@FootballFacedOrang, hi op I just came across this thread and it made me so sad. Your DH sounds so much like my ex.
I was slim size 8-10 when we met, my thyroid packed up with my second pregnancy and I gained weight, 2 more children quickly followed. He refused to move where my family were who could have supported and helped me with 4 young children.
I had no help at all, no time to myself to exercise. He started to withdraw emotionally from me, (I later found out he had an affair when my youngest was 6 months old). I was sleep deprived which makes your body crave carbs and had no time for exercise although I did walk a lot. I cooked from scratch every day and looked after the children well.
He clearly lost respect for me because I was in my mumsy phase, he didn’t praise the good things I did. He would say I had my priorities wrong as Tge house was too messy,
I took the children out too much and if Only I stayed in and tidied a bit more.
He criticised while not supporting me to have any time to myself.
I was ill twice during these years and needed to go into hospital for a week each time, the first time I could have died. It was an inconvenience, he wasn’t kind. Like you his famiky were never I’ll.
I suffer with asthma and regular chest infections and his family used to sneer at me saying oh you are always I’ll, whilst they puffed in cigarettes. His mum then died very suddenly if lung cancer at 54, so whilst some people may appear healthy on the outside you never know what’s round the corner.
What gets me about your post, apart from the obvious unkindness and lack of appreciation for all your strengths is the arrogance of your DH, who is he to declare what priorities should be, who is he to say you are selfish because you put parenting and earning a living before losing weight.
I realise now tgat as the emotional cruelty from my DH went on, my self esteem went down and my comfort eating went up, leading to weight gain. I was desperate fir my 4 children to have a stable family life but the more I tried to please the more the balance of power in tge relationship slipped. Once I became a SAHM and stopped earning then I had no respect what so ever from him and he began to under,ine me more and more. It nearly destroyed me. He was the one who ended up walking out after 25 tears together in total, declaring I no longer made him happy. I had moved away from famil and friends and given up my career, I nearly lost my health too and was getting more and more frequent chest infections.
In March I lost my job (I was forced back to work as a single mum of 4 when he left as he refused to pay sufficient maintenance, he’s a high earner). I was desperately trying to keep the family home going for the children whilst my eldest took external exams.
I decide to finally take control, I have taken out a loan for solicitor fees, .i am taking him to court for maintenance payments, I have an interim order currently and miraculously I have lost 3 stone since March.
I am regaining my confidence and starting to feel like my old self. The point being that if someone is constantly criticising you and putting you down you are much more likely to over eat.
I look back now at pictures when The children were young and I looked fine, so what if I was a bit overweight for a few years whilst prioritising my children. It’s not important in the scheme of things, we have 4 fantastic healthy, happy children, that should have been enough.
Some men want trophy wives and are not interested in the real you and when you stop looking like a trophy they lose their ‘respect’. No they never had any respect or love, you are just a prize.
I am so sorry but please don’t stay in a relationship like this like I did. It nearly destroyed me and it has taken me 5 years since he walked out fir me to finally rebuild myself. Constant insidious criticism and bullying and emotional abuse can really take its toll on a person, even a very strong, confident person.
Good luck.