To be appalled my therapist/counsellor simply failed to show up for appt?

[Trying2Heal]

Am I being unreasonable to be fuming about this?

I’ve been in therapy for several months to heal from narcissistic abuse/ DV and also from childhood trauma. Initially the therapist seemed very good. However, recently I’m finding her slack and I am not sure whether this is me being paranoid or her actually not being reliable enough.

We do our sessions via phone, due to Covid. Around September she took on a day job at a university but said she’d still continue her private practice. Shortly after this there was a session where she messaged me 30 minutes before the session to say she’d have to cancel due to her needing to attend a meeting at her day job.

Then, on another occasion she told me she’d have to cut the session short and limit it to 30 minutes (normal session length is 50 minutes) so that she could accommodate her other clients.

Again last week when the session began she said “I wanted to warn you that this session will only be 30 minutes.” I asked her why and she said that another client had booked another session 30 minutes after mine and that she had no control over this.

She said she’d make it up to me by offering me a session today. That session today was due to start 4 hours ago. She simply didn’t show up. She didn’t answer the phone, no email or anything to suggest she needed to cancel.

3.5 hours after the missed appointment she sent me the message I’ve attached a screenshot of here.

My gut is telling me she’s an unreliable b* at this point and her behaviour is actually re-traumatising me.

But am I over-reacting?

(In case it's relevant this is private rather than NHS & I have to pay for the full 50 minutes even when she flakes out)

Please do report her, this needs to be addressed as she is so very unprofessional. I'd also ask for some money back, she's really out of order to charge you as well.

Completely unacceptable. I'd be complaining to her professional organisation - either BACP or UKCP.

No therapist should EVER cut a session short unless they're suddenly unwell - it's just a no no.

Also you need your money back for the shortened sessions - she will give you your money back (it really must be an oversight or it's exploitation) - I've been supervising therapists for a decade and there is no excuse for overcharging

I have private therapy sessions. My counsellor has been a few minutes late on one or two occasions due to other clients running over.

She has cancelled once due to ill health.

Always professional, always with a clear explanation.

Your counsellor is unprofessional, and isn’t prioritising your care. I think it’s time to find a new counsellor.

Out of interest, How much is she charging your per session?

I received free therapy through this company. It's Kent based, but there might be something similar in your area? www.wearewithyou.org.uk/help-and-advice/find-service/how-we-help-mental-health/

[quote Trying2Heal]@JoeCalFuckingZaghe

I agree -- she is taking the piss. It's scary for me to accept she's gone from being a good therapist to behaving like an arsehole. But was she actually EVER a good therapist or was it my low self-worth just accepting scraps?

Maybe the process of sacking her and seeking someone more professional will be quite therapeutic for me in its own right. It's me refusing to accept any old shit.[/quote]
OP I understand why you're angry after previous experiences. Boundaries are important too. But you sound disproportionatly angry. I have anxiety and depression. I have had issues with over reacting about how people treat me
Thinking they're taking the piss or are entitled and it is about them not valuing me. When I think people are actually just thinking about their own shit. You might not want to accept this about a therapist but it's prettg true.

I also think anger is often a sign of mh issues. You might not identify with this. But think about where the anger is coming from and where it's directed.

Ok, @Trying2Heal you are NOT in the wrong here.

Her behaviour is absolutely shocking.

Please do not pay any more money. If you have some time with her left (paid for) use this session to tell her the reason you will not be seeing her any more. If you haven't any paid for sessions then send her an email with your last/ final feelings & reasons for ending.

She is taking advantage of you saying, we can process this next week. She is keeping you hooked.
Please use all your strength to tell her this stops now.

You are worth a million times more than a 'therapist' cutting you short/ cancelling you basically not considering any of her actions and the impact on you. Once maybe twice then ok but not this.

Find a new therapist, have a phone call with them and explain where you are with things. Not all of them are like this one.

You deserve so much more.

Just to add, please consider reporting this woman.
If you google her name you'll find out who she's registered with. Please if you can contact them and explain.
What this woman is doing is actually being the person/ people who hurt you and doing as she pleases, disregarding you and your feelings. You are not that person you were so the strength you obviously have use to make your choice to say enough is enough and no more will she treat you this way.

You sound a very strong woman, a new therapist will help you get even stronger!

I’ve never heard of a psychotherapist billing in advance. Which organisation accredits her and what kind of psychotherapy out of interest? Psychodynamic /psychoanalytic puts huge store on the importance of the therapist ensuring that the sessions are completely reliable and ‘owned’ by the patient.

@NeonIcedcoffee. It's really interesting that you find her behaviour seemingly quite acceptable.

@NeonIcedcoffee. It's also interesting that you have said "anger is often a sign of mental health issues."

Did you read everyone else's comments? How do you feel about the fact you're virtually the only person commenting who thinks the therapist's behaviour was OK and nothing to get angry about?

@VitreousHumour. She's BACP accredited. So if I do make a complaint presumably that's who I need to address the complaint to

Please ask for a refund for unused time. This is not on.

@timeforanother1 Thanks. I agree with you.

@Ideasplease322. It's £60 per session. This is more or less the average rate for London

@dinglethedragon. Thank you. That is really useful to know!

I’d contact her outlining your experience of her over the last few weeks and asking for a refund for your November fees in full. You got 2 half sessions and a completely missed session which is flakey in the extreme. If she won’t refund your money, go to which ever registering body she’s with and formally complain.

This☝️

@cpjoli in my borough it's not a case of just getting referred via your GP. It's really, really hard to get therapy and I don't think anyone gets 29 sessions. I was told I could potentially have 12 sessions but then was told that actually the therapists they were going to refer me to can't treat "complex trauma"

I would look for a clinical psychologist for PTSD. More expensive but you get what you pay for with PTSD. It needs to be TF-CBT or EMDR.

60 is way too cheap for London if you want someone good

@gypsywater I simply don't have the money at present

Wow OP she is fucking cheeky and very unprofessional I'm at her behaviour! For a start she shouldn't be charging you for full sessions if she's cutting them short very cheeky and unethical you should most definitely claim that money back. The only time I would imagine you would have to pay is if you cancelled and you didn't inform her within the allotted time period i.e. 24-48 hours notice.

Telling you last minute she's cutting the session because she's accommodating other clients isn't good practise either. When I've gone to therapy (mostly NHS) they arrange the sessions to suit my needs and the day and time are always the same for consistency, if they've had to be changed or cancelled the therapists would always discuss it with me in advance i.e. if she was on annual leave or I was away then obviously sessions won't be going ahead and I was always telephoned either by therapist or her admin assistant to confirm the next session when they returned.

As for that screen shot she most definitely shouldn't be discussing her personal life emergency or not there are very strict guidelines about this therapists must maintain professional boundaries at all times. Forgetting a booked session and then saying she neglected to put it on her calendar because it was off the books is not a plausible or appropriate explanation. I think you should report her because right now her behaviour is completely unprofessional and bordering on unethical in my opinion.

I also think you should cut your losses and try another therapist to be honest OP because once the trust is lost you won't be benefitting and healing from what you're going through and it seems to me she views your sessions as unimportant. Find a therapist who won't behave so unprofessionally and give you the time that you're paying for.

I hear ya. Therapy is so expensive. I would cut this one loose and maybe save the money you would be spending up and invest in someone better. Best of luck.

NeonIcedTea I think what you're saying would be applicable if it was a friend Trying2Heal was supposed to be meeting for coffee who forgot or had to leave early, but this is her therapist. Someone whose time she's paying for. It's just not professional to treat a client's time like that.

Trying2Heal I hope you get a refund for this and find a better therapist.

Really disagree with these comments about your reaction being the issue.

Therapists have a duty of care to be reliable and predictable so that you can be vulnerable in the therapeutic space. Their job is to minimise intruding on that space with their own personal issues.

I think you have every right to feel angry. The odd mistake is fine, the constant shifting of the boundaries of the session times is unethical.

Best of luck finding a decent therapist OP

@Luciferthecat666. Agreed. This is absolutely ridiculous now. It may well be that she is having some sort of personal crisis but that shouldn't be something her clients have to worry about.

@40weekswithno2

You do not have to pay her when she's not offering the service. She's completely unprofessional, I'd find someone else.

Exactly 50 minutes is 50 minutes. Demand a refund. For the other sessions as well.