To be appalled my therapist/counsellor simply failed to show up for appt?

[Trying2Heal]

Am I being unreasonable to be fuming about this?

I’ve been in therapy for several months to heal from narcissistic abuse/ DV and also from childhood trauma. Initially the therapist seemed very good. However, recently I’m finding her slack and I am not sure whether this is me being paranoid or her actually not being reliable enough.

We do our sessions via phone, due to Covid. Around September she took on a day job at a university but said she’d still continue her private practice. Shortly after this there was a session where she messaged me 30 minutes before the session to say she’d have to cancel due to her needing to attend a meeting at her day job.

Then, on another occasion she told me she’d have to cut the session short and limit it to 30 minutes (normal session length is 50 minutes) so that she could accommodate her other clients.

Again last week when the session began she said “I wanted to warn you that this session will only be 30 minutes.” I asked her why and she said that another client had booked another session 30 minutes after mine and that she had no control over this.

She said she’d make it up to me by offering me a session today. That session today was due to start 4 hours ago. She simply didn’t show up. She didn’t answer the phone, no email or anything to suggest she needed to cancel.

3.5 hours after the missed appointment she sent me the message I’ve attached a screenshot of here.

My gut is telling me she’s an unreliable b* at this point and her behaviour is actually re-traumatising me.

But am I over-reacting?

(In case it's relevant this is private rather than NHS & I have to pay for the full 50 minutes even when she flakes out)

Her reply is an absolute disgrace. Not least because she hasn't offered any kind of refund for the shortened sessions, let alone her attitude and behaviour.
And she misspelled counsellor!

@MrsMaryBOOface

I agree, her reply is a bloody disgrace!

I am now actively seeking a new therapist. I just had a 50 minute phone consultation with a therapist who specialises in complex trauma and it was really good. It was somewhat strange for me in that it made me see quite how much crap I'd been tolerating from the other therapist.

I won't make a decision yet about whether to hire the one I had a consultation with today. But I was very impressed.

[quote Trying2Heal]@MrsMaryBOOface

I agree, her reply is a bloody disgrace!

I am now actively seeking a new therapist. I just had a 50 minute phone consultation with a therapist who specialises in complex trauma and it was really good. It was somewhat strange for me in that it made me see quite how much crap I'd been tolerating from the other therapist.

I won't make a decision yet about whether to hire the one I had a consultation with today. But I was very impressed.[/quote]
Good! And well done for not rushing into anything new, although that one does sound good.

Her attitude is disgraceful. Please complain to BACP, she cannot be allowed to continue like this. I've been seeing my counsellor for a year now and he has cancelled once, the night before for very good reason. Never not showed up, never made stupid excuses for a mistake. He has made a couple of minor missteps but never made me feel like it was my fault for being upset. Then the awkward fucker moved into the middle of sodding London and I hate driving in London but I still go because having a therapist you trust is worth a bit of inconvenience. You no longer trust her. This is a failure on her part. A bigger failure is that she doesn't seem to comprehend this or care!

So in November you paid her for 4 x 50 minute sessions= 200 minutes of therapy.

And you’ve had 1x50 and 2x30minute sessions, so 110 minutes.

That means you’ve received 55% of what you paid for, so she owes you a 45% refund, and I would write to her and formally request it, and I would also make a complaint to her association.

Good grief... As a sufferer of ptsd also, I can assure you that her approach is downright dangerous as well as unprofessional! I think a complaint to the governing body requesting urgent review stating the above statistics is not out of order at all. I would also formally notify her that you no longer feel safe with her as a result of this repeated pattern of disrespectful and unprofessional behaviour.
“By virtue of you cutting short prepaid appointments without notice, and not showing up at all, without volunteering a refund or a reschedule, I believe that you have broken the therapeutic contract many times already as well as my trust. Further to your last message, I really don’t need to pay for therapy to “process” my feelings about your dismissive and unprofessional manner regarding my therapy. I have forwarded a letter of complaint, and included the utterly inappropriate response sent in reply to missing an appointment to the governing body.”
Regards
@Trying2Heal