have you made several threads about her before? If you’re the same person, I’m so sorry you were put in this position but also very glad you made the tough decision to do this. I can only imagine how hard it was but you did the right thing. This was the only choice you could make.

Original poster

Kit0069 · 19/01/2021 22:43

You have all been so helpful and kind. Case goes to court tomorrow. As she was 4x the limit she may go to prison. If she does I swear I think I will die of guilt.

OP posts:

Nicknacky · 19/01/2021 22:47

Is it her first offence? If som I would be incredibly surprised if she gets a custodial sentence unless there is aggravating factors like others being hurt.

What has her lawyer said?

LochJessMonster · 19/01/2021 22:47

Do you know what? Prison may be the best thing for her. No alcohol and proper counselling. It might be the turning point she needs.

PlanDeRaccordement · 19/01/2021 22:49

Your wife would be hurt more by killing a pedestrian or another road user than your turning her in. And that is where she was going to end up. She would have kept going until she killed someone. Then she would have had to live with blood on her hands. You have saved her from that like a guardian angel. You shouldn’t feel any guilt at all.

It’s like the story of the man on the road whose horse has a panic and throws himself breaking his arm. So he has to cancel his journey. He’s cursing his horse, his luck. But then finds out the traveller right behind him that continued on was set upon by bandits and robbed and killed. The “bad” horse actually rescued him and a broken arm is a lot better than death.

(Sorry to compare you to a horse...but point is sometimes you have to do a little hurt to prevent and much bigger hurt to someone you love)

BeBraveAndBeKind · 19/01/2021 22:58

My car, with me and my two DC in it, was hit by a drunk driver a few years ago. She was four times over the limit (at midday on a Sunday) and had already hit two other cars before rear-ending mine. Luckily no one was hurt but the car was written off.

She didn't get a custodial sentence but lost her license and had a treatment based sentence given instead. I was furious when the accident happened but then really sad for her afterwards. She had young children too and her husband had been trying to get her to get treatment for her drinking.

Childrenofthestones · 19/01/2021 22:59

Alcoholics and the three C's for friends and relatives.

Cause, control and cure.

Cause
You didn't cause it.
Control
You can't control it
Cure
You can't cure it.

RaininSummer · 19/01/2021 23:13

I hope it works out for you OP but I would like to thank you as the car she would eventually have hit would have held somebody's loved ones.

LouiseTrees · 19/01/2021 23:35

@RaininSummer

I hope it works out for you OP but I would like to thank you as the car she would eventually have hit would have held somebody's loved ones.

This OP. You can’t save her but some jail time might.

MrsApplepants · 19/01/2021 23:38

What a brave and good person you are. Thank you. You could have saved an innocent person’s life. You could have saved your wife’s life. Drinking and driving wrecks lives. Well done.

dillydallydollydaydream7 · 20/01/2021 03:30

You did the right thing - imagine if she'd driven and ran into someone and seriously injured them, or worse. If she does go to prison and she is an alcoholic, she'll likely be given some sort of rehabilitation programme which, in the long term, may help her to deal with her issues.

Please do not feel guilty. What you have done took incredible strength

BeanieB2020 · 20/01/2021 03:49

You did the right thing. You stopped her from potentially destroying hers and someone else's life if she had hit them. This will force her to get help, and if she goes to prison, she has a chance to get treatment and help for her disorder which you can't give her because you're not trained and it's not your job.

I hope if when she gets better you still want to be with her, that she finds understanding in what you did and why and no longer blames you.

Mitans · 20/01/2021 08:33

As someone who has been knocked down by a drunk driver, good on you!!!
I was walking on the footpath, and he mounted the pavement hit me, then dragged me up the footpath. I was in hospital for months, and had to learn to do everything again. I suffered swelling to my brain, and I also missed months off school. I was a dancer beforehand, and was doing exams to become a dance teacher when i was older, but I unfortunately had to stop dancing. Youve saved a life! And you should be proud off yourself

contrmary · 20/01/2021 08:40

She's unlikely to go to prison if it's a first offence - much more likely community service, alcohol rehabilitation and obviously a lengthy ban.

Even if she does get banged up, it will be for a lot shorter a period than if you hadn't grassed her up and she'd killed someone.

HorseOfPhillipMoss · 20/01/2021 08:44

Hopefully she'll get a community order or suspended sentence with rehabilitation activity requirement and an alcohol treatment requirement, there will also be a punitive element so expect community payback, a fine or a curfew too. She will also lose her licence at 4 times over the limit. She's unlikely to get custody if a first offence unless she was driving dangerously, mounting pavements etc